Posts by Tawakalna

Too-tall terror snapper stopped by cops again

@catkins..

good work there chum pointing out the other pov which I'm afraid to say is more likely to be the majority, apart from enlightened organs such as El Reg. My idiot BNP-voting Daily Mail reading father-in-law, whose company I can barely tolerate, also spotted these very same opinions not an hour ago on the basis of, "well, we're at war, the Police have every right to protect us from terrorists, you can't be too careful when you're at war!"

FFS.

oh and I note that plenty of comments giving the contrary pov include that weary phrase "As a parent" as if it gives some magic insight into international terrorism and jurisprudence denied to those who have not yet managed to fertilize an egg with some sperm. I've been a parent for 22 years, does that give me special powers?

mind you "as a mother" is even more annoying.

@Ascylto - still reading chum? I think you're Aaron Krempf in disguise!

Windfarm Britain means (very) expensive electricity

couldn't care less..

..I'll be dead in a couple of decades, why should I give a damn about saving the sodding eskimos, they didn't do anything for me!

bah, eco nonsense, it's all a big con and an excuse to tax us.

Engineer commits suicide after losing iPhone prototype

@Ascylto..

I love you too!

I can't be that much of an idiot, I didn't spunk my wedge on a silly iPhone just cos it's looks kewl down the wine bar.

and if turns up shortly?

So let's say a f*cktard senior manager fiddling about in things he should leave alone moved it, or "borrowed" to show off to his bird/mates, then the poor young lad got the blame and no-one had the balls to own up, are they going to top themselves too? Don't think so, got themselves a free IPhone haven't they?

Driven to suicide for a f*cking phone, and a sh1t one at that. What is the world coming to? I always did think that the whole iPhone thing was for tw4ts.

Apple admits iPhone 3GS in short supply

and the point of an "iPhone" is exactly?

I'd love to know why these things make you all cum in your pants. Does absolutely nothing for me, and I wouldn't have one if they were giving them away free. I don't even have an ordinary mobile phone and wouldn't thank you for one.

"oh look at me I have an iPhone and can update my Facespace page while sitting on the bus, aren't I clever?"

@Ascylto or whatever your name is - reading this one too are you? ;)

Bank fined £3m for data loss

Sarah..

You can't say that I didn't hand you that one on a plate :) you can give me the fiver later, cash only, none of your dodgy Vulture-central claim-it-back-on-expenses cheques.

I did go and have a rant on HYS afterwards, some working-class children were walking past my privet hedges in an unruly manner so after whining to the local bobbies i decided to rail against society's ills on HYS as i have been banned from Radio 4.

@Graham Marsden...

"... instead of fining the bank, fine the Directors. That should make them start taking this seriously!"

hear hear, well said that man!

Incidentally, i got much the same from bl**dy Swinton's insurance the other day...

"bring bring" (for i still have a GPO Type 743 pulse tine dial telephone)

Hello?

Hi is that Mr XXXXXX?

Yes, who is calling please?

This is Jenny from Swinton Insurance, first can i get you to confirm your name please?

I just did. what do you want?

Well I need you to confirm your name first?

<sigh> I just did. why are you asking me to repeat what i just said?

<flusters>oh erm well it's about a claim you made

I haven't made a claim in 15 years, duck, that's why i have full no-claims bonus; so what are you ringing me for?

Oh erm well I can't tell that until you confirm your name and address.

But you are ringing me, and you obviously have no idea what you're talking about, so who the hell are you and why don't you confirm YOUR details and convince me that you are who you claim to be? you could be anyone. I wouldn't know, would I?

Erm we're not allowed to give out personal details over the phone.

Oh but you can ring me up unsolicited and expect me to give you all of mine, hmm? I_think_not.

<satisfying click>

Honestly the nerve of these people. I feel like having a good rant on BBC HYS except it's full of illiterate morons who can't string a sentence together.

Orange UK exiles Firefox from call centres

@dave hands..

"we asked Microsoft if firefox was safe and they said "no way, firefox is not safe under any circumstances"

I noticed. chum, I just didn't say owt.

Spooks' favourite IT firm tells Reg readers to grow up

mature conversation?

he looks like a sh1t teacher in some grotty comprehensive, in fact he looks like a total c*ck, I cannot have a mature conversation with someone who wears a nylon suit and has a vest on in summer.

Spider-Man director to helm World of Warcraft

Spells?

I have a Special Charm of Seeing Another Film to hand, or better still, I may nip to the local tavern and pursue my ale quest there instead.

World of Warcraft film? the only people who would possibly be interested in this will be too busy playing World of warcraft to go! Besides, they'd need to have a bath etc which would take too much time away from playing World of Warcraft!

my brother-in-law plays this drivel obsessively in his spare time, i expect that's why his wife is divorcing him.

IT workers grumble about lack of career path

IT's got a career?

f*cking hell - so what have I been doing wrong for the last <counts> 30 years?

To the Moon - with extreme engineering

backwards?

going backwards? we never even got started! when I were a lad, I was promised that by the year 2000 I'd be living on the Moon, have a rocket car, and live in a space podule in some towering space city.

so where's my flying Moon car then? i don;t think that my ten year old Ford Focus does the job in that regard, nor does my pre-war semi in Staffordshire quite match the dream I was sold with my Eagle comic and Ladybird "Race into Space"

I haven't got an atomic kitchen yet either. I suspect that we wus being lied to.

Apple profits up 15 per cent (again)

built on blood?

Are Apple's profit's worth the death of a young engineer? See the other Reg story for the dark side of Apple's wonderful story. Bl**dy iPhone claptrap.

Watchdog bites Mattesons saucy sausage ad

nudge nudge

lawks only knows what these 21? was it? whining Mary Whitehouse* clones would make of eric idle's Breakaway adverts from the 1970s then. Hopefully have apoplexy and die.

Sid James icon? good idea but really I think that we need a Frankie Howerd* "oo-err missus" icon!

*for the benefit of colonials - Mary Whitehouse, a whinging complaining self-righteous old trout of a God-squadder who moaned about every bit of tit and bum on telly back in the day, thankfully long shuffled off this mortal coil, would probably have been elected President in the US of A for her moralistic puritanical interfering claptrap.

*my comedy hero ever since he hilariously humiliated my mum in Blackpool in 1968!

Tech can make Britain Great again

white heat?

"The UK's technology industry can pull the country out of its debt hole and make up for the decline in manufacturing."

i can remember Harold Wilson saying that in the 60s and it was rubbish then and it's rubbish now. Manufacturing success requires long-term investment from the public and private sectors and that's what we haven't had for decades. British capitalism is now based almost entirely on short-term returns and is dominated by pension funds who are intrinsically averse to long-term investment with no immediate return.

The decline in manufacturing has gone so far that it can't be reversed, there've been several generations brought up now on the dole who couldn't work if they tried, and for all this talk of building manufacturing up, the reality is plain for all to see; the Govt will spend billions to shore up failing banks and bale out their City chums but couldn't give a stuff about industry especially if it's outside f*cking London.

the worst damage was done by Thatcher, though; once she got her teeth into us we were doomed. No doubt I'll be crucified by post-Thatcher market-force afficionados who don't remember what this country was like before it was ruined, but I am old enough to remember the days of (almost) full employment, technological innovation and investment, and a fairer and more equitable society than we have now (and before kids were hoodie-wearing gangsta wannabes)

Apollo 11 vets urge Mars mission

what about the turtles?

I recall that some time ago, El Reg reported that these so-called Moon landings by the 'merkins had to be fakes, because the Earth is actually surrounded by a crystal sphere that holds the air in (obviously, or it would all evaporate into space) which sits on the back of a giant space-turtle which in turn is sat atop another, bigger space turtle.

hence why NASA has been in the weather satellite and space toilet business ever since, because nasty rockets might break the glass, asphyxiating the entire world and (I quoth) "seriously upsetting the turtles"

so what are the space turtles opinions on Moon nonsense ie lunacy? (literally)

Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary

ey up me duck? wus ow thi sthun

ar dun say unny raysin fer brittis fowk fer goo pandrin tut bl**dy yanks, if thaym wuns fer spayk englis proper layk thun um shud lern fer towcrate layk usm dow, marrer.

Cats mix baby 'cry' with purr to score dinner

o hai ther

wi iz tawz cats n we sez dis risirsh iz shayt wegets fud bai kilin mayses n if u umans beleef dis shayt den uz purrti shtoopid pplz!

wi az is paswurd. n urs tu!

French workers threaten to blow up factory

tres bon pour them!

C'est un achievement grand du standing up pour les rights des travailleurs, nous should do trop more of that dans Angleterre and kickez our fat overpaid cochons of booses, politicians and coppers off les Cliffes du Blancs et dans le Manche.

Counter terror cops prep for recession funding squeeze

so the connection is?

the gravy train?

when there's lots of money available for "security" projects, the threat is high or immediate or whatever they use to scare us.

when there isn't so much money available to waste on silly projects, the threat isn't quite so high.

I smell a rat and his name isn't Osama.....

Mandy promises end to illegal staff blacklists

Mandelson is the Prince of Darkness..

..and you shouldn't believe a word that he says. If he says that employment blacklists are illegal and will end, you should already have figured out that

a/ they won't end, they'll just change "slightly"

b/ he'll do as little as possible about them but spin it up likes it's a major achievement

c/ claim the paper on expenses

This is the man so divorced from the reality of real life that he thought that mushy peas were a sort of Northern guacamole (I don't really know what guacamole is but that it's green, foreign, posh, and something that Southerners in London have with other fancy grub)

wot no slimy little weasel icon?

Plasma rocket in new test with Brit supermagnet fitted

so how did the Martians manage it then?

they got here in 1898, 1938, and 1953, yet no-one remembers a giant hydrogen cannon firing cylinders at us from Mars? well, apart from me and amanfrommars...

Australia's 'answer to the velociraptor' unveiled

transportation?

How do they know that these weren't actually British dinosaurs who emigrated there for better weather and prospects, or criminal dinosaurs transported there against their will for stealing iguanadon eggs?

As dinosaurs were first discovered (ok identified) in Britain, it's clear that dinosaurs are in fact (mostly) British, and that all other dinosaurs are colonial descendants or inferior foreign dinosaurs that could only be communicated with by roaring very loudly and slowly.

the Moon is British too.

all of these icons and not a single dinosaur or Union Jack icon to be found

HP Ireland asks staff to vote for pay cut

what about the fat controller?

are the top execs doing the same, pro rata? 5% for someone on 20-25K a year is quite a bit, could mean the difference between paying your mortgage or not, 5% for some fat greedy c*nt on 150-200K and the rest isn't that bad, little Jocasta will still get her pony rides.

pay goes up, not down; if you are expected to work the same or harder for less money, there's one word for that - mug. why not put some shackles on, pin some long ears and a tail and go and work on Blackpool beach?

yes I will be pressing the button marked ">>>F*CK RIGHT OFF<<<"

The Times kills off blogger anonymity

no surprise..

I really used to enjoy and be informed by NightJack's bloggings, he gave good straightforward advice for us plebs and was clearly a decent honest copper, that most endangered of species. Hardly a surpise, but still a f*cking disgrace, that he's been silenced and outed, even less of a surprise that it's yet another offering from Murdoch's Dark Empire of Lies that supports the current Peoples Democratic State formerly known as Britain.

The Times, currently occupying a niche somewhere between the Sun and The Hate Mail (yes I know Murdoch doesn't publish the Mail but they're all the bl**dy same, the papers in this country)

Nurse Lovelace gives hardened lag 55-hour stiffy

hahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahaha!

it's so funny laughter alone is the best comment :) well done El Reg this is the sort of off-the-wall that i avidly read you for! :)

Johnson shuffle returns ID cards to the table

for Dodgy Geezer

"Was it lobbying by industry?"

as a matter of fact, it was. A certain high-ranking minister who just happens to be my local MP and an old pal of my mum and ad from years back 'fessed this up to me a couple of years ago.

'Alien' lifeform wakened from 120,000 year Arctic slumber

but nukes won't work...

..against shoggoths and Great Old Ones.

"there is life eternal within the eater of souls...."

Cthulhu ph'tag'n (akshly it's Yog-Sothoth but do you really care?)

we're doomed.

Carter to cart self back to big business

so farewell, Lord Carter..

..you weren't very good.

In fact, you were about as much use as tits on a bull.

but you got a lot of taxpayers' money for doing f*ck all.

wish i could have your job!

Oz cops in Taser fatality

@AC 11:54

you said:-

"Personally, I rather face a cop with a taser then one with a gun. At least with the former I can always try and sue the police for wrongful arrest, excessive use of force or whatever."

not if your heart stops and you die as a result of the tasering, chum, you won't. One presumes that you would be happy to be one of the "unfortunate exceptions" and perhaps you should carry a note on your person stating that you would completely exonerate the officer for killing you and that it was entirely your own fault that you had provoked him to the point that he had to taser you?

methinks you should have engaged higher brain functions before your "dumb tard" comment.... :) never mind eh?

Mobile directory made legal threats to get personal details

opting out

although the website is supposed to make this possible, it's actually very difficult and the page won't even let you do it anymore. If you call them to opt-out with the "help" of an "advisor" it takes 5 minutes to get through the call-handling, then you'll wait for another ten, then get cut off.

TPs might be useful for preventing sales and marketing calls but it won't stop people just randomly ringing you up or finding your number even if you don't want them to call.

Venezuela spits out Coke Zero

given the choice..

..between any variety of Coca-Cola or Pepsi or any other mass-produced foulness from the former North American colonies, and a cup of delicious smooth-tasting Venezualan coffee as a refreshing pick me up, hmmm wonder which I'd choose?

I use Coca-Cola to clean the chrome parts of my Moggy Thou, that's all it's good for.

Pressure group demands UK apes China net filter plan

I say let her have her way

the mad woman said:-

"All computers should be provided with net filtering software loaded - and the default position for such filters should be on."

fine. let her have that, so that when mam and dad buy their new Vista pc at PC World in the sales, little Johnny won't see none of that nasty pron stuff.

meanwhile the rest of us will of course build our own or nuke the o/s and put a new one on. Let her have her way if it makes her feel better, what practical difference will it make to any self-respecting Reg reader?

Texas cop tasers gobby granny

@Lee

you said:-

"And you sir, are a prick. A prick, sir."

any right you had to take part sensibly in this discussion was just lost there. No need for that was there. Plus you think it's ok to electrocute old ladies just because they mouth off.

You just revealed exactly what sort of person you are. I'm the sort who doesn't believe that it's right to assault old people regardless of whether one is wearing a uniform or not. That makes me a better person than you, "sir," prick comment aside, "sir." Now get back to your Guns n Ammo and Soldier of Fortune magasines and fantasize about killing defenceless people and creatures if that's what you get off on.

some people eh?

if you think the cop was in the right here..

..then you think it's ok to electrocute an OAP for having an opinion that you don't agree with. doesn't matter if she said "tase me" or not, it was the act of a COWARD and a BULLY. He is meant to set an example as an officer of the law and a responsible member of society, good character and all that, and here he is demonstrating, and being backed up by his superiors to boot, that it's perfectly ok to incapacitate an elderly lady just because she mouths of, using an often lethal "non-lethal" weapon to do so. If she'd been coming at him with a knife, even then it would have been wrong. he had the physical presence and training to deal with her in many different ways but no he pulls out his taser. what a hero. If she was my granny and i lived in America I'd go and break the b*st*rd's legs, copper or not.

after all if a copper can't cope with harsh language from whatever source without getting violent then they aren't coppers, they're just thugs in uniform. god help her if she'd been a young black man, i imagine that she would have been shot whilst resisting arrest.

there's something fundamentally wrong with you if you think what he did is ok or excusable. but then there's something fundamentally bl**dy well wrong with the world these days all over, isn't there?

BT slammed for 'importing' cheap Indian contractors

that's bl**dy annoying..

..cos when i was contracting for BT on NPfIT, I only got £10 per hour, the robbing cucking f*nts

Sir Alan Sugar hails £30m 'equitable' Viglen win

ha ha ha

<points and laughs>

Viglen LOL

Yorkshire man wakes up Irish after brain surgery

bejabers and begorrah!

the very same ting happened to me one fine noight when oi got a smack on the old head dere from yer man wit the empty bottle o' Jamesons, to be sure!

Facebook wins Zimbabwe election on T&Cs

Ebagum..

you see, you peoples in de West, you don' unnerstand de term "jerrymandering" in de African sense..."

Baby Shakergate: Apple officially sorry

what is this "Baby Shaker?"

..and why should I care?

Go, Brown, go!

I'm not signing this..

..as it doesn't call him a fat one-eyed incompetent Scottish idiot :)

nor does it suggest that Darling or Whacky Jacqui be put in stocks outside Parliament and pelted with rotten fruit and used condoms (or my share certificates which are now worthless)

however..

go on then I will.

Boeing: Raygun dreadnoughts will rule the oceans by 2019

Team Rocket?

haven't I already seen this crazy idea tried on the kids' Pokémon show? I seem to recall that Jessie and James' sub always had something bad happen to it whenever they tried to capture Pikachu.

So no attacking Japan then.

No charges for terror arrest Tory

no! really?

"senior civil servants played up an imaginary threat to national security posed by the leaks in order to encourage the police to take action."

well fancy that, who'd have heard the like? next you'll be telling us that we get lied to about the justification of going to war against small poor Muslim countries that have lots of oil.

Phorm director advises UK.gov broadband minister

f*cking disgusting..

jobs for the boys like everything else involved with this bl**dy Govt, the EU gravy train, and BT. Oh sorry not just jobs for the boys, that silly horse-faced tart Patricia Hewitt got a 50K non-executive directorship at BT for givingt hem the contract for the NHS spine (that doesn't work - just like her)

Pics show North Korean rocket ready to go

..and I for one...

welcome the heroic struggles of the fraternal socialist state to shatter the complacent arrogance of the imperialist powers by the inspiration of juche in all scientific and military endeavours. Three million cheers for the Dear Leader Comrade Kim Jong-Il!

Battlestar Galactica eyes 'technology run amok'

@John Owens..

"Jumping back in time also explains the phrase "All this has happened and will happen again", plus our religions and those of the show, it also explains why all the dead on Earth that they found where Cylons (descended from Hera). It even hinted that Anders is the God(except he doesn't like the name) who became after flying into the sun and who constantly forces humanity to repeat and repeat etc to find perfection. For him perfection was the most important thing, not winning or losing. It also explains why the Cylon Hybrids can "network" into these thoughts/desires."

that hadn't occurred to me but I think that's very plausible in terms of the story.

milions of light years?

"in galaxies separated by millions of light years"

the comment that Adama makes about "a million light years" wasn't meant to be taken literally, he was just using the number as a hyperbolic metaphor. On the few occasions that we've been given some idea of either the location of the Fleet or of Earth, they've shown the journey as taking place in one galaxy, presumably since they got here, the Milky Way. We also know that Colonial FTL isn't supposed to be even remotely capable of intergalactic travel and that even the vastly more efficient Cylon FTL system controlled by the Hybrids isn't able to make those kind of jumps either, and that long distances such as that to get to the Resurrection Hub had to be undertaken in stages.

Shame no-one bothered to go back to the other Earth for Number 3.

I'm still not getting how, if the Earth in Daybreak 2 is our Earth 150,000 years ago, why did the other "Earth" show North America in Crossroads 2 and the star patterns be those of the Zodiac as confirmed by Felix Gaeta's navigational check?

Still it wasn't a bad ending and at least it didn't do a Galactica '80!

wot, no Colonial Fleet icon?

Discovery docks with ISS

bat murderers..

you'd have thought they could have at least tried to save the poor bat.

DARPA, US Army seek 'social computing' tech

Trantor

you only need one planet as a model for psychohistory, but it needs a population of 40 billions.

Vulcan appeal in emergency tin-rattling

Vulcan forever!

Vulcan scrambles, Finningley airshow back in the 60s, V-Force, the days when the RAF had a global reach, and British engineering was still supreme. Move on from the past? We should be going back to the past instead of being the third-world state that we're becoming/become.

"because our government needs to be on the recieving end of a Vulcan payload"

yes they do and it needs to be Blue Steel, not conventional. It's the only way to be sure.