Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

Fujitsu's Australian cloud suffers storage crash, outage

Who knew, some cloud storage data is not backed up or duplicated to other off site clouds. Might as well have kept it in house!!

Voyager antenna operator: 'I was the first human to see images from Neptune'

First in line, along with the other dozen nerds crowded around the screen. Sounds like he's bigging up his job to explain it to his kids what he does all day.

Paris? Space cadet, also seen completely and explicitly in detail by most people, thanks to cameras :-)

Foxit PDF Reader is well and truly foxed up, but vendor won't patch

Re: Suggestions for replacement?

Windows 10/Edge browser? Only joking, it's a Monday morning :-)

London council 'failed to test' parking ticket app, exposed personal info

Does Islington council offer a 20% discount if the punter pays their fine early?

Ads regulator raps PC repair biz for massaging malware infection rates

I heard that 1 in 3 PC repair shops where investigated by the ASA every day !!!

She's arrived! HMS Queen Lizzie enters Portsmouth Naval Base

Why has someone nicknamed the tower 'ROB'? Is that a nod towards the shipbuilding companies bill to the UK?

Web-enabled vibrator class action put to bed

Did privacy groups tell Standard Innovation to 'buzz' off ?

A glimpse of life under President Zuckerberg? Facebook CEO's boffins censor awkward Q&A

So the big question is why did they even bother with an AMA session?

The cheek of it! Beach bar owner shoots nude bather in the booty

Did her arse look big in the buff? Well, it's probably swollen now !!!

Drone-maker DJI's Go app contains naughty Javascript hot-patching framework

Can't someone just tell DJI to keep their fricking noses out of how their drones are used. Once paid for, that's it. Unless of course they want to take full legal responsibility of the drones usage at all times :-)

Trapped under ice with no oxygen for months, goldfish turn to booze. And can you blame 'em?

Putting your goldfish in the freezer obviously won't work - there's oxygen in there. You need to put the fish in an air tight bag and remove the oxygen. Then put it in the freezer for 3 months. That'll do it (probably).

Firmware update blunder bricks hundreds of home 'smart' locks

Which is why my front door is a manual number lock. Doesn't even need power. And no, it's not open for AirBnB'ers. Why did I use a number lock? Ever shut the front door and realised the keys were in your other jacket. Doh !!!!!!

World's largest private submarine in mystery sink accident

If this was crab shaped (aka a scientific sub) would it have scuttled itself?

Kaspersky axes antitrust complaints against Microsoft after Windows giant vows to play nice

What's the difference between this and companies selling Notepad replacements?

Does Microsoft's bundling of Notepad kill off all competition of Notepad replacements or do they exist (and sell) because they offer more functionality than Microsoft's offering?

What about games like Solitaire? Has Microsoft killed the 3rd party card games market? Don't think so.

Sounds like someone (mentioning no names) isn't selling much because their product is basically rubbish and they want to blame everyone apart from themselves.

We'll deliver 'in a few weeks' says troubled ZX Spectrum reboot firm

Seems this is going to be delivered when my flying car gets delivered. Always 'just a few months away'. Better start buying shares in salt companies because a lot of people will a be taking this new message with a large pinch of salt !!!!

Plink: Lego swaps CEO for newer piece

Age discrimination?

If Bali was a woman or coloured, people would be up in arms about this.

New Amiga to go on sale in late 2017

IDE disk drive? Never heard of SATA?

IBM CIO leaves for AWS – and Big Blue flings sueball to stop him

AWS a competitor for IBM? Really? I'd like to see IBM's figures to justify that they're even in the same league !!!

If we're in a simulation, someone hit it with a hammer, please: Milky Way spews up to 100 MEELLLION black holes

Aren't these 'black holes' are really just worm holes for interstellar travel?

US trade watchdog puts down the phone to Qualcomm, reaches for probe, sticks it in Apple

Bugger, more iThings will just be sent to Europe to be sold.

Smart streetlight bods Telensa nearly double full-year revenues

the guy who got bored of watching paint dry?

Britons ambivalent about driverless car tech, survey finds

Why are there windows in a fully autonomous car? It should have surround screens so you can pretend you're been driven on Mars or underwater. That my friends, is the future.

For doctors, driving inside the human body aka The Incredible Journey would be an add-on extra.

Core-blimey! Intel's Core i9 18-core monster – the numbers

$276 for top of the line i9 versus $1700 for the i7? You sure?

Hotspot Shield VPN throws your privacy in the fire, injects ads, JS into browsers – claim

Someone please forward this to the Chinese !!!!

Apple pulls massive HomeKit chip U-turn to keep up with Amazon Echo and Google Home

No one seems to have mentioned

that rather than pay Apple for a piece of hardware, you'll now pay twice as much for a software security licence !!

Google drops poker face, allows gambling apps on Play Store

No ones mentioned

that Google are themselves gambling that this will work !!

Small biz breaks out pen, paper after Brit tax collectors' Digital Form Service goes down

unless

it's run by BA !!

Microsoft breaks Office 365 sign-in pages ahead of surprise update

Or just use the Office 365 Admin program from the Store - no change that I can see and it stores the admin user/password so you don't need 2 pages to enter it !!!!

Are you a clean freak? Are you a keen geek? Do you think space is neat?

If we send people to Mars (to live), surely that's biological contamination at it's worst?

And if it wasn't a US only job, I'd recommend Barry Scott !!

Apple chief on Chinese VPN app ban: We always toe the line with other nations' laws

Good reason to use Android

My Nexus 5 has VPN built in. Even if I went for a 3rd party one, I could download ones from outside of Google Play and pass to to others. How are the Chinese gov't dealing with this then?

Another day, another British Airways systems screwup causes chaos

Well, those Frenchie air traffic controllers going on strike at critical UK holiday times seems to have competition !!!

Cancel your summer trip to nearby Proxima b. No chance of life, room service, say boffins

What about the time-share apartment I've just brought? Sounds like it's got as much atmosphere as Wigan on a wet Tuesday.

'Invisible Man' malware runs keylogger on your Android banking apps

If I set my phone to Russian then that's a complete Denial of (any) Service since I don't speak/read Russian.

Apple, Google pull options trading apps after Australian regulator shows scams

Soon Apple will have nothing left in it's store. Oh dear !!!

Maintel snaps up Intrinsic for £5m

A leading Cisco provider which makes a loss? On Cisco kit? A loss?

Skype for Business is not Skype – realising that is half the battle

Since the personal Skype was recently updated and broke 3rd party hardware phones, does Skype for Business still allow them or do people have to just shout at their screens?

New iPhone details leak: Yes, Apple is still chasing Samsung

So, if you see someone with this phone, a good hard punch to the nose will stop the 3D unlock feature !!

Universal Service Oh... forget the Obligation. BT offers to stump up £600m for 10Mbps

Re: Bluntly, everything has the caveat "UP TO"

At least with the electricity companies, they give you 240 volts as advertised, not up to 240 volts!

GPS III satellites and ground station projects get even later as costs gently spiral

I remember OCX

from my Visual Basic days. Ah, happy memories when things like security were non-existent !!!

Brace yourselves, Virgin Media prices are going up AGAIN, people

No one blaming it on the poor pound-dollar rate? Considering the US bosses are probably wondering where their investment has gone to.

Azure security boss tells sysadmins to harden up and properly harden Windows Server

If stuff *should* be off then why the fuck isn't that the default then Microsoft?

So who exactly was to blame for Marketo losing its dotcom?

Alternative for T.I.T.S.U.P.

Customer Used Networks solutions and That failed Spectacularly !!

Clear August 21 in your diary: It's a total solar eclipse for the smart

So...

Republicans will claim it's due to the Democrats (and visa versa)

Creationists will say it proves whatever they believe in

Religious leaders will say it's God's wrath against homosexuality

Conspiracy theorists will claim it was a massive UFO mothership passing overhead

No one will propose to their girlfriends just as the 'diamond ring' appears - saves buying a real one !!!

London cops bust fake Cisco hardware chain

So, following police advice, my fake Cisco kit is now only 15% less than legit kit *and* I'll print off a support contract (for a fee of course) which will be as useful as well, a paper umbrella in a storm. Thanks for the business improvement ideas coppers !!

Facebook's freebie for poor people under fire again

It's morally wrong inflicting Facebook on anyone, let alone the poor.

Latest Windows 10 preview lets users link an Android to their PC

Been syncing with Chrome on my PC, tablet and phone for ages. And none are iThnigs either !!

The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

You posh nounces what with your plates. Everything should be wedged inside a couple of slices of bread.

BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

Benedict?

Does the PFY actually have a name?

Disgraced Entatech founder Jason Tsai tossed in the clink for contempt of court

6 months extra in clinky or hand over £10 million. Tricky one.

Flash... Nu-uh! Tech folk champing at the bit to switch off life support

So scientists would prefer to use a buggy unsecure medium to gather what is probably (scientifically) important data rather than sped a few hours rewriting it (and probably improving the user interface and such like). Don't these guys have under graduates for this kind of work?