* Posts by Johnny Canuck

382 posts • joined 11 Jun 2009


Hey Reg readers, Happy Spreadsheet day! Because there ain't no party like an Excel party

Johnny Canuck


Back in the late eighties my friend and I got our hands on Lotus 123. The very first thing he did with it was make a database of his music collection. I recall shaking my head and saying "That's not what you're supposed to do with it".

Microsoft doc formats are the bane of office suites on Linux, SoftMaker's Office 2021 beta may have a solution

Johnny Canuck

MS core fonts?

In Linux you should install the "Microsoft Core fonts" otherwise your "office" program will make a font substitution which can screw with your formatting.


Canada's .ca overlord rolls out free privacy-protecting DNS-over-HTTPS service for folks in Great White North

Johnny Canuck

Maple syrup reserve

You might think that graphic depicting the hockey player in front of a white board is amusing, but we really do have a maple syrup reserve.

Web pages a little too style over substance? Behold the Windows 98 CSS file

Johnny Canuck

This is exactly what the internet was designed for

No, this is what the internet is for...


A paper clip, a spool of phone wire and a recalcitrant RS-232 line: Going MacGyver in the wonderful world of hotel IT

Johnny Canuck

How about

Converting 8 bit ASCII to 5 bit Baudot so you can use a 1930s mechanical teletype as a Linux terminal. A thing of beauty.


Absolutely everyone loves video conferencing these days. Some perhaps a bit too much

Johnny Canuck


I get to tell the story of the time I went onsite to fix a problem with a young woman's computer. This was around 1999 or 2000, maybe 2001. This was also when hi-speed internet was just becoming a thing in Canada.

She was complaining that her computer was very slow so I looked at the hard drive properties and saw the drive was full. While checking the file system I found a huge folder. Looking in the folder (with the woman looking over my shoulder), I discovered thousands of videos of her "performing".

It turned out the young lady was into the business of being a cam girl. She had joined a site which men would sign on to and use their credit card to view live webcam videos of the girls and also chat. The girls would receive their cut from the site.

I told her she didn't need to keep the videos and she should delete them regularly to keep the drive running smoothly - or get a second drive. Then I deleted most of the videos.

I got several more jobs from her and she recommended me to her friend who had a 2 camera setup.

Exchange some currency you want to? Guess the BIOS setup keyboard combination first you must, young Padawan

Johnny Canuck


That is the BIOS build date. The current date is set to 03/25/2020.

Xilinx's high-end Versal FPGA is like a designer handbag. If you need to ask the price, you probably can't afford it

Johnny Canuck


Can't wait to try out my 8 bit MC6809 on it!

One for the super rich fanbois: Ultra-rare functional Apple-1 computer goes on auction

Johnny Canuck

Typical overpriced Apple tat.

After 1.5 million days of computer time, SETI@home heads home to probe potential signs of alien civilizations

Johnny Canuck


“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.”

― Arthur C. Clarke

Love T-shirts, but can't be bothered to wash them? We've seen just the thing!

Johnny Canuck

If you're a Bogart type sailing down the Ulanga river with an obnoxious female missionary.

Medical biz LifeLabs fesses up: Hackers slurped 15 million customer records – and we paid them to hand it all back

Johnny Canuck

This was not NCIX (of Linus Sebastian fame). If I recall, the servers were bought somewhere? and the seller was offering to leave the data on for a pile of extra money.

Johnny Canuck

I seem to remember a while back someone bought some servers at an auction in B.C. and there was a ton of data on them. Since the data is from 2016 or earlier the timeline would just about line up.

Following the wild, roaring success of its Snapdragon 8cx Arm laptop chip, Qualcomm's back with the 8c, 7c

Johnny Canuck

...and a trip to Maui.

It woz The Reg wot won it! Big Blue iron relics make it back to Blighty

Johnny Canuck

I hope they video everything and post it to youtube or something like curiousmarc does.


How much is your face worth? Google thinks a $5 Starbucks gift card should be good enough

Johnny Canuck

Well, if they want to cough up a $5 gift card every time they access the image, then great.

Hey, it's Google's birthday! Remember when they were the good guys?

Johnny Canuck

Back when Google first appeared it was the page load speed that hooked me. Previously I used Altavista and since I was using dialup the page load times were horrendous.

Pro tip: Plug in your Tesla S when clocking off, lest you run out of juice mid hot pursuit

Johnny Canuck

Here n the Great White North we have a different problem.


Google age discrimination case: Supervisor called me 'grandpa', engineer claims

Johnny Canuck

"calling him "grandpa","

Umm...at 72 he probably is a "grandpa". I'm 10 years younger and have been a grandpa for 15 years now.

Be still, our drinking hearts: Help Reg name whisky beast conjured by Swedish distillers and AI blendbot

Johnny Canuck


Techie with outdated documentation gets his step count in searching for non-existent cabinet

Johnny Canuck

One of the guys I do work for asked me if I had a computer that could backup older IDE drives. He said the computer was used to control some kind of laser and they didn't want to buy a whole new computer and laser system. I do have older computers with IDE and floppy drive controllers on the motherboard so I said I could probably do it. He sent me pictures of some old cabinet with an gigantic MFM hard drive in it. It was a PDP-11. I declined the job.

Make America Infringe Again: Trump campaign video pulled over Batman copyright

Johnny Canuck

In olden days...

We had empires run by emperors, and kingdoms run by kings. Now we have countries run by... er, you figure it out.

Want to tell the world what you’re doing with AI? You’ve got 12 days...

Johnny Canuck

Check out this amazing AI powered robot painter!


Aussie engineer accuses 'serial farter' supervisor of bullying, seeks $1.8m redress

Johnny Canuck

Younger days

I once returned to our work site (an enclosed space) first after lunch. I let rip and immediately realized my error. The enclosed space quickly became saturated with a thick gag-inducing stench (I'd been drinking the night before). Not wanting to be blamed for such a foul odor I quickly left the site and hid around the corner. My four workmates returned from lunch and walked right into our workspace, only to come running out moments later exclaiming about the stench and blaming each other. A few minutes later I joined them to innocently ask what the problem was. I still chuckle to myself whenever I remember this.

Super-crook admits he nicked $122m from Facebook, Google by sending staff fake invoices for tech kit

Johnny Canuck

Old as the hills

Before computers were a thing, the company I worked for used to receive fake invoices for reams of typewriter paper.

Super Cali optimistic right-to-repair's negotious, even though Apple thought it was something quite atrocious

Johnny Canuck


People do desolder and solder tiny components on phones and laptop motherboards. See any number of videos by Jessa Jones and Louis Rossman. The Guy from "Parts Unknown" even added a headphone jack to his iPhone 7.

Liz Warren: I'll smash up Amazon, Google, and Facebook – if you elect me to the White House

Johnny Canuck

I'd argue she is best known for claiming she is native american indian.

God DRAM, that's a big price drop: Memory down 30 per cent, claim industry watchers

Johnny Canuck

desktop becomes an anachronism?

You'll have to pry my desktop out of my cold dead hands.

It's not your imagination: Ticket scalper bots are flooding the internet according this 'ere study

Johnny Canuck

Solution - no online sales.

Roses are red, this is sublime: We fed OpenAI's latest chat bot a classic Reg headline

Johnny Canuck


A Man from Mars is much better.

I studied hard, I trained for years. Yay, now I'm an astronaut in space. Argggh, leukemia!

Johnny Canuck

I'll just leave this here...


Canadians moot methods to embiggen moose monument and make Mac great again

Johnny Canuck

Moose can be dangerous

And also delicious.

Crispest image yet of Ultima Thule arrives on Earth, but grab a coffee while the rest downloads

Johnny Canuck


They should just "torrent" it instead.

Human StarCraft II e-athletes crushed by neural net ace – DeepMind's AlphaStar

Johnny Canuck

I watched it.

It strangely had a problem with repeated drops in its home base. Alphastar would start moving out and MaNa would drop 2 Immortals in its mineral line. Then Alphastar would bring its army back and MaNa would retreat. Rinse, repeat. This allowed MaNa enough time to build a strong army and eventually roll over Alphastar.

Funnily enough, China fuming, senator cheering after Huawei CFO cuffed by Canadian cops at Uncle Sam's request

Johnny Canuck

the Canadian president Justin Trudeau

Shirley you meant Prime Minister.

Zip it! 3 more reasons to be glad you didn't jump on Windows 10 1809

Johnny Canuck

file sharing

Anybody tried to do workgroup file sharing on windows 10? What a screwed up mess.

Microsoft Windows 10 October update giving HP users BSOD

Johnny Canuck

Just updated

My Dell Inspiron 15 Gaming Edition and the update killed the sound.

Free for every Reg reader – and everyone else, too: Arm Cortex-M CPUs for Xilinx FPGAs

Johnny Canuck

But will it play...

ahh... never mind,

Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question

Johnny Canuck

Trouble shooting tip - ask if there are any empty drink cans by the keyboard, printer etc.

Now you can tell someone to literally go f--k themselves over the internet: Remote-control mock-cock patent dies

Johnny Canuck

Obviously, that patent came to early.

They grow up so fast: Spam magnet Hotmail turned 22 today

Johnny Canuck

I got my hotmail address in 1998 - and its also a real name account. As a curiosity, I also have a netzero.net email account left over from 1999-2000 era when netzero was offering FREE dialup internet. I keep waiting fort the day I can no longer log into my netzero account.

US regains supercomputer crown from Chinese, for now

Johnny Canuck

...but can it play Crysis?

Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Johnny Canuck

The best

office washroom I ever used was at a headhunter's office. They shared the facilities with 3 or 4 other businesses. Marble everywhere, beautiful fixtures, large stalls, spotless surfaces, soft TP and the paper towels had the texture of real cloth. I used to love going there to fix something just so I could use the washroom.

If you're a Fedora fanboi, this latest release might break your heart a little

Johnny Canuck

Note to editor

The hat pictured is a trilby, not a fedora. Fedoras have wider brims.

My PC is on fire! Can you back it up really, really fast?

Johnny Canuck

Back in the late '90s I started playing with linux. I found out you could change your monitor settings by editing xorg.conf. I was pretty pleased when I got my 640x480 vga monitor to display 800x600. Guess what happens when you overdrive an old vga monitor.

Press F to pay respects to the Windows 10 April Update casualties

Johnny Canuck

I have a client whose office is set up with homegroup - 3 windows 10 machines. Guess I should be expecting a call soon. Maybe I should thank MS for the work.

Scissors cut paper. Paper wraps rock. Lab-made enzyme eats plastic

Johnny Canuck

Mutant 59. Do no scientists read?

My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

Johnny Canuck

Went on a call once where the user was complaining of "stuck key" message at boot. Turned out she had placed a magnetic strip with the company's name on it above the caps lock/num lock/scroll lock leds. Removing the magnet removed the message. It was an older PS/2 keyboard.

Got some broken tech? Super Cali's trinket fix-it law brought into focus

Johnny Canuck

Just so you know

There are already people who repair iPhones and Macbooks. They have schematics and do microsoldering/desoldering. I find their videos interesting, though Mr. Rossmann can be a bit grating.



Will the defendant please rise? Utah State Bar hunts for sender of topless email

Johnny Canuck

Hope they didn't get their special ""Mormon Underwear" in a knot.



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