* Posts by Maverick

281 publicly visible posts • joined 3 May 2007


BOFH: Don't be nervous, Mr Consultant. Come right this way …


happy Friday

to everyone!

BOFH: HR's gold mine gambit – they get the gold and we get the shaft


"If you woke up in a shallow grave in a forestry setting with a lump on your head, would you tell anyone? Asking for a friend."

best to make candidate aware of the company exit process eh? :)

BOFH: Where do you think you are going with that toner cartridge?


perfect Friday

BOFH: All hail the job cuts consultant


BRILLIANT as ever, but I'm sure I have met this consultant in real life ;)

BOFH: The vengeance bus is coming, and everybody's jumping. An Xmas bonus hits me…


2 massive quotes in there to finish the year off;

The rub is that the last time he tightened his belt was probably 40kg and two wives ago. But he still has the same belt, which gives him the look of a partially made balloon animal.


By the end of the day I'm less popular than a Yoko Ono double album.


many thanks Simon for all the laughs

BOFH: Time to put the Pretty Dumb F in PDF reader


"heady aroma of semi-digested Diptera all over it." excellent, will use that, have of these on me >>

BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.


awesome, simply awesome

BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine


"For CrossFit people," the PFY adds, finishing the virtue-signalling quadfecta.

"YouTube Content Creator" from the coloured pencil office

total genius Simon, but sadly so very true . . .

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'


well played Simon

"has value, but doesn't – like an SCO licence"

The UK is running on empty when it comes to electric vehicle charging points


charging points?

My local ASDA has them, tough luck if you have an EV as they near to the store entrance so ALWAYS full with diesel / petrol cars BECAUSE they convenient for lazy, lazy idiot drivers.

Do ASDA care? Nah because they sold all their car parks off so they can deny any responsibility for anything.

Of course our local council could act but as it is Kirklees the most useless council in England they are too busy removing all parking in the city centre and pedestrianizing roads for no apparent reason and then fretting about "regenerating the town centre retail" once they have reduced footfall to a trickle.

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it


oh this will run & run

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why


excellent, Simon obviously knows how insurance companies work to avoid paying out

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages


thanks for reminding me of a past life

Octav Botnar ROFLMAO

BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid


ah good old Friday, have a few on me . . >>>>>>>>>>>>>

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss


"the albatross of responsibility" another C|N>K incident on a Friday

so stealing that !

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!


Well we have a normal Friday even if locked down, I suspect Simon may have further episodes on this theme for us

Contact-tracer spoofing is already happening – and it's dangerously simple to do


Re: why?

COBRA doesn't exist and is not routinely chaired by the PM, but keep taking the misinformation feed from the press scum

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?



" there's no way any of our guards would attempt the stairs without a resuscitator and a cardiac surgeon on standby…"

'security' guards the world over PMSL

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?


awesome again

" trusting no one and with a cynical streak so wide they could land an A380 on it."

is now stolen

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...



brilliant one Simon!

putting hairline fractures in the base of the Boss's chair in preparation for the world's first pneumatic suppository – so the Boss understands firsthand what a pain in the arse is

a new classic!

Aria Technology loses Court of Appeal bid over £750k VAT dispute


it's a limited company so can't 'go after him' unless he has offered guarantees which would be unusual

Don't use natwest.co.uk for online banking, Natwest bank tells baffled customer


NW brought in new feature last year - EVERY time I log in they send me a "one time code" via SMS, yes EVERY SINGLE TIME no matter what browser I use on my home PC. They claim this is to improve security for customers.

Of course readers here will know that this is considered a very weak way to do it, quite easily spoofed. But it is their latest security inprovement,

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer


same coffee through nose here

also "a couple of 3ft beancounters at the bottom of a lift shaft with knees where their hips should be..."


iCloud hacker perv cops nearly 3 years in jail for stealing and sharing people's private, intimate pics


Re: Hack?

hack is ALWAYS misused

BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?



"It's as if surveys actually irritated people rather than made them feel like their needs were being heard."

perfect nail / head interface, I delete every such email

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret


I agree one of the best new phrases in a while that "private plummet licence"


BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer


excellent special treat on a dead Monday!!

BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck


brilliant! have a great christmas all BOFH fans

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'


"a piece of "free" software that doesn't inject a toolbar into your browser the moment you click next."

pure fiction

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality


"No, I mean have we got any artificial intelligence?"

"Outside of senior management? No."

genius and VERY accurate

BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...


very topical, well done sir!

In the bag: Serco 'delighted' to grab £450m ferry and freight deal between Scotland and Northern Isles


Re: Orkney

yes brillaint isn't it?

Right-click opens up terrifying vistas of reality and Windows 95 user's frightful position therein


Re: Taking the Trash

ah someone else who enjoys the fine services of Kirklees!

they have a new game now; a clever system to load the route into a tablet in the cab because, well after 20 years the bloke in the cab can no longer remember the route (I assume), the issue is that the full route doesn't load but the sending system says it all data has gone so when you ring up to complain you are basically called a liar.

If only there was a way for the receiving system to check it has received all of the data.

Are you who you say you are, sir? You are? That's all fine then


Re: Voice response phone

try Aviva, the website can't find a post code for a flat so you have to call

~6 minutes of announcements BEFORE you get to the queue, the person answering eventually covers all the same stuff that you were told in the 6 minutes, MUCH later you get a quote that is 3x the market rate

anyone like to guess why they are not on comparison sites?

BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH

Thumb Up

"Well, I'm an Android user, but I identify as an iPhone user," the PFY says.

I am SO stealing that, excellent

Uncle Sam charges Julian Assange with conspiracy to commit computer intrusion

Thumb Down

Re: Is this the best that the USA can come up with ?

"The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable"

John Kenneth Galbraith

BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...


"Now the Boss may not be the sharpest fork in the toaster, but even HE knows that these ideas are about as appetising as faecal transplant pizza "

absolute gold !

Brit broadband giants slammed as folk whinge about crap connections, underwhelming speeds


Re: Vodaphone customer service

get what you pay for, if they advertise a lot=terrible service, never heard of them? likely because they keep customers by offering good service

of course as always ignore the 'industry' awards

Fake broadband ISP support scammers accidentally cough up IP address to Deadpool in card phish gone wrong


Re: Well?

actually this attitude WELL predates any police cuts

Boss regrets pointing finger at chilled out techie who finished upgrade early


Re: Oh so familiar

and the downvoters need to take the same 101 class, I qualified as an accountant in 1982 and hence do _actually_ know that cash ≠ profit, the same as people who talk about the profit showing on the balance sheet.

I wouldn't correct people on here on networking, please allow me my expertise


Re: Usually gets worse, the bigger the company ...

Amex is not a credit card, it's a charge card so even if it is fraud they don't give a $&%*% as the UK Consumer Credit act does not protect you

I know had it twice, the joy of cancelling my CorpAmex card when I left was a highlight of my year


Re: Oh so familiar

may I suggest taking course 101 in GAAP, then you should understand that cash ≠ profit

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical


all the hours that I spent on technical documentation not wasted then?

Visa Europe fscks up Friday night with other GDPR: 'God Dammit, Payment Refused'


or even 'net' profit

BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'


"always carry a carrot for self-defence" another classic

IBM turnover shrinks $28bn in 6 years but execs laugh all the way to the bank


he bailed

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried


not yet

Gmail is secure. Netflix is secure. Together they're a phishing threat


Re: Although...

I have this a lady on the West Coast of 'merica registered with one dot not two, make easy to spot as my first name becomes a female name. Gmail filtering also helps but why the heck they designed it that way is beyond me, also not have Netflix is a BIG plus from every angle ;)

BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot


new keyboard alert !

" Led Zeppelin-inspired incident"


have one on me

Merry Christmas, UK prosecutors: Here's a special gift... a slap from the privacy watchdog


Re: "What is it about making your own decisions that you find so frightening?"

"The prediction by Ken Livingston that "Brexit will take longer than you expect and you won't get what you want" is still looks like the most accurate summary of the situation."

that is one minor step above mention Hitler in a debate, well done!