Posts by War Monger

Welsh battle killer shrimp invasion

I have a hard time believing

that tiny shrimp pose a real threat to huge Wales.

O2 boots up boobies blocker

O2

don't like 2 O's.

Tainted apps worm into official Android store

@pan2008

The only reason that I can think of that this would be less likely to happen on WinMo is down to market share.

Health experts flip over McD's burger-flip toy

"This makes kids aware of the McDonald's brand at a vulnerable age"

... so the big scary clown, massive TV campaigns and huge signs proclaiming "Fun Place" aren't getting the job done?

Ex-PM blocked Steve Jobs knighthood

Good luck with that...

Doubt your little island will be able to come up with China's asking price.

Dear US gov: Stay the hell out of Silicon Valley

It isn't just tech...

government should stay the hell out all industries. For example, consider how much farther along banking could be if it were free of big brother's intervention.

NFC is top, says GSMA, and put us in charge ... please?

That's all well and good for you Brits and euros

but CDMA is the protocol of choice in those markets where NFC and cellular have the longest history together. The GSMA is not the appropriate body to promulgate global standards for NFC.

Egyptian bloke dubs sprog 'Facebook'

Funny that the father is unnamed

It's probably something like "Betamax".

Westboro Baptist Church taunts Anonymous over supposed attack plan

WBC and Anonymous should settle their differences

with a battle to the death. I hope they both win.

HP gives Lou Reed a right shoeing

Mark Hurd

isn't the only one at HP to demonstrate poor judgement.

Yank fires up iPhone-controlled beer cannon

Why would you go to all the trouble

of building this, only to fill it with crap beer?

iPhone-wielding chumps rush to give data to phish sites

Does this surprise anyone

Isn't the inherient gullibility of iPhone users self-evident?

Footie fans in 'cunthorpe Utd' calendar shocker

Where else would such a team play

but Glandford Park? Also 'bout time they got themselves a Brazilian.

Gawker rooted by anonymous hackers

Who are you talking about?

In this case the term "miscreants" is applicable to both hackers and hacked.

Spinal Tap's Tufnel gets new Honda hydrogen car

They've chosen the wrong band member...

to promote a hydrogen-powered vehicle. Should've gone with former drummer Peter "James" Bond (RIP).

Added green burden could ground flying cars for good

Flying Cars Are Inherently Green

even if they spew greenhouse gasses. More flying cars = more accidental deaths = fewer people = less emissions. I say bring 'em on and give 'em away for free. Those of us who choose not to use them will pray we're not hit by one falling out of the sky.

Microsoft previews TellMe phone voice control

I was pretty impressed with Tell Me's application

when I used it prior to the Microsoft acquisition. The speech recognition functions as well as any I've used, far superior to most of the call center IVRs we're all too familiar with. In response to a query for a specific business it delivered a menu offering 1) click to call 2)map to location and, if I remember correctly 3) driving directions. I found it very useful when en route to an unfamiliar location, not wanting to be distracted by triple tapping on a feature phone. A niche product, perhaps, but certainly one with a broad potential user base.

The only beef I've got is with MSFT's presenter who says that voice will be "the" way we search on mobile. I don't believe that any more than I believed the MSFT talking head @ CTIA who said that Windows Mobile will be "the" mobile OS standard.

US man blasts stubborn wheelnut with shotgun

American Bashers...

Hey, we all have our dumb@sses. Who can forget this feller?http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/12/youtube_boy_racer/

How about this guy? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4170083.stm

I see a few people who are so worked up about the good ol' US of A that they're using this story to bash all of us. I've got a message for those folks -

You nuts better loosen up, or you'll get yours!

Infamous RBN quits China

A few well-placed payments

to Chinese officials could have left RBN free to disseminate the Internet equivalent of lead and date rape drug laden toys. Suprising that someone calling themselves a "Business Network" wasn't aware of how to conduct business in the country next door.

Left-handeders finally unlock the closet, researchers find

Bogus article

I'm another lefty who waves with his right. If you look closely, Reg, I'm waving at you right now...

Could you give up your desk phone?

Cut the cord a year ago...

...when our telecom folks assign my desk phone number to two people. Now use only my mobile and have absolutely no regrets. Only one voicemail box to check and calls reach me anywhere, without having to hassle with integration to our PBX.

IBM faces Second Life strike

A characteristically Italian approach...

stylish, but ultimately disfunctional.

Commence flaming now.

iRobot unveils new Roomba auto-vacuums

Don't need the robot butler...

Just give me my flying car already. With the time that will save, I can vacuum my own floors and mix my own drinks although not necessarily in that order.

Naomi Campbell piles into Vogue

This sounds like a threat...

"I don't want to quit modelling until I find that black models get equal prominence and recognition by the world media and information instruments"

Of course, she is the acknowledged expert in the use an information instrument to garner attention.

Pirated Simpsons movie traced to phone

DOH!

...someone had to say it.

Jason Bourne disses James Bond

I'd prefer to hang out with the guy who participates in this conversation...

"Hi! I'm Plenty."

"I'm sure you are."

"Plenty O'toole."

"Named for your father, no doubt."

Drunken German joyrider totals 300 chickens

How embarassing

That joyrider surely had egg on his face.

NASA preps robots for future fake moon landings

Austin, you'd better hope

that Buzz Aldrin doesn't read this. Videos of him kicking your @ss will soon be all over YouTube.

Fancy an earful? Click here for tech support

Simon Travaglia, are you paying attention?

Please, please, please be inspired hire Rufus for a short stint (at least). Imagine what good use the BOFH and PFY could put him to. Rufus could help shake out the cobwebs and help the spirit of your tales return to those exuberant pre-Register days.

Wobbly G8 Sarkozy delights YouTubers

I'm not sure he's drunk

It looks to me like he's doing a very passable Jerry Lewis impression. We hear he's huge in France.

Google pleads with politicos for more foreign labour

Perhaps Google should eat its own dogfood

and search on the phrase, "skilled tech workers in who will accept starvation wages and live in a cardboard box at the curb in Mountain View." Seriously, everyone and their brother is lining up to work for these guys. Surely many of them are US citizens with the requisite skills. I think george and Morely Dotes have it right.

Planning a drunken stag night? Avoid Slovakia

2 months in the hoosegow...

is perhaps a bit extreme for a bout of drunken oafishness but considering that he apparently was publicly gratifying himself the punishment amounts to a well-deserved slap on the wrist.

CafePress drops Buddha-snap doggie G-strings

This puts new light on...

the practice of rubbing Buddha's belly for good luck. Good luck or no, it should be an "uplifting" experience.

Pupils flog public school on eBay

On Utility Vehicles

My question regarding "prouded" was sincere, regardless of tone. Here's another... What word or words are used in the UK to describe the light duty trucks "we yanks" refer to as pickups? I know you've got them, although perhaps not the massive beasts we use to transport our massive derrieres (and not much else).

Hey, Limeys...

Is "prouded" a proper form of Anglish that us fat, war-mongering yanks aren't generally familiar with, like the words colour, zed and the bonnet on the front of one's truck (excuse me, lorry)?

Mobile phone rays paralyse cars

(Laughs evily) Mwahahahaha....

I work in the wireless industry and can confirm that this phenomenon is part of our master plan to immobilize all vehicles. After all, what's the first thing you do when your car won't start?

Straight blokes best at reading maps

It Isn't So Much That

straight men are better at reading maps than gay men but, when doing so, are properly oriented.

Prof advocates digital forgetfulness, calls Google 'Soviet'

Soviet Google may not be so bad

Google delivers approximately 2,390,000 results in response to the query "men's shirt". Who wants to sort through all of them? Soviet Google might deliver only one.

On the other hand, who wants to wait in a queue for the page to load.

Woman smuggles live budgie into Irish prison

All that contraband was smuggled in, eh?

Who would have thought that Paris Hilton knows someone in an Irish prison?

Moduslink blames OEMs for Vista upgrade delays

Look on the bright side...

At least you won't have to wait as long for the release of Service Pack 1.

Oregon boy in double spider ear blockage horror

Mr. Fellows, I believe the proper term is

aurachnaphobia