* Posts by Alfonso Vespucci

48 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Apr 2009

Public sector earning more than private, but less than last month

Alfonso Vespucci


See what happens when you re-introduce outdoor poor relief?

The private sector sees a subsidy for low wages in the form of tax credits and responds accordingly - by depressing the wages of the low skilled.

My local supermarket has recently stopped using its own staff for Sunday opening and brought in contractors to save money. The workforce is divided between those who qualify for tax credits and aren't too bothered because their pay is topped up, and the new "undeserving poor", outside of the tax credit system who just have to lump it. Solidarinos? no chance. (apolgies to any Poles reading)

Welsh police come down hard on Octopussy porn

Alfonso Vespucci

Pedants' corner

Please refrain from using octopuses as the plural. The correct plural is octopodes.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Primark pulls 'disgraceful' padded bikini for kiddies

Alfonso Vespucci

Can the Reg please find out

Has anyone reported the Primark buyer to the ISA yet?

Save DAB! Send FM radios to Africa

Alfonso Vespucci

I've got 150 million trannies in my shed.

Well I exagerate a little, but off the top of my head i can list 12 analogue radios in the house, from cheapo efforts to high end units. Plus the one in the car, and one in the garage (see what I mean). This figure of 150 million seems a bit on the low side to me.

Vigilantes R US: Private enterprise takes over

Alfonso Vespucci

"well-intentioned as they doubtless are"

There speaks a man fully conversant with English libel law.

Manchester journo gets first ID card - late

Alfonso Vespucci

I don't like the new comments layout

but here goes.

Someone may already have mentioned this (see title) but that woman's ID card has been used for all the posters on the wall behind her. It must be a spoof article, surely.

Police Intelligence may be a thing of the past

Alfonso Vespucci

Adapting to protest?

Adapting to liberal democracy more like.

No Freeview HD kit in time for launch, warns telly exec

Alfonso Vespucci

couldn't give a toss

Until they improve the content I'm not going to waste any money upgrading the picture. You can broadcast "The Impressions Show" in HD but it's still not funny.

Today marks 'least productive' day of year

Alfonso Vespucci


I find the change in the spring far peskier as it means I have to be alerter earlier. Went to bed at 8:30 gmt last night.

El Reg launches 'Skinny Fit' fashion range

Alfonso Vespucci
Thumb Up


She's hot.

Robot nuclear windjammer to sail patio-gas oceans of Titan

Alfonso Vespucci


Really cool

Beeb's Carla Bruni coverage hits rock bottom

Alfonso Vespucci

On the BBC World service

there is a programme called "Analysis" which, due to it's short duration, appears in abridged form on the Virgin electronic programme guide.

Playmobil figures feared lost in Great Fire of Guildford

Alfonso Vespucci

If you insist

I love the smell of burning plastic in the morning.

This worked for me


Ralph Lauren stick insect sacked for being 'too fat'

Alfonso Vespucci

Poor girl

She was so hungry she gnawed off her left hand.

Liquid electrocar batteries could be replaced at pumps

Alfonso Vespucci

"even the electric car itself has rivals "

Horse, meet cart.

Child porn threat to airport's 'virtual strip search' scanners

Alfonso Vespucci

One man's "erotic"...

... Is another man's Olympic logo. It should also be noted that people have been successfully prosecuted for being in posession of child images taken from newspapers and similar sources. Not indecent in themselves, but surely only a nonce would have such a collection (do you see where this is going). And if anyone wants to test out the theory that images of naked children are not automatically "indecent", why not carry a photo of your naked kid in the scanner pose in your wallet. Better still, if you're a bit of an artist, why not a sketch? Then when the nice policeman asks you to identify yourself (do you see where this is going?).

Student loans company says 'we're not overloaded'

Alfonso Vespucci

de ja vu all over again

Back in the 90's, under the old student loans regime, there came a "tipping point" when the loan became greater than the grant and the grant wouldn't cover basic costs like rent and deposit. Anyone with a photo sensitive cell could see this coming, and not surprisingly, there was a big spike in students applying for the loan on day one. Were the student loan company ready, were they buggery. Today's students have my sympathy. Very expensive pig in a poke this university lark.

Tomorrow's World comes back to the future

Alfonso Vespucci

You can stick your Nostradamus up your ***

So you're telling me that in 1965 they predicted that 40 years in the future a TV show would be made about policing in the 1970s. That's bloody brilliant that is.

IOD: Slash UK.gov IT, save public cash

Alfonso Vespucci
Dead Vulture

This looks riddled with errors

BSF is a £60 Billion project, most of it not IT. I think you should add at least 3 zeros to the £2.3m (depending on how quickly it's winding down). Likewise the NHS IT figure looks like it should be a b istead of a m. I would also respectfully suggest that current annual spend on consultants is a bit more than £2.2m. Otherwise very good. Not.

Home Office shifts feet as vetting database looms

Alfonso Vespucci

What Humphries didn't ask

was what will get you barred from taking a car full of kids to football training?

A conviction for drink driving 5 years ago?

A caution for posession of cannabis 10 years ago?

An acquittal for domestic violence?

A groundless allegation from when you taught in the 80s?

If the ISA is anything like the CRB in "erring on the side of caution" my guess is any of the above.

Google Book Search - Is it The Last Library?

Alfonso Vespucci

scanning? expensive?

Isn't that what internships were invented for?

Head shop rolls out disk size roadmap

Alfonso Vespucci

If only they'd put a bit more effort...

...into storage media earlier

I might have been able to fit "The Lamb" on an SA90.

Damn your stretchy SA120s. Damn them all to Hell.

Mars rover stalks mystery space alien object

Alfonso Vespucci

Bloody hell

Either that planet is tiny or that rover is enormous

UK space programme suffers serious setback

Alfonso Vespucci


More likely overprocessed.

This page has been left intentionally blank

Alfonso Vespucci
Thumb Up

Guess the hack

Some headlines just scream Lester Haines.

Cops and ISP in paedophile data mix up

Alfonso Vespucci

In the olden days

we might just have said "bloody unlucky but at least he can get on with the rest of his life"

Now we say "he's completely fucked-it'll be on his CRB/ISA forever"

MoD sticks with 'most decrepit browser in the world'

Alfonso Vespucci

Don't knock the .303

I'm still picking bullets from WWI out of my Butts

Too-tall terror snapper stopped by cops again

Alfonso Vespucci

must think of something pithy

"Once this had been done and officers were confident that no offences had been committed the man was allowed on his way and no further action was taken"

I'll try a bit of boolean (IT angle). If the police are "confident" that you haven't committed an offence, they can still require you to identify yourself to them or face detention and "further action". That sounds like ID on demand. If this is how they're thinking before ID cards come into being, imagine leaving your house without one when they become widely available. Voluntary my arse.

Alfonso Vespucci
Black Helicopters

Oh, and another thing

Wear down resistance to the abuse of police powers by harrassing those that have the balls to challenge it.

It shouldn't happen to a vetting database

Alfonso Vespucci

As it stands now, the answer appears to be yes

Actually the answer appears to be no.

This document: http://www.dcsf.gov.uk/14-19/documents/CRB_checks_fact_sheet.doc

explains how vetting will be applied to employers and their staff offering work placements as part of the governments new diploma qualification.

In a nutshell, it won't.

Kids as young as 14 can be packed off to Brady's Widget Factory where a nice Mr Huntley will take them under his wing and tell them that there's a job at the end of it as long as they do what they're told. If not, they've already failed.

Don't get me wrong, I think all this vetting has got way out of hand. But if the Govt feels that everyone in a position of influence over children needs vetting, it ought to be consistent and not put employers' participation in diplomas above child safety.

US tactical bot has no taste for humans

Alfonso Vespucci

As it's veggie, rename it

Humans (are)

Indigestible (to this)





...Or maybe...







Kent Police clamp down on tall photographers

Alfonso Vespucci

You couldn't make it up.


'Non-compulsory' ID cards poised for a makeover?

Alfonso Vespucci

What else could we expect?

No Labour Home Secretary is going to cancel this even if they wanted to. They couldn't justify the waste of time, money and poltical capital. All they can do is wait until after the election and carp from the opposition benches that the Tories have "wasted" all the money "invested" in the NIS. And make groundless assertions that terrorism/crime/immigration/teen knifings etc ad nauseum would be virtually non-existant if only we all had ID cards.

That Digital Britain report in full

Alfonso Vespucci

DAB. Great!

Now all I need is at least a grand to replace my analogue radios and a supply of 20Ah AAA batteries.

Don't think of it as an electric car- think of it as a self-propelled powerpack for your walkman.

Millions opted into UK mobile phone directory

Alfonso Vespucci

a bit fishy

I put my name and town in and hey presto there's more than one of me on their database.

Two points:

I'm pretty sure there is only one AV in my town.

I don't own, and have never owned a mobile phone.

Otherwise, very impressed!

School worker's Facebook post prompts suspension

Alfonso Vespucci

correcting 5 mistakes...

Then stop. Cuts down on marking time. And teaching time.

Scientists seek noctilucent cloud enlightenment

Alfonso Vespucci


I saw a noctilucent cloud in the late 80s, to the north at about 3 in the morning- it was a weird ethereal thing glowing white in an almost black sky. These days the only reason I'm up at 3 in the morning is if I need a wee so I don't bank on seeing one again. It's definitely a young person's game.

Smiley face to remind me of the late eighties.

US Forces 'black' budget = 2nd biggest military on Earth

Alfonso Vespucci

UK at 2?

How can the French, with their truly independent nuclear deterrent and proper aircrft carriers spend so much less than UK. Is it all down to fighting unwinnable wars?

'Lunatic' Smith doubles ID card costs for Mancunians

Alfonso Vespucci

Oh dear...

Remember how this all started. Clean database, iris scans biometric photo and fingerprints, a national network of IPS enrolment centres, scanners in every port, airport, bank, hospital, doctors surgery, solicitors office and god knows where else, all connected in real time to the NIR (but not by the internet).

What have we got now. A photocard which might have your fingerprints and image encoded on a chip, but no-one will ever know because no readers exist. A card whose authenticity is established by flicking it. I'm not joking, according to official guidance it has a distinctive sound.

If anyone can ever find 2 in the same place maybe they could report back

UK's national grid 'ready' for e-car expansion

Alfonso Vespucci


Road pricing- it's 2 for the price of 1 for the govt. They get to know where we are and they can fiddle with the rates as much as they like.

It's US vs Europe as world e-car plug standard race nears end

Alfonso Vespucci

re. tax

They won't bother to tax the leccy, they'll just introduce comprehensive road charging.

Profs: Human race must become Hobbits to save planet

Alfonso Vespucci
Black Helicopters

to all those old hippies out there

Foxtrot was a warning not a manual, man.

Black Helicopter because it's the Watcher of the Skies

Tory terror police were 'fishing' for Liberty

Alfonso Vespucci

@ How does he know what they searched for

They asked the only person in the building who would know....

"OK Green. If you think you're so clever, how do you spell Shammy Chack Rab Batty?"

The mobile phone as self-inflicted surveillance

Alfonso Vespucci
Black Helicopters

Has Jacqui got a database yet..

of people who don't have one?

Photocops: Home Office concedes concern

Alfonso Vespucci

@ Daily Mail link

See how the officer who strikes him then drifts away from the scene as if it was nothing to do with him. Heavily armed school bullies.

Male chimps strike 'meat for sex' deals

Alfonso Vespucci

Brings a whole new perspective to....

"Raw Meat 3"

Pass the mind bleach.

Alfonso Vespucci

To coax with a piece of bread.

This reminds me of a poem a school friend of mine wrote. I can only remember the first 2 lines:

If I could coax a girlie into bed,

With nothing but a piece of bread....

Students Union reps vote to ban cheap booze for students

Alfonso Vespucci

Bloody Quisling

But at 26 isn't he a too old to become a minister in the next Labour government?