* Posts by thedweeb

15 publicly visible posts • joined 22 Oct 2008



It's ectoplasm

It's about time people realised that Apple products are better than conventional technology for a reason. Mr Jobs used to use his magic touch on each phone individually, to bless them with betterness. Now he's dead, each phone is injected with just a little bit of Jobs ectoplasm (there's a large bottle of it in Apple HQ). That's the green flash you can see. Unfortunately, this means that there's a limit on how many Apple wonderdevices can be created - sooner or later that bottle is going to run out and then the world will have to go back to using "normal" technology. Unless, of course, the new messiah can be found. Time to start looking. Perhaps we could have some sort of reality TV show...

REVEALED: Everything Everywhere new 4G logo ... a SNAIL?


It's not a snail

It's the flight path of the Oozlum bird.

Behold: China's robot noodle army!


At least 10 comments in and this hasn't been said. How can this be possible?

I, for one, welcome our noodle-slicing overlords.

Cambridge boffins build laser 'unprinter' to burn pages clean


To make it even simpler

Why don't they just develop a white toner? Then you could overprint the entire page in black, then print again in white, then print the whole page in white, then print in black, etc., etc. Eventually the sheet would be more like a cube with all that toner, of course, and become too heavy to lift. Is this a silly idea? Any sillier than theirs?

Conclusive proof of human activity causing glacier to vanish


I can't believe it

This many comments and not a single Chile/chilly reference. What's wrong with the world?

Superhero oil-burping algae will save the world


Homo not so sapiens

" the secret sauce to produce bio-oil like this will be guarded behind layers of IP"

Surely that should be layers of HP...

Russian rocket flub threatens to empty ISS


That's the last straw, Mr Roper.

I'm not letting you man the phones for Samaritans ever again. And I'm not going to the pub with you, either...

A fifth of Europeans can't work out how much a TV costs


@ The lone lurker

Your point is valid, but your execution is not. Your first sentence: "I'm guessing you pride yourself on your own intellectual skills?" is not a question and should not have a question mark. Not to mention "I'm guessing". Your second begins with "Yet", which is just plain nasty.

Bruised Iron Mountain gives up on storage cloud


Don't you just love the cloud?

You sign a contract with a company and put your entire business in their hands. Then they go titsup and pass you on to some other random company. For three months. Then what? Increased charges? Reduced service quality? Anything goes. We need some sort of cloudy-bullshit icon...

Antarctic ice breakup makes ocean absorb more CO2


Where's my hockey stick?

Just more evidence that a computer model is only as good as the variables you put into it. Each time someone thinks of another angle the whole picture changes.

Secret X-37B space plane lost by sat-spotters for 2 weeks

Paris Hilton


The same carrying capacity as a large bed? Now we know why it went missing. If the spaceplane's rockin, don't come knockin...

Giant vulture menaces Scottish skies



Luckily, there aren't any "airplanes" in the UK. We fly in aeroplanes here.

Masses marvel at 'Most Useless Machine'


But it isn't useless...

It's entertaining all of us, so therefore it has a use. To be truly useless it would need to turn itself off without us even knowing it. But then that would introduce an entertaining element of mystery and uncertainty.

Prof: Save up fossil fuel reserves to fight the next ice age


Don't hold your breath for the legislation

I don't think many of our current leaders will still be in office in 170,000 years. By then of course, penguins will probably be the most intelligent life forms on Earth, and I think they'll have different ideas.

Government tied in knots by bondage protest


Offensive picture

Things like this should be banned! I mean that disgusting picture of Nicolas Cage on the bus in the background, of course.