* Posts by Juan Inamillion

498 posts • joined 24 Feb 2009


'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

Juan Inamillion



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Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer

Juan Inamillion

Re: Yes the users are bad

I used to be in Zen's Partner Program so I got a small commission if I sold clients their services (I was an independent Apple trader, retired now). Incredibly helpful, they'd even help out if the client equipment hadn't been purchased from them. In nearly 20 years I never had a complaint about them.

Florida man might just stick it to HP for injecting sneaky DRM update into his printers that rejected non-HP ink

Juan Inamillion

Re: HP printers

That's weird, I've been replacing my Mac clients' Epsons and HP's with Brothers for several years and everyone has been happy. Especially at being able to use 3rd party ink/toner.

Never had a problem with 'drivers', plug them in and it's all good.

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2

Juan Inamillion

Trying to teach...

"I haven't got time!"

"Just make it work!"

Either or both....

Post Office burned £100m in UK taxpayer cash on Horizon IT scandal legal fees, MPs told

Juan Inamillion

Beyond reason

How did it come to this? It seems impossible that what should be simple accounting ends up with lives at stake, lives and families ruined. And all the associated people, relatives etc and what about friends and neighbours? \all the people in their local communities who trusted them and all that trust erroneously cast aside. All who came to mistrust these sub-postmasters and for what? A fucking computer error.

If I had a few million I'd put it into their fund to ream those bastards. Paula Venells for a start. Millions she 'earned' and then off to another highly paid job with no accountability for what havoc she's caused.

It's an utter utter disgrace and no doubt none of the fuckers responsible will ever be held to account.

Sorry it's been a long day...

Don't be fooled, experts warn, America's anti-child-abuse EARN IT Act could burn encryption to the ground

Juan Inamillion

Ian Bru


Thanks for the Irn Bru adverts video, absolutely made my day!

It's official! The Register is fake news… according to .uk overlord Nominet. Just a few problems with that claim, though

Juan Inamillion

Re: The problem with "fake news"...

It seems to me that if an article was referred to as 'lies' it would be taken a whole lot more seriously by it's author and m'learned friends in the public domain.

Using the phrase 'fake news' is almost childish, playground banter-ish and so much less likely to be taken seriously, but ultimately devaluing the discourse.

Brits may still be struck by Lightning, but EU lawmakers vote for bloc-wide common charging rules

Juan Inamillion

Re: Hopefully the UK will follow this


Have a beer for that word. Lovely.

Remember those infosec fellas who were cuffed while testing the physical security of a courthouse? The burglary charges have been dropped

Juan Inamillion

Left hand meet right...

See title.

Windows 7 back in black as holdouts report wallpaper-stripping shenanigans

Juan Inamillion

Spinal Tap...

World-record-breaking boffins reveal the fastest spinning thing on Earth – and it's not George Orwell in his grave

Juan Inamillion

Thanks, it was the mere mention of a Ford Transit Van on a m-way that evoked ancient memories of a life past lived...

Juan Inamillion

Actually, to be more specific, I'd say a Ford Transit Van on the M1 heading toward what was the Blue Boar services at Watford Gap at 2AM. Never been beaten I'd venture...

A user's magnetic charm makes for a special call-out for our hapless hero

Juan Inamillion

Not exactly IT..

Back in the '70's when I was a sound recording engineer for while I remember one client who was paranoid about the safety of his multitrack tapes and insisted they were wrapped in aluminium foil (sigh) and that he took them home every night. One day he came in, we lined up the tape and pressed play... and the tape sounded like the old Radio Luxembourg with the sound fading in and out. Obviously it couldn't be the studio's fault and he hadn't travelled home by London Underground (oh yes, that was supposed to be a problem too!). But when he'd got home the night before he'd parked the reel of tape next to his (CRT) TV....

Antarctic researchers send an SOS to the world: Who wrote this message in a bottle?

Juan Inamillion

I say, top banana!

You Reg chappies (and -esses) are the best, what a superb bit of community-spirited detective work.

What is this, 1989? Laplink is still a thing and wants to help with Windows 7 migrations

Juan Inamillion

Re: external USB hard drives

"your photos will still be viewed decades from now." You're going to be sorely disappointed in 'decades from now' if you believe that. I researched the ability to used optical media for archiving data a few years ago and found that even the very best genuine (there's a lot of fake stuff out there) 'Archive Quality' media would certainly not be good for 'decades'.

If it's that vital I'd say you need to store on at least twice on two different types of media. You also need to keep at least two systems capable of reading and outputting the data. It all depends on the importance attached to the data and your intrinsic paranoia.

Not a death spiral, I'm trapped in a closed loop of customer experience

Juan Inamillion

Re: If you have a new house

So if the 'sharer' can't/doesn't have any bills in their name/address, how do they verify ID?

You've just created the closed loop that everyone here has complained of!

Devon knows how they make it so steamy: Phantom squatter of Torquay curls one out on bloke's motor

Juan Inamillion

Now then now then..

The police should have taken a sample of the chod for DNA analysis. There's the IT angle, Shirley?

If servers go down but no one hears them, did they really fail? Think about it over lunch

Juan Inamillion

Re: re One should always check the current standards for voltage before plugging in

Just a shout out for a British company making (IMHO) the best charger/adaptors that I've come across. The company is nothing to do with me personally although I did meet the owner once and he gave me a couple of samples (we were getting drunk on a train!). Amazing stuff, very compact and they FOLD FLAT, no dodgy pins to wreck screens!

Anyway, you can see there stuff here:


BT to up targets for FTTP rollout 'if the right conditions are met'

Juan Inamillion


I'm curious about the downvotes posted to the comments here. It seems anything criticising BT gets a few downvotes... Even though it's generally agreed that BT are the source of much of the problem with broadband roll out in the UK.

Cops use bread and riot shields in desperate bid to contain crazed swan running amok in streets

Juan Inamillion


The title is one of the finest phrases ever to come out of Scotland (along with many others). Thanks for that.

And now for another situation in which the Scottish diction causes trouble.


Biker sues Google Fiber: I broke my leg, borked my ankle in trench dug to lay ad giant's pipe

Juan Inamillion

Hairdressers from Croydon

Harley Davidsons or Hardly Abletoos are the preferred mode of transport for the title, at least according to a friend of mine. Just about OK for going in a straight line, which is most big roads in the US. Try one on typical roads in the UK and you'll think different ;-)

Darwin's principle tends to take care of anyone not riding defensively or paying close attention to road surfaces. One can still get caught out though. The UK's Ministry of Potholes tries very hard to conceal their efforts, often by filling them with water and placing them on the line you'd take on a long bend. Long narrow scars in the road are particularly interesting as the front wheel tries to follow them.

I've been riding for about 50 years, had a couple of accidents, luckily nothing more serious than gravel rash. Moped and food delivery riders are a particular source of worry these days, astonishing to see them ride like they're invincible...

I say, that sucks! Crooks are harnessing hoovers to clean out parking meters in Chelsea

Juan Inamillion

Re: Where did they get the power?

Errm.... Battery power tools?

Crowdfunded lawyer suing Uber told he can't swerve taxi app giant's £1m legal bill

Juan Inamillion

Missing the point

A good few commentaries seem to be missing the point. You can consider it a test case. It's not about claiming the £1 in VAT it's about the principle. Yes, I realise that 'lawyer' and 'principle' in the same sentence might be considered an oxymoron but he's trying to force the issue with regards to Uber's position as an 'employer' and it's liability for taxes, especially VAT.

I don't think ego comes into it, certainly not any reward.

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

Juan Inamillion

Cooking Basmati

To get really nice rice it is pretty essential to wash and drain a few times as described (use a sieve not a colander, btw...) but I've often missed the 'leave in cold water for 30 minutes...

For quantities I'm forced to use that American measure 'a cup', however, for us Brits I'll qualify that and say 'an ordinary tea cup', like the posh ones your mum had. Anyway, 'a cup' of rice per person is usually sufficient and put in the saucepan. Now add the equivalent in cups of water, so 2 cups of rice plus 2 cups of water in the saucepan. Bring to the boil with a little salt then - this is important - put a lid on and turn the heat down to lowest to simmer for 15 minutes. DO NOT LIFT THE LID OR STIR while cooking. After 15 mins it should be ready, check by tasting.

Amazon's creepy facial recog doorbell, Facebook open sources machine learning code and much more

Juan Inamillion

Re: More solutions looking for problems

Possibly so that manufacturers of elevator and phone 'please hold' music don't have to pay copyright? Just one...

Naked women cleaning biz smashes patriarchy by introducing naked bloke gardening service

Juan Inamillion

What makes me laugh is that so many commentards here think that it's a pucker service to do the garden or kitchen or whatever.

The idea is for the hirer to sit back and watch. Any 'work' achieved is a bonus.

Tech support discovers users who buy the 'sh*ttest PCs known to Man' struggle with basics

Juan Inamillion


It's quite interesting to see some comments here about 'older' people. My client list is very eclectic and I can tell you there are as many 'young' people as there are 'older' people who struggle with operating computers. Never assume - it makes an ass out of u and me.

France: Let's make the internet safer. America, Russia, China: Let's go with 'no' on that

This post has been deleted by a moderator

From today, it's OK in the US to thwart DRM to repair your stuff – if you keep the tools a secret

Juan Inamillion

Re: But how are...

'Yay Wicked! Now we can have Bubba's engine management system modded truck scudding down the highway, with cousin Cletus's modded braking system in place. What could go wrong?'

Don't worry, Darwin will take care of them....

Manchester man fined £1,440 after neighbours couldn't open windows for stench of dog toffee

Juan Inamillion


Dog toffee - new one on me, is it in Rogers Profanisaurus? Pretty descriptive...

Canine clagnuts is another one.

Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

Juan Inamillion

'In the case of our wondrous mongrel tounge, the rulebooks were generally dreamed up in the 18th and 19th centuries by prescriptivist linguists '

Very cunning them linguists...

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

Juan Inamillion

Talking of tin soldiers...

The finest


On the first day of Christmas my true love gave me tea... pigs-in-blankets-flavoured tea

Juan Inamillion


A bit off topic but...

Many years ago when I was a roadie it took a while before catering was brought along on a tour. 'Food' on the road was usually at the behest - or mercy- of the promoter and usually consisted of pizzas and cheap beer. Early tour catering companies were often chancers who lacked some of the necessary cooking skills, which often led to some confrontations and redecorated kitchen areas..

We reckoned one such nameless company should have had as a moto 'If it can't be made with potatoes, it can't be made at all', such were their limits. The same company carried pallet loads of baked beans when touring Europe too...

Brussel sprouts would have been a luxury.

And celery is most definitely Satan's food of choice.

Submarine cables at risk from sea water, boffins warn. Wait, what?

Juan Inamillion

In the name of all that's holy...

'Click to embiggen'

Please please... just no.

Fix this faxing hell! NHS told to stop hanging onto archaic tech

Juan Inamillion

Not the only Guvmint dept to use fax

About 2-3 years ago I had a little problem with HMRC (UK Inland Revenue). I had to fill in and sign a form and send it back to them. As I'd left it rather tight for time post-wise I phoned and said I could scan it and email it. I was told very firmly that they could only accept a fax. I said I hadn't owned a fax machine for years and asked what was wrong with email, she said, rather frostily, 'because of security...'

I hadn't the heart to tell her how many documents I'd seen faked on fax machines...

Sysadmin shut down server, it went ‘Clunk!’ but the app kept running

Juan Inamillion

Re: Halted machine on other side of the planet

What was his fix? The power distribution board was overhead, so he hits the cutouts labelled "front office" until the room got suspiciously quieter. After a 10-count, turn it back on and server reboots. Problem solved and he could leave.

Love it. Lateral thinking. The sort of thing a British roadie would do..,

UK pub chain Wetherspoons' last call: ♫ Just a spoonful of Twitter – let's pull social media down ♫

Juan Inamillion

Re: I, for one...

You were lucky... I was in a pub just outside Durham about a year ago, for a cheeky pint in the afternoon. First time I'd ever been there.

The pint was £1.85.

I smiled until I opened my wallet to discover I only had a £50 note (my 'emergency money')...

Juan Inamillion

I, for one...

...enjoy the range of beers they serve and especially getting 3 pints from a tenner (living in London this is Very Important).

There's always a glorious hubbub of voices not having to compete with music (for which I'll go to see a live band elsewhere) or slot machines (I just don't).

If that makes me sound like a grumpy old git well I don't think I am, I'd just rather sit and talk complete shite with friends and family!


Apple turns hat around, sits backwards on chair, pitches iPad to schools

Juan Inamillion

Apple uk

As you mention '£10k worth' I assume you're in the UK.

And that means dealing with Apple UK.

Who have been a bunch of twunts for as long as I can remember (as an 'independent Apple consultant' for 20 odd years). Meeting up with other independents, much much bigger than me, at Apple's headquarters at Stockley Park confirmed that Apple had no real interest and, no, you can never get a name.

OK, who is shooting at Apple staff buses in California? Knock it off

Juan Inamillion

Anyone doubting the lethality of a 'pellet' gun.

Very sad...


Wow, MIND-BLOWING: Florida Man gets an earful from 'exploding Apple AirPod' bud

Juan Inamillion

Can't believe no one else has found this yet...

An absolute gift, Desmond Dekker.


OK, Google: Why does Chromecast clobber Wi-Fi connections?

Juan Inamillion

I don't use Chromecast but after a couple of years of fighting with a two Virgin 'Superhubs', both of which would also bork at least once or twice a day - often more - I switched the last one to 'Modem Only', bought a Synology RT1900ac router and have had completely trouble-free wifi PLUS increased coverage for the past eighteen months.

I've also tested (and fitted to friends networks) the TP-Link VR400 AC1200 router with equally good results.


Disk drive fired 'Frisbees of death' across data centre after storage admin crossed his wires

Juan Inamillion

Wait. ‘Magnet’ plus ‘audio tape’? I’m surprised you kept the job. The last thing in the world that you want is a magnetised razor blade being used for editing tape! Must have have made a lovely thump as the edit passed the heads...

And never in all my many years in recording studios did I ever ever see an engineer or assistant leave a razor blade on top of a reel. Ever.

A ‘budget’ studio I worked in once had a Brenell 1” 8 track machine, this being the cheapest on the market. This meant it lacked some sophistication in the transport department. So you could go directly from fast wind to play without the transport slowing the reels down before engaging the pinch wheel and capstan. This produced what was called a ‘bootlace’, which was a few feet of tape stretched from being 1” wide to about a 1/4”. Needless to say this would always occur somewhere in the middle of a master take.

A full reel of tape on fast wind is a sight (and sound) to behold.

Samsung starts cranking out 512GB eUFS storage

Juan Inamillion


Slightly O/T.

Living in London is great except for if you own a car. Admittedly I ride a (motor) bike most times but a car is an necessity for transporting luggage, computers, friends and, err... the lady (esp when dressed up). Also admittedly my annual car mileage is low, prob a few thousand if that. So for the past several years I've used Zipcars for short journeys (up to 60 miles before incurring mileage charges), includes fuel, Congestion Charge and insurance. £15 per month, first 3 hours in a month included, then an hourly charge (starting at about £6.50)

Longer hires or journeys I can rent a car from Hertz for as little as £20 per day, unlimited mileage. Now I know the guys at the local rental they usually upgrade me to a much better one than I've booked!

I don't think I've had any car older than 2 years or more mileage than 11,000. And they're always clean...

Can't beat walking away from one and forgetting about it!

UK Land Registry opens books on corporate owners

Juan Inamillion

Re: Private Eye

I'd imagine very closely...

Car trouble: Keyless and lockless is no match for brainless

Juan Inamillion

Infotainment system

I hire cars quite a lot (cheaper than owning one in London!) and over the decades it's been hundreds. Getting into a new one is always exciting as, without asking the agent, you try to find a. where to put the key/fob b. whether you have to put a foot on the brake before it'll turn over c. discover the exact location of the wipers AND washer (this is really important) but without doubt d. is the winner, which is try and get any kind of sense out of the 'infotainment system'.

Fortunately a lot of car makers have at least reverted to a central knob which defaults to being the volume. You can easily and quickly use it! Oh joy! But that's where it stops being fun. Just working out what is an active button and what is simply a small piece of inert trim is enough to drive you mad.

And then there's pairing your phone... Some cars seem to want to pair with your phone, or any phone that happens to be near.

Then there's satnav. Figuring out how to adjust the volume of the voice over the ducking music...

Don't get me started..

Is that a bulge in your pocket or... do you have an iPhone 8+? Apple's batteries look swell

Juan Inamillion

Doctor Doctor...

Take away the pain. Just leave the swelling...

/dirty Mac

Fancy that! Craft which float over everything on a cushion of air

Juan Inamillion

Ahem.. This is probably a stupid thought. Steerable jets?

Has anybody tried using steerable jets for propulsion (not lift)?

I went on the Ramsgate hovercraft once (a long time ago obvs). The noise, the buffeting and the windows just covered in spray I remember very well. Surprisingly I didn't get sea sick (I usually do). Fantastic to have done it though.

Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Juan Inamillion

Re: Smart intercoms/bells are a good idea, that are usually badly implemented

Shirley, 'ding dong' has been copyrighted by Leslie Philips...

/Doctors gown....

Juan Inamillion

Re: @AC

Never The Same Colour...




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