* Posts by Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

1735 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Jun 2009

Voyager 1 space probe producing ‘anomalous telemetry data’

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: 41 hours of latency sounds bad...

41 hours for a response, that's about the same response time as our service desk

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: "Voyager 1 is now 45 years old"

Who'd 'ave thought forty five year ago we'd all be sittin' 'ere drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?

bandwidth! You were lucky to 'ave bandwidth! We used to all work in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all using t'same IBM knotted string reader....

US Navy told to do a 'supplemental' integrity investigation of $2.5b Dell deal

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Not the first time

This reminds me of the scandals of the late 1980's when the Amerikan military were paying hundreds of dollars for tools with names like "radar antenna adjustment tool".

It turned out that the "radar antenna adjustment tool" was nothing more than a 5/16" allen key.

IBM not cooperating with discovery, say attorneys in age-discrimination case

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: "de-aging the workforce was never part of a grand corporate plan"

Well of course the de-aging plan is not a corporate wide plan, otherwise the execs would have to fire themselves.

IBM = Important Bits Missing, mainly the experienced staff needed to their systems work, this story also gives me an IBM (Intense Bowel Movement).

Amazon, Google among backers of Eastern Europe AI site

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart


AI = Artificial Ignorance

Where on Gartner's Hype Cycle is Gartner's Hype Cycle?

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: "the square root of strategy"

Answer in standard units please

NASA's InSight lander expected to survive most of summer before choking to death on Martian dust

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Learning point.

So NASA's explanation is that they don't want to add a possible failure point to get rid of define failure point.

Hubble memory errors persist despite NASA booting long-idle backup payload computer

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: I wonder if ...

Hubble has the NASA Standard Spacecraft Computer-1 (NSSC-1) computer which was developed at the Goddard Space Flight Center (GSFC) in 1974. A co-processor for the DF-224 was added during Servicing Mission 1 in 1993, which consisted of two 80386 processor and 80387 math co-processors.(wikipedia).

Spacey McSpaceface: Artemis takes shape ahead of '2021' launch – but first you need to name the crash-test dummy

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

I'm suprrised the Trekkies missed..


Hubble Space Telescope sails serenely on in safe mode after efforts to switch to backup memory modules fail

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Stuck in Safe Mode?

Shouldn't have used windows then...

Realizing this is getting out of hand, Coq mulls new name for programming language

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

I wonder....

Did they use the Gimp to create the logo?

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Bad names

How about "Le MathProver" then?

COBOL-coding volunteers sought as slammed mainframes slow New Jersey's coronavirus response

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: How systems were all too often documented in the 60s and 70s

Agile: We'll do that in the next sprint (or the one after,)

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: How systems were all too often documented in the 60s and 70s

"system design documentation", what's that?

"data names were all of the form XX99" - That looks like some sort of generated code to me, I have worked on one system where a lot of the application code was generated by Cobol programs that generated the application Cobol code by reading parameter files (screen layouts, file formats, standard I/O modules). I've seen the same thing done in Clipper.

The worst Cobol code I've ever seen was written by ex-assembler programmers who wrote Cobol as if they were still writing assembler, jumping in and out of loops with GOTOs, freely mixing sections and paragraphs as control structures (PERFORM section-name THRU paragraph-name UNTIL....) and it would not be uncommon to find a GOTO in the loop.

Contrary to what some else said, Cobol-74 is not always compatible with Cobol-85, Not all Cobol-74 programs will compile with later versions of the IBM m/f compiler. Another issue is that Cobol-74 compiles and links to 24-bit addressing mode, which is OK if you are calling programs with the same addressing mode but can cause the dreaded adressing exception if you call a program linked in 32 or 64 bit addressing mode.

Still the New Jersey Department of Labor should be glad they don't have old PL/1 programs as the earlier versions of PL/1 have what IBM euphemistically call "depreciated language elements"

Also see: Real Programmers and https://xkcd.com/378/

Just the place you'd want to spot a BSOD: While waiting in line for a roller coaster that lifts you up 124ft

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart


There's a reason why it's called "Plug and Pray"

Buffer overflow flaw in British Airways in-flight entertainment systems will affect other airlines, but why try it in the air?

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Entertainment system pen testing

Java???? The Java Licence used to say you can't use Java for real time systems or Nuke Power stations. Last thing you want is a garbage collection when you're on finals. Still mightn't be as a bad as windows:

Captain: "Flaps 40"

Co-Pilot: "Roger; Flaps 40"


Co-Pilot: "Master Caution.... Flight controls..... Flaps device driver has become unresponsive, please reinstall"

Microsoft, Oracle sued: Tech duo accused of trampling DB patents

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

US Patent No. 8,099,733

"The patterns and clusters enable the stored data to be partitioned into subsets of roughly equal size." " resulting in a database tree that is balanced, meaning that all paths or branches through the tree have roughly the same length"

Hmmmm.... sounds like IMS to me..... Do IBM know about this?

Virgin 'spaceship' pilot 'unlocked tailbooms' going through sound barrier

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Right Direction?


Virgin being late doesn't matter

Some things never change....

European astronaut exposes eerie snaps of ISS in Twitter feed

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart


"Scientist and true technicians are not for "most practical discussions" - try to tell an astronomer GMT = UTC.... or a someone needing to drive a space station or probe... or just a GPS device.

What about relativity effects?, are the astronauts in orbit not running 38 microseconds slower than earth?

It all adds up y'know

The ULTIMATE CRUELTY: Sandworm uses PowerPoint against Swiss bank customers

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Olé olé olé

We're not all tech readers here, I've seen my PHB looking at elReg

'Windows 9' LEAK: Microsoft's playing catchup with Linux

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Meeeh

My mainframe TSO session will allow me to have to 16 virtual screens, and while it does not have a 'start' button, you have to type 'start' on the command line to create the new screen.

OECD lashes out at tax avoiding globocorps' location-flipping antics

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: probably not enough

You're right, the issue is not the tax laws of countries but the very lax transfer pricing regulations (not laws) that exist.

And it's not just an European problem.

Micr0$oft "licences" the right to sell Micr0$oft products in the USA to Micr0$oft Puerto Rico for about $8Billion, Micr0$oft Puerto Rico then sells Micr0$oft product to the 'merkins for $16Billion, effectivelly off-shoring $8Billion profit to Puerto Rico.

The last time I bought a Micr0$oft product I paid a UK company for a CD for a product that was that shipped from Germany to Ireland.

Of course the real issue is not that companies are actually doing this, but how did the laws get set up??

Bloomberg claims that the "grand architect" of the double Irish Dutch sandwich is Feargal O’Rourke who heads the tax practice at Price Waterhouse Coopers in Ireland, he is a member of the O’Rourke/Lenihan political dynasty in Ireland and at one point in time was advisor to his cousin, the late Brian Lenihan, former Irish minister of finance. According to bloomberg "He advises both multinational companies and the government on tax policy and has emerged as his country’s leading defender".


No conflict of interest then

Sysadmin Day 2014: Quick, there's still time to get the beers in

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

WHAT!!!!! THIS is discrimination!!! When is BOFH appreciation day?

Anyway, it's not official until Hallmark make a card for it.

New Star Wars movie plot details leak, violate common sense and laws of physics

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
Paris Hilton

Re: So that's a mechanical replacement? - Something, Something, Something, Dark Side

Luke: All right, is this thing good to go?

Medical Droid: Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. Otherwise you might rip your d1ck off.

Paris, not a robots hand.... or is it?

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

To lose one Death Star may be regarded as a misfortune,

to lose both looks like carelessness.

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
Thumb Up

Re: The floating hand...

They should show it bouncing off Frank Poole's (yellow?) space suit, now that would be a true homage.

And why not, they found a pod... http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/EVA_Pod

Microsoft's MCSE and MCSD will become HARDER to win

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

It's all a fucking racket anyway....

... and re-certification every 3/4 years ...

It's just a racket to generate revenue for companies, they churn their product every few years so you have to take a course to see what has changed been churned. If they were insurance products they would be illegal.

Did you fail your Java (tm) exam because you used a capital letter instead of lowercase letter. Bollocks! that's what the syntax checker in the compiler is for.....

I'm not picking on PMI/PMP specifically, but I have seen on their website that they will "revisit" the course material every 4 (?) years. Why? Did they not get it right the first time??

Strange though, nobody in the past 26 years has ever asked me "Am I COBOL, AIX or MQ certified?", but I have been asked am I java, oracle cicso certified, I guess the IBM marketing machine missed a golden opportunity there.

And even stranger, my Alma mater has never contacted me ask me to "re-certify" my degrees.

Can I conclude that IBM and universities are the only ones that are capable of delivering a education first time and getting it right?

Apple wins patent to pump ads to your iDevice while you're watching TV

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

A man can't even... was The contemporary King James Bible

A man can't even shit in peace nowadays without someone coming up with an idea for advertising, how much worse can it get.

I'd be more than happy to use a roll of toilet paper with the Apple logo on it.

Icon for obvious reasons....

France frostily foists flat fizz fear on ICANN's .wine plans

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

dibs on....

www.new.beaujolais.plonk and www.french.chablis.catspiss

Real, hovering SPEEDER BIKE can be YOURS for cheaper than a house

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Star Wars... Phfffftttt

Luke Skywalker fantasies in 2017? Supercar, Fireball XL5, Stingray, Thunderbirds fantasies in 1960-1967. I can't remember, did Captain Scarlet have one as well?

Amazon granted patent for taking photos against a white background – seriously

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: How much does it cost to get a patent?

It's just as well IBM didn't get that patent, Halliburton would have had to sue them....

Techdirt.com : Halliburton Tries To Patent Form Of Patent Trolling

Friends don't let friends use Internet Explorer – advice from US, UK, EU

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: That's all folks...

I work for an incredibly large insurance company...

Only one thing to do then, go back to the mainframe and put a IBM3270 on everyone's desk (with optional light pen).

Seriously though people, when was the last time you heard of a mainframe virus????

Apple stabs Heartbleed bug in AirPort Extreme, Time Capsule gear

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

But which line will the fanbois remember in the future?

'"Apple has posted a security update to address instances of the Heartbleed security vulnerability in its AirPort router line, despite having earlier said that its products were immune to the flaw."

Clever marketing or a genuine misthake?

Space station astronauts pop outside to replace crippled computer

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
Paris Hilton

With a maximum speed of one inch per second

Have the operating rights for the train been sold to Virgin Galactic?

Paris, 'cos she knows how to move things at an inch a second.

EU: Let's cost financial traders $400m a day, because EVIL BANKERS. Right?

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
Paris Hilton

Re: Speculation!!!! It's worse than that...

As Tom 35 said "it's digital coin clipping by parasites"

The purpose of HST is to suck money out of the markets for the brokerage firms. The way HST works is the the software 'spots'a difference in the share price of a stock on two exchanges, it will sell the dearer one and buy the cheaper one.

For example; a brokerage house sees that microsoft is trading at $39.69 on the Chicago stock exchange and trading for $39.67 on the New York Stock exchange, the software will sell the brokerage firm's 1,000,000 microsoft shares in Chicago and buy 1,000,000 microsoft shares in New York netting the brokerage $20,000 less fees. The client's stock-holding is unaffected but the brokerage firm has somehow managed to siphon $20,000 out of the market.

It's just modren day coin clipping, it's also part of the reason why Lewis' claims that the American stock markets are rigged to the disadvantage of the non-HST trader.

Paris, see paragraph 2 above

Record labels sue Pandora over vintage song royalties

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Sheer naked greed...

My epiphany came a few years ago as well. I decided that I wanted a copy of "The Cruel Sea", a film made several years before I was even born, but was shocked to find the only copy I could get was €22.00 (no extra features).

Thankfully the Daily Mail sorted me out by giving away a copy of the film some months later, so it only cost me €1.00 and I also got a free "newspaper" with it. The promotion continued for a week and I also got "The Mouse That Roared", "Kind Hearts and Coronets" and a few other Ealing comedies as well, all for a euro (and a free newspaper).

Obviously a newspaper is not going to spend €11 (assuming a 50% markup on the retail DVD) marketing a €1 newspaper, so I am assuming that the costs of obtaining a copy of the film and putting it on a DVD are pretty low.

France bans managers from contacting workers outside business hours

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Up the creek without paddle...

As the old saying goes, 'Do you work to live or live to work'

Well I think I have addressed that problem, I have no quality of life and I balance that by doing no work.

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Up the creek without paddle...

@Don Jefe Which Eric Bogle song would that be Don?

● And the Band Played Walzing Wanking Matilda

● No Man's Land Hand

● Scraps of (tissue) Paper

● Now I'm Easy

● I Hate Wogs Frogs

UK cops: Keep yer golden doubloons, ad folk. Yon websites belong to pirates

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: The database will be available to brands and companies that buy ads

>The database will be available to brands and companies that buy ads and to all the piratebay (proxy) users in the UK.

It'll probably be torrented tomorrow.

Or left on a train on a USB key

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: It would

plus that other thing the copyright mafiaa hate so much, evidence.

Middle England's allotments become metric battlefield

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Getting beer too weak or strong is not as bad a fault as crashing a spaceship

Actually, I think you'll find it was alcohol that powered early rockets not beer.

Now that I think of it, some early rockets were built by poles in underground factories concentration camps.

Dark matter killed the dinosaurs, boffins suggest

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Dark matter killed the dinosaurs

But video killed the radio star (aka; a pulsar)

Apple granted patent for two-faced iPhone with wraparound touchscreen

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Still, it should be easy to create a new game that will keep the iSheep happy for hours, just create an icon on each screen that says "Please Turn Over".

There, I've said it first, if anyone creates this game I'll sue them...

Not so FAST: Another discount software broker BOOTED OUT

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Value, what value?


True for assets in general, but in this case the net realizable value (NRV) of the asset is zero according to FAST

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Smart move


You're right, but (1) and (2) do not generate any money for the copyright mafiaa and are therefore evil.

Prince sues 22 music file-sharers for ONE MEEELLION dollars each

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: hmm

hmm.... Now the crash test dummies will have to sue you for pirating their lyrics

UK picks Open Document Format for all government files

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Important change

Office 2013 is really, really good.

What!! Death to the ribbon....

Blocking BitTorrent search sites 'ineffective': Pirate Bay ban lifted for Dutch ISPs

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Its worse than that - he's dead Jim

LOL, in trying to kill one 'market' they create another one to support the market they are trying to kill.

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: "the legal online market needs protection against illegal competition,"

But its the same with DVDs, the copyright mafiaa disable the skip buttons when the shite is playing, i.e. ads, trailers, and copyright notices.

Not that I watch it anyway, I just put the DVD in the player, go make the popcorn, get the beer from the fridge, and by that time I have missed all the shite the copyright mafia have wasted money on.

Microsoft claims victory over second-hand software broker

Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

Re: Another "grey imports" fiasco

How do you define a grey import in this case, coded in Amerika, duplicated & printed in some third world country, distributed from Germany, paid to a Irish/Dutch/Irish shell company. The only thing that seems to originate in the EU is the licence agreement.