Posts by Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Tech support blog removes Toshiba manuals after legal letter

Re: Yawn.....

What!!! 2 downvotes for stating the obvious!! Once something like that is available free of DRM, well, it's just free.

Yawn.....

freely available from your favourite torrent site, just use the google torrent search engine to find them.

Apple staff call Taiwanese filmmaker an 'idiot'

Re: Did he forget the magic word?

I always thought "Apple" was the magic word.....

It turns other people's IP into money.....

El Reg mulls Forums icon portfolio shake-up

Re: Anti-freedom icon

How about the old Home Cooking Is Killing The Restaurant Industry icon.

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4005/4381726392_ecf7e0b162.jpg

Apple, HTC kiss and make up

Re: Stupid HTC Management @Wang N Staines

HTC is irrelevant to crApple in the smartphone & tablet market.

There fixed it for you fanboi (yeah, I've looked at your previous posts).

RBS analyst Wanli Wang said Apple likely settled with HTC because it "no longer considers HTC a threat

Samsung is still the perceived threat to Apple, Samsung have being innovating on the range to electric/electronic in the same way that the Japanese did during the 70's and 80's. Samsung also have an advantage over Apple in the range of goods they produce, laptops, laser printers, televisions, DVD players, MP3 players, camcorders, refrigerators, air conditioners, air purifiers, washers, microwave ovens, and vacuum cleaners. If you live in the far east you may also have a Samsung credit card, insurance, or have been to their theme park.

This gives Samsung a huge advantage over crApple in terms of customer sentiment, If you've got a Samsung product you are happy then you are likely to buy another Samsung product such as a fondle slab or phone.

I said Samsung is still the perceived threat to crApple, the real threat to Apple is...... Apple, IN a joint statement release by HTC and Apple Peter Chou (HTC's CX) and Tim Cook announced that they were pleased to have resolved this dispute with Apple both companies can focus on innovation instead of litigation. Thankfully Tim Cook doesn't seem to be blighted with Steve Jobs's obsession of destroying android and has realised that it is innovation that gives a company the 'edge' over its competitors.

Microsoft patents spy-TV to check you've paid for content

Prior Art?

George Orwell, 1984, big brother is watching you.

WHITE WHALE spent 4 years trying to tell us something, then stopped

The whale’s vocalizations often sounded as if two people were conversing in the distance

on vodafone

Martian atmosphere pristine, totally free of fart gas, reports Curiosity

Re: Is there something in the coffee?

Life on Mars?

Well, possibly.

There maybe some life on Mars but not before 8PM on a Saturday night and even then it's BYOB, however I have heard that the place is lacking any sort of atmosphere.

Free Android apps often secretly make calls, use the camera

You only get what you (don't) pay for.

Just shows many app developers can't be trusted.

I don't think it just the app developers that can't be trusted. For the record I have an 'older' android phone and a newer android fondle slab.

To refer android as open source I feel is slightly misleading in that it not an open source project developed by open source fanbois, the driver behind android is 'you are the product' google. If android was a true open source product there would be more options to control security/access to the device. Google have a vested interest in having a certain amount of laxness in android security, they want apps to to have enough access to your personal information so that the so-called free aps can deliver targeted goggle ads to your 'phone.

The Big Debate: OK gloomsters, how can the music biz be FIXED?

Re: Yes but... @Andrew Orlowski

I have some sympathy with Life+70 being too long for songs - but it's not going to change without upsetting the authors, so it's not going to change.

Sorry, I'm a little bit confused, if the author has copyright for 70 years how come EMI, HMV, and Parlophone was able to release a Morrissey boxed set without paying him a penny? Are you confusing the creators of music and the copyright mafiaa who exploit them?

Morrissey tells netdepressives to boycott his re-releases

Euro bigwig turns heat on 'unacceptable' Apple warranties

Re: Try looking!

Fixed it for you....

especially outlets like PC World, can be a real pain even when a solution is open to them.

Portugal’s prosecutor punts P2P case

Re: Oh, that's it.

there's anyway the few euros 'Italian artist compensation tax' on an iPod or Blank CD pack

Does the greed of the copyright mafiaa know no bounds? They want to stamp out copying but at the same time they want everyone to pay a tax on blank media (Italy is not the only country to do this).

Oh I forgot, if you have a CD/DVD burner you're a pirate.

Now LG Display smacks Samsung with patent lawsuit over OLED

But Shirley...

I thought LG's biggest invention was creating a LCD price fixing cartel

McFlurry McMisdemeanour costs Welsh lass McJob

Re: "Mounsey may have a point" ho ho ho

I was looking online to see If I could find the wholesale price for a box of cadbuy's choclate bits for a McSlurry. I found this:-

Marketing Plan - Introduction of McFlurry product to McDonald's

It's for a McDs in in Bucharest in Romania but is priced in USD, for a $1.50 McSlurry, the breakdown in costs is:-

Variable Costs (food, packing,electricity, etc) - 0.30/0.35 USD depending on McSlurry version

Fixed Costs (lease, insurance,taxes, salaries,etc) - 0.30 USD

Profit - 0.80/0.85 USD[1]

This would imply that the material cost of a McSlurry is less than 0.30 USD, and there is a comment in the document that material costs in Romania are higher. So i suspect that your guess of 3p worth of chocolate is a bit high.

[1] Expected total profit PA is $15,500 on $24,000 of sales.

F*** IT career, I'm going to open a McDonalds

NZ bloke gets eel stuck up jacksie

Re: Hmm...

Maybe it was a Voodo Eel

A Voodo Eel... my arRRRRRRSSSSEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samsung slams Apple patent jury, wants new trial in US

Re: Jury was fatally flawed.

In discussing the first patent on the list, he says they got into a discussion about the prior art that was presented at trial. Here's why they discounted it:

The software on the Apple side could not be placed into the processor on the prior art and vice versa. That means they are not interchangeable. That changed everything right there.

That isn't disqualifying for prior art. It doesn't have to run on the same processor.

The jury was fatally flawed, no the Jury was brain dead. by Hogan's logic crApple software wont run on a samsung phone therefore there is no prior art and no IP infringement (by crApple).

How brain dead do you have to be not to also conclude that since samsung software wont run on a crApple phone that therefore there is no prior art and no IP infringement (by samsung).

Or did everybody on the jury just think "Oh will this effing idiot ever shut-up, I'll just agree with him or I'll never get out of here"

Maybe Samsung should just accept the verdict and concentrate on R&D and making phones too eh?

Don't Samsung make the 32nm mask A6 processor used in the iPhony 5 in Austin, Texas?????

If true, it means that the iPhoney 5 is smaller and more power efficient because of Samsung.

Curiosity rover blasts, grabs and fondles its first Martian rock

drive-by weapon test!!!!

See, that's what happens when start listening to Will-I-am

Facebook denies Timeline publishes punters' private posts

Re: Facebook denies Timeline publishes punters' private posts

That's because they are not punters' private posts, they're Facebook's posts.

Always remember, (1) on farcebook, you are the product, (2) if you don't want it to be seen, don't post it..... anywhere.

Apple begs ex-Google bods to fix crap maps app

Re: The problem is ALWAYS the PEOPLE.

Sadly this isn't work fit for human beings

Can't crApple get it done in China, the same as their manufacturing?

Big in Brazil: Sage gobbles accountancy software firm

Obligatory brazilian comment

The Sage Group have bought a Brazilian accountancy software company, sweeping in an extra 4000 customers.

Sorry I'm confused, is "Brazilian soft wear" , is that some sort of euphemism? Sweeping up after 4,000 customers, what are they sweeping up?

Paris, do you really have to ask why?

Unconsenting Facebookers exposed by Beacon denied payouts

Re: People 0, American Legal System 1

The American Legal System, the best legal system you can buy.

No No, you are confusing "Justice" and "Law", they have nothing to do with each other.

40 Foxconn staff hospitalised after CAMPUS RIOT

Re: Money

@Sir Runcible Spoon

Money is just a tool

Yes, but...... Money is not just a tool to facilitate trade, i.e. a means to an end, money is also an object of desire and an end in itself, Aristotle said that money serves two purposes, the first to be the acquisition of goods which he considered the first to be necessary and natural, and the second, the goal of getting rich which Aristotle considered the opposite of the first and was unnatural and devoid of any boundaries.

In the modern dystopian society governments have ceded power and moral authority to corporations whose only goal is the maximisation of profit at any cost, they do not see courts as something to dispense justice, courts are only tools to be used to try and screw their competitors by any means.

Once you step over the line and start worshipping the gods of profit, anything is fair game, hyping your product, employing sock puppets to talk up your product, bogus court claims to delay the competitions product, law doesn't suit you, bribe make political donations to politicians and get the law changed, offshore everything to countries with dubious work practices, and then deny everything when it goes tits-up and start a witch hunt for a sacrificial lamb. It's total war for profit, and the first causality of war is truth.

Master those skills and you can have a job on Wall street.

Hapless Kate topless, toothless law useless

Re: The elephant in the room

The photographs were taken from between 800 and 1,300 metres away, probably with a high end camera 600 millimetre lens and a 2x converter. Expensive kit at $20K+

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/celebrity/snapped-from-afar-topless-shots-spanned-1km-20120917-261a1.html

Well within the range of a trained sniper, during WWII snipers were capable of making hits up to 1,000M.

The elephant in the room

In all this hu-ha about the photographs on the royal mammary glands, I've yet to see one news story or comment about how lucky they were that their security was breached by a paparazzi armed with Nikon and not by a nut-job armed with a Barrett .50 cal.

There may be a few vacancies coming up soon in SO14 if anybody is interested.

iPhone queue ‘superficial and pretentious’ says queuing fangirl

Re: Sir, a point of clarification

Then it was fags and food.

For our USian friends, fags are things you put in your mouth and suck cigarettes.

Paris, do I have to explain why?

Re: Yep

TEAM; Technically Excellent Android Mobile

Re: Yawn...

Stanislaw, see icon

Re: Yawn...

@Stanislaw

No, I think I am right to use 'less' in this instance, less is used when referring to something that can’t be counted or doesn’t have a plural, to quote Albert Einstein “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”, since the level of stupidity is infinite, and we are talking about the iDiots, it is uncountable and therefore 'less' is the correct comparative to use (or is it a superlative?)

I'd also like to offer you my most enthusiastic contrafibularities for the helping me to get learned gooder English like what it ought to be spoke and embiggening my vocabularly.

Yawn...

At least they only queued from the night before unlike the iDiots in NY queuing up for 8 days. I assume that there are less obsessive compulsives in Oz, after all it's only a fucking phone, owning one isn't going to change your life.

Mars rover Curiosity gets ready to blast its first rock

Re: Language, language!

@Tom 38

Thank you for that explanation sir, I nominate you as today's cunning linguist.

Astronomers tell story set a LONG time ago in a galaxy far, FAR away

Re: "...is small and compact..."

OK, one last time. These are small... but the ones out there are far away. Small... far away... ah forget it!

Re: Space, and the enormity of it

The universe is infinitely big, therefore everybody is right in the middle of the universe, that's the funny thing about infinity. Anybody Anything living on that galaxy 13.2 billion light years away can also see 13.2 light years in all directions.

Consider this about infinity, the set integer numbers is infinite, but logic would say that the set of even integer numbers is only half the size of the set of integer numbers, yet the set of even integer numbers is also infinite. A clearly defined subset of infinity is also infinity. Pass this on to your friends, ideally at 10:30 on Saturday night in the pub for best effect.

'Programming on Windows 8 just like playing bingo' - Microsoft VP

Er, I don’t know what Internet Explorer is called, said Somasegar.

I do, its called a pile of crap.

Apple 'hasn't really run out of iPhone 5s AT ALL'

Re: Is this supposed to be humorous?

No it's not humorous, humorous is made from chick peas and flavoured with lemon, coriander and/or garlic

Re: Team Register?

You have stumbled upon one of Apple's secrets. THIS is why Apple are so concerned about making them smaller/lighter

Actually I think it was Samsung that made the iPhoney5 smaller, Samsung have moved to a smaller mask size for the latest A5 chip, resulting in a smaller chip that uses less power.

Re: I feel used...

"Some people will believe anything"

Like the commenters on here that think El Reg's Dry Throat exists.

No, No NO! this is just a clever double double bluff by elReg, they knew that by putting that line in the article it would give the impression that 'dry throat' does not exist, they you highlight the line and everyone then thinks its a double-bluff and that 'dry throat' does exist, but then I make a post saying that it is really a double bluff 'cos again elRel realised that this is what is going to happen, therefore want us to think that 'dry throat' does not exist, but elReg knew that we would spot the double-bluff when they put that line in the article, therefore 'dry throat' does exist .

Q.E.D. - Simples!

In other news, the iSheep have started queing at T-8 days

In Oz they are advertising for professional queueers'

But it’s not surprising that they are queuing so early given the huge demand surrounding the new sixth generation iPhone, or so says crApple anyway.

FFS, it's only a phone!!!! (without NFC, bluetooth or a USB port, but it does have nice rounded corners)

But it reminds me of an incident that happened in my hometown some years ago, a builder was building a new housing estate, a few days before the houses were due to go on sale, he rang up all the people who had registered their interest and told them that there was a lot of people interested in buying the houses and if they wanted a particular house that they should consider queuing up early, when a small queue (people sleeping in their cars) had built up he contacted newspapers and radio stations, which when they reported it caused even more people to join the queue.

Pity one of the people he contacted about queuing was also a jurno on one of the newspapers he contacted.

Suspicious? Moi? never!

Apple wins second round of Samsung patent slugfest

@DF118

blinkered fanboyism here on the Reg

There is no blinkered fanboyism on elReg, if you want to see blinkered fanboyism, have a look at the documentary "MacHEADS".

I found the film somewhat disturbing, because these 'fanbois' are more than just fans, they are cultists, it is the The Cult of Mac.

The Steve Jobs reality distortion field seems to have affected some people rather badly judging by their contributions[1],

(1) "Steve knows what we want and he gives it to us"

(2) A musician who could not be creative unless she was using a Mac. I can't rmember her name but she was dressed like a member of the Nox

(3) Guy Kawasaki's title at crApple was "chief evangelist". WTF!!!! It's a computer, but this guy has a religious title!!!!!

(4) A Macintosh museum, where after showing row after row of Original Macintosh (colour beige) , Mackintosh II (colour beige), Mackintosh portables (colour beige), Classic Mackintosh (colour beige), Mackintosh 128Ks (colour beige), Apple Lisas' (colour beige) and a pile of other crap (all colour beige) I didn't recognise, calmly states that apple are "fighting against the beige banality of IBM". Worst case of the reality distortion field I've ever seen.

(5) This is the best one of all; a comment from Violet Blue, a Mac blogger and sex columnist, right at the start of the program who states that "I've never knowingly slept with a Windows user".

There are more examples I could give you but give the program a look yourself, it's not a particularly good bit of program making but it does give an insight into the insular world of the real fanboi.

[1] Doing this from memory so may not be exactly what they said, except (5) - Google it.

German court turkey-slaps Motorola in patent case

Re: Ahhhh...

And I am looking forward to reading *many* more like this as well

Especially the one about HTC getting the iShiney 5 banned in merkinland

iPhone 5 adaptors goldrush begins

Re: Just more reasons @TangD

But if you want to spend a "few hundred" bucks on a tablet device with such a short life span, why don'y you consider an android tablet device, probably for less than half the price, in my case 230 Vs 599.

My son has an iPad and I have an android tablet, I can see that the iPad is a superior device, however the iPad was three times the price of the android but I would not say that the iPad is three times better than the android. The iPad switches on quicker and aps load quicker, but I'm not going to do anything useful or productive in the 15-20 seconds I would save in using an iPad.

The android beats the iPad to a pulp when it comes to getting data to/from the device, and it's all down to having a USB port. Don't underestimate how useful having a standard USB port is.

If the 230 android is dead and/obsolete in 18 months, I'd consider it well written down, not so the iPad.

It's horses for courses.

Apple iPhone 5 hands-on review

Re: its rubbish

And crApple don't mention the new, smaller power connector, of course crApple will sell you an adaptor but it probably makes all docking stations obsolete.

The new SIM card is 44pc smaller and is therefore incompatible with existing phones, so you can't just stick your old SIM into an IPhoney 5 and expect it to work.

Re: It's a shame @DrXym

For the time being it's just feature bingo. That said I'm surprised Apple didn't pack their phone out with it given the potential revenue it could hold some day.

But what would they put in the 5S then? Your are right there is not much point in having NFC unless the POS terminals are in place to use it, however I can't see any retailer installing contactless POS terminals unless there are enough punters willing to use it. A real chicken and egg situation.

However I suspect that the main reason the the iPhone5 does not have NFC at the moment is that they haven't figured out how to do it with iTunes thereby allowing them to patent a propriety method, and it will become a new iShiney thing for the iSheep when the 5S is released in 10 months time. It's called product churning.

Re: "a lot of people have noticed that a number of Samsung's phones look like iPhones"

@ Ralph 5 or is that Ralph 4S

And you think Apple fans are sheep..

That's a Baa-aaa-aaa-aad thing to say

Re: its rubbish

And it doesn't do NFC contactless payments, I guess you'll have get a S3 for that.

If crApple spent more on innovating instead of litigating then they woulden't be the ones playing catch up. Or does somebody else hold the patents for NFC contactless payments?

Apple's iCloud goes titsup, email evaporates for unlucky 1%

Re: Oh dear!

raise the bar

I'll drink to that

It's not eMail, it's....

...iMail

A hologram of crApple's Peve Sods has announced crApples latest iProduct, iMail

In the prolefeed, Sod's hologram described iMail as a paradigm shift for the iFodder iUsers of crApple iProducts and will the new iParadine for email services, Sods said that one of the defining iFeatures of iMail is that it may be unfast or double plus ungood available. When iMail is plusavailable, users may experience delays wait an iTernity for incoming messages. Normal service will be restored ASAP (Available Service on Android Products).

Reg hack runs Windows 8 on 82-inch touchscreen

Oh!! The horror!

It reminds me of the (old) joke about the tourist seeing the soilder outside buckingham palace In full highland kit. She turns to her husband and says "You know they can't react to you no matter what you do, and I've always wondered what they wear under the kilt".

As she lifted the Scotsmans kilt she let out a cry of horror' "Oh my god, its gruesome!"

As they walked away they heard a heavy scots accent "have another look lassie, it's gruesomemore"

HTC's 4G patent beef could get iPhone 5 BANNED in US

Re: AC 18:35 GMT,

Henri

(proud owner of a 27-speed bike with aluminium frame)

Presumably not an Apple fan then, or else your bike would have one fixed gear which would be considered a 'square' with very rounded corners and would therefore be a unique design point which crApple would have patented.

Re: mhenriday 07:17

does Apple make motor cars

No but if they did they would only run on 5% of the roads, require a totally unique form of gas/petrol to run that can only be bought (at a premium) from Apple gas/petrol stations, and only people with beautiful butts would be allowed to sit in them.