* Posts by Arty Effem

44 posts • joined 31 Jan 2009

Royal Navy nuclear submarine captain rapped for letting crew throw shoreside BBQ party

Arty Effem

So they should, it's unnecessary pollution.

Watch out, everyone, here come the Coronavirus Cops, enjoying their little slice of power way too much

Arty Effem

Re: Reality check

You do not need to carry proof of anything. Nothing has changed the burden of proof. Nothing has changed to oblige you to give your destination or even answer any question.

Contractors welcome Lords inquiry into IR35 before tax reforms hit private sector but fear it's 'too little, too late'

Arty Effem

'too little, too late'

The motto of British governments since time immemorial.

Bank IT bod pocketed nearly $1m in kickbacks from tech contractor bosses for sending deals their way, Feds claim

Arty Effem

Company email accounts? Personal bank account? You'd think they were trying to get caught.

Delayed, over-budget smart meters will be helpful – when Blighty enters 'Star Trek phase'

Arty Effem

Re: OT

Given that she only just scraped into parliament last time, she doesn't want to take the risk.

Tearoff of Nottingham: University to lose chunk of IT dept to outsourcing

Arty Effem

Re: Been through this myself.

"The CEO actually had to resign"

So some good came out of it.


Not really, since probably he was snapped-up by another firm needing someone to make a difference, and I'm sure he would have.

Google causes more facial-recog pain, machine learning goes quantum ­– and how to lose a job if an AI doesn't like your face

Arty Effem

Re: Uh?

"I am already in your stupid store wasting my valuable time! Why the hell do you want me to use the company website to buy something you could be selling me yourself since ya know, I am here at your store to buy stuff?"

Because we're planning to hose the store, so get used to it.

What's in store for Microsoft's US pop-up shops? Not much, they're being closed

Arty Effem

Re: Retail Operation,,,?

Presumably he's referring to the on-site availability of spares and equipment, the former likely to be non-existent, the latter unlikely to consist of more than a kettle (for which no training course is available).

Return of the JSedi: After being ousted from NPM Inc, former CTO is back with rival package registry Entropic

Arty Effem

Don't use anything you didn't write yourself. Problem solved.

Come friendly bit barns and fall on Slough: Equinix opens £90m data centre in London rust belt

Arty Effem

It'll still be cheaper to rent a server in France.

Arty Effem

Re: Back Hoe?

Don't know about the dog, but I have it on good authority it's just got a new floor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwMK2ywRF78

Kent bloke incurs the anchor of local council after fly-tipping boat

Arty Effem

The author should take a bow.

In a humiliating climbdown, Facebook agrees to follow US laws

Arty Effem

Most Inconvenient.

They'll just have to rely on filtering by letting agents now. In my experience far more reliable.

Dear Britain's mast-fearing Nimbys: Do you want your phone to work or not?

Arty Effem

Re: 100% 999 coverage?

At every tee, the club should provide an emergency radio intercom to the clubhouse. Solar-powered / hand-cranked dynamo, job done.

Data breach rumours abound as UK Labour Party locks down access to member databases

Arty Effem

Re: Nothing new

"I remember a few years ago (less than 5 so well within scope of data protection rules) hearing a Labour politician boasting that they knew exactly how everyone in their constituency was likely to vote as they had canvass records dating back decades "

Then he knew how on the day they were canvassed, everyone currently in the constituency claimed they were going to vote. What could be more reliable?

US kids apparently talking like Peppa Pig... How about US lawmakers watching Doctor Who?

Arty Effem

Re: Doctor Who is a documentary...

You weren't downvoted for the quotes, but for knowing them.

OK, it's early 2019. Has Leeds Hospital finally managed to 'axe the fax'? Um, yes and no

Arty Effem

What could go wrong?

So next time their network gets attacked, they also lose the ability to send documents. Better fax everyone a directive to keep a fax machine handy.

UK.gov plans £2,500 fines for kids flying toy drones within 3 MILES of airports

Arty Effem

Re: amazon delivery drones

"weren't amazon piloting a drone delivery system? what's gonna happen to that?"

It'll carry on as normal, with all the drones driving around in vans as they do now.

Thought Macbooks were expensive? Dell UK unveils the 7 meeeellion pound laptop

Arty Effem

Paypal wasn't having it; didn't even get to the confirmation screen.

Happy Christmas! Bloodhound SSC refuelled by Yorkshire business chap

Arty Effem

George Mallory simply replied "Because it's there."

"Because Mallory's there."

BT: We're stocking warehouses with kit ahead of Brexit to avoid shortages

Arty Effem

Re: Why not import from America or else where?

How long does it take to train a customs drone?

Developer goes rogue, shoots four colleagues at ERP code maker

Arty Effem

Re: A gun is involved in every single mass shooting.

" Join a militia first and show up every month for their meetings."

Because we really need militias, don't we(?)

Now you can tell someone to literally go f--k themselves over the internet: Remote-control mock-cock patent dies

Arty Effem

"Obviously, that patent came to early."

Unlike your literacy.

Bankrupt Aussie Hells Angel scoops £750k lottery jackpot

Arty Effem

"Buying" a ticket is a classic money laundry method.

The winning value of any ticket is checkable, so how can it be used to explain acquisition of a larger sum?

Twenty years ago today: Windows 98 crashed live on stage with Bill Gates. Let's watch it again...

Arty Effem

Re: Bill Gates

'I cannot see how a "famous" (whatever that means in this context) Commode engineer could have any form of affection for Gates.'

Perhaps he used Windows Paint to design his portable toilets...

Facebook supremo Mark Zuckerberg has flunky tell UK MPs: Nope, he's sending someone else

Arty Effem

Re: @csecguy44

But did he remember to cover the microphones?

UK's data watchdog seizes suspected Scottish nuisance caller's kit

Arty Effem

Re: Can’t they just look?

"Google shows no phone number for checking level crossings that I can find."

The only crossing you need to check is the one at which you are present. Dedicated trackside phone, no dialling required.

Maplin shutdown sale prices still HIGHER than rivals

Arty Effem

"I miss the electronics specialist who used to say things like "if you use this 8-pin DIL rather than that one you'll get a better result...""

Just wouldn't want to end up on holiday with him.

Got some broken tech? Super Cali's trinket fix-it law brought into focus

Arty Effem

Sounds fine, but:

Anything in the legislation to prevent available spares from being prohibitively priced?

Wow, MIND-BLOWING: Florida Man gets an earful from 'exploding Apple AirPod' bud

Arty Effem

What was he expecting the LA Fitness staffer to do?

We're talking about someone happy to keep the name 'Colon'.

Drunk canoeing no longer driving offence in Canada

Arty Effem

Re: Really?

You just answered your own question - it's a Driving Licence.

Arty Effem

Re: Really?

In the UK you can be licensed to drive, but there's no such thing as a 'driving license'.

Emissions cheating detection shines light on black box code

Arty Effem

Emissions testing as performed currently is already a known cheat. Anyone with any knowledge of engines is aware that the only realistic way to test emissions is with the engine on load. Under those conditions no cheat device can operate, eliminating the need for measures to detect one.

The reader is left to guess why such real-world testing is not mandated.

IT team sent dirt file to Police as they all bailed from abusive workplace

Arty Effem

Re: What is the correct protocol for dealing with this material?

" An tactful email to his clients etc saying that they have discovered a rouge IT person with disgusting habits and that they need some support will probably get everyone on his side!"

Just ban lipstick in the workplace.

'Public Wi-Fi' gang fail in cunning plan to hide £10m cigarette tax fraud

Arty Effem

Re: The problem with making £10m

"The men attempted to evade £10,199,650m"

Good luck with laundering ten trillion through a club or restaurant.

One-way Martian ticket: Pick passengers for Musk's first Mars pioneer squad

Arty Effem


I'm perfectly confident that very few of Elon's passengers will die on Mars; most will have been murdered long before they arrive.

Terry Jones has dementia

Arty Effem

Nobody expects Dementia! It has three main effects - two main efects - its main effect is...

I'll come-in again.

Corbyn lied, Virgin Trains lied, Harambe died

Arty Effem

Re: "Rammed" (quoting Rimpel)

'I challenge anyone to find a definition of "Ram-Packed" anywhere.'

I challenge anyone to deny my right to coin a phrase on the spur of the moment, especially one likely to be included in future dictionaries.

77 per cent ignore company social media policies

Arty Effem

"56% say it's good for connecting with experts"

Consulting the experts they are employed to be in the first place.

'We're public now, so could you please click on an ad or two'

Arty Effem

"could you please click on an ad or two'"

If I were an advertiser I'd be suing for incitement to click fraud.

Great HR mistakes of our time - Aviva fires 1300 by email

Arty Effem

Re: My favourite HR balls-up - Not deleting the mail trail

'the mail trail down from the top man also included the message to him from HR, saying "make sure they do it properly, 'cos they couldn't sell water to a dying man in the desert".'

Presumably you immediately added that skill to your profile.

Arty Effem

Re: I wonder...

Easy - just delete him from the mailing list, or if you get it wrong, delete everyone except him from the mailing list.

Google mistakes entire web for malware

Arty Effem

Dear Head Programmer,

This oversight may harm your career.

Arty Effem

Dear Chief Programmer,

This oversight may harm your career.


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