* Posts by Michael Hawkes

140 publicly visible posts • joined 5 May 2009


BlackBerry opens its Priv kimono just a little wider

Michael Hawkes
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Please sign in to view this video

The pictures look nice (oooohhhh - a keyboard), but since the video is set to private and I can't view it (f**k youtube) it makes me wonder if they're really serious about selling anything. I suspect signing in is a ploy to get email addresses for a future spamming campaign.

Thumbs down in lieu of a middle finger.

UK drivers left idling as Tesla rolls out Autopilot in US

Michael Hawkes

I wish Muskie would make up his mind

He bleats about the perils of AI, but has no problems selling you an autonomous automobile.

What Reg readers really think will affect IT in the next three years...

Michael Hawkes


I predict a few more IT buzzwords will catch fire in the next three years, and that some non-IT journalists will inevitably use them in an incorrect manner. Don't say whatsit when you mean doohickey.

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Michael Hawkes

C'mon, Tim. Get to the good part already. One more thing! One more thing! One more thing!

Another chance to win a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive

Michael Hawkes
Big Brother

I filled out the Google right-to-be-forgotten form, so why is this spider back again?

ATTACK of the ZOMBIE SATELLITE: Run radio hams, run!

Michael Hawkes


Maybe they should have called it the "Chumbawamba-sat"

It gets knocked down / It gets up again / You're never gonna keep it down

BOOM! Stephen Elop shuffled out of Microsoft door

Michael Hawkes


And thanks for No(kia)thing

European Parliament mulls law on use of blood metal in tech

Michael Hawkes

The real challenge...

"The real challenge is that of elaborating an efficient, workable regulation."

I'd think the real challenge would be stopping the conflicts in the DRC. The proposed solution seems to be similar to the manner in which the People's Front of Judea operated ("This calls for immediate discussion.").

EMC and Cloudera withdraw from Indiana big data event

Michael Hawkes

I live and work in Indiana, so here's my two cents...

I disagree with the law, since I think the First Amendment of the US Constitution already ensures people have the right to practice their religion. With a law as controversial as this, it's almost certainly to find its way to the Supreme Court, where I'm sure it will be overturned or gutted because of the discrimination issue.

While I believe boycotts are rarely successful, if people decide to boycott Indiana, I'm not going to dissuade them. Maybe my rent will go down if fewer people want to move here ;-)

Michael Hawkes

Re: Well that does it. I'm not going to Indiana either.

"What if they claim their religion permits them to tell you to get the hell out because you're wearing White after Labour Day?"

Umm... Americans can do this anyway because of the First Amendment right to free speech. It doesn't matter if it has to do with religion or not.

'There is NO SUCH THING as a safe site anymore' – security bod

Michael Hawkes


Will that be the official El Reg term for such devices?

Timeout, Time Lords: ICANN says there is only one kind of doctor

Michael Hawkes

Sad if they go through with it

We'll miss out on such fun things like



East Timor was officially removed from the internet yesterday

Michael Hawkes

Re: The future of startups

I'm glad to see someone snagged axolo.tl. I'm jus.tl wee bit sad it wasn't me.

Hollywood vs hackers: Vulture cracks Tinseltown keyboard cornballs

Michael Hawkes

Re: @AndrueC

That pretty much happened in all area codes - 867-5309/Jenny

Japan's death threat hacker collared ... BY A CAT

Michael Hawkes


"Two of these hapless suspects confessed to crimes which the National Police Agency was later obligated to admit they had no involvement in."


Anthem, America's second biggest health insurer, HACKED: Millions hit by breach

Michael Hawkes

Re: "I want to personally apologize to each of you for what has happened,..."

Well, I live in Indy, so I guess I'd probably have to go to their office to get the "personal apology".

FORCE Apple to support BlackBerry hardware, demands John Chen

Michael Hawkes

Free speech

Net neutrality is a bit like free speech. Everyone has (or should have) a right to speak.

Blackberry seems to be saying "Everybody should speak our language."

Just because I support net neutrality, doesn't mean I want to speak Blackberry.

'F*** you', exclaims Google Translate app, politely

Michael Hawkes

Re: Paris will become a quieter place in the summer

As an American, I can say we will continue to be obnoxious. "PARLAY VOO FRON-SAY?"

Fancy a .trust domain? How's $150,000 sound?

Michael Hawkes
Black Helicopters

If I had the money to spend

I'd buy no.trust, dis.trust, and mis.trust, but then again, maybe I'm just being cynical.

El Reg's mighty rocket spaceplane Vulture 2 arrives in US of A

Michael Hawkes

Beers in Colorado

You should have no problem finding great beer in Colorado. There are lots of brewpubs and microbreweries. As a former Colorado Springs resident, my favorite was Laughing Lab Scottish Ale from Bristol Brewing.

Have fun. Cheers.

Randall Munroe: The root nerd talks to The Register

Michael Hawkes

Re: Randall is not the anti-Kardashian; he's the anti-Zuckerburg

I wouldn't say he doesn't mess with people's heads, after all...

We did not invent the algorithm. The algorithm consistently finds Jesus. The algorithm killed Jeeves. The algorithm is banned in China. The algorithm is from Jersey. The algorithm constantly finds Jesus. This is not the algorithm. This is close.

... appears on every page.

Michael Hawkes

Re: "period table"

"...after all they miss letters off the end when saying maths."

Brevity, wit, etc.

Forget the climate: Fatties are a much bigger problem - study

Michael Hawkes

Re: How about "Graph Grappling" as descriptor?

Since they're analy(s/z)ing someone else's analysis, maybe it could be "Analysing Analysis". That might be too redundant, even for the Reg, however.

How about "Data in Depth"?

"Featured Figures"?

"Tabulature Tomfoolery"? "Table Tales"?

Two driverless cars stuffed with passengers are ABOUT TO CRASH - who should take the hit?

Michael Hawkes

Using vast quantities of data to predict future events? I think that's been described before. Tell Silicon Valley they're working on practical applications of Asimov's Psychohistory and they might actually try to do it.

Stephen King, William Gibson and The Quantum Moment

Michael Hawkes


Years ago, whenever I felt like re-reading a Neal Stephenson novel, I would pick up Snow Crash or The Diamond Age. After Anathem came out, that became my go-to Stephenson book. There are so many concepts in it, I discover something new every time I read it.

Amazon bags control of .book and .pay domains – but NOT .cloud

Michael Hawkes


"...has increasingly be used..." should be "...has increasingly been used..."

Yorkshire man NICKS 1,000 Orange customer records. Court issues TINY FINE

Michael Hawkes


I'm wondering why they had presumably plain-text passwords in a database. If that's an indication of their tech knowledge, it becomes easier for me to see why they fell for a social engineering attack.

The Great Smartphone Massacre: Android bloodbath gathers pace

Michael Hawkes

Pining for the fjords

"Silver isn’t dead, it’s sleeping. Beautiful plumage."

Mozilla: Spidermonkey ATE Apple's JavaScriptCore, THRASHED Google V8

Michael Hawkes
Thumb Up

Re: IE doesn't work on Mac or Linux (which is where we benchmark right now)

Speak for yourself. At home I have Dells running Linux, plus a few Macs running OS X. At work, we have about a 60/40 split Windows/OS X.

Yahoo! finally! releases! Flickr! app! for! iPad! BUT! shuns! Windows! fans!

Michael Hawkes

Selective hearing

It's! all! that! shouting! They! can't! hear! a! thing! now!

Ada Lovelace Day: Meet the 6 women who gave you the 'computer'

Michael Hawkes

Tech reporting

I couldn't help but notice the article was written by a guy (No offense, Gavin), and wondered if the numbers for women writing about technology are as bad as women working in technology. When it comes to gender disparity, is tech journalism as bad as the beat it covers? Has anyone looked at it, or is there any data on it?

US team claims PARIS paper plane launch crown

Michael Hawkes
Paris Hilton

Re: /me

Do you mean to have PARIS mount LOHAN?

Michael Hawkes

Re: Are you really, really sure you want to meddle with the US Army?

It's the Civil Air Patrol, not the Army. They're affiliated with the Air Force, but they're civilians. They're more military-like than Scouts, but a bit less military than Junior ROTC.

Civil Air Patrol at Wikipedia.

The Child Catcher because the cadets are children.

Don't bother with Apple's 9 Sept hype-day: Someone's GONE AND BLABBED IT ALL

Michael Hawkes

My next phone

Several years ago I came into a bit of money and went into fanboi mode, splurging on iGear by buying an iPhone 3GS, a Mac Pro, and a MacBook Pro. I'd never owned Apple products before, and decided to drink the Kool-aid. However, since I fix computers for a living, I became fairly critical of the gear I bought. In less than a year, the MacBook Pro's screen was replaced twice and the logic board replaced once, all under warranty. I've never had as many issues with any other laptop. At work, I use a newer MacBook Pro which has worked very well for me for the past three years, but when it came time to shop for a new personal laptop, I bought a Project Sputnik Dell.

Now my iPhone 4S is starting to show signs of age. The back glass panel is coming a bit loose, so I'm keeping an eye out for new smartphones. At the moment, I'm leaning towards the Motorola Ara, whenever that comes out, while keeping an eye on what Apple will announce. Among Android, and even WinPho products, there is such a wide selection of hardware to choose from, so it feels pretty limiting to stick with Apple's limited range of phones. On September 9th, I guess we'll find out if they really do have new ideas.

Amazon smacks back at Hachette in e-book pricing battle: We're doing it for the readers

Michael Hawkes

Not for readers

Amazon's doing it for profit, not for readers. I think they don't care whether people read books or not, as long as they keep buying them.

Since Disney owns Marvel and the future of the Star Wars films, it will be interesting to see what happens with that dispute.

Freeze, Glasshole! Stop spying on me at the ATM

Michael Hawkes


People with cameras can record what you're doing.

Firefighters deliver trapped student from GIANT GERMAN LADYPARTS

Michael Hawkes

Perhaps he wanted to engage in some up-close

examination, not knowing that he must use the

necessary equipment. After all, he's a student,

isn't he? Having to be extracted is really quite


So, what exactly defines a 'boffin'? Speak your brains...

Michael Hawkes

Re: Biological sciences

I disagree with your idea that biological sciences don't breed boffins. I work with several who are researching diseases related to eyes and vision. For example, one of them is working out why certain proteins seem to cause retinal neovascularization, and trying to determine if blocking the production of those proteins will stop neovascularization. That kind of work might lead to treatments for certain types of blindness (age-related macular degeneration, in particular).

These Ph.D.s are conducting basic science in labs: making observations, formulating hypotheses, devising experiments, and reporting results.

Watch: Kids slam Apple as 'BORING, the whole thing is BORING'

Michael Hawkes

Are you expecting children to already know how to design processors, PCBs, etc., before they go to college?

Do you have incredibly high-standards, or do you believe this knowledge is passed on genetically?

Tech that we want (but they never seem to give us)

Michael Hawkes

Re: Isn't that mico-USB and now mandatory in the EU?

If a 9-pin serial port is good enough for Nigel Farage, it's good enough for me.

EE unleashes birds of prey onto unsuspecting customers

Michael Hawkes

Maybe it's a regional thing, but I've always thought buzzard = vulture = condor = birds-of-prey with featherless heads.

Microsoft walks into a bar. China screams: 'Eww is that Windows 8? GET OUT OF HERE'

Michael Hawkes
Black Helicopters


I wonder if this is indirect payback against the US government for accusations against some Chinese officials.

Customer sues Nimbus Data for 'breach of contract' over arrays

Michael Hawkes

Public testimonial

In the upper right corner of the quote it says "Quote contingent on a public testimonial within 30 days of installation". I wonder if Maximus supplied a public testimonial, or if that's what the lawsuit is supposed to be.

Also, it's nice to see an article about lawsuits that don't involve patents. Patent lawsuits seem like tedious, drawn-out flamewars. Breach-of-contract seems a bit more straightforward.

Crypto-guru slams 'NSA-proof' tech, says today's crypto is strong enough

Michael Hawkes
Black Helicopters

NSA seal-of-approval

"We don’t need any new NSA-proof protocols. Any well-designed, appropriately-deployed protocol is NSA-proof."

Or so the NSA would have us believe. Even as far back as Caesar, there has been a conflict between the codemakers and the codebreakers. It's in the NSA's interest to have people believe there are NSA-proof protocols. Codemakers should keep trying to push the state-of-the-art in encryption. If they aren't, they're not doing their jobs.

Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

Michael Hawkes

Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

And who wants to be responsible for that?

Wow! Is that an option? Where does the line start?

OTOH, they'd probably start Hunger-as-a-Service and make billions (think of it as the modern equivalent of selling indulgences.)

James Bond producers sign on for Edward Snowden movie

Michael Hawkes

IMO, Chris Pine (a/k/a the new James T. Kirk) would be a good choice. He's not all over the place, so he would probably straddle the fine line of being well-known and being cheap (relatively speaking). Give him some glasses and a beard, he can do the job.

Boffins teach robo-arm to catch flying beer bottle

Michael Hawkes

As foretold...

It's only a matter of time before Krikkit gets involved in this technology.

Hey sailor, fancy putting your hands all over a NeRD fondleslab?

Michael Hawkes

"...the tablet would allow soldiers..."

Navy personnel are sailors, not soldiers.

Stephen Hawking: The creation of true AI could be the 'greatest event in human history'

Michael Hawkes

Re: two words

"Here I am, brain the size of a planet... Call that job satisfaction, 'cause I don't."

Where's the Marvin icon when you need it?