* Posts by Nick

238 publicly visible posts • joined 4 May 2007


Missing DNA fails to kill mice


Mighty Mice?

Perhaps these removed DNA sequenes were inhibitors and these mice are now 'superheros' with the ability to fly, regenerate or pass through solid objects. Save Mini the cheerleader mouse, save the world.

Top judge: put everyone in UK on the DNA database


All your...

All your DNA are belong to us...

Sony to exorcise 'rootkit' from USB drives



Potentially, could, might, some - Has El Reg reached the end of their legal budget for the year (in the time old HIGNFY tradition) allegedly.

Germany floats Trojan for terror suspects


Caution Stereotypes Ahead...

<Stereotype>Vee haf veys ov infectin das PC-Computterplatz</Stereotype>

Kinda strikes me of desperately pissing into the wind to put out a forest fire.

Nuke-frying raygun 747 all ready bar the raygun


Why not just...

... build a Giant frikkin laser beam on the moon, call it the "death star" and be done with it.

Meet Mark Radcliffe: The man who rules open source law


Moyles the most annoying DJ?

Maybe Moyles is annoying, but 7million people disagree. Nearly 12% of the current UK population. OK.

Also, a clever feature of modern 'wireless sets' is the option to choose what to listen too. Or there's that magnificent DAB that the BBC seem so intent to spend their TV licence cash upon, with a multitude of channels. And the 'listen again' feature to listen to the ginger headed shouter whenever you choose.

Aussie serves up feral cat casserole


Most Disappointed...

... at ElReg's slackness to detail - as before, where are the chowing down on a bit of moist pussy jokes?

I hope this features in the next "I'm someone who one appeared on telly for 5seconds, get me out of here" 'bush' tucker trial.

Shattered teens subsisting on 'junk sleep'


Those Damn Dirty Experts Again...

Those flippin experts prescribing 8hrs sleep again. Is this the same group that insist on 5 pints of water a day or whatever it is? As human beings, we should do what our bodies tell us - we're all different and as such need what our bodies need.

Sorry for the mardiness - I'm a little sleep deprived! :)

Movie pirate forced to ditch Linux


Ohh Harsh...

Ohh punishing a 'nix fanboy to use Windows? Any idea's if its going to be Vista? Sounds like the 21st century version of water torture to me.

Teen sticks Xbox 360 power supply in bowl of water


Really puts..

... the live in x-box live! I guess he really could feel the power.

Shame the health service is so good these days (comparitavly) - there are far too many inDuhViduals around to be good for the species as a whole.

'Microsoft' to compensate 419 victims


All I need Sir...

... is your bonk acoont number and sort code, and I will transfer the munies into your account. You will get back $100,000 ugandan dollars which the computa says is £18.73

China charges four over Panda worm



Wouldn't it be ironic if this worm was first detected by Panda-AV, that oh so .... AV program.

Broadbandit nabbed in Wi-Fi bust


Did el fuzzo...

...ask the owner of the AP if they wanted the user prosecuted?

Although I use security mechanisms, if some geeza/gal was clever enough to penetrate my defenses, provided they wern't doing anything illegal RE dodgy downloads e.t.c, I'd invite them in, shake their hand, make them a cup of the finest caffeine and find out how they did it. I wouldn't do the same thing if the local twoc'er was trying to jack my motor. Funny old world isn't it?

I did use to leave my AP open for all, but then realized that a) no-one ever used it and b) if they did, they could do all sorts of naughty things in my name, so it got locked down.

Dolphins abandon Bay of Biscay


RE:Mark the Dolphin?

I'm impressed Mark that you can work the keyboard, not having opposible thumbs e.t.c. Or have u guys been developing a squeek n click interface? :)

I'm not surprised they're all going forth and disappearing - would you want to swim alongside a whole load of British, French, Spanish and other European Turds. Oh wait, we do, when we go on that £199 package holiday.

Also, is this study an excuse for the researches to make a regular booze-cruise?

And finally, I bow down in front of my wet grey bottlenosed overlords.

Girls prefer pink: official



I think we all know the law of business in that you can represent all findings via statistics. We also all know that 78.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Therefore, these results from the Ministry of statin' the bleedin obvious would seem to correlate with other PfTA (plucked from thin air) studies that show if the weapons of mass disruption were painted blue, then our boys would find them and save St Tone. from looking a little foolish.

Compact Disc: 25 years old today


How many years...

... until the youf are asking what a seedy is?

Some Skypers get reconnected, but most still offline


Only my Windoze client borked.

I've been skyping perfectly well from both my Linux and WinMobile client, but my XP client won't connect. And I've not deployed the very latest patches yet on that box, so I'm not 100% sure we can blame Patch Tuesday 'entirely'. But what is causing it, I don't know. Interestingly enough, skype-out seems a lot more stable at the minute, maybe because there's a lot less traffic flowing out of their gateways.

RIAA gets some class


Yours Faithfully, The Mafia.

<sarcastic>Whilst I'm surprised that any large business could be accused of illegal practices, racketeering, extortion and other crooked acts,</sarcastic> it seems as though (if these suits are carried) that the RIAA should perhaps be investigated by the US Government for their business actions. That does of course depend though whether this enforcement business is in the government pocket, but then governments arn't crooked, are they?

What businesses should be doing is encouraging the triad's to protect their interests in China where a vast amount of high-level piracy happens, much as US businesses seem to be paying the mafia to protect their interests there.

Worn out your vibrator? Relief is at hand



I can see this generating a buzz within the female hippy community.

...I'll get me coat.

UK cops auction off Remington Shite Straighteners


Looking for Tips?

Were they looking for tips on how to solve a case in a day:-

http://www.bumblebeeauctions.co.uk/XcAPViewItem.asp?ID=40757 ?

ISP panicked by MS Patch Tuesday


Transparent Proxys

Of course, they could just implement transparent proxying so at least the data is coming from within the ISP's infrastructure (providing their central pipes are big enough), but then you have users up in arms about not liking that.

You can't please any of the people, any of the time. However, you can impress girls with the size of your pipe.

Dominos trns 2 txt


Pizza the hut.

I think I'll set mine to be:

"A large portion of yes please".

"Please don't gob in my pizza again".

"No Hair Please".

"Send the blonde with her meat feast"

US airforce in $500m push for better jet turbines



Whats the point, when their new cyberpilots can refuel better than us feeble humans. All your fuel are belong to us.

NASA inks deal for Shuttle replacements


Boldly going...

... where men have gone before.

Fatal explosion hits Virgin space programme


The Final Fronter

Welcome to the world of space development. If NASA with its billions of dollars (even if equipment is built by the lowest bidder) have difficulty designing a craft that doesn't fail (take the shuttle with its 20% complete failure rate) just goes to show how dangerous it still is. Lets hope they can iron out the kinks in the design so these craft don't fail too often and cause the project to fold.

Thoughts to family and friends, and a message to the engineers who have to build - Reach for the sky!

UK phone records to be kept for a year


VoIP Me!

Well, VoIP me if there's not a serious loophole in this regulation. I'm not entirely certain what extra abilities it gives elfuzz, especially when Ozzy Bin Liner and his mates find out that Skype don't have to save this content. Seems like it will just help the 'casual investigation' rather than Terror Op Investigations by 5+6.

But hey, as well the tin hat brigade know, its not like Big Brother isn't aware of what we're all doing already.

75-year-old has world's fastest private internet connection



We're all assuming that the bus-pass toting woman is sitting there with her 9x PC looking at her grandkids photo's and the occasional youtube video of what it was like in the 40's, but perhaps she's running a multinational server hosting service? Or she could have a secret underground lair and has aspirations of world domination.

TiVo and Amazon get with the picture


Woo Great - Here's me waving the smallest flag in the world.

Yeah, great, and back in the UK we're stuck with going to the video shop, ordering off the internet and waiting for it to be delivered, buying a dodgy DVD, or downloading illegally.

Come back to me when this launches in the UK.

'al-Qaeda' puts on big shoes, red nose, takes custard pie


El Reg T-Shirts

Maybe time for a new El Reg T-Shirt - "Bomb Squad - If you see me walking noncholantly walking away, try and keep up".

Dell cleans up crapware


No Pre-installed Option?

If Dell are offering a no-preinstalled option, does this include a preinstalled O/S? Since I got my second PC way back in the early Pentium days, I've gone with the format/reload option straight out of the box, to remove the turds that OEM's seem to spray their machines with. This then allows you to get a decent partition setup, A Windows O/S with the most appropriatly installed programs and settings for your needs, drivers which you know the build of and no strange software 'plugin's' that you can't tell if its spyware or actual use.

Teenagers prefer mobiles to sex


Can I swap...

Can I swap my mobile for a months worth of sex?

Google wants to really get to know you



One sentence that I've used before and no doubt will use again:- All your data are belong to us.

Fancy a nuclear power station in your backyard?



Why not build a power station with 100 reactors or something like that, all in one place. Plus, you could setup a dirty great mobile and wifi transmitter, set up bird farms on the outskirts and a national incinerator of rubbish. You'd need it somewhere central, but in a place that people wouldn't mind being demolished. Also somewhere thats very grey and dirty already. I'd like to nominate Birmingham (my home town).

Exploding curry menaces 747


Polymorphic Curry Monster

I wonder if this was the creation of a 'Mutton Vindaloo Beast' ala Red-Dwarf was due to the super-microwaves altering the genetic makup of said asda-curry and creating a freakish mutant.

Now the BBC reporting that wifi networks are irradiating the children, perhaps they should be exterminated with fireextinguishers as well (just in case!).

G-Wiz electro-car fracas leaves Top Gear blubbing


Self-Recycling Vehicle.

For anyone who's seen the pictures (and I have) they will know just how scary this car is in a collision. And yes granted, the electric wheeled coffin stands very little chance of hitting its proclaimed 40mph, but plenty of other vehicles will, and in a head-on, even at 20mph from each vehicle equates to a 40mph impact speed. Scary stuff, but at least if you do die in a crash like this, you'll be saving the world in the long run - you wont be using electricity, won't be consuming fossil fuels and won't be generating various noxious gases from your body.

It doesn't have to be like this - just look at the SMART - yes, crashes always look nasty, but with its safety cell, it really is surprisingly strong! And reasonable on the environment as well.

Terminator kill-bots to be run by system called 'Skynet'


Welcome Robotic Overlords!

I look forward to seeing this announcment coming over the newswires...

00100010 01000001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 01110011 00100010

Satnav driver's car totalled by train


GPS Signals cooked her two brain cells?

My saying in life - Engage Brain before operating Hand or Mouth.

I this would apply here. I still fail to understand how she couldn't notice the two dirty great lumps of iron under her feet. And what did she think, that she had to drive through a very narrow, but VERY long field?

Oyster-Barclaycard hybrid passes first technical trials


Ken has made a statement.

I heard on the grapevine that Mr Livingston has made a statement:-

"All your transactions are belong to us".