Various Replies...
First off, congrats Verity on one extremely hilarious article.
Windows tends to pause on registry action a lot. As Windows ages it builds up a whole lot of links within the registry which often lead it in awesome little loops. I've seen a single right-click action spawn ~50k registry actions before the menu pops up. Same goes for more or less any other action. Some of the problem here is that the registry was a bad idea from the start, but mostly it's from extensions to the original functionality. Something like the registry needs a lot of hacking to add functions, and it hasn't fared well.
Also, whats wrong with compiling kernels? First off, you only rarely need to actually do it, mostly because the kernel that your distro comes with wasn't complete. I personally customize all of my kernels to support only the hardware that they need to, to make them nice and small. It is irritating to use distros that have patched up their kernels, since you have more or less no idea what the hell is going on with that.
Vim is awesome. Sure it's more complex than notepad, but gods is it faster. If you use it for a bit you might realize that the commands aren't just nonsense, but rather a combinations of actions and specification of where the actions should act. You can just slowly learn new actions and region designations, then mix them together and get some awesomeness going on. Plus, as others have noted, it's trivial to get the exact same editor on any platform you use, which is a complete plus.
Linux isn't Windows. Which is why I like it. I can't stand wizards and config menus for OS and daemon configuration. Text files for configs, if they are properly commented (Any decent distro should have comments in the default configs, otherwise it isn't worth using at all) are completely easy to use. You can search, and change config settings with just a few keystrokes. And you can do it trivially from across the globe.
How much easier is it to write out firewall rules in a bash script than going through a wizard for each and every one? I can open 15 ports in 45 seconds in iptables, or about 10 minutes with the built in Windows firewall, which is completely primitive.
I don't use repositories at all, and the vast majority of the software that I install works with a simple script that downloads, untars, configures, compiles, and installs. I just have to pass a url to a short command and it's done.
Feel free to stick with Windows if you like the way it operates. If you want something that doesn't quite suck so hard, then try something different. I kinda feel like distros lose a lot of their useability if they pander too hard to the Windows users out there.
Lots of people have this thinking that "The Windows way is the easy way," when Windows can easily take far more time and effort, just less brain power. I find Slackware to be simple for everything that I want to do, which is why I run it on my laptop, fileserver, router, htpc, mini-itx machine, my parents' htpc, my work desktop, and whatever computer people let me get my hands on. Of course I'm still bound to Windows on my desktop thanks to CAD software that refuses to run well virtualized...