Posts by Ian Ferguson

Plough gives birth to sextuplets

Nightfall

Those are boring names. I vote to change the stars' names to Onos, Dovim, Trey, Patru, Tano and Sitha, in honour of Isaac Asimov and his truly excellent novel Nightfall :D

Kidnap fears kybosh charity car rally

Question for author

As a matter of interest, do you think the person who paid £900 for your car (which you bought for £20) got value for money? I'm not trying to be a devil's advocate, I'm just interested how the economics of the fund-raising work - at a cursory glance, it sounds like you're raising money by fleecing the locals in the charity target country.

I'm sure it's not like that, but I'm wondering how it does work - did you add £880 to the value of the car through running repairs? Or are budget cars worth more in that part of the world due to scarcity?

Anyway, I hope this excellent rally restarts - I dearly hope to take part myself one day, although my vehicle of choice would be motorcycle rather than car - I don't know how to repair anything with more than two wheels :)

Facebook screams at users: 'Sort your privacy. NOW'

Surely it's Facebook's responsibility, not mine

If I have already set a privacy setting on Facebook, I expect it to stay set.

Unfortunately they keep changing the rules, and it's difficult to know what to expect.

I know email preferences are different to privacy; but I had unsubscribed from ALL Facebook emails by unticking every box in the settings, but about a week ago Facebook decided to re-tick some of those boxes without my permission, and I started receiving email from them again.

Seeing as I'd given explicit opt-out instruction, I think that's a bit off.

I've gone off Facebook, I'm only going to post private information on Twitter now. [irony alert]

Google sues alleged work-at-home scammers

For those smugly saying 'what popups'

If you use Firefox or popup blockers, you're probably canny enough to know a scam when you see one. IT illiterate types using IE and computers full of malware are the target audience; they're the type who might think that "Posting links on Google" is a profitable enterprise.

What strikes me is how long it takes to stop these companies when they're hosted in the USA. Anything like that in Europe is punched down within days by the authorities; America's 'free trade' appears to allow this kind of thing to go on until somebody pulls out a lawyer.

FIA to oversee first e-car 'grand prix' series

Link

http://www.evcup.com

MIT win DARPA's flashcrowd balloon-hunt compo

So...

...MIT have proved that pyramid schemes work?

Or, at least, people can be convinced that they do work. :)

2009's Top Netbooks

Size

Shame they're all 10" now. 9" is the netbook sweet spot for me but nobody does them any more :(

Webmasters fume as Google profiles signed-out searchers

Woohoo!

More relevant search? Pushing down sites that are trying to 'game' Google and force themselves in front of my eyeballs? Thanks Google :D

Pig plague alert: Avoid missionary position

Foreplay

I'm not sure how effective kiss-blowing and upper-arm squeezing will be as foreplay... I think to practice truly safe sex we need full-body condoms (aka Police Academy?)

PrevX U-turn on Windows update Black screen of Death claim

Screenshot

PrevX might not have been able to provide a screenshot, but I've found one for you here:

http://stemplay.com/mges/Black%20Wallpaper.jpg

Should you lose your religion on your CV?

If an employer cared whether I was a muslim or not

I would not want to work there.

Cyborg MIT prof touts iPhone-controlled power-jumping legs

iPhone app?

He'll be lucky to control anything using the iPhone's crippled Bluetooth, unless he's jailbroken the phone.

However, I agree with DannyAston, why lever iPhone into a perfectly good story!

What ever happened to storing pics with electron cannons?

I love this series

It's better than porn: Official :D

(Back) into The Valley

Oh dear lord, the GOTOs

The horror...

Funny though, I remember more BASIC from my school days than I do French.

O2 gives birth to GiffGaff in gust of gabble

50p a spam?

Anyone who mails me that crap will promptly find themselves blocked.

You can't monetise a community.

Aus gov dredges up cuter panic-button for kids online

Madeleine

CEOP seem keen on the Madeleine McGann case (see their homepage). Maybe every photo site (flickr etc) should have a 'I've Found Maddie!' button?

Google flirts with new-look home page

Looks like Windows XP

You know, the crayon-designed blobby primary coloured version that you have to endure for whole minutes until you figure out how to revert to the businesslike grey.

And calling the options the 'sidebar' reeks of Vista!

Still - I wonder if their intention is to make it look the same in all browsers and platforms. The buttons currently look different, for example, in OS X Safari to Windows IE.

Facebook swipes user's vanity URL

Business vs individual

I think David is unfortunately mistaking Facebook for a user-focussed website. It's clients aren't users, but businesses. Users are merely eyes for adverts.

After all, how much is David going to directly pay Facebook in revenue? Keeping a business happy is a much more productive act for them than keeping a user happy.

'Alien spies live among us' says Bulgarian gov space boffin

Oh this is just brilliant

Ten million internets to the first person who can find out how BAS 'decrypts' crop circle patterns to get their messages. Then we'll have a fun trip to Bulgaria next summer to do some circlemaking :D

www.circlemakers.org

MIT boffins invent robot clam-grapnel

Question on video

Is that a robot or a real live razor clam? The MIT website is unclear.

Atlantis astronaut flying high over baby's birth

Story summary:

Texan goes on business trip as wife is due to give birth; nonetheless, lauded as American hero.

Apple voids warranties over cigarette smoke, users say

They should email Steve Jobs himself!

They'll probably get a prompt and sympathetic response, like "stop smoking. not that big a deal"

Yank objects to Reg cherry-popping headline

OMG think of the children D:

If only nasty evil Google was prohibited from indexing news sources, this kind of horrible occurance would never happen!

US forces developing 'miniature weapons' for killer robots

Disappointing

I was hoping that 'miniature weapons' meant teeny tiny guns to be held in the claws of insect-sized surveillance droids.

Pop! Pop! Pop! OW, stoppit!

Amazon punters go mad for 'Laptop Steering Wheel Desk'

The real genius

is in the Customer Pictures at the top :)

'Banned' Xbox Live consoles appearing on eBay

Eh?

Surely it's the xbox live user that is banned, not the console?

Any user that connects to xbox live using one of these consoles probably will end up banned, unless they de-mod them first.

US monster-truck roboguns to blast enemies autonomously

Hilarious

Just wait for somebody near one of these to release a dove of peace, which happens to fly towards the vehicle...

Parents demand control over text messaging

Why blacklisting?

I don't see why mobiles can't have a whitelisting system. (Think Facebook if you want a noomeeja comparison) Not just for kids - personally I'd quite like to only allow known friends to be able to call me, and known businesses during specified hours.

How blogger kept Belle de Jour's ID secret

Good for him

Top man.

When algorithms attack, does Google hear you scream?

Google FAIL

Excellent article and investigation, thank you.

I have long felt that Google is shooting itself in the foot by operating a 'no categorisation' policy - insisting on one set of search results, no user options at all. This is great when the search results are clean and the search query is suitable; but in terms of comparison sites, it's Google's biggest weakness.

I would dearly love to see the option to show or hide comparison sites, along with review sites, shopping sites (sometimes I just want to go to the manufacturer's site, not see where I can buy an item), or indeed any kind of for-profit site (sometimes I just want independent opinion). The problem lies in the fact that Google do not want the task of categorisation or judgement - hence the 'it's the algorithm wot done it' argument.

At a Google-run SEO conference a number of years ago I put it to the speaker that business-led SEO is not always in the best interest of their users, and that shopping comparison sites are a prime example - she could not understand, insisting that if a business has the resources to optimise or money to advertise, they must be providing the most relevant content.

US data firm blows s**t out of server

I do hope

they properly disposed of the equipment according to WEEE legislation afterwards.

LHC starts beaming Saturday: Collisions Dec 3

Excellent

I think they should wait until 2012 to fire the beams together, and then get Obama there to push the button, along with contingencies from the WHO and UN.

Purely to watch the borderline-schizophrenic tinfoil hat brigade go nuts with their conspiracy theories :D

Facebook battles attack by child protection chief

I agree with this

This should be on all publicly accessible websites, worldwide, and I would also like to suggest:

[ Click here to report child abuse ]

[ Click here to report illegal pornography ]

[ Click here to report piracy ]

[ Click here to report suspiciously tall photographers ]

[ Click here to report terrorism ]

[ Click here to report deviant thinking ]

MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Mind bleach please

I didn't even have my speakers on and couldn't bear more than thirty seconds of that.

If anyone needs to get that horrific, inhuman monstrosity out of their head, google 'goatse' or 'jarsquatter'. You'll thank me.

BeautifulPeople shun hairy Reg hack

Here's my dating pic

I can't understand why I'm not getting more offers.

http://www.twitpic.com/n62qs

Sky talks up subscription 3D merits

Timing

Sky and their hardware partners are obviously timing their service carefully, to make everybody change from HDTV to 3D. That is, after everybody's made the LCD to HDTV change; following on from the Widescreen to LCD change; following on from the colour CRT to Widescreen change; following the black and white to CRT change; etc.

I'm not saying I'd rather be squinting at a miniature 1950's black and white television, but I'd rather technology was driven by consumer choice and genuine innovation, rather than manufacturer profits.

My next bet is on Smell-o-vision.

Firefox syncing tool Weaves its way into beta status

Does this mean

my porn browsing history follows me to work?

Otherwise I'm not clear on the features of this product!

Microsoft's Startup Whisperer enters Google Chocolate Factory

"A veteran of countless startups"

"A veteran of countless startups" is a fantastic way to say "all previous ventures failed". I must remember that one :)

Mark Cuban counsels Google-busting bribery

Only a million?

Being the top ranked website on Google for one of the most popular keywords is worth a hell of a lot more than a million bucks.

Sure, you could buy companies out, but only the ones who aren't getting value for money out of Google - and, logically, those aren't the ones people are trying to find. Nothing of value would be lost.

Judge Dredd 'Black Box' recorder/spy kit for guns unveiled

Be honest, people.

The safest solution? Ban guns. Americans whinging about their rights? A truly cultured society wouldn't allow free access to tools designed purely for murder.

T-shirt firm hijacks good ship Pirate Bay

Tape

Wasn't the tape skull-and-crossbones on the Pirate Bay logo nicked from the Home Recording is Killing Music campaign?

Rockstar confirms Grand Theft Auto V

City suggestions?

New Orleans

Liverpool

Mogadishu

French woman marries dead fiancé

Consummation

"Thus some theologians, such as Fr. John A. Hardon, state that intercourse with contraception does not consummate a marriage." - AC 13:21

I do hope this is the official church point of view, because following that thinking, pre-marital and inter-marital intercourse is not a sin :D

Channel 4 to become Channel 3D tonight

If you want some of the Channel 4 branded glasses

I saw hundreds of them decomposing in a storm drain yesterday. I have a feeling a delivery man couldn't be bothered :)

They don't seem to be putting on much worth watching. You know the old adage about the driver of new technology? I can't help feeling it would have been more successful if Channel Five did it in the old days when they screened late night soft porn.

Bishop calls for Priests 2.0 to evangelise on the net

Zap and Clicker era?

What in the name of our good lady is Zap and Clicker?

LG: watchphones for all in 2010

Screw watch phones,

I want a cufflink phone!

Hotmail imposes tracking cookies for logout

Close windows?

Surely if you're blocking cookies, you can break the session just by closing the browser window?

It's a bit misleading saying it 'won't log you out', more that it won't keep any record of you logging out, or in for that matter.

YouTube tests skippable pre-roll ads

Sponsored by?

There are two things I think YouTube could do to make these ads acceptable;

1. Keep them to a second or so - like the 'sponsored by' ads before some non-BBC TV programmes.

2. (assuming the above is done) Include the ad in the main video stream. There's nothing worse than waiting minutes for a video to load on a crappy connection, only to find that the video that has loaded is merely an advert, and your actual destination video hasn't even started.

DARPA in bid for shark-portable laser rayguns

Naming FAIL

DARPA have let themselves down with this one. "Fibre Laser Pulse Source, or FILPS"? Any psychotic military general with a grain of hyperbolic naming skill would have called it FLAPS.

Spanish Army builds ant-colony AI conquistador algorithm

I thought the Americans had figured this one out years ago...

...by bombing the fuck out of the battlefield to allow their troops to stomp over it safely while shouting 'Hut! Hut! Hut!' in a manly manner