Posts by Thomas 4

The Life and Times of Lester Haines

Oh goddamn. I loved Lester's columns and artful trolling. =(

Security! experts! slam! Yahoo! management! for! using! old! crypto!

Recommended alternatives?

Been a while since I've haunted these parts but I figured this would be a good place to look for suggestions. Given yet another Yahoo fuck up, I think it's time I jumped ship to a new mail provider. Any recommendations for a secure, reliable service. Would prefer free but could pay for a good alternative.

Rise of the Machines: ROBOT KILLS MAN at Volkswagen plant

It was inevitable...

"That's for Genisys being cack, worthless meatbags!"

Universal Credit could take 10 YEARS to finish, says Labour MP

Re: Trackless waste

"Our current plan is on track"

A South West Trains track that comes to a lurching halt at the first sign of a problem and it'll cost you a goddam fortune.

Lonely this Xmas? Nerds, n00bs and no-hopers' guide to dating apps, Pt.1

Re: You city types with your fancy ways

If they do, I hope the plane has enough space for my hand luggage,

GCHQ: We can't track crims any more thanks to Snowden

Re: Too eager to share

Its hard to feel sympathy for GCHQ being unable to do illegal surveillance. They'll just have to waterboard and torture their suspects like every body else does. ^^

Hipsters ahoy! Top Ten BOARD games for festive family fun

Re: Hmm

If you're after a game with a more adult theme to it and can be played at a table in a pub with no fuss, then look into Cards Against Humanity. As the website itself describes it, "an awful game for awful people".

Just don't come running to me if/when you get barred and/or lynched. >.>

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies – Thin plot, great CGI effects

So what you're what saying is....

The bit with Smaug was good but the rest tended drag-on?

El Reg reanimates Cash'n'Carrion merchandising tentacle

El Reg Pint Glass with Vulture logo

C'mon guys, I thought you were IT professionals here. Priorities! =p

COMET 67P is basically TRAILING a HORRIFIC STENCH through space

-.o

You are sniffing something's arse. What the heck did you think it was going to smell of - fresh flowers and pine needles?!

What’s the KEYBOARD SHORTCUT for Delete?! Look in a contextual menu, fool!

Where's the Spacebar?

Given that you were training journalists, they probably thought you were talking about the local boozer.

NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

*groan*

The shameless jokes in El Reg are just getting boulder and boulder....

Vote now for LOHAN's stirring mission patch motto

Shame I missed the submission date, otherwise I'd have gone with "From Beer to Eternity."

Stephen Elop: 'Hello there' (and goodbye to 12,500 of you)

The Elop Touch

Like Midas, except with P45s.

May: UK data slurp law is fine, but I still need EMERGENCY powers

Re: They're all going on a summer holiday

Oh come now. Surely you don't expect our overtaxed, hard working MPs to work during the summer recess? What kind of slave driving tyrant must you be to expect them to work 52 weeks a year?

Tim Cook: Apple's 'closer than it's ever been' to releasing new product range

Reading into that

It really seems like he was taking a dig at the Galaxy Gear.

Teen student texter busts 20-second tongue-twisty SMS barrier

Re: Who the hell cares? What's the point? Is there any worth to this?

What's the IT angl- oh wait.

Live coverage: Blood Moon looms large for North, South America

Re: rats, cloud

Is the chance of rats because the moon is made of cheese?

Danes debut Bluetooth-connected 'made for iPhone' hearing aids

Re: "All the cool grannies are wearing them"

Seconded. It's comments like this that make my job as an audiologist all the more difficult. One in seven people in the UK has a hearing problem. My patients are quite literally ages - children with congenital deafness, teens with noise exposure, young mothers with otosclerosis - even cynical and derisive journalists can have hearing problems.

Hearing loss <> old age.

/rant over.

Nipper rolls up at nursery with 48 wraps of HEROIN

Re: 85 wraps.

"I hope you brought enough for everybody."

It's a BLOCKBUSTER: Minecraft heads to the silver screen

Re: @ Bye Bye Minecraft Videos ...

I'm guessing the theory is, once an official movie comes out, the studio that makes it would *possibly* be able to sue other minecraft films and shorts for infringement.

Don't know if that's actually true but it did float through my head as well. I hope it's wrong as there's some really good minecraft youtube videos. Slamacow springs to mind.

UK spies on MILLIONS of Yahoo! webcams, ogles sex vids - report

Just like certain webcam content, this is hard to swallow

"Unfortunately … it would appear that a surprising number of people use webcam conversations to show intimate parts of their body to the other person," GCHQ wrote in a document leaked by ex-NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden to the newspaper."

Did no-one, amongst "the finest intelligence minds in the UK" seriously consider that people cyber with each other over the internet? It's Internet 101 for heaven's sake.

NHS England tells MPs: 'The state isn't doing dastardly things with GP medical records'

Time out a second here, Skippy

"If 90% of people opt out, we won't have an NHS."

Logically, the fact that we have an NHS now means that either this data harvesting system is active now, or this statement is a load of complete bollocks.

Prez Obama cyber-guru: Think your data is safe in an EU cloud? The NSA will raid your servers

"We're going balls deep into your data...

...and there's fuck all you can do about it."

French youth faces court for illegal drone flight

Re: A real shame.

You know, this would be a complete non-issue if he had been, say, a multi-billion dollar search engine company....

Wii got it WRONG: How do you solve a problem like Nintendo?

Besides

Everyone knows the foulest community out there is the MOBA community - Dota 2, LoL and especially Heroes of Newerth. Christ.

Russian gay dating app dev: We've been BLOCKED just DAYS before Winter Olympics

It could be worse

I'd be a lot more scared about that list of 72,000 gay people finding its way into the wrong hands and being used by hate groups. =(

EVE Online erects mashed-up memorial to biggest space fight in history

Re: What a monumental waste of time and money

Damn straight commenting on here is a waste of money. I want a refund goddamn it!

The best bit?

This is all player created. Not a scripted, repeatable event - a one off piece of history that players can not only see happening but actually participate in. I remember the first time I saw a Titan....it was enormous and it took our fleet to a new home out in null sec. EVE has a lot of flaws but it also has moments of genius I've never seen in any other game.

Cryptocurrencies now being pooped out by cartoon cat

HoneyBadgerCoin

For those that don't give a shit about fiscal regulation.

Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

Re: You have

Wait, the Reg has readers?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I ate the Haribo two by two, (Hurrah, hurrah)

I quickly needed to take a poo, (Hurrah, hurrah)

I ate the Harbio by two by two,

An ungodly smell then filled the loo,

They exploded out of my ass

And promptly went down the drain..,

Cicada 3301: The web's toughest and most creepy crypto-puzzle is BACK

I know who's behind it

It's pretty obvious. Baffling logic, mad conspiracy theories, random locations all over the world, well funded:

John McAfee

Glassholes, snapt**ts, #blabbergasms, selfies and PRISM: The Reg's review of 2013

Alternatives?

J could also be for Jolla, given that the newest incarnation of Meego made its first handset debut a couple of weeks back.

Also, key lime pie is seriously frigging tasty and blows lemon meringue out of the water. P=

Gay hero super-boffin Turing 'may have been murdered by MI5'

Re: @ TrishaD

@Nom

LGBTIA - now including Asexual and Agender folks too! Does that help? =)

British Second World War codebreaker Alan Turing receives Royal pardon

Re: Unjust conviction on many levels despite being 'right' at the time.

Huh. So the Russian government was quite happy to have gay people working for it in the KGB but publicly despises homosexuality....

Parents can hide abortion, contraception advice from kids, thanks to BT's SEX-ED web block

Re: Speechless

This is an appallingly bad move on BT's part. Most of the LGBT folks I know first learned about their sexuality and gender identity through online methods, especially forums. A lot of them *cannot* talk to their parents about this stuff through reasons of religion and now, thanks to filters like these, they may not have anywhere else to turn to for impartial advice.

Fanbois, prepare to lose your sh*t as BRUSSELS KILLS IPHONE dock

A tragic day

I'll always have fond memories of scrabbling around in a draw full of near identical looking chargers looking for the one with the mini-USB plug instead of the micro-USB plug.

Oh wait, no I won't.

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Ten tech treats from yesteryear

Neat!

I think I've still got my Sharp PC-1500, along withe printer and leather case for it. If memory serves, it's sitting next to my Sharp Zaurus Linux PDA....

Chinese gamer plays on while BMW burns to the ground

Re: Yooof ?

A question that will inevitably be asked:

"What can we do to stop the rise of these evil video games?"

A question that almost certainly won't be asked:

"Why are these people so unhappy that they have to obsessively play games and how can we make their lives better?"

Sick to death of Xmas? Try these explosive gift ideas

False widows...

'twas the bite before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, because they'd all been bitten by deadly spiders...

Serve them False Morel mushrooms with the turkey and make sure they're a little underdone. Forms a similar fuel when they react with stomach acid. Just make sure they're not smokers.

Asus Transformer Book T100: Xbox One? PS4? Nah, get a cute convertible for Christmas

Sounded really promising

Until I read it had a Bay Trail processor. I've been burned before on a Transformer with a Bay at the helm.

Swollen Reg reader recounts FALSE WIDOW spider HORROR

Re: "Doubtless cynical readers will claim this discovery is purely coincidental"

It might have been that newly discovered species of pygmy cuttlefish, which was shown to have a venom as lethal as the blue-ringed octopus. After biting, it then camoflagues its skin, as cuttlefish do, to look like a false widow in the bottom of a trash can.

New exploding whale vid once again shows true porpoise of internet

It's beautiful

It serves as a perfect metaphor for the nature of political discussion on the internet and humankind. We are all, on some level, an exploding whale.

Ex-Nokia team unveil Jolla smartphone with added Sailfish OS

Also hoping El Reg gets a review one...

At that price and for those specs, I'm definitely intrigued. Especially if the get a keyboard backing for it...

Gold meddler: Doctor Who is 50 years old TODAY

Re: Finally, Moffat comes up with a cracker

Agreed - judging from his performance in tonight's episode, John Hurt would have made for a really interesting Doctor. Genuinely scarred and battered.

The latest stupid yoof craze: Taking selfies - while DRIVING

#newselfietrends

#rtaselfie

#arrestedselfie

...and my personal favourite

#havingtheshitbeatenoutofmeinprisonselfie

Vladimir PUTIN officially HARDER than CHUCK NORRIS

That's nice.

Substituting physical strength for say, compassion, empathy or mercy. Being strong doesn't mean you aren't an asshole.

Oculus: 'Terrifying' virtual reality gaming 'will change the world', WE SWEAR IT

Seconded

Besides, the extra wait means more time for developers to polish the games for it. Net result - we win.