* Posts by John G Imrie

2024 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

Gloom-dwelling subterranean robots battle for million-dollar DARPA prize

John G Imrie

Re: Then we have one legged robot

No, and I was wondering where they put the parrot as well.

Go to L: A man of the cloth faces keyboard conundrum

John G Imrie

Re: Calling upon a higher power

You should have told them that one in eight people in a scrum is a Hooker.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz? Detroit waits for my order, you'd better make amends

John G Imrie


There is a special breed of user that prefers to pick up the phone rather than attempt even the simplest of resolutions.

It's the one that's been told if you try and fix it and you make it worse it's coming out of your budget / salary / bonus.

Nasdaq's 32-bit code can't handle Berkshire Hathaway's monster share price

John G Imrie

What ever happened to binary coded decimals?

The swift in-person response is part of the service (and nothing to do with the thing I broke while trying to help you)

John G Imrie

Simon wouldn't disable voicemail, an off site backup with all the juicy details of who was shagging who is more his style.


Harassers and bullies succeed in tech because silence is encouraged

John G Imrie

Re: Rednecks incoming.....

But what happens when it's the 4th , 5th or 6th person making the complaint?

US Army develops natural-language voice-command AI for robots, tanks, etc. For search'n'rescue. For now

John G Imrie

Marvin; I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin.

Ford: And what happened?

Marvin: It committed suicide

Yep, the 'Who owns Linux?' case is back from the dead

John G Imrie

Re: What?

No comments though, and you can't log in either

Facebook says dump of 533m accounts is old news. But my date of birth, name, etc haven't changed in years, Zuck

John G Imrie

Re: Time for the usual security advice

At least Bobby Tables will be OK

Another successful flight for SpaceX's Starship apart from the landing-in-one-piece thing

John G Imrie

Re: Historical precedent

Where do you think Musk got his Ideas from?


Scottish National Party members found among list of names signed up to rival Alba Party after website whoopsie

John G Imrie

Re: If they look hard enough

If Dido had been in charge the home page would have had a link to a membership list containing Name, address, credit card number and date of birth.

John G Imrie

Re: The Scottish People's Front.


Just when you thought it was safe to enjoy a beer: Beware the downloaded patch applied in haste

John G Imrie

Army Email time

Anyone else remember this

'Amarillo' video crashes MoD PCs

I did like the Army's response.

Like a challenge in a high profile 'face-of-IT' role? Welcome to the Home Office

John G Imrie

Re: Part of me would like this job

So negotiate a golden good by on the grounds that to and Priti Vacant have an opperational disagreement

Transcribe-my-thoughts app would prevent everyone knowing what I actually said during meetings

John G Imrie

Minuits are power

If you have to record the minuets then what ever you put in them was what happened in the meting. If anyone complains then you just respond 'well that's not what I heard'. Eventually one of two thins will happen. Either everyone will start agreeing with your minuets in which case you just have to write up what you think should have happened or two the person arguing with you will become so irate they will demand to take the writing of the minuets from you and do it themselves.

Two clichés, one headline: 'No good deed goes unpunished' and 'It's always DNS'

John G Imrie

Re: Change management matters

He was ordered to, by his manager

Exonerated: First subpostmasters cleared of criminal convictions in Post Office Horizon scandal

John G Imrie

Re: A priest...

Is there some way we can campaign to have that removed?

SpaceX Starship blows up on landing, Elon Musk says it's the data that matters and that landed just fine

John G Imrie

Re: Ignition

If your prototype didn't blow up at least once in testing I'm not getting on the production version because I don't know what you forgot to test.

Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?

John G Imrie

Who needs HTML code m³

John G Imrie

Re: Inside joke?

Lawers Morison and Fosters website is https://www.mofo.com/ and yes they do use MoFo as an informal name.

Netflix chooses its own judgment in 'Bandersnatch' case: Settle and make the nasty lawsuit go away

John G Imrie

Re: Oh how I loved them as a kid

Steve Jackson and Ian Livingstone.

I'm sat here with the 25th Anniversary Edition in front of me. The publishing details claim it was first published in 1982

Mysterious metal monolith found in 'very remote' part of Utah

John G Imrie

It's an advert ...

Just not aimed at anyone on earth.

It's always DNS, especially when a sysadmin makes a hash of their semicolons

John G Imrie

vi v's Emacs

Real programmers use butterflies

[Checks meeting agenda...] Where does it say 'Talk cr*p and waste everyone's time'?

John G Imrie


What a waste of coffee. You should knock their coffee over them.

What a Hancock-up: Excel spreadsheet blunder blamed after England under-reports 16,000 COVID-19 cases

John G Imrie

Re: Error code

I think its a D1D0 bug.

You *bang* will never *smash* humiliate me *whack* in front of *clang* the teen computer whizz *crunch* EVER AGAIN

John G Imrie

Re Crowley

I've just finished re watching Good Oman's, I think it's time to re read the book

Well, what are we waiting for? Three weeks later, Windows Embedded Standard 7 still didn't have the answer

John G Imrie

Re: Remember when there was talk of Windows in cars?

Have you been buying the cheep lasagna again?

Elite name on Brit scene sponsors retro video games preservation project at the Centre for Computing History

John G Imrie

Re: Screenshot

I bought my first PC to play Elite Plus on.

Linus Torvalds banishes masters, slaves and blacklists from the Linux kernel, starting now

John G Imrie

Re: Reply to Linus Torvalds

I think crap is inclusive, as we are all in it.

Former UK Labour deputy leader wants to know how the NHS's contact-tracing app will ensure user privacy

John G Imrie

Round and round we go

Isn't this just Care.data by the back door?

GitHub to replace master with main across its services

John G Imrie

George Orwell new the importance of language, the whole point of New Speak in 1984 was the elimination of words and hence the elimination of the thought behind the word. Which words we use matters, though I'd point out that using insensitive terminology and/or words may not mean you are a raciest pig, just you are old and haven't got the memo yet.

ICE cold: Microsoft's GitHub wrings hands over US prez's Trump immigration ban plan

John G Imrie

Hang on, as everyone is now home schooling surly any home shooting should be classified as a school shooting.

John G Imrie

What November elections?

Do you actually expect there to be elections in November after the second waver of corona virus hits?

Huawei signs non-aggression patent pact with membership of Open Invention Network

John G Imrie

Re: "What of the company's controversial status today?"

You are Donald Trump and I claim my £5

Asterix co-creator Albert Uderzo dies aged 92

John G Imrie

Asterix co-creator Albert Uderzo dies aged 92, Oh @#$$%!

World's smallest violin to be played for opportunistic sellers banned from eBay and Amazon for price gouging

John G Imrie

A better response ...

Would be to leave the page open block all offers on it and add on every offer by that user the following message: I'm a price gouging asshole who thinks making an excessive profit is much more important than your health'

Theranos vampire lives on: Owner of failed blood-testing biz's patents sues maker of actual COVID-19-testing kit

John G Imrie

I don't think you can go as low as $0 that would be counted as theft. $0.01 should be ok though.

Some good coronavirus news: Monster Google-Oracle API copyright battle on hold as bio-nasty shuts Supremes

John G Imrie

Re: $9bn ?

Well lets think this through, which company with a $9b windfall is likely to be the first target of everyone who is not Oracle?

Can AI-enhanced virtual sports presenters do the job? It's a big ask

John G Imrie

Re: Generally talking arse to each other

You are completely wr... SQUIRREL!!!

Not a Genius move after all: Apple must cough up $$$ in back pay for store staff forced to wait for bag searches

John G Imrie

Re: American Employment

It's not slavery as you can leave, prison employment on the other hand...

John G Imrie

Re: Court

That's not where he was going with this, a vexatious defendent would loose the automatic right of appeal, but could go before a judge to argue why they should be allowed to appeal

US hands UK 'dossier' on Huawei: Really! Still using their kit? That's just... one... step... beyond

John G Imrie

Re: I wonder how long it will be before they try to ban "China Clay"

They'll just rename it Freedom Clay

Y2K quick-fix crick? 1920s come roaring back after mystery blip at UK's vehicle licensing agency

John G Imrie

B Ark

That's all right, they are taking the phone sanitisers with them

John G Imrie

Re: Who's a betting man?

Do you know, every bit of me has been replaced apart from the diodes in my left side.

Christmas in tatters for Nottinghamshire tots after mayor tells them Santa's too busy

John G Imrie

Re: I've checked my contract

I thought we all believed in recycling these days.

John G Imrie

Under the mistletoe !

Oracle and Google will fight in court over Java AGAIN and this time it's going to the Supremes

John G Imrie

There are a couple of thing's that need to be dredged up from the mists of time at the start of the case. When Google started down this track the talked to Sun about it and Sun's reply, as quoted in documents before the court was basically, sure go for it, and two Google took the publicly available API spec that Sun said they can use and wrote their own code to match that spec.

NASA boffins tackle Nazi alien in space – with the help of Native American tribal elders

John G Imrie

Re: Why Sky?

Stick it up your nose?

John G Imrie

Re: one way ticket

I think we need some kind of an Ark to send them on. Perhaps the Beyond Ark or B-Ark for short.

Londoner accused of accessing National Lottery users' accounts

John G Imrie

Re: Batson is innocent unless found guilty.

I wonder if I can get a petition going on the government web site to have <defendent name> is innocent unless found guilty displayed at the end of every court report and said after every TV report.


Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021