* Posts by ben

47 publicly visible posts • joined 4 May 2007

Penguin floats hybrid Linux supers



That's mental!

In 2000 a GFlop cost $1000 its now under $3.

NASA 'scope captures ferocious gamma ray burst


Action film

Just needs John McLain flying out of the explosion totally unscathed with a bit of dirt on his vest. "Yippiekayay Muddyfunsters!"

Jacqui's jihad on web extremism flops


Gary. Or should I say, Hakmed

I was just a boy when the infidels came into my village in their Black Hawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fire of black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats... screaming for help. As quickly as they'd come the infidels were gone. It was on that day... I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you too.

Cocaine now cheaper than lager


Keep it illegal!!!!

Or the prices will go up. The government loves taxing stuff that gets you wasted. Wobbilies were one squid last time i checked, down from a fiver. That's consumer power for you, a night of dancing and no need to buy a drink for a quid!

Must dash now, off to murder some grannies and steal their pension to pay for my drug addiction. Being the head of a global bank during in these hard times means expenses won't cover my habit.

Microsoft promises to slash cost of 'high-end' search


FAST is roadkill stuck on the bumper of the Microsoft juggernaut

Having FAST technology nailed onto Sharepoint is counterintuitive. There are many reasons why FAST is under investigation, the main reason is because its technology wasn't good enough for high end enterprise and no-one bought the stuff, so they has to lied about their sales figures.

Still, blow 1.3bn! on a company you can't just screw up the software and throw it in the trash along with the CEO. Or could you?

Brits 'a bunch of yellow bastards', says irate Yank


Guns F*ck YEAH!

I like guns because when the bullet flies out at hypersonic speed with loads of fire and noise and collides with a bad guys head and the brains and bloood splurt everywhere and they get picked off their feet and thrown against a in the air screaming "yeaaarkgeeerrrr" then lie there twiching with massive internal injuries and blud everywhere and somebody nearby screams "Medic!" and more people grab guns.

Like that JFK guy. OMG, that's an awesome film like his brain explodes all over his new cadillac!

Your's sincerely,

A. Mary Canne.

Merseyside plant to punch out Chevy Volt


Are you going to drive the same electric car forever

A Toyota Prius takes around 115 mmBTU (million BTU) to manufacture and uses 330 mmBTU in its lifetime. Thats the equivalent a third of its lifetime fuel usage in the few days of its construction not counting the waste of good space on our roads the loss of non recycled materials and disposal of dangerous chemicals.

The ratio becomes worse as cars get more efficient to the point at which the manufacture is more wasteful than the car over its life. Its a truth that will spell the demise of the big car companies unless they change. Most of them are on the brink already.

As the cars become more efficient the cost of manufacture and fuel will rise accordingly. The only people that are left with the bill are you and I the consumers. The only thing is it wont save our environment, GM or Merseyside's economy for that matter.


GM going bankrupt

Has anybody actually worked out efficiency levels for electric vehicles, use of raw materials, toxins + heavy metals in the batteries. I'm sure building anything like this will only be good for those learjet owning car bosses.

A better idea would be a single seater electric vehicle on a basic recyclable frame with interchangable power packs, like a 21st century Sinclare C5 that you can drive onto trains for long distance.

Meanwhile I'll continue to overtake my driving workmates to the office on my bicycle.

Government finally names the day for porn ban


So if i was caught?

Would I be hung drawn and quartered... Just the thought of it turns me on.


Yeah but...

Can I upload the videos where I put my nuts in a vice and beat myself off while my wife spits in my face?

Better write to the PM to clarify.

Microsoft's Fast charged with 'accounting fraud'


Microsoft enterprise search powered by FAST

We'll index you corporate data, we'll check your accounts and flag any fraudulent dealing we'll ...hang on a minute.

Gates Horns

Pulled a FAST one...

Their software must really suck if they didn't see this coming. Microsoft has bought a dead duck which was previously just lame.

'I can see dinosaurs from my back porch'


Everybody fuck off

We've all evolved into stupid greedy drones. I'm leaving on the next ufo. Fuck you all, and good luck.

The Hadron Collider: What's it all about, then?


Our first chance...

to rip a hole in the fabric or reality.

We'll peer through and see an immense student leaning over his laptop keyboard at us playing spore.

EA Europe struggles squeezing out Spore

Thumb Up

Great game

No problem, logged on straight away. Incredible game design and depth plus it's taught my kids the idea of evolution whilst giving them a laugh. This is the first game I've owned for the pc in the last 10 years that's truely original.

Oracle's Ellison spanked for withholding evidence in shareholder suit


Should have automated the process

You would have thought that Oracle would have automatic eDiscovery & archiving.

Home Office minister gets tough, then gets stuck


Home Office minister

Is a "tough" job. Whatever the poor bastard says or does, he's damned, by some miracle he's pulling it off.

McKinnon loses Lords appeal


How can we fight

The extraterrestrial overlords this guy found the truth and now he's going to a secret US facility to be probed where the sun don't shine by greyliens.

MS products just too cool to comprehend, say MS geeks


Hi Mike.

Mike you shouldn't need 2-4Gb of ram to run an operating system at a decent speed, I don't care how times have moved on and technology has changed, that just takes the piss. I've go a dencent pc, built with 2007 components but when i started using vista it dragged itself around like a 2 legged dog. It never crashed but it took months to finally work out that I had to turn off all Vista's new functions to get it up to speed. That's the problem, you need a level of technical know-how to turn off all these features to get the thing running, and most users don't have that. It was built by geeks for geeks.

Rogue SF sysadmin coughs up passwords


Get a life

Hasn't this guy got anything better to do, if he doesn't like the job, leave, forget about it and get on with stuff. He must have had a massive complex about this position in the company and needed to feel powerful. That's what being a network administrator does to you... No life and his only friend the computer, looser.

Unpatched Windows PCs own3d in less than four minutes


Yeah own3d

Own3d, what a totally Mexico phrase dude. Or issit geek speak used by shorditch twats that live for youtube videos of grannies getting run down in hysterical circumstances... pwnage!

Oz censor, gamers fall out over Fallout 3 ban



Ban it because nuclear weapons have been used. I'd hate to see get their hands on WMD just because of a stupid game.

Leak reveals Xbox 360 Pro debut due


Maybe stands for


The title did say it was leaking...

Trousers Brown: Blighty faces 'food security' threat


Liberate the food.

Most families I know can't afford waste and recycle as much as they can in the current overpriced sloppy council collection system. As for wastage the government actively support supermarkets business models which is a combination of cheap and cheerful plastic wrapped crap and if not bought its then thrown out. If the government wan't to change things tax the supermarkets for every ton wasted or not recycled or not given to homeless who need the food. Then we might be able to start recycling properly. Its so completely half assed at the moment.

I'm going back to my tesco's dumpster now.


Court slaps UK BitTorrenters with landmark damages award


If only they had waited for the review

Disturbing as it may be, Dream Pinball 3D isn’t even worth a rental unless you’re some sort of diehard pinball fan. Even if you are, why the hell would you pay for this? There are better free pinball games out there. Even at a budget price, Dream Pinball feels like a ripoff. The interface is amatuer-ish. There are only six tables, and they’re basically identical (and identically bad). The themes are wacky, but they don’t justify the $20 price tag. I can’t even recommend it to those desperate for a pinball game. The Williams Collection that was recently released seems far better than this piece of shovelware.

The defence team should have let the jury play it.

Intel says 'no' to Windows Vista

Gates Halo


What other operating system comes in ULTIMATE flavor, I forked out for a top quality Microsoft product and I got the ULTIMATE Version. I laugh in the face of you mear mortals using xp or other such rubbish... Bwahh hahahahaa!

sob... :(

Cardiff 'copter coppers give chase to UFO


What are the odds...

of aliens zooming around our galaxy, or even humans evolving on a rock floating in space. Probably about the same.

It seems impossible to most people with our current understanding, but even now the possibilities of what is capable in science and the physical universe is only just opening up to us. We're still a fossil fuel buring neanderthal species that had its industial revolution 200 years back and electronic revolution last generation.

Why is it so unbelievable, and if these ufo's are around there's nothing you can do about it, the worst that can happen is you'll probably get probed where the sun don't shine.

Microsoft chases satnav market


Crashes ahead

Visions of a blue screen of death, as the M$ satnav navigates you over a cliff.

Pentagon hacker vows to take extradition fight to Europe


Civil rights

Jeez, this would have never happened if there had been CCTV installed in every house in the country to watch over these vicious bastards. By having cameras in every room we'd ensure that nothing bad was happening and this evil genius couldn't carry out his horrific hacking skills.

Ship him off to some sweat box in a Texas Jailhouse and let the Pentagon get on with dealing with those radical Iraqi militant muslim crazies and the new Iranian enemy. We've got a war on terror guys, our governments have to do everything in their new powers to protect us.

Glastonbury Festival forecast: very windy, hopes Orange


Mobiles at festivals

I always found roaming artound and meeting people randomly without the use of mobiles was kind of the point of festivals.

Lets hope the wind gets up and the propeller on the orange tent flies off decapitating Chris Moyles and his numbskull radio buddies.


Glastonbury once powered by...

Hippies and decent tunes.

Now powered by cash guzzling commercial ventures with a thin veil of eco-bullshit and bad music.

God makes you stupid, researchers claim


God is an multidimensional Alien

We are all information.

Windows Vista has been battered, says Wall Street fan


It's fucking shit

End of discussion,they know it we know it. Computing is changing, get ubuntu or just stay on xp.

I think Vista was a big mistake for Microsoft, and it will cost them a lot or possibly all of their market share eventually. They seem to be failing in every area of the market at the moment.

Silverlight 2 beta 2 - Go Live if you dare



Thanks OffBeatMammal that crashed my browser.

"if you've not seen it there's a great Silverlight 2 Beta 2 sample at http://memorabilia.hardrock.com"

US nuke boffins smash petaflop barrier with 'Roadrunner'


Shoved it where the sun don't shine.

Read this and tried installing vista in my pet mouse. It died as a result, so no change there.

Vatican star watcher says aliens may be out there

Jobs Halo

The worlds going to shit...

and we seem to becoming more insignificant by the minute. The church better get a grip or we'll all start rioting, creating anarchy and worshiping false prophets. How can we ever cope without the Churches moral guidance and the deep ingrained belief that we are the pinnacle of God's creative wonderment.

I wonder what the alien pope looks like.

Barclays Capital slashes contractor rates by 10%


Get a proper Job

10% cut or go and do something other than stand around scratching you head over servers shifting imaginary wealth around the globe.

Get a job out in the sunshine, make a change?

Brown opts for morality over science on 'lethal skunk'


Lethal Skunk

Sounds amazing I gotta get some of this shit. It sounds like many people died in putting together this report on lethal skunk, I'll read up to see who their supplier was.

The government have go a habit of making stuff leathal like war, depleted uranium munitions, pesticides, nerve gas, landmines. I think I'll just settle for lethal skunk.

Microsoft soothes Vista pain with Bossploitation flick


That ROCKED!!!

the foundations of a huge multinational corporation.

Shutdown and don't restart.

US student planned to ice Chuck Norris


my list

1. Become the next US President

2. Open as lead act at the first rock fesival on the moon

3. Kill Chuck Norris in a roundhouse contest

3 is just a dream.

Ofcom cracks down on London pirates


Pirates be gone, make way for the old pros

Thank god these people with their original taste in music have been banished, now I can settle down to more Chris Moyles. I just love the fatman and his crazy rude comments and all that great manufactured music.

Microsoft dishes out six critical updates



Where can I get Vista:Tiger PC Wonk is not listed in the yellow pages?

Boffins slashed in big-science budget blunder bloodbath


Gamma ray experiment went horribly wrong

When the Boffins see that their jobs are threatened and their only hope is to make a massive discovery they are going to take risks.

Isn't this what happened to Dr. Robert Bruce Banner.

McLaren fined $100m for spying


Governing sport.

It seems that most large sports are governed by old cronies that have there own personal vendettas, bias opinions or Napoleon complexes. The FIA seem hell bent on destroying the reputation of the sport they are there to protect.

This latest decision has made me give up on Formula one altogether. I hope it dies now and something fairer and more entertaining comes along.

Jason Bourne disses James Bond


Team America World Police

"Matt Damon" LOL

Tesla electric supercar may be delayed


Yeah I'm going green... Gonna buy another car.

So the answer to all our problems is electric cars?? The fact that more resources and energy is wasted in building and scrapping a car than is ever used in driving the thing during its lifetime seems to be lost on people.

Maybe stop buying cars completely and use a bicycle, train, pedalo etc...

An ecofriendly car is an oxymoron.

MoD to publish secret UFO files


So the truth is out there...

But what you going to do about it. Were watching them, they're watching us watching them, its all like one big lab experiment. They were probably watching the dinosaurs and look what happened to them.

Hopefully if there really are visitors they'll do something practical for us one day. Like intervene when humankind crash and burn.