Posts by Niall 1

London bus timings mobile beta site spotted

Dublin Bus

The ones for Dublin bus remind me of this http://xkcd.com/612/

Entire London 2012 Olympics' cultural events database held on Excel

A team of people using the speadsheet?

that should be fun.

Are you in the spreadsheet?No.

Are you in the spreadsheet?No.

Are you in the spreadsheet?No.

Are you in the spreadsheet?Yes. Get out I want to make a change.

Council dives into crematorium-heated pool

Abbey Stadium Sports Centre Renamed

The Dead Pool.

Lock and load: Birmingham launches gunfire location IT

There's a ways to go

before a silencer beats a one way ticket as the object of desire in Birmingham.

Phosphor World Time Curved E Ink watch

Night Time

So how easy is it to read the time in poor lighting conditions?

Welsh hospitals to allow mobile use

So the machine that goes ping

is now the crazy frog machine?

Boris bikes for tourists delayed till year end

pricing helps

€10(£8ish) per annum in Dublin, £45 in London.

London bike hire scheme suffers pre-launch wobbles

Works Ok in Dublin

They've had this for a while now in Dublin and it appears to be going quite well. I was convinced all the bikes would end up either in the river or still attached to the docking bay with all their tyres slashed. Strangely this hasn't happened. The bikes are also constantly moved to different stations depending on need so stations are never usually full or empty. You do however see people who haven't been on a bike since the Chopper was in vogue wobbling through rush hour traffic. Try that in London and I'm sure you won't get too far.

The Sun saves parasailing donkey's ass

The Sun does shine

out of their ass

Latvia's 'Robin Hood' hacker unmasked as AI researcher

Surely Russell Crowe

is the modern day Robin Hood

ConLibs to outlaw kiddyprinting without permission

I used to bring my own lunch to shcool...

wrapped in tinfoil.

Met issues internet cafe terror warnings

Inappropriate Behaviour

is an act of terrorism?

French city in pedestrian-powered streetlight plan

Sadly

Michael Jackson is no longer around to explain how he managed to light a whole lamppost just by leaning against it.

Man coughs to sex with donkey and horse

Not surprised

That after going at it for three days in 1999 it took him until 2004 to recover.

El Reg insults 'millions of Irish Catholics'

Disgaceful

It's not just El Reg, I also noticed that my flag* has orange on it as well and on Paddies day too! For Shame.

*by "my flag " I mean the Irish one as opposed to the Oirish, whose flag probably has stars and stripes on it and ne'er a hint of green.

US school comes out fighting over webcam spy claim

Slight Contradiction

So they have an image of the student taken using the spy kit, which is only used when laptops are stolen or lost. So was the laptop reported stolen or lost? I assume not, so this make their statement complete and utter tosh.

Linus Torvalds doesn't hate the Googlephone

Canyonero

The only phone endorsed by a clown.

Exploding ciggie blows out Indonesian bloke's teeth

No strange materials in the cigarettes

that must make them unique among coffin nails

Airport scanners go live today, kids included

Seen it wished I hadn't

That whole "if it saves one life" argument, is going to be the cause of a lot of people losing their lives if I hear it one more time.

Too early to gauge passenger response...

because they're all complaining. Once people are resigned to it then they will start to gauge responses.

"Passengers must not be selected on the basis of personal characteristics"

(i.e. on a basis that may constitute discrimination such as gender, age, race or ethnic origin)."*cut*

...

detailed protocols which are not published because,

we are told, they contain security sensitive information which includes selection criteria on those chosen for scanning*paste*

(i.e. on a basis that may constitute discrimination such as gender, age, race or ethnic origin)."

Greenock pensioners cuffed for Tesco 'sex romp'

Staff announcement...

Fluffer you are now required in aisle 3!

French mock British G-spot probe

CV attached

researchers probed 1,800 women, identical and non-identical twins

Time for a change of job.

Adultery website boosted by Christian publicity campaign

I'm Shocked

a single individual complained and a total ban didn't take place?!

Full-body scanner blind to bomb parts

Image quality

Every sample image I've seen for full body scanners look like low quality photos with the colours inverted, but the image on that clip is just a useless red blob. So what is the quality of the images that these things show?

South Korea sets up cyberwarfare unit to repel NORK hackers

Hot Lisps?

that is all

Texas cops cuff 176 at illegal cockfight

One was wanted for murder

wow they really know how to crack down on animal cruelty. On a side note, I once considered spending $300 to enter a bird.

Yorkshire lass eBays cheating boyf's Xmas prezzies

Give him a break

He had to buy presents for all the special women in his life.

Good scam

she has neglected to mention that the ex is a skinflint who never spent more than a fiver on anything. I wonder was there any other gobs smacked.

Watchdog mauls Disney woman's breasts

Redo the Ad

so the women is naked and users must drag and drop clothes on to her.

Hackers declare war on international forensics tool

@TIn Pot

"a piece of software designed specifically to disable law enforcement's forensic tools has to be illegal"

But the police are not the only ones who have access to these tools.

US judge excoriates Harvard team's P2P defense

Is this a case of

those who can do those who can't teach?

World Cup to be shown in 3D

Great

We can Henrys hand come out of the screen and slap us in the face. Ok it was two weeks ago, I'm over it and I swear I'm not bitter. Now if the FAI would just shut up we might be able to move on we some dignity intact.

Sony are releasing 3D-enabled Blu-ray players for the World Cup that's pretty cool but I think I'll wait for the 3D-enabled Blu-ray beach volleyball players myself.

DARPA balloon-hunt compo: Stand by for skulduggery

Hello. DARPA Comp Organizer?

Just tell me where they are and I'll let you have a share, I'm not greedy how does 50:50 sound? No? Ok Tell me or the kitty dies!

Geeks Guide₂ Christmas 2009 - Part I

Want something else?

Not a problem we also provide a huge selection of,um, books on, eh, photography. I wait with bated breath for part 2.

Vampires not good role models for Catholics, declares Vatican

Down with this sort of thing!

Careful now.

Cardiff Airport gets more security theatre

As long it keeps Winona out.

She is a convicted felon, whereas I don't think Osama bin Laden is, so he's ok.

US judge rules quadriplegic can bear arms

RoTM?

Although I not sure how far he'll be able to rise

Libel reform campaigners seek £10k damages cap

£10K Cap

So if the publication can generate more than £10K profit from libeling someone why would they not do it?

Sony to bring Risk to the big screen

Snakes and Ladders...

on a plane.

Irish brogue voted world's sexiest accent

5,000 deaf women

There fixed that for you

El Reg launches 'Comment of the Week'

Judged by the Moderatrix...

Would this be the same Moderatrix who is the epitome of style and sophistication, whose beauty and grace is matched only by her incisive wit, enviable intelligence and saintly patience, the ray of sunlight that occasionally shines through the dull and dreary comments section? I say this because it's true and needs to be said and not because I want put some camel balls in my mouth.

New police crime-mapping system crashes on first outing

Can't you just

type shithole,england into Google Maps?

Beeb gets grief for Humpty Dumpty rewrite

We put the hump in Humpty

"All the king's horses and all the king's men made Humpty Dumpty happy again."

This gives me an idea for the Humpty Dumpty series of extreme porn films.

Oz driver prangs ute during 'amorous activities'

Asterisks suck

or should that be ****! "****ing" can only be read as sucking right? cause using the "F" word doesn't really make sense. So why all the astericks?

US military jets to run on weeds, scum & corpse-grease

Sustainable alright

Animal corpses ie dead people fuel figther jets. Fighter jets kill people. Perfect.

World's first motion-controlled headphones outed

Flat Eric Controlled Headphones

You have to keep moving your head to the music or it stops playing.

CSI boffins: You can't ID crims from bitemarks on victims

Some are easier to Id than others

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/09/10/dracula_caged/

Custard Creams can kill: Official

Poked themselves in the eye?

I mean seriously WTF? Will all biscuits now come with protective goggles?

Men far worse than women on password security

your lady's monthly inconvenience

That would be the inconvenience of my employer transfering money into my bank account, instead of directly into hers.

Brain-jacking fungus turns living victims into 'zombies'

Nasty!

but what we really want to know is what did the Pink Panther say when he saw this?