* Posts by Evil Auditor

2598 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

BOFH: In the event of a conference, the ninja clause always applies

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Toasted bread - now you are talking! For that, indeed, sliced white is my preferred basis. While usually consumed with a proper British Breakfast, I'll have to try your egg toastie...

Evil Auditor Silver badge

That's a bit harsh towards cows. And orks.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

You've got a good point there.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Brilliant! Have to remember those...

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Conspirationalised humanoid?

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Joke

Jebus Freakin Crist Spartacus! What is this sandwich that you proclaim? Anyhow, not much into bacon sandwich to begin with...

Quality bread IS essential and sliced white is - does this even qualify as bread?! And then it simply has to be "prosciutto crudo", preferably from Parma. I agree on the other non-ingredients though.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

I refrain from social events. That eliminated the need for consuming alcoholic beverages altogether.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

"Any meeting longer than 30 minutes or of great boredom (my judgement) induces the right to snooze away."

Evil Auditor Silver badge

...which involves a two-hour drive trapped in a vehicle with a work colleague...

...who believes that Bill Gates is buying all the land world-wide (and the Moon and Mars), who heard the Head of WHO proclaiming the decimation of world population to 10 per cent, and who knows that Covid doesn't exist and in fact was invented to reach the mentioned population target. Before you ask, yes, this colleague did happen and yes, I wish it didn't.

Work for you? Again? After you lied about the job and stole my stuff? No thanks

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Might Travis have kept any notes describing how to revive the machine?

Had he answered "yes", they would have fscked him all over for not returning all the information that belonged to the company.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: "And to this day, the more he dislikes someone, the more polite he is towards them."

I carefullyresentfully decide which bridges to burn. But even in hindsight they turned out to be the right ones.

Tesla's Cybertruck may not be so stainless after all

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Cybertruck - the gift that keeps on giving...

Did hesitate a bit, but this is actually true as those Italian cars didn't show a sign of rust after a couple of days in the rain.

Mind you, what you see on the Tesla is merely cosmetical and the structural integrity of it might (!) be more resistant than a 70s Alfa Rusteo. While I can't recall the model (maybe Alfasud Sprint) but do remember that the car jack would go higher and higher through the cassis without lifting the car a bit - it was held together by paint and faith.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: until the Cybertruck is scheduled for a full wash

But, Tesla did not forget how to sell a shiny car and what happens afterwards will be the buyers' problem.

Apple Vision Pro has densest display iFixit's ever seen, and almost-OK repairability

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: "If face goggles really are the future of computing..."

It's been a while since, and it took me a while to retrieve, but I believe this is the one I was referring to:

Pranav Mistry

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: "If face goggles really are the future of computing..."

Years ago in a TED(x?) talk, a guy presented augmented reality without silly goggles but a projector which augmented surfaces with information. While this certainly wasn't ready for market it did seem, at least to me, as a much more useful and natural way than a bulky, self-important, don't-you-fucking-talk-to-me facial tool.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Devil

...another job for the boys in blue...

Don't you have some faith in Darwin?

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Are they still glassholes or rather virgin bros?

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: 50 Virgin Bro pixels

...how "Vision" became "Virgin" and "Pro" became "Bro"...

And I thought the typos were V and B instead of v and b, and singular bro instead of plural.

CERN is training robot dogs to spot radiation hazards at Large Hadron Collider

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Alien

Re: I have questions

Water and fire to fight the aliens. They took that from the documentaries Alien 3 and Aliens respectively.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Robodog

They did manage to find robocat though: curled up snoozing in a tin box. Still, pretty useless.

40 years ago, an astronaut first took flight from the Space Shuttle

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Oh, I'd love to see someone trying...

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Fake!

and the parts in the shade would be pitch dark.

Half of polled infosec pros say their degree was less than useful for real-world work

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: "Security technology — and tech in general — moves fast and becomes "legacy"

they just wanted to be fed and regurgitate standard template policies...

There's a whole industry (sub-)segment out there catering for exactly that market. And, occasionally, I'm called in after some "consultant" left a template mess behind to bring in some workable structure (which is another market). And, probably, after me some true infosec professional is hired to get things actually done.

Techie climbed a mountain only be told not to touch the kit on top

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Sent somewhere for a futile job? Well, I'm an auditor... Anyhow, speaking of cold mountain top: unfortunately, it wasn't me but former acquaintances who had to tend to microwave transmission equipment. The (cable-bound) aerial lift to the mountain top was not running at that time and the only (feasible) option left was a helicopter flight. Just to find that something had been "misdiagnosed" and the issue was on the other side of the link.

We put salt in our tea so you don't have to

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Yeah. And who on Earth buys all those tea bags?!

...and so do I whenever I get hold of a package of PG or Yorkshire. More for nostalgic reason, as they are not readily available everywhere on the continent.

Standards-obsessed boss ignored one, and suffered all night for his sin

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Happy

Re: is to gradually push less

Both.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Needless!!

jmch: I would have thought...

Exactly, you would have thought. And hence you wouldn't have moved the rack in the first place.

Poor communication led to complete lack of communication

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Testing was! Just not during a project phase when sane people would do.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Never heard of Zoho before but generally, if you use such third-party service in a client project, wouldn't you have project-specific subscriptions?

Fujitsu will not bid for UK.gov business until Post Office inquiry closes

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: A few points.

Unless Fujitsu meddled with Horizon without involving PO, I don't really see how they can be held responsible. Unless, of course, the investigation takes place in a banana republic...

Junior techie had leverage, but didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Curious 6000kva?

Thanks for the XKCD reference!

...as for the swimming, I also dream of dodging bullets, Neo-style.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Devil

«He knows it was a mistake to let the minion do the job unattended.»

Whether it was a mistake depends entirely on how much he disliked the minion. For minions high on the spectrum of personal dislike, giving them an improbably difficult task ("job empowerment!") and watch them fail from afar (pure, evil joy aka schadenfreude) is the way to go.

And before you jump to conclusions or worse, action, this post may contain irony.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Curious 6000kva?

Am I the only one dreaming of having a swim in the spent fuel pond?

Code archaeologist digs up oldest known ancestor of MS-DOS

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Joke

Well done!

I still have, much newer, a Sun Sparc station ("pizza box") and a Digital AlphaServer 2100a with dual CPU in the attic. Someone willing to part with their silly money for this junk?

BOFH: The Christmas party was so good, an independent inquiry is required

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Plagiarism?

Good point. And I need to change the batteries in my cattle prod.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Plagiarism?

Very accurate summary of his being.

When dealing with such twats, as unnerving as it might be, I draw quite some calm from a simple thought: I have to face them for a few minutes, hours maybe. But they'll spend their whole lives in their company.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Plagiarism?

...no one can remember anything clearly and no names will be named...

Well, at least the incompetent arseholehonourable gentleman Cummings did remember that he had abused others with worse profanity than he did MacNamara. And that, according to his three brain cells, everyone else still is an idiot.

PLACEHOLDER ONLY Someone please write witty headline here

Evil Auditor Silver badge

"...never put anything on there that you don't want a user to see."

That's also true for, e.g., drafting a report that will ultimately be sent to a client. The draft, when sent to the client, contained our comments addressed to the client and also my snarky comments about the client not meant for the client to see. While I got sweaty palms when discovering this, it didn't have any negative consequences for me. I assume, the client simply thought that I'm socially challenged (aka a bit of a prick) and delivered what I needed.

You don't get what you don't pay for, but nobody is paid enough to be abused

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: "Actually, this is precisely the service you paid for"

If only some of my auditees demonstrated the same understanding...

Time for a Geeko remix: openSUSE is looking for a new logo

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: My favourite is the gecko humping a Magic TrackPad.

I thought the gecko was clapping a rounded-corner square. Still, also my favourite.

AI threatens to automate away the clergy

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: Electric Monks

That's all fine and well. But someone please think of the children! If also priests are artificialised, who's going to molesttake care of all the children?

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Thumb Up

Maybe God is is too much of an insinuation for my taste, but I fully agree with what you wrote. I assume, if you believe in imaginary stuff, you are more likely to believe in artificial imaginary (AI) stuff, too.

Evil Auditor Silver badge

...and how we even let people pick up these kind of jobs is really criminal.

Well, these kind of job is certainly not for me either. There are, however, people out there that are perfectly fine with such a job and glad that they have it. I'd say it's rather criminal to utter such statements before going out there and starting to actually listen. This Siemens manager is not the only "Tech Boss" who believes they know how to "save the world".

US nuke reactor lab hit by 'gay furry hackers' demanding cat-human mutants

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Idaho National laboratory

Another one just won the Dutch general election with its party. Mind you, the potato part of the hybrid is mostly occupying the internals of the hybrid being, mostly of what we typically consider its head.

User read the manual, followed instructions, still couldn't make 'Excel' work

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: still couldn't make 'Excel' work

Surely, I told this here once before already. It happened in early 2000s when the partner of a colleague attended an Excel training. When exchanging exercises with an other student, they would print the spreadsheet and then fax it each other. And yes, they both did have e-mail as well.

Lawyer guilty of arrogance after ignoring tech support

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: Some places do get it right

Until a user passes all the relevant tests for the use of computer systems and information security, all they get is an Etch A Sketch. And if they break it, they also have to pay for it plus support fee.

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Devil

Re: Regomized

Upvote for the confession.

Want a Cybertruck? You're stuck with it for a year, says Tesla

Evil Auditor Silver badge

Re: What about the free market?

Is Tesla's restrictions on selling the vehicle within one year illegal?

That depends on the jurisdiction. IANAL but believe where I live, it might be an illegal condition. That means, you can sign it and do not need to adhere to because it wouldn't be enforceable. Tesla might still be in the right not wanting to sell you another car though. But I'm not sure if this is actually a bad thing...

Bright spark techie knew the drill and used it to install a power line, but couldn't outsmart an odd electrician

Evil Auditor Silver badge

When drilling close to a switch or other power outlet, I always check in which directions the wires exit the existing socket.

For another Who, Me? I'd like to read something along the lines: "I dropped a tool bag. Now it's orbiting earth."

Robot mistakes man for box of peppers, kills him

Evil Auditor Silver badge
Angel

Oh, I might in fact be "blessed" with being a rather indecent human being.