Posts by Camilla Smythe

Job ad warns of boss who 'will incite anger and frustration'

Let's face it - - that simply don't exists.

May one enquire if El Reg has snaffled a 'proof-reader' yet?

A close shave: How to destroy your hard drives without burning down the data centre

Don't blow up your hard ones.

Just install Ed 209..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9l9wxGFl4k

0800-Omni-Corp.

Shout 'three letters' .

"You have 30 seconds to comply"

Beaming boffins feel the rhythm as neutrinos oscillate over 500 miles

Fusor...

There is some other amateur stuff about.. Bussard reactor and that other bloke. Knowing nothing I have no idea how people might 'collimate' the 'beams' beyond suggesting that they do not. Having blurted as much there may be some thing whereby you can line up the incoming such that the outgoing goes in more or less the right direction.

That sort of shit is beyond me but interests me because if you were to go for fusion and pick a reaction that gives you 'charged' particles and the result could be directed then you could modulate the rate of production and blast said modulated charged particles down the centre of a coil of wire and generate AC electricity. IIRC it's called a transformer.

I would wave a smelly purple bell end about the place and suggest that one has to be more efficient than trying to boil kettles.

My Physics teacher at Skool was a cool 'old' dude with a passion for his art, both Physics and Teaching. Popped his clogs but not forgotten. I wish my mind would have been in tune... It could have been but the rest of the teachers were a bunch of fail and, of course, my head is not right.

Power Bar: EE was warned of safety risk BEFORE user was burned in explosion

Wuh!!

It is not as if battery charging technology is poorly understood but, wet finger, presumably EE had some proper charging technology to prolong the life of their stock but then promptly buggered up on the battery discharging technology. Duh-Oh.

Boffins have made optical transistors that can reach 4 TERAHERTZ

Re: Boffins have made optical transistors

In MatLab and published using LaTeX.

Want to download free AV software? Don't have a Muslim name

Wuh!!

So Apple sold this bloke a Mac, with an operating system and access to iTunes along with other software including Virtualisation Technology so that he could run a copy of Windows 10 on it... And Microsoft let him download a 'free' version of Windows 10 so he could run it under the Virtualisation Technology provided by Oracle[?] having previously bought a copy of Windows 7 or similar from Microsoft which he was running under the Virtualisation Technology given to him by Oracle so he could upgrade it.

Then it takes Sophos to flag him as being 'suspect'. FFS.. Are Apple, Microsoft and Oracle asleep at the wheel?

Sincerely

Camilla Farquhar Farthington Smythe

Copyright troll wants to ban 'copyright troll' from its copyright troll lawsuit

Never Heard of Them.

Obviously I need to hone my pron downloading skills a little/lot bit more in order to be captured.

Perhaps someone else can advise if they produce any stuff over and above what is generally available elsewhere that is worth having a frig/wank over.

Windows 10 marks the end of 'pay once, use forever' software

Ad Supported Solitaire

Given I have been out of the Microsoft loop for a while I did not know that the WIN8 version came with Ads?? So the WIN10 version is also Ad supported. PFFT, Don't know what people are moaning about then...

Just a moment. Are we not told elsewhere that WIN10 drops a UID, Unique Identifier, on all their customers as well as hoovering up all their data for the purposes, presumably, of providing behaviourally targeted advertising...?

Not really my thing but I've just installed AisleRiot Solitaire. Is the Windows version that much better or more engaging? Presumably the powers that be will now have to prevent people installing Linux in a VM under Windows so they can get and Ad Free Fix of Solitaire.

Microsoft's Windows 10 Torrent-U-Like updates GULP DOWN your precious bandwidth

Re: Wuh!!?

"Not even if the update files are signed?"

Obviously I am well out of my depth in terms of such matters... MD5 hash or some-such? Being a noob on Linux I rely on the prescribed suppositories, cough. I have 'torrented' distributions in the past as directed by the maintainers websites but, guess what.... I did not check the checksums. OK I did once or twice.

Granted.. similar concerns may well apply to 'torrenting' Linux.

Of course being a dimbulb I have a level of trust driven in part by the belief that Linux does not represent much of an interest to your average miscreant. Given the popularity of Windows, coughs again, if I were to be an 'evil eyetalian bastard' then on finding out that they have implemented this I would be hammering it really hard to find the flaw that gives me 'an in'.

So...

"Not even if the update files are signed?"

The answer is NO.

Wuh!!?

Perhaps I am being Tin Ingot/Chicken Little here but assuming I was going to be running Windows 10 what kind of stupid would I have to be to 'torrent' updates from someone else's likely to be unsecured install?

Alien dwarf 'star' flashes her dazzling brown rear at stunned space boffins

Victory Unintentional

"If you were able to stand on the surface of the brown dwarf we observed – something you could never do because of its extremely hot temperatures and crushing surface gravity – you would sometimes be treated to a fantastic light show courtesy of auroras hundreds of thousands of times more powerful than any detected in our solar system."

Three turned to ZZ One,

"Make a note of this, One, will you?"

"Make a note of this, One, will you!!!?"

-

-

"Wow! Look at the Shimmering Aurora on Her Arse."

Microsoft Edge web browser: A well-presented mea culpa

Re: Windows 10. Upgrade for 'Free'.... I am slayed

Good point azaks

Missing my possible misinterpretation of your possible point you are correct. In the interests of competition we need someone else in the market to screw us over harder than the present incumbents.

Windows 10. Upgrade for 'Free'....

https://edri.org/microsofts-new-small-print-how-your-personal-data-abused/

Erm. What's all that about then?

UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

Pron Sheild Up!!!!1!!!!

...Oh.. no Pron :-( Oooo.. no fix Linux Forums...

Hmmm???

cd /etc

sudo nano hosts

password? password123

xx.xx.xx.xx pornsite1.com

xx.xx.xx.xx pornsite2.com

xx.xx.xx.xx linuxforum.com

xx.xx.xx.xx rinse

xx.xx.xx.xx repeat

# The following lines are desirable for IPv6 capable hosts

::1 ip6-localhost ip6-loopback

fe00::0 ip6-localnet

ff00::0 ip6-mcastprefix

ff02::1 ip6-allnodes

ff02::2 ip6-allrouters

ctrl-O

ctrl-X

sudo reboot

Of course some of you might suggest I am slightly knowledgeable about this stuff. I really do not have a basic but bypassing my ISP pron/other filters using the hosts file was and remains laughably simple.

Perhaps Camerloons plan is in fact to force kids to either become competent with computers or make friends with the playground Geek and share USB sticks.

Scrub that. The bloke is a divot.

Maybe this is an admission by Mumsnet and their Wine & Cheese Party Pocket Politicians that their cunning plan failed so they have to come up with some other blither to try to impose on others based on their self serving ignorance.

More disturbingly the end game as far as this is concerned will be full-scale implementation of DPI. Wholesale monitoring of communications and.. naturally banning of encryption as well as curtains and toilet door locks.

Might as well move to Syria and get bombed by the Turks.

'Your purpose for visiting Syria?'

'I am trying to escape what is becoming a totalitarian regime?'

'Are you sure Sir? Not perchance going to join IS are we?'

'OK, you've got me. I'm trying to smuggle Dates to Iran without paying duty.'

'How many cartons?'

'Here, see Five.'

'I only see Four Sir... Move along now.'

The Wilson Doctrine isn't legally binding, MPs CAN be spied on, says QC

Simples

Advertising is based on the long tail whereby you track everyone to buggery and beyond, make big claims about your capabilities and pocket cash from mugs whilst passing the cost off to the general populace for a 'better tin of beans'.

Intelligence is based on Intelligence whereby you identify and target your targets appropriately.

I may be wrong here but it should not be that fucking hard.

When did the Intelligence Services decide that they were dumb fuck enough to qualify for membership of The IAB?

SPLAT! STAR THWACKED, GUTS flung into space at 15 per cent of LIGHTSPEED

Ooooh Bugger.

Looks folks, best we not direct a blast of Web-O-Rhea in the direction of such objects. Someone/Something might decide to hitch a ride.

North Korea's Red Star Linux inserts sneaky serial content tracker

Apparently

In "World War Z Rebirth" Theresa May takes a Zombie head out of her Gucci Handbag and uses it to infect Brad Pitt and then sucks all of his spunk into her fallopian tubes. Five minutes later she swells up and explodes in a shower of spores that grow into a massive reproductively viable homosexual hermaphrodite Cameron look-a-like Zombie army that go around fucking themselves and anything else in sight irrespective of genus or possible infection that might affect their viability. The third sequel, 'ConservativeZ', is already being planned. 'Coming To a Reality Near You Soon. If You Have Nothing To Hide You Have Nothing To Fear'.

Dwarfworld PLUTO may not have a real DOG on it - but it does have a TAIL

Uhm...

Excuse me.. but where does the article mention Platinum. Honest I read it and there is no mention of Platinum. What are all these comments about Platinum about?

Google dumps ISP email support. Virgin Media takes ball, stomps home

Presumably Google cannot....

Monetize peoples private communications hard enough when they are not signed up to all the other droneware.

Hacking Team: We're the good guys, but SO misunderstood. Like Batman

No Shit...

I've only got a 200GB hard one and I think I might notice if someone was exfiltrating the data off of it given my porn download rates would take a dive.

Perhaps next thing we know someone, some miscreant, will work out how to reverse engineer Galileo such that those who are using it get all their data slurped as well... assuming Hacking Team has delivered a 'clean product' without their own backdoors in place.

After all if the originators fucked up 400GB that badly then you have to ask how many bullets the gun has in it.

What's the EyeTalian for Numpties?

Google says its AI will jetwash all traces of malodorous spam from your box

Re: Meh

As I suggested 'It will probably all go horribly wrong'.

As is the case with Linux I followed someone else's tutorial in respect of the mail server on the Pi. I want to have Sam Hobbs babies.

https://samhobbs.co.uk/raspberry-pi-email-server

For shame I used Google to discover the available tools.

Fuck me... I also use StackOverflow for hints and tips on other Linux shit.

https://wikileaks.org/hackingteam/emails/emailid/328659

and I copy and paste.

Perhaps you might care to give a 'complete' tutorial.

I'll be spending close to £420 this year, sans fixed IP address on my Phone/BB. That's basic and you shit me about the 'financials'.

Do you have something else, more meaningful, to add to your critique beyond the sheeple do not have a clue so Google gets to advertise at them whilst swallowing all of their nice data for delivery to the NSA?

;; ANSWER SECTION:

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 5 ALT1.ASPMX.L.GOOGLE.com.

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 10 ASPMX4.GOOGLEMAIL.com.

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 10 ASPMX5.GOOGLEMAIL.com.

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 5 ALT2.ASPMX.L.GOOGLE.com.

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 10 ASPMX2.GOOGLEMAIL.com.

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 1 ASPMX.L.GOOGLE.com.

bengummer.com. 14400 IN MX 10 ASPMX3.GOOGLEMAIL.com.

I'll just slip my tin-foil pants on. Do you think my bum looks big in them?

Do have a nice day.

Re: Meh

I was tempted to question that one as well but then I thought perhaps the GoogleDroids were out in minor force to dissuade others from trying it for themselves.

Thanks for 'the in'

Obviously I am doing something wrong if I am not using Google to provide my e-mail services and no doubt having moved out from under their wing, as imposed by my ISP provider, I will be exposed to 'Hell',

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r-e2NDSTuE

Looking forward to some comments and advice from the down-voters.

"The Best of My Life. I Freely Admit I Owe it To Horse and Hounds: Camilla Smythe"

Does my bum look big in these Jodhpurs?

Re: Meh

Unsurprisingly Yup... However whilst it might destroy any chance I may have of a meaningful lebian relationship with Verity Stob unfortunately you might not like my extra appendage. Damn distance selling regulations.

Meh

Fixed IP address £2.50 per month.

Own Domain Name £5.00 per year.

Raspberry Pi B2 £30.00 one off.

PostFix/Dovecot/CaCert/IpTables/SpamCop

I do not mind the spam, do not get too much of it. Either it gets reported to SpamCop or I go and roger those concerned who are partially legitimate... or think they are.

Also my detection rate is 100 fucking % with 0 % false positives which makes Google look like limp dicks.

No doubt it will all go horribly wrong but I wish others would tell Google to go do one.

7/7 memories: I was on a helpdesk that day and one of my users died

Would it help if we banned encryption?

I can pretend to appreciate the pain, memories and concerns. After all I was not involved so I have no idea what all of you have commented went through so I can't pretend.

However I do need to ask the question.

Security world chuckles at Hacking Team’s 'virus torrent' squeals

Possibly Misplaced Obligatory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ienp4J3pW7U

Let me PLUG that up there, love. It’s perfectly standaAAARGH!

Nice to complain Alistair

Now, serious question... What the Fuck Are You Going To Do About It?.. Other than taking ElReg coin and having a ming about stuff so you can pay a Flake to fix stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFvtoJrK1Zg

WHY did NASA probe go suddenly SILENT - JUST as it was about to send pics of remote ice-world?

Re: because of the nine-hour delay for communications

"BOFH: Right, I've sent the re-boot command so I'm off down the beach to catch some rays. Bye y'all."

Having engineered the supposed fault in the first place Mr BOFH would have already taken 'vacation time'.. down the beach for the first 9 hours, spent the next 9 hours having a kip waiting for the problem to be reported and then sent the re-boot command.. which takes another 9 hours and the 'did it work?' comes back 9 hours later..... So he gets the next day off as well.

Otherwise AMAZEBALLS.. Hope it comes back up.

I regularly fuck up

sudo apt-get rm -rf

Password?: PresidentObama

Incorrect Password Please try again

Password?: PresidentObama1

and it takes me more than 9 hours to sort my shit out.

Japan's NTT whips out OpenStack cannon at cloud Godzilla AWS

Re: Freezone is buggered

"Nothing, including DNS works. Thanks for that 'Team Freezone'"

For clarification... as of this moment as in not in July 4th. Of course I may be wrong but 'Totally Tit's Up'

SMEG... I should have set my DNS TTL bigger to 'come next weekend in August' as opposed to '120'. Then again I am just a learner.

Freezone is buggered

"We’re doing some server maintenance at our UK data center on Saturday,

July 4th at 00:00 UKST. The maintenance will require downtime, but

should only last around 30 minutes. During that time, Freezone will not

be available for users at all. Any emails received during that period

will be saved and forwarded once we are back online.

Customer websites and emails hosted with Freezone will not work, online

support will remain offline as well. Again, it should only be around 30

minutes before everything’s back online. This upgrade will basically

help us rebound faster should a similar outage occur again (heaven

forbid).

We appreciate your patience and co-operation in this matter

Freezone Team"

Nothing, including DNS works. Thanks for that 'Team Freezone'

IPT: Sorry we confused Amnesty International with Egyptian group

Meh...

Possibly irrelevant[?] but...

http://www.frontlineclub.com/terry-waite-alan-johnston-and-amnesty-international-call-on-egypt-to-find-al-jazeera-staff-not-guilty/

I have noticed my local Muslim bloke watching a lot of Al-Jazeera. He often tries to convert me to Islam but does not get upset when I argue the toss from a Snitheists perspective, So Not Interested.

It's the hottest day of the year. So check out John Lewis' Xmas tech range!

I only bothered to check back with the first page...

WTF

Haven't they heard of an Astable Multivibrator? A couple Of OC81s and some other bits and pieces and you are on your way.... Apparently, for Audiophiles, it works a bit better with BC108s and quality polypropylene capacitors with resistors from Vishay... as was.

Presumably they can simulate the effect with a Mac, Kool Lighting and 'Blokes who apt-get' in 'White Coats' at 450 billion times the required budget.

Come at me not with your Theramins and KT88s lest I wrap loads of wire around an industrial sized empty cling film cardboard tube and electrocute you with my selected paralleled ECC86s taken from old tellies driving the primary copper tube of a water tank heater.

In your face, US citizens! Govt can’t save you from corporate eyes

Via Aral Balkan...

https://twitter.com/aral/status/616144877789806592

With reference to,

https://twitter.com/PandoDaily/status/615919679802970113

You might wish to compare and contrast The Advertising Industry, and their supporters, to The Tobacco Industry... and their supporters.... Or indeed Telecoms, net neutrality, or any other Industry---

There's big fuck off bucks to be made from screwing over the majority of the 'dumb fuck' population by targeting their ignorance.

HTH

Mobe encryption guru Charles Brookson picks up OBE from the Queen

<irony>

</irony>

Google IS listening: Binary blob banished from Chromium build

Let me put matters in perspective.

I do not give a flying fuck about anyone else's definition about what Chrome or Chromium might be or a discussion about Java, JavaScript... NaCl?

All I know is that 100% of people I know, as Johnny No Mates but excluding myself, have the Chrome Browser lurking on their computers along with the Ask Toolbar and that thing that lets 'Indians' log in remotely to bugger things up even more.

Dear Google. Fuck Off.

Re: Listening?

"Which is the right thing to do.

Keeps the openistas happy and everything continues to work as is for Joe Public, who doesn't give a rat's arse about this sort of thing and also makes up 99+% of the user base."

I agree. Send them all to the gas chambers now. Eugenics is wasted on them.

Robo-car wars: Delphi's near crash, prang, wallop with Google DENIED!

Probably...

FUD FOLLOWS,

Copied each others API's from Elon Musk. Next you know Oracle will be suing them.

Bloke is driving down the road in his <insert car here>Car</insert car here> and the API notices 'Flash Flash Flash' via its rear view thing and decides to speed up.

55-60-70 mph.

'Flash Flash Flash'

70-80-90 mph

'Flash Flash Flash'

100-110-120 mph

The flashing stops..

'Tap Tap Tap'

Passenger clicks the override window button. Whirr Thunk.

'Excuse me mate. Have you got a light?'

'Are you trying to kill yourself?!1!'

'I only smoke two a day.'

ETC

Space station cabbage: To boldly grow where no veg has grown before

Duh-Oh

"The camera is tuned to identify traces of iron, calcium, magnesium, and sodium from the disintegrating space rock, so that scientists can get a better idea of meteors' chemical composition."

I suppose the camera will tell them that the space rock is composed of iron, calcium, magnesium, and sodium...

"The camera is tuned to identify traces of Tribbles from disintegrating space rock, so that scientists can get a better idea of meteors' Tribble composition."

Oh... perhaps I fixed it for myself. I'll get me hat.

Abort, abort! Metal-on-metal VIOLENCE as Google's robo-car nearly CRASHES

Presumably...

Not enough randomness in the adaptive prediction libraries.

Google: Hmm, It's going to move right: I'll move left.

Delphi: Hmm, It's going to move right: I'll move left.

Google/Delphi: Whoa! Fuck!!

US SaaS firm bows to Snowden concerns with UK-based datacentre

And there is no orbiting datacenter option why?

Someone took off and nuked it from a higher orbit?

Elsewhere it is turtles all the way down.

Perception...

“People here feel the the US government can access it [data held in the US] any given time,” said Novogrodski. “When it’s here, they feel they can’t.”

ssh [e-mail]

[e-mail] password: BOB^H^H^H

Permission denied, please try again.

[e-mail] password: NSA^H^H^H

Access comes with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY, to the extent

permitted by applicable law within the jurisdiction you come from.

Last login: Thu Jun 25 14:16:40 2015 from nsa.gov

Please Type: sudo su for root access

sudo su

root: ls -al

drwxr-xr-x 14 root root 4096 Jun 23 15:53 .

drwxr-xr-x 5 root root 4096 Jun 21 11:47 ..

drwxr-xr-x 4 root root 4096 Jun 11 11:36 .boring stuff

drwxr-xr-x 7 root root 4096 Jun 11 11:36 .highly sensitive stuff

root: cd .h TAB

-

-

BT: Let us scrap ordinary phone lines. You've all got great internet, right?

Erm...?

Presumably by scrapping PSTN/POTS BT are suggesting they will be able to cover the entire country with superfast stuff and I will still be able to phone me, 87 year Old, mum, who lives out in 'The Boonies', regularly at 9.00AM of a Friday to check she has not popped her cloggs and I have not scored my inheritance... without being charged 'mobile phone' data rates or having her prematurely converted to Soylent Blue Rinse. Oh, silly me. Past performance.... I assume BT will be re-branding 21CN as 22CN sometime soon.

As the US realises it's been PWNED, when will OPM heads roll?

Shit happens...

Extradite Gary McKinnon. Sorted.

Beyond the Grave: US Navy pays peanuts for Windows XP support

Hi

Clippy here..

"in the context of the U.S. Navy's 326,00 active personnel"

In the context of the U.S Navy's

> 326,00 Active Personnel

> 326,00 a) i]

Glad to have sorted out your 'bullet points'. Please do carry on.

Amazon enrages authors as it switches to 'pay-per-page' model

Erm No...

You see I have not seen 'Broke Back Mountain' which is apparently about Gay Cow Folks and I have not read the book... assuming it exists,

So, Therefore I do not want Amazon knowing I repeatedly return to pages n through n+x where the main characters satiate their innate desires with the male animals in the local barn.

There is something wrong here and I am not convinced it is me.

The wonderful madness of metrics: Different things to different folk

What was the Fucking Point of this Article?

"As to if it will ever be fixed, I have my doubts, but stranger things have happened. If, and until then, any customer who doesn’t do due diligence and takes any vendors’ word without doing some fact checking, will have only themselves to blame. ®"

Should I consult a Financial Advisor... The Wheeto's Can Go Round and Round and Not come out Here... We have Advanced to Web 9.0.1

It's your fault that we lied to you, Dumb Fuck.

Say 'cheese'! Cassini probe ZOOMS IN on Saturn's craggy Dione moon

Apparently

"The present Black Hole is a result of The Butterfly Effect whereby the clever sods tipped gravity balance and it sort of tumbled into itself"

"Yes. That's all Physics and technical stuff. But did the associated Civilisation develop a sustainable advertising culture before its demise?"

Supermarket tweet: Twitter ankles balloon in product, places shopping frenzy

Re: "Here's one from tits 'n' dragons drama"

In News Elsewhere I am slightly disturbed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R77j9rUuky4

I suppose it is the power of ADVERTISING. I did shift key for that one.

<caps lock>

WHY THE FUCK DO WE HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE FUCKING SLOPPY CLUELESS GITS WHO DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT FUCK DETERMINE OUR FUTURE?

</CAPS LOCK>

</caps lock>

"Here's one from tits 'n' dragons drama"

https://twitter.com/GameofThrones/timelines/608393602343944192

No Tits??

.. Pfft back to Blender.

Chrome, Debian Linux, and the secret binary blob download riddle

Perhaps someone selse has mentioned..

https://www.privateinternetaccess.com/blog/2015/06/google-chrome-listening-in-to-your-room-shows-the-importance-of-privacy-defense-in-depth/

Given Google is now targeting Linux

Which OS, as a slightly self educated numpty, can I trust before giving up and committing suicide?

http://hightechchat.reocities.com/SoHo/opening/3630/part2/chap23.html

“We must all hang together,

or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

– Ben Franklin

Pfft I guess that in the general loss of stuff I do not rate.