Posts by Nick

Apple skewered over missing DNS patch

Who Cares?

Who cares, as long as it looks pretty.

Paris, because even her hole is plugged.

Happy Sysadmin Day!

Happy SysDay to you one and all...

We've kicked off our day with a BellyBuster Breakfast Sandwich for all in the office, and after we've had a little snooze to recover, it will be on to the xbox for a bit of Guitar Hero'ing on Live! borrowing the 40mb internet pipe!

Paris, because we've seen from the video's on employee's PC's, she enjoys a good pluck.

Dublin airport was crippled by flakey network card

The Old Addage...

Invent a Fool Proof System, and the Irish find a better fool.

Nike pulls Air Stab trainers

Perspective.

Over 5,000 people admitted to hospital with stab wounds last year.

Or

About 60,582,000* people wern't admitted to hospital with stab wounds last year.

Its all about Perspective.

Someone please hand me my flame proof anorak.

*Based on National Statistics Statistics.

GoldMembers...

<Austin Powers>

Who throws a shoe? Honestly!

</Austin Powers>

BT opens wallet to send fibre to the home

I'll believe it...

... when I see it.

And as pointed out elsewhere, whats the FUP going to be? 1GB, 3GB 5GB per day? Stream a couple of movies and thats your allowance trashed in an hour or so. I still believe the TISP's (Toilet ISP's) will be the better solution in the end - no worries about capacity, collapsed ducts or other challenges that the traditional telco will come up against.

Google plugs YouTube into Playstation 3

UPnP Warz...

Hmm, another one to join the UPnP selection - WMP is a bit sucky and TVersity is currently the best, but I'm interested in seeing if Google will allow Youtube streaming to xbox360 - could be interesting.

Virgin Media collects customer banking details on CD, then loses it

Fair Usage?

Surely they HAD to send it on CD, otherwise it would have taken a week to transmit over the wires. Yes, they will of received the first 50mb in about 2mins, but then after that, it would get throttled back to 1k per hour.

Shopper connects to Jesus via Denon link cable

Warning...

Can I please issue the following statement from the US Government.

"We must insist without prejudice that all purchasers of the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable must immediately cease usage and return this product in secret to "Ali-Disect-Team, Area 51b, Nevada, USA, 80085'. This product uses stolen military technology taken from a research lab at a base somewhere near Roswell, New Mexico, and has been in development since 1947. Failure to return the cable, or discussions with others about the nature of these cables will result in severe penalties including extraordinary rendition, military invasion of your country and having dinner with a Mr George W Bush.'.

Tumble dryer bites woman in Weston-super-Mare

Statement...

I've just received the following statement.

All your hands and clothes are belong to us.

Sweden ushers in bugging for all

Why?

Why did I have to do a double take on the article title - I first read it as 'Sweden ushers in buggering for all'. Maybe I have a problem.

Boffins: Roadrunner hypercomputer could drive a car

BFC

Why didn't they just calling the BFC (Big FOff Computer)?

I for one will only become scared when it learns to master stairs. Even Paris can master them.

Another police website hacked

Proof that..

... the Rozzers (or their contractors) don't or can't practice what they preach. They're not technology experts (although they are expected to investigate and prosecute technology crimes) so it should be unsurprising when things go wrong.

Paris, because I prefer her hot fuzz.

A quarter of UK adults to go on child protection database

Hmm...

Just how many databases do they need?

Why not just have one central one, and then issue people with identification cards, with suitable biometric authentication to prove they are who they say they are.

Oh wait, no, we don't want that. Pretend I never said that! Shhh!

World realizes Google home page is 'illegal'

Who gives...

... a flying flook. Two clicks away is plenty enough. Sounds like a money making scheme for the legal eagles to me.

US imposes 72 hour pre-reg for Visa waiver travellers

Bah!

Oh Dear, Never Mind. Guess I'll just have to spend my tourist-wad in Canada or Mexico. Unless of course they get confused between tourists and terrorists (they do sound the same in a texan drawl) and I get renditioned extraordinarily and end up at their Cuban Water Park.

Brussels wants eID cards to work Europe-wide

Surely?

Secure idenTity acrOSS bordERS linked?

And dont call me Shirley.

ISS toilet spares stowed and good to go

Bet they'll...

... be relieved.

Coat Please.

ISS toilet fails to suck

Captains Log...

Just aim at that blackish holeish thing over there - like a dyson, they always suck (other sucky vacuums are available). I wonder if this means the European ATV will truly become a 'dumping' ground before being sent to burn up in the atmosphere.

Home Office hands over £50m for police mobile devices

Could be good...

... however this is a home office project so I don't have much faith on it being on time, in budget or securely implemented.

Its got to be good that the local rozzer doesn't have to keep driving back to the station with the local oik in tow, just to book him (danno?) for minor affrays. And if he can come to your house and record straight away that your property had been broken into and your laptop/mobile taken, then it obviously leaves more time at the doghnut emporium.

But I do wonder how soon it will be until the local master criminal gang starts procuring combined mobile/3G/tetra jammers to foil this latest cunning plan from WhackyJackie.

Spotigo promises Wi-Fi mapping within 5 metres

@ Ian Michael Gumby

You already can do it with Wifi - I'm currently trialing a wireless solution from a supplier that lets you plot your buildings, plot where the access points are, then it can trianulate where your wifi device is.

They're starting to do it in hospitals with the medical equipment/trollies/wheelchairs e.t.c. This is simply an extension of this type of service. Should be OK, but in central london, google maps 'My Location' is good enough on a WinMob as all you need to do is look at the map and compare that to the nearest street junctions and you know where you are, as attested at the weekend when GPS was ultimatly too slow.

Heathrow 777 crash: Siberian cold to blame?

Do as the french do...

Do as the french do, and just shrug your shoulders and say 'Meh', or in English - 'iunno'

Set-top box modders sent to prison

Illegal for Illigal sake?

Why is everyone so interested in building a timemachine to go and steal beer from Sainsbury's?

Why not goto the future (2015 would be about right), buy a sports almanac, travel back to 1955, place some large 'wining' bets, stick the money in a bank, then travel back to 2008, and collect said money and take it to sainsbury's to buy as much beer as you wish. And you could also use some of the money to get a top-tier sky/vm package, if TV watching is your thing.

No crimes broken, although it does raise certain morality questions (and may rip a hole in the space-time continuum) but meh!

BT Fusion rises again

BT Mobile

BT Mobile's data plans are shat. We use BT plc as our preferred supplier for voice, data and mobile, and everything is as well as it can be, apart from their data plans. So we've done a deal with Yodafone (who hosts BTs MNVO in case you wern't aware) to use their data plans in our 3G cards, rather than BT's. Even BT (privately) admit their data service is pants.

Jacqui Smith un-downgrades cannabis

So no..

So there'll be no wacky backy for jackie then?

Mines the smoking jacket made from hemp.

Infosecurity is very much like...

@ the Anonymous Student...

If you have a particular interest in Computer Security, then you should have the skills enough to get into the show. Its not exactly difficult.

Or, as several of the keynote speakers mentioned - get back to study and learn secure programming to save the future of mankind!

T5 opening turns into Airplane 3.0

Airplane 3

I'm hoping for an interview on the 10 oclock news along the lines of the following:-

BA Spokesperson:- "Everything has gone more or less as expected"

Reporter:- "Flights cancelled, bags lost, now only handbaggage allowed - surely you can't be serious"

BA Spokesperson:- "I am, and don't call me Shirley".

Fresh 'PSP phone' patent surfaces

Cum phone?

Uses a 3G/Wifi connection to stream adult-entertainment right onto your handheld?

I'd like the check, and my coat please.

Police raid CeBIT stands

TITS

After reading this article, and the comments associated with it, I now just have an image in my mind of some of the smaller traders at CeBIT 2009 trading out of suitcases, and scarpering when the rozzers show up in a 3 wheeled yellow vehicle.

Man cuffed for lamppost sex outrage

Any..

Any hole's a goal???

Coat 419 please.

Network Solutions sued for price fixing

All your domains are belong to us?

Does this mean that someone could write a script that just requests every possible domain name going, and they will reserve it? If so, soon, the only domain available will be zzzzzzzzzzzztheregister.com

Does it also mean that Network Solutions has to pay a fee for each domain they register? Could they over commit themselves to expenditure if they were to commit to registering (but then not selling) 50million domains per month?

Geordie cops arrest two for Wi-Fi squatting

Continuing Enquiries?

What enquiries are they continuing with? Is it not an open and shut case of, were they using a wireless point illicidly, yep.

Does the wireless owner wish to file charges? Its not stated in the article.

And Neighbourhood Inspector Shazza stating "This is a very unusual offence". Umm, not round here it ain't, if anyone would care to check their AP logs...

I'm off to Berwick where apparently the local fuzz don't have the problems of hoodies, terrorists and other ne-er do wells and can spend their time protecting dumb people who should consider their actions before being allowed to try this majicalistic wireless-fi.

Swedish cops probe flying fermented fish attack

Is it...

,,,, as bad as 'Value' Tinned Sprouts, as found in a french supermarket?

Blu-ray winning in Europe

Both formats...

Will both formats be going the way of VideoCD? Popular with its fans, but the general public couldn't really give a flyer.

My DVD's are good enough thankyou very much. I'll wait until Blue-HD to be released in ultraturbospangly definition (or the current players + disks match the price point of current DVD's).

Man buys MacBook Air, pulls it apart, takes pics

The light...

TBH, this is the first Apple product i 'want', but not at any price. It needs to be AT LEAST 25% cheaper than it currently is. My current Dell generally only has the power and usb mouse connected, I hardly use the DVD Writer, and I have a USB hub for other things where necessary, but I generally transfer stuff wirelessly anyhoo. So when the pricepoint comes up to match the products around it (the EEE is also on my Radar) I may just pay a visit to the local mac store to lay down my £.

Does anyone know whether Paris prefers a small, or thin and light package?

Microsoft! bids! $44.6bn! for! Yahoo!

Holy! Anti!

Holy! Anti! Competitiveness! Enquiry! Batman!

You can be sure Goooooogle will bitching about this in due course. Any chance Google might try and buy Apple now?

'Facebook fatigue' kicks in as people tire of social networks

My Balloon...

... burst after just a months usage. I can filter spam from e-mails and ignore rubbish on the web, but when you've got friends 'poking' it at you every which way, it soon becomes wearisom.

UK's number one router open to VoIP hijacking

Eigh?

Sorry, wasn't this posted before xmas? Or is this an exploit of a fixed firmware. Not that I'm worried, I don't use the HomeHub.

Dildo rails dirty? Help is at hand

A thorough job?

They may be able to make furniture hover, but they've not got the best command of the English Language.

(Waits for SPAG mistakes to be pointed out regarding this post).

Computer system suspected in Heathrow 777 crash

O/S

Last time I read up on these things, many Autopilot and FCS systems were running a RTOS such as VxWorks and running across multiple redundant Intel 386 CPU's.

Now I seem to remember somewhere that Intel were stopping the production of 80386's, I wonder if there have been upgrades to Pentium Class machines, perhaps based upon a early 60mhz design?

Hauppauge pitches Pay TV add-on for PCs

@ Anonymous Skyer...

The trouble is, Sky won't divulge their decryption information to anyone - that way Sky reduce the risk of having it reverse engineered to allow 'freebies'. Anyone remember a few years ago, Sky sent out new subscriber cards because whatever they originally used had been cracked. Not exactly cheap to do (say, 6million subscribers @ 25p a shot (issuing new cards, writing a letter, postage e.t.c.) but far less than they could lose from 'lost' subscribers.

Until they're forced to use something along the lines of CableCard in the US, we ain't gonna be seeing any way of viewing/recording sky services, except with a sky box.

Sun reveals war on data centers

Shooting yourself in the face...

I can kinda see where the guy's coming from - Data centres are expensive to build and maintain, especially for companies that don't have a focus on IT as their core business. Having said that, for a company that specalises in large computing clusters, mainframes and high end computing and the like, they're kinda giving the impression that "what we sell ain't much cop". Whoopsie.

I'm just wondering if we'll ever get to a point where distributed computing hooks up servers and applications virtually to negate the need for servers, having an entirely virtual data centre within the desktop farm.

Polish teen derails tram after hacking train network

@Duncan

Theoretically you could (at least for some of them). Some traffic lights have sensors in them that detect when emergency service vehicles or buses approach and 'green light' them. Never seen a public exploit for it though...

BT Vision targets Xbox gamers for growth

Thanks but no thanks...

I'll continue recording TV off freeview and sky and streaming it onto my Xbox 360. No further subscriptions required. Besides, not even wild horses could drag me to use BT Broadband dis-services.

Japan confirms world's fastest maglev plan

Pah!

And there was John Prescott looking all cock-sure about his high-speed 1.

Beeb censors Fairytale of New York

Cock-a-hoop.

I'm so cock-a-hoop about this news, I'm going to have a gay-old time enjoying some faggots tonight, love spuds too. All topped off with some creamy gravy.

Americans can swear at toilets, judge rules

Since when..

... have lawyers been needed in the bathroom? I know there was that whole 'ally mcbeal' thing a few years ago, with the shared shitters, but did they not have anything better to do?

My Armitage Shanks has been taking shit off me for years. It doesn't even complain when I take the piss...

Greenpeace slams next-gen consoles

NIMBR...

Not in my Back Room its not - when I've got my xbox360 and projector going, I don't need to heat the rest of the house, so I'm saving Gas by not having to put my central heating on.

What I want to know is how much pollution goes Greenpeace's website make? All that time sitting there, using electricity to pump out data around the world, and all the intermediary devices in between. Why doesn't Greenpeace close down, all that hippy energy being used to create these useless surveys and policical comment could be saved by burning them as fuel and converting that useless hot air into useful electricity.

Drink-drive chain gang obliged to bury dead alcoholics

Too drunk...

Too drunk to escape from a tent?

Lets hope Ms Hilton and her cronies don't encounter this guy - "Like eww, canvas is so 2006"

Ofcom tells BT to buck up on unbundling

@ Keith

Our business doesn't pay them pennies - it pays them several million quid per year for all the voice, data and mobile business we push their way across all our sites. And time and time again, our 'global services' contacts are great and do what they can, but the inter-division communication causes us headache after headache. As soon as one part of the chain breaks, there's no possibility for one person to talk to another (even if person 1 knows what needs to be done to fix it) thanks to Ofcom regulations.

We deal with GS, Wholesale and Openreach to provide our services, and I've got nothing but praise for *most* of their staff - its the management and processes that really let them down.