Posts by Richard_C

WAR HERO PIGEON carrying SECRET WWII CODE found in chimney

I have on my leg a piece of paper...

Maybe it was a double agent, attempting a coup...

#coat

Penguin, coz that bird don't fly

Mighty ROBOT achieves total SUPREMACY over feeble humans

goto 10

Anyone else want to park this thing in front of a mirror and watch the fireworks...

Airline ejects passenger for being hungry

1st class service

Perhaps he could smell bacon... and pigs might fly...

Getting my coat, the one with the all-day-breakfast roll in the pocket please.

Carmakers boost e-car noise standards for vision-impaired

WAAAY OF THE FUTURE!

May i propose the sound be that made by the vehicles in The Jetsons or retro-fitting all electrowagons with large Theremin, that'll sort out the proximity warning too. Backup for that should be a slide whistle for when it runs out of power...

Revealed: The amazing premise behind Ridley Scott's Monopoly

Why not

I see no problem with this at all. Many movies have been made about kids games -

the opening sequence from "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" was merely a over dramatised version of Kerplunk...

Suicide bum-blast bombing startles Saudi prince

Dodgy sprout falafel implicated?

Rectum? No, but it didn't do 'em any good.

Paris, because she'd know how to hide an improvised device.

Stargazers spy retrograde planetary bloater

Density

"...but weighs in at just half its mass, meaning it's about a dense as polystyrene".

Planet? Or another example of HP's packaging run amok! It's probably just a replacement mouse-ball misdelivered to the wrong solar system...

Force 1800 superhurricanes snapped on far-off world

Scientists impression

A blue sunrise through a red atmosphere, so that would be some kind of Purple Haze effect... Hmm, i feel a thunderous solo coming on. Now, wheres my lighter fluid.

NASA deploys huge clingfilm strato-pumpkin over Antarctic

Won't someone PLEASE think of the children!

One tonne hoo-dads falling from the sky is one thing, but what about stadium sized sandwich bags fluttering about the pristine wilderness of the Antarctic, shrink-wrapping entire penguin colonies for posterity?

Supersonic fighters could snuff out hurricanes

hmm...

Typhoons Vs. typhoon - sounds like a blue-on-blue scenario. And engineered by boffins of the Red Menace no less... Cold wars back on chaps! Back to the bunker!

IAEA calls for mutated supercrops to feed world's hungry

Ahhh...

It's nice to see one agency out there who are trying to out-crazy DARPA.

I for one look forward to the super-powered veg-of-tomorrow. Teleportatoes, Quantum Stringbeans, DoomSprouts and finally Carrots that can actually help you see in the dark / through walls / the future.

Texan prof sees big future for graphene storage

sounds familiar

hmm, storing information using graphite... thats called a pencil isn't it?

Mines the one with the HB2 in the pocket

(apologies, sure this is one of a veritable avalance of pencil based comments)

BNP races to get membership list off the net

Caught with their trousers down

A poster on the Evening Standard kiosk said it all in my book...

"BNP Members Exposed!"

I always had suspected that the BNP was just a bunch of cocks.

Palin webmail 'hack' trial delayed

I fought the law

"...restriction that prohibit his use of a computer except for the purposes of internet email..."

Correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't that how this whole thing got started in the first place?

I wonder if Madam Not-to-be-vice-president ever got round to changing her password...

El Reg seeks top net neologism

...And did those L33T in ancient times...

More glory to Twunts, WOOTs and freetards please.

Oh and the ever-present Interwebs (always plural, because it's a series of tubes dontchaknow!)

Liberty: Observer story takes liberties

Six degrees of Stupifaction

Yep sounds distinctly like Graunidian territory.

An overheard "My Mobile company's taking too many liberties with my personal info" becomes 'Many Mobile Companies Talking to Liberty about Personal Info"

Also nice to see what you have to do to get your mobile company to respond promptly these days too, i'll try that next time my handset goes on the blink.

Paris? Because she's one for personal liberties...

Fancy nipping for a quick two-thirds of a pint?

This way madness lies...

I can picture the scene...

"two thirds of Old Cobblers please barkeep"

"certainly sir, 2 thirds"

"no, two thirds"

"Thats what i said sir"

"no you said 2 thirds, i want two thirds"

"you're barred sunshine!"

"Fine, i'll get my three quarter length coat and go"

"GERROUT!"