Posts by Tom

US woman celebrates cloning of 'precious Booger'

@ the @liam AC

You know, if you're the youngest brother you have 30 - 40% chance of being gay?

Doctors: Third babies are the same as patio heaters

I read 20 or so posts

I'll be damned if i'm reading the other 100+ just to qualify this following rant:

The people who are chanting they'll be no-one to support the eldars if there are no children, Then this is just tough shit isn't it? What do you lot expect, the populous to just keep growing? someone has to have it hard at some point, this is endemic of our current blame culture, and utterly selfish.

To the idiot who says that people who have more children should be rewarded.... They useually are, out of my sodding tax money, the problem is the prolific breeders in this country are not the types you want, at all, living in the country full stop, let alone popping spawn left right and centre.

The main issue isn't really our population, but more of a global one, If we (as the developed world) hadn't been so insistent in dragging up poorer nations who weren't ready for it, then they wouldn't be in the crap as they are now. Take a look at the highest pop growth countries, they are also the most problem affected areas, no coinsidence these are the places you see fronting campaigns for charity around christmas. I know its harsh, but the long and short of it is leave them. If you want that problem of famine, aids etc to go away, then the fix isn;t bags of rice are out of date medication, it's to leave them to regress to a level of society they should naturally be at.

Did you know that since 1955 the worlds population has doubled!!! Really, put your humanitarian ideals out of the way for a second and realise the impending issue we have.

I recomend 'The Possibility of Hope' as an excellent 30 minute documentary on this, it will open your eyes!

McKinnon loses Lords appeal

@ MarkW

All those insecure servers worrying about their bloated partitions ;)

UK BOFHs face psychometric dissection

My mother?

*KZERT*

Apple is Fisher-Price of sound quality, says Neil Young

@ Aaron RE: ears of tin

"I downloaded Nine Inch Nail's latest from their site (legally, thank you) in 24-bit, 96kHz lossless audio quality. I converted it to Apple lossless format (still 24-bit, 96kHz audio) and it plays perfectly on my AppleTV through my Harmon-Kardon amplifier and sounds brilliant."

I think that's far more than you should care to admit to.

Apple iPhone 3G

My god *slaps face*

If you're sending e-mails with pictures in, it most definitely won’t be for free, you'll still have data charges (although you'll probably wait until you’re seated in starbucks for the free wifi)

As for MMS, I use it regularly, for instance I found a copy of 'Bus driver simulator' in game the other day, how better to describe this than a picture of the box and a witty tag line to send to mate.

Memory cards are a god-send as they allow significantly more flexibility in data management.

If you owned V1, you’re a mug, but hey, you can't make your mind up over the laws of attraction, if you waited til v2, you're still a mug, just one who thinks he's beaten the game, if you got them both, you've lost the right to make comments with the rest of intelligible society.

Please stop bleating on about jebus phone, it doesn’t have a leg to stand on other than a pretty screen and a smooth browser.

The Top Ten 3G iPhone beaters

@James Whale

The sony interface is exactly what made me send it back and get an N95, the k800i was a one off from Sony, solid build and worked like a charm, everyhting preceeding or following it has been tosh.

Available to buy: your own frakkin' 7ft Cylon

@ MIke and the rest of you lot.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!

Labour and labor? are you kidding me?! You suggest the ‘U’ is silent, it isn’t, it affects the accent of the ‘a’ and the whole pronunciation of the word. With proper pronunciation of the way you spell it, it would sound like ‘La’-‘Bor’ not ‘Lay’-‘bore’

Yanks, just give it up, I know you pride yourselves in ego inflation more than actually getting things right, so it's hard for you to acknowledge the fact that you speak ENGLISH, so you have no grounding to even try and defend your bastardisation of our language.

But this will carry on for as long as your ignorance requires for you to call a game you pick-up and run with an elliptical object 'football'....

Chillblast Fusion Juggernaut gaming PC

Ahhhhh, yes....

But does it run Crysis on full?

DOJ sinks another EliteTorrent admin

@ AC

Got that off the mule a few months back, Thai version, called 'backstroke of the west' Now if that video alone isn't enough of a reason to embrace video and music piracy, I don't know what is...

Gordo's DNA database claims branded 'ridiculous'

@Dan,

The second they charge you... wether this sticks or not, the DNA record does.

Bloke crams 13 into Volvo S70

Pah! Rubbish!

Beat 7 in a clio on the way back to Sheffield from a rave in Milton Keynes!

Farewell then, Symbian

WTF!

Well written article, but absolute clap trap! The N95 and succesors ALONE accounted for the majority of UK mobile sales in the past year.

Gautam, I whole-heartedly disagree with your comments, i guess you own an iphone!

There are 2 markets for phones in the UK, dumb, and smart, dumb phones are becoming more and more enabled but there is still a clear line of contrast between the two, and therefore, you have two constrasting demographics with new tech purchasing power, smart phone user but smartphones because, suprise suprise, they sport the features they find attractive, as most people tend to but things with features they like, how can you dismiss a whole market just because another company has produced a nice looking and easy to use redundant tech phone.

There are things you can do with UIQ and Symbian other mobile OS's won't come close too, mainly because of al the enthusiast angles you have input coming from.

Nice to see peoples views, but in this case I think you're pissing up the wall.

Leeds thieves target Ford Focus chips

titular

So, how are the people stupid enough to believe this, be dexterous and cunning enough to extract and re-fit said chip?

Phase 1 ----- Ford stereos

Phase 2 ----- ??????

Phase 3 ----- Free sky decoder!

Phoenix spies probable Martian water ice

why didn't they...

Upon spotting the ever slippery martian ice, toss the soil sample they had, and re-sample the same patch to collect the ice.

Also, Luther, your jibberish suggesting the AC add unspecified increments of passing time inserted after a snippet of text elludes my sensibilities...

3G iPhone not ready for the enterprise?

Not read comment,

So apologies if repeated, but, whatever the situation, you retards that took up this contract will have stumped up a princely sum of £815 / £835 respectively over the year. Hahahaha, you bloody idiots, you got flogged a phone that was so under spec'd the 'next gen' only just just scrapes into current mainstream tech, the need to replace said three legged donkey was obvious, not only obvious but unescapable. So Jobs off loaded a load of old stock in a nice shiney bit of glass, knowing full well you'd pay out again, on the same terms, LOLING all the way to the bank.

Bloke finds illegal immigrants living in loft

What he needed was...

To smoke more weed, then every time he heard a noise he'd have been up there looking for burglars in the middle of the night.

Either that or he'd be dead if he'd been at these new lethal strains knocking around...

God makes you stupid, researchers claim

@combatwombat

148 eh? Still can't use the correct tense of 'Their' though can you... Maybe go back and do some more online quotation testing.

UK civil servant leaves Top Secret Iraq war intelligence documents on a train

@AC

Completely agree with you chap, they should've been handed over to the police right-away, obviously you'd have a read through first, but that goes without saying. Maybe even telling the BBC you found them, but handing them over... what a cretin!

Time to move on from Chinook to the real MoD cock-ups

GAH!

Lewis, you keep writing these bile inducing reports, if only our MOD chiefs are as competent at running an armed force as they are at beurocratic buffoonery and taking back-handers.

Nice article.

Date set for next major PS3 firmware release

FFS

Cross platform games will always be much of a muchness, taylored games will always look better than ports. Now when will you 360 bois just accept the fact you hw is old, and maybe you should've held out for a PS3, maybe check your facts before you all start ranting over quality of rendering. And in anyone's opinion, GT5 pisses over ANYTHING the xbox can run.

Want to buy Jacqui Smith's ID?

My god AC!

All you've done there is liken Jacqui smith to a retard who loved her pet dog so hard it died. Doesn't mean she should be allowed to own animals even though all she has is compassion.

Have a fun Tea party...

Petrol stations deploy anti-theft stingers

Michelin 'run flats' and tire-weld...

Maketh the man, or exiting via the entrance to the forecourt.

Apple sued over Mighty Mouse

Wow, this comments thread...

Is a brilliant show piece of how we rarely read further than the first two comments then the rage starts to build and you have to let fly, there's hardly a single post that isn't the same response to Dex's (mis)understanding of intellectual rights (You work for the Government Dex?)

Teapot backdoor probed by German telescope boffins

RE: Bad news for tinfoil hat brigade

It's ok, shiney side in still works doesn't it? not sure how this will impede on your gigawatt mind controll ray protection factor though...

Teen battles City of London cops over anti-Scientology placard

Did anyone...

Read the links attached to the last big scientology article from El Reg? I did, all of it, and it's fucking scary. I would not like to mess with these guys, they seriously believe in powers of mental manipulation, and give followers 'levels' (for which they have to pay to be merited on) mostly based on social observing and manipulation techniques, and reading this article just goes to show how far the long tentacle does actually reach!

Still hasn't 'cured' Tom Cruise though, despite his best efforts.

Boffins' breakthrough boosts fuel cell output by 50%

@ Jon

Beardies are Unix admin surely...

Texas graverobbers 'used skull to smoke dope'

@ Les

My god! and it's a Friday, can today get any better :D

Bournemouth floats UK's first 100Mbps sewer broadband network

Don't know what the fuss is about

I've been laying cables into the sewers for years...

Mines the one with the HAZ MAT breather gear.....

Inventor of first practical transistor dead at 91

@ Charly

Poor effort mate as this chap was the inspiration for that phrase in the first place!

Rogue MP3 Trojan streaks across P2P networks

@ Michael C

Well done mate! thats apprx 10k you spent on music, bet you've got a certificate from Simon Cowell to go with with your smuggy hue.

Jacqui Smith un-downgrades cannabis

Dear 'The Reg'

PLEASE! Jacqui smith confused logo, I've asked for it before but she's out stripping even Steve Jobs bashing stories now.

And Ms Smith, Would you please fuck off and die. I mean that.

(PS http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44301000/jpg/_44301223_jacquismith203cr_pa.jpg , Just needs a photoshopped dunce hat)

Police likely to ignore Brown's cannabis changes

Ahhhhh, yes....

The old lethal variety of cannabis, what the fuck is he talking about, there is no lethal dosage of dope. I think i've had my fill of this dope, so happy they lost my locals by a good fair margin.

Amy Winehouse pitches for Bond theme

@ Sarah

You saying our gentlemanly charms are driving down the same path? That's just an excuse, you mods just get power hungry and fly off the hook!

Paris, as she used to have root on our network, and now look what happened.

Spy regs used against dogs, litterbugs

@ Mark

No it wouldn't! If you remember how much tripe was included in that broadcast, the country would be phucked! All she did was moan and bleet, used the countrys resources to her own gains and abused her position to improove her social position, get free-bees ect.

Ohhh........ hang on a minute, did that actually happen?

'Extreme porn' law could criminalise millions

BACK IN YOR HOLE

Go on Smith, piss off you Moron! If think that loading a panel will pass right under the pubics noses without detection, you're sorely mistaken. How ever you think you can out-smart the public i'll never know. Come on woman, just stick to you guns and keep trying to have the internets turned off for criminals. Bloody pest, I feel sorry for her children :(

PS el reg, can we have a Jacqui smith looking puzzled logo please? She domminates the intollerable idiot stakes at the moment.

Exclamation, as this exactly at what appears in her mind when the crusade alert goes off.

Motorised meat-smoker droid vigilante patrols Atlanta

Vagrents are scared?????

I'm shitting myself, a bum-bot!?!?! A rampaging rectum rogering automaton under Yank command? Brings a whole new meaning to friendly fire

Google tips hat to St George - finally

Mailed

Every year I'd mail these goips about this and got a personal reply every time, explaining thew choices they have to make on banners every year and the choosing process was very complex, bollocks! every year they have a paddys day banner, my problem is that they have a .co.uk domain and snub old george every year. Any one else notice the dragon looks a little ashen faced today?

Story withdrawn

Oh my crap!

What I have I been doing wrong all these years, getting laid regularly and keeping a steady partner inbetween, I must be hidious looking and throw/run like a girl.

@ Ross, RE: anonymous photo

It's fine, it's filtered through Phorm technology, the photo is replaced by a numerical value.....

Only one man can save Motorola

Title,

This one has to be headline of the year. Good article

Japan turning itself into Cyberman machine civilisation

RotM?

Come on, stealth infiltration, clandestine sterilisation in Japan to force 'harmless' labour bots into common place factory jobs, factorys then start churning out autonamous reapoids to harvest the living to further cyborg warrior production!

Phorm admits 'over zealous' editing of Wikipedia article

'test to see if detectable'

How can they argue this!?!?! If the test was to see if customers noticed, and they never informed there technical staff on the helpdesks, how can they know they're getting the correct results? if the staff don't know about the test, customer calls in reporting odd findings, tech staff them to reboot, end of story. This is a bloody fallacy of the highest order.

Apple sued over 'inflated' iMac claims

'extra 1K GB memory chip'

LMFAO! Edward, get back in your box!

"Macs are good for creative work"

WHAT!!!! Is this because they fit into your middle class utopian dream fairy tale fantasy land with there marketing techniques and product design that match your recumbant bicycle. Can you tell me exactly what a predesposed overpriced poorly supportable platform has over an infinatlety configurable PC platform? idiot, Jobs deserves your money!

Aussie laser-pointer dazzle attacks on airliners: Bad

Angle of approach

When a plane lands, It has it's nose up, quite simply, from the ground you wouldn't have the required clean tradgectory, unless you knew the exact angle of approach, and the angle the windshield is set, and the relative height of the pilot in relation to all this, to plan a correct refraction. To pull this of, as they are suggesting, would required a targeting system and a computer.

To have any chance of overloading someones rods and cones, you would have to be above the hight of the cockpit at time of interception, seen as Australia isn't exactly abundant with natural undulations, I find all of this very hard to swallow, unless it's traffic controll having a laugh, even then, the plane would be so close to touch down the effect would be neglegent.

If this really was happening, they would be able to work out from all the varibales required to create the scenario, where the laser was stationed.

Blu-ray 'to bloom', now HD DVD's dead

Er, what?

You fool, what DVDs have you been using? they must be pretty special, seen as the rest of the world havn't got access to your amazing 24gb DVDs, a dual layer BD can have up to 48gb of storage. Can you tell me where I can buy a large quantity if these DVDs, I'm going to try and introduce them over here and win the format war myself....

Cassini survives 'in your face' Enceladus flypast

@ Curtis

Or a cosmologist even?

ESA's space truck heads for ISS

Not from these parts then AC

Or you one the ultra-PC brigade? Because if you could perhaps peer over your massive indignacy, the poster was blaming the government. Its not immigrants fault our government mollycoddles them.

I noted you saved me the effort of gracing you with a paris icon.

'Boil a frog' ID card rollout to continue until 2012

Jaqcuie smith

Why can't this troll crawl back under the rock from whence she came! She's an air headed morron who undersands what she' saying less than the rest of us do, why the hell is she allowed to make descisions like these, and how the hell did she get her job, she sure as hell didn't sleep her way to the top, unless it was blunkett she cuckolded...