* Posts by Charlie van Becelaere

487 publicly visible posts • joined 3 May 2007

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Greyhound spatters Nashville with semen

Charlie van Becelaere
Paris Hilton

One of my favourite

bull-semen-related memories (the only one, actually) is of driving through Iowa or Nebraska (it's hard to tell the difference, really) and seeing a "collection" facility where the large sign out front read:

"MANY ARE CULLED, BUT FEW ARE FROZEN"

comScore sued over 'sinister' data collection methods

Charlie van Becelaere

ComScore

are the only reason the Reg can sell all those lovely ads we get to see so we don't have to pay for access to the site.

I for one welcome my keylogging advertising sales motivated overlords.

God particle back in hiding

Charlie van Becelaere
Black Helicopters

I don't think this guy read this correctly

but he's probably right that it's a conspiracy.

http://iheardacouplethings.blogspot.com/2011/08/slowly-i-cern-step-by-step-inch-by-inch.html

Charlie van Becelaere

And yet

one wonders whether we'd actually know that we'd been sucked into an uncontrollable black hole. I'm fairly certain that's where my missing laundry has gone, and it's only a matter of time before we all catch up and I find it.

Apple rumor mill predicts 'all new Mac'

Charlie van Becelaere

I for one

am very much looking forward to the new BeOS Macs.

Higgs Boson hiding place narrows

Charlie van Becelaere
Black Helicopters

Is there anything

without a conspiracy theory?

http://iheardacouplethings.blogspot.com/2011/07/cern-to-hide-higgs-boson.html

Rescue privacy before it vanishes forever

Charlie van Becelaere
Childcatcher

That's precisely why

I didn't sign up with Klout. I have far too many apps / web ecosystems / "communities" trying to track my every move through one another already.

Won't someone think of the children?!

Get your kit off for Putin, win an iPad 2, Russian ladies told

Charlie van Becelaere

What was that last bit

about and Army for Poutine? Sounds like our Vlad is a regular Reg reader.

Google turning us into forgetful morons, warn boffins

Charlie van Becelaere
Childcatcher

I for one

welcome our amnesiac, file-folder-shuffling overlords.

Cambridge IT guy 'was the Spanish Guy Fawkes', say cops

Charlie van Becelaere
Headmaster

Was I the only one

to read that subhead with a (phantom) comma as:

Cambridge IT guy 'was the Spanish Guy, Fawkes', say cops.

I was wondering, "who is this Spanish guy named Fawkes?"

I love punctuation, even when it's not there.

Dev's iPhone cable melts after iOS 5 upgrade

Charlie van Becelaere

You're

not from around here, are you, mate?

Boffins build nanowire lasers from nappy-rash cream

Charlie van Becelaere

Water Soluble?

One has to ask, will this spreadable, high SPF lasing cream wash off the sharks and goldfish (or even frogs, one might hazard), or will it be water resistant?

Should it not resist solution, clearly midges and other flying creatures would be better prospects. Better still: "Ignore my laser vole army at your peril!"

Sunspot decline could mean decades of cold UK winters

Charlie van Becelaere
Alien

Ice Skating? What about Polar Bears?

I know it must be true, as I read it on the Interwebs:

http://iheardacouplethings.blogspot.com/2011/06/ice-age-is-coming-baby.html

I think this is my new source for checking the validity of other sources.

Nissan car secretly shares driver data with websites

Charlie van Becelaere
FAIL

It's easy to imagine Carwings becoming

a privacy liability for users whose whereabouts are sensitive, such as those who work with survivors of domestic abuse or those in law enforcement.

Or those with a home which can be burgled, perhaps?

BioWare blows brains with intro cinematics for Star Wars MMO

Charlie van Becelaere

I don't even like SW

but that was spectacular CGA and far better than the recent films. Wow.

Engineering students design tent for camping on Mars

Charlie van Becelaere

Tents on Mars?

I think I've seen this before somewhere - perhaps it's just Dejah Thoris.

Bloke drives with knees while manipulating two mobes

Charlie van Becelaere

I hate to

chunter on about gormless prats such as this wanker, but I'm too knackered to even whinge about this twee tale of this fellow's driving after an evening of plonk. It's a pukka bit of jiggery-pokery or I'm not the boffin I thought I was.

Drink 8 bottles of wine, you'll be unharmed if hit by Mike Tyson

Charlie van Becelaere
Pint

Did I

misread this boffin's name?

"The boxers will have their brains assessed using MRI scans and other boffinry tools, allowing Gatson and his colleagues to quantify the protective benefit of the grape."

Surely it must be Gaston who is measuring the benefits of the grape, non?

(pint icon as there is no oenological equivalent available)

Think carefully before you chuck out your desktops

Charlie van Becelaere

We've moved

back to a time-sharing system, and couldn't be much happier.

Granted, it has caused a dustup or two - as when one user's elbow was jostled in the corridor and he dropped his stack of cards which he hadn't striped on the edges to make their re-stacking possible.

Still, the ease of administration and the most effective lock-out of rogue users has more than made up for the general lack of utility.

Haumea: Mysterious radioactive rugby-ball world

Charlie van Becelaere
Pint

I'm wondering

whether non-crystalline water ice would be better at chilling a drink.

Perhaps it would be sturdy enough to be the bottle for the Akvavit I keep in my freezer!

It's Friday, and I'm ready for it.

BOFH: Every silver lining has a cloud

Charlie van Becelaere
Thumb Up

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

Ah. Nice way to start my Friday. Well done, Simon, well done.

Think file-hosting sites guard your private data? Think again

Charlie van Becelaere

My, My.

There's a shocking development. Never saw that one coming.

Insurance firm pushes out iPhone app that rates driving ability

Charlie van Becelaere
Black Helicopters

I'm hanging mine

in a sling from the ceiling - that should give interesting g force info, no?

Barnes & Noble answers Microsoft's anti-Android suit

Charlie van Becelaere
Gates Horns

Need I say more?

see icon for comment.

That is all.

HP's 'vision' should embrace Apple, not copy it

Charlie van Becelaere
Jobs Horns

Open Standards Approach

>an ecosystem optimized for HP devices but that also embraces other devices, including Apple's. That sort of open standards approach<

Hmm. Apple and open standards in the same paragraph? Good grief, what's next: Microsoft embracing open standards?

PS - I would have added evil billg along with evil steve, but we're limited to a single icon here. bah.

Bank scorched by stupid Facebook policy

Charlie van Becelaere
FAIL

Wachunda

"If any CBA executive thought a Facebook gripe with an audience of a few hundred people should be considered a sacking offence, what does he or she now think of a high-profile news story that bespatters its brand with mud in front of millions?"

I think you've missed the point here. This (rhetorical) question presumes that these "people" actually think.

Britain takes delivery of first Nissan e-cars

Charlie van Becelaere

Indeed -

as I recall, the oil we use will have run out by 1977. We're driving on borrowed time, my friends, so please cherish each mile (or kilometre, should you be so inclined) while you can.

Now, where's my flying car powered by a micro-thorium reactor?

Canada? The computer vendor says no

Charlie van Becelaere

Beside which,

Argos suck.

Top secret payload fired into orbit aboard private rocket

Charlie van Becelaere

Le Brouère?

Why not a nice Red Leicester? I hear it's staggeringly popular.

'Plastic surgeon' cuffed for in bar boob checks

Charlie van Becelaere

She reportedly said

as she was led away, "It's a fair cop."

Alien Earthlike worlds 'like grains of sand', say 'wobble' boffins

Charlie van Becelaere
Boffin

I can't see them either

"Our ground-based technology can't see the grains of sand, the Earth-size planets, but we can estimate their numbers," says Andrew Howard, boss scientist of the team conducting the study.

The result?

"Earth-size planets in our galaxy are like grains of sand sprinkled on a beach - they are everywhere," says Howard.

This just in:

I can't see them either, so I estimate there are at most 42 Earth-size planets in our galaxy.

LOST Vulture One PARIS spaceplane FOUND!!!

Charlie van Becelaere
Paris Hilton

We'll Always Have PARIS

Enough said, no?

BOFH: Lock shock

Charlie van Becelaere
Thumb Up

Dogs?

What about the robots, man? What about the robots?!

Robot teddy bears attack Alzheimer's

Charlie van Becelaere

Yours not to question why;

yours to do as I say or die.

I for one welcome our furry badger child servants of stowaway would-be saboteur scientist overlords.

OpenOffice files Oracle divorce papers

Charlie van Becelaere
Alert

That post was especially troubling

given that yesterday was National Punctuation Day in the States. (Who'd have thought anyone in the States knew anything about punctuation?)

Microsoft surrenders Live Spaces future to WordPress

Charlie van Becelaere
Gates Horns

As much as anything

Microsoft are just sending their "customers" to someone who is not Google.

That is all, nothing to see here, move right along, please.

World's first pedal-powered ornithopter takes flight in Canada

Charlie van Becelaere
Paris Hilton

Let's just

stick a motor in it and see how long it can fly ... or better still, let's take it up and Release it In Space!

PARIS for obvious reasons.

Oz pedestrians fall to 'Death by iPod'

Charlie van Becelaere
Paris Hilton

Genuine Hippies?

Breeding in PAIRS? I think not, sir or madam, I think not. (not in Paris, either)

Yahoo! begins ad handover to Microsoft

Charlie van Becelaere
Alert

I! Could! Hardly!

read the article. The lack of exclamatory punctuation in the title caused me no little discomfort. Please be more careful in future Yahoo! related postings.

Paul Allen launches patent broadside on world+dog

Charlie van Becelaere
Joke

Who is John Galt?

[please note icon]

BBC adopts El Reg units

Charlie van Becelaere
Thumb Up

See body for title information

Huzzah!

Carnivorous plague mice 'wiping out towns' in US Midwest

Charlie van Becelaere
Thumb Up

Post your own message

"a fearsome campaign on of carno-murine bioweapon genocide"

One of the finest turns of phrase in this otherwise dreary Wednesday.

Thanks, much.

Apple lays claim to expired patents

Charlie van Becelaere
Grenade

First

we kill all the patentards.

Sarah Palin 'boob job' debate dominates US right - and left

Charlie van Becelaere
IT Angle

As always

no pics = didn't happen.

Captain Cyborg sidekick implants virus-infected chip

Charlie van Becelaere

not at all,

but good on you for being concerned.

The internet, as imagined in 1965

Charlie van Becelaere
Gates Horns

Not bad predicting

Of course, if they had simply read the 1946 story, A Logic Named Joe, they would have come even closer.

http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200506/0743499107___2.htm

if you're interested.

Probe uses solar panels to 'surf' Venusian atmosphere

Charlie van Becelaere
Headmaster

Surfing what?

Perhaps you meant the Venerean atmosphere?

Steve Jobs: 'Pad? That's my word'

Charlie van Becelaere
Alien

Need a translation

Perhaps amanfrommars can help parse out what Herr Jobs was trying to say?

LHC particle-punisher in record 7 TeV hypercollisions

Charlie van Becelaere

Oddly

my blancmange seems to be moving on its own. I'm off for a tennis racquet.

Are West Bromwich Borg pliers actually side cutters?

Charlie van Becelaere
Alien

I for one

welcome our Borg stripper overlords - I've seen 7 of 9 and the future looks good to me.

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