Posts by Jimmy Floyd

Miracle-tech that could fix almost everything: Major advance

Miracle-tech that could fix almost everything

You mean "duct-tape?"

Apple swaps good iPhones for bad, say fanbois

HEATHENS!

Question not the actions of Jobs; for it is he who bringeth light from the dark. It is Apple who can do no wrong; and if fallibility be shown, let word of infallibility instead go forth across the lands. Those unbelievers who do not 'get it' shall be smited; and the smiting shall be merciless; and shall be conducted at Internet cafés, and at comic-book conventions, and by those fanbois who understand not other technologies that provide equally good experience but at a cost of fewer shekels.

Yay, for it is written that Jobs of Cupertino is the One True Steve, The Real Steve, All You Other Steve Jobs are just immitatin'. Death (or at least, a less evangelical following) to the heathens of Google; and of Microsoft; and of those from the far off lands of Nokia. Apple will take care of it. You are free, to do as they tell you.

Believe in Steve, for it is He.

[Hmm, didn't the Bible say something about a poisonous apple? Ah no, that was Sleeping Beauty]

Facebook investigates email notification snafu

Thought it was just me

I've hardly received any Facebook notifications in nearly a year. I thought it was just an overzealous spam-filter at my new e-mail host ... p'raps not.

Tube data feed shut for being popular

Not all are down

'London Tube Status' on the Android still works, but it's been around for a while and maybe pre-dates the free-for-all that came about last month?

6music wins possible reprieve from BBC Trust

Good show

Excellent, now all they need to do is move Radio 3 to DAB-only, use the spare FM bandwidth for Radio 6 and they'll get a multi-million listener audience.

I can remember which Reg commentard suggested that, but it was a bloody good - if highly unlikely - idea.

Microsoft's past - the future to Android's iPhone victory

History is on Android's side

Spot on article, and it reminds me yet further of The Perplexing Case of Jobs.

Why, with all of computing history against him, does Steve Jobs persist in pushing a closed, restrictive platform? Sure, it has worked in the short (and maybe even medium) term but in the long run it's only ever going to be a losing strategy.

Maybe that's enough for him.

Beeb reinstates teaboy in Pestogate scandal

Free image of TV Centre

You found it on Google España?!?

Osborne promises to curb deficit in five years

£7.9m

Is that all we pay for the royal family? Given how much money they bring in from overseas I'm surprised it isn't more.

Twitter on a ZX Spectrum

The Osborne 1!

I've still got one of those (as with Andrew's, in the attic).

Have been considering turning it on but am concerned that suddenly powering it up after such a long period inactive could cause the capacitors to blow (or something). Any advice, knowledgeable readers?

Son of Transputer powers new Amiga box

Ah, lovely

It's always nice to see an Amiga story. Sadly I haven't turned on either my A500 or A1200 in a decade because they were simply becoming obsolete, but I would love to see the platform make a resurgence.

Amigas always appealed to those who were more tech-savvy than PC owners, more creative than Mac owners (shock!) but more sociable than the *nix brigade ... oh, and gamers. ;-)

iPad beats BlackBerry for browsing

It's not that difficult

"As it becomes more difficult to pigeonhole devices into categories so arguments about what makes a fair comparison will proliferate, but few would argue with the conclusion that the iPad is really, really, good at surfing the web from the sofa."

So? Quantcast was right in the first place: there's no point in comparing an iPad with mobile phones. Compare it with other tablets if you must. There are some out there and clearly the iPad will win on the traffic stakes, if only because their owners like things pretty / bandwidth hungry.

Why not compare it with laptops, since it's apparently going to destroy them? Well, probably because it would fail - even against Macbooks.

Junk article by El Reg here. Really bad science, and I think perhaps you knew that before you published...

US Senator wants Internet seizure rights

Four Lions

Anyone seen that Chris Morris film 'Four Lions?' Senator Lieberman reminds me of the goofy would-be terrorists in that:

Waj: "We'll blow something up."

Omar: "What we goin' to blow up, Waj?"

Waj: "........Internet."

GCHQ imposes Whitehall iPhone ban

Not a business phone

There is one reason alone why my company tried iPhones and returned back to Blackberries: typing. It's one thing to receive e-mails but typing a message of any meaningful length does not work well on a touch-screen (and I include my beloved Android in that too).

It's the one thing I miss about my old HTC Windows Mobiles with the slide out keyboard. The GUI was a dog and the haptic feedback on the 'droid is good but you can't make up for a real keyboard with real keys.

Hence the icon: "You owe me a new keyboard..."

BBC wins go-ahead for Freeview HD content controls

So?

Fair enough, but what's that got to do with HD? Nothing. As I said, HD is being used as a smokescreen.

Protect rights-holders, yes. But don't pretend it's either necessary for HD or directly beneficial to consumers. It's neither.

Ridiculous

This entire notion that HD content needs protection is absolute rubbish. Exactly how does a few more pixels justify content controls where none existed before?

Answer: they don't, but licence-holders are using it as a smokescreen to expand their control further, at the expense of viewers.

Tories declare students a burden on us all

Everyone is equal?!?

They're only a burden because there are so many of them. Thanks to 'Call Me' Tony Bliar's socialist call for 50% of the population to go to University, the value of a degree has been correspondingly eroded. University was always traditionally supposed to be for the academics, and while it might seem lovely and inclusive to get everyone doing it, a large portion of the courses for these new students are entirely useless and will not pay for themselves over the working life of the person concerned.

Google Caffeine jolts worldwide search machine

Coming soon...

Google Nicotine, Google Ecstasy, Google Alcohol and Google Cannabis (though, to be fair, the latter does ... like ... whatever).

Google mobile ad chief fires back at Apple lockout

Short-term Steve

"...unless Google/AdMob can bring in the US Federal Trade Commission to pinch hit for them..."

The likelihood of the FTC calling it for Google would be based on whether or not the mePhone has the right to be a closed platform. So far, Steve is banking on the fact that it is, and it has.

Eventually, however, that argument will be broken. And it will only have to fall apart once, on one aspect of the law, for the rot to have set in and Apple's closed-platform philosophy will begin to unravel.

It is, at best, a short-to-medium term strategy. It may have worked over the past few years but it is utterly unsustainable.

Ten Essential World Cup Apps

Good work, Reg

Nice mix of both Android and iPhone apps there. Much appreciated.

Twitter airport bomb spoof joker launches appeal

Neither...

If society is paranoid, society has the problem and society needs to deal with itself.

If a paranoid pot smoker hears voices, do we punish the voices...?

Judges back Holland against Ladbrokes on online gaming

Translation

"Other EU countries have introduced new licensing and regulation systems that embrace competition"

"Other EU countries allow foreigners to tax the stupid."

Steve Jobs fears Nation of Bloggers

Yeah but no but...

Yes, the world is awash with would-be bloggers but that rather misses Alistair 7's point, the only part you didn't address: "a high level of journalistic output."

What is being alluded to here is not the quantity of information, nor even its very existence. Yes, if an event happens on the other side of the world then bloggers will be there in force to tell you about it. Instantly. With mobile phone pictures. Big deal.

What's missing is the quality; the dispassionate, reasoned, balanced and insightful commentary that comes with years of experience, training, contacts and knowledge. Trying to elevate Joe Blogger to the level of an Alistair Cooke or Walter Kronkite is laughably insulting. It's the development of a story and the reasoned argument of points you'd never have thought of that makes a good newspaper great.

Facts don't make a newspaper, the editorial does.

It's also the reason why the Murdoch press is so corrosive; because just feeding people what they expect is like a form of information incest, where anything new and unexpected is dismissed, irrespective of how relevant it is.

And that's why I only half agree with Steve Jobs, because while his commentary is spot-on, he'd quite happily sell space to the shit-serving gutter press and then we're back to square one.

Steve Jobs talks Flash, 'lying S.O.B' devs, sex, and Gizmodocrime

<sniff sniff> Mmm, I smell BS

"...acceptance of the iPad is proof..."

What acceptance? What proof? The world's gimp-like fanbois lapping up Steve's dribble is hardly a new paradigm.

"And then they run to the press and tell people about this oppression..."

Which, funnily enough, doesn't happen on other platforms. Must be coincidence.

Ballmer, black turtlenecks, and Microsoft's next big idea

Spot on

"Microsoft is a follower not a leader"

Exactly right. Time was when they could do no wrong except in the eyes of techies who viewed their products with distrust and disdain.

Now Apple can do no wrong (coincidentally except in the eyes of techies, for different but related reasons) and have a 28% margin on everything they make. Overpriced? Certainly, but you have to admire it nonetheless.

So there's your target, Mr Ballmer, although the comment about slipping into a black turtleneck perhaps should refer to you slipping into another role...

Mystic Met is serial Strategy Boutique john

Oh shit...

What if Labour were right? What if £6bn worth of cuts (and the rest) send strategy boutiques around the country into their own internal recession?! Wouldn't that just be awful?

Mine's not the red one.

Windows Mobile Trojan frags gamers

Brrrrrrr

"...premium-rate phone numbers in the Antarctic..."

Seriously?!? Is there much demand on the continent for penguin-based sexy chat?

Final Fantasy XIII

Which part of 'Final' is confusing?

Final Fantasy XIII? Surely that's 12 games liable under the Trade Descriptions Act...?

Want nips like church coat pegs? Click here

Careful, love...

...you could have someone's eye out with those.

Queuing for an iPad? Why?

Point?!

"Hundreds of tech reviews..." including fanboi bloggers and PR placements?

"and all positive..." So if I find a single negative one I can call you a liar? How about ten? Twenty?

"cant make enough of the damn things...." because the cheap Chinese workforce insist on topping themselves.

"The iPad is a success..." On what twisted measure?

"you missed the point..." There's a point to the infernal box?! And you know what it is? If so, do please share because - short of being a rather fetching fashion statement - the rest of us are buggered if we know what it is!

Since you ask...

"So what is the iPad for?"

It's for proving the old adage about a fool and his money.

Paris, being she provides eye-candy and precious little else.

Regent Street blocked by iPad fanboi swarm

A friend of mine had one yesterday...

...and I've been irritating the shit out of him by refusing to acknowledge it as a computer, merely as a fashion accessory.

I mean, it's a lovely fashion accessory but so is a Gucci handbag.

Music biz pot calls Apple black

Blame the iPod

"It's fashionable to bash Apple now, but the company didn't start the fire, and suing isn't going to help put it out."

Quite right. Apple-bashing is my third favourite hobby after downloading porn and not getting out enough :-) but it's unfair to blame The Steve because iTunes has been a success.

Perhaps their beef is with the ubiquitous link between iPods and iTunes, for which I have some sympathy. I refuse to install that horrible software on my PC, instead going for WinAmp and ml_ipod (heartily recommended) but we techies are a minority in a world of consumers demanding plug-and-play. In that sense, there is a very strong example of vendor lock-in and this litigation is perhaps not a reaction against the success of iTunes but of the iPod.

Still, Andrew's point remains, and I can't help thinking of a spiteful face / nose argument resulting in the self-induced removal of the latter...

Oz government in filter paranoia meltdown

Curious

Working on the basis that Anglo-Saxon governments tend to keep an eye on each other (and they do), it's curious to note how little the Australian Labor party has been paying attention to the (mis-) fortunes of the UK Labour party.

The issue of civil liberties was an issue here (though not the biggest) but it was symptomatic of a government ploughing on with ideas regardless of the views of those who elected them. "Tony knows best, dear. Now shut up."

When a government ignores the electorate, invariably the electorate demands to be noticed again by voting in the opposition - even if the opposition have some glaring faults. The next Australian federal election comes within a year. Can they stall the firewall until then? It worked for UK ID cards...

Greatest Living Briton loses £30m

Or...

I thought it was actor John Hurt!

(and I believe his name is 'Professor' Stevie H)

.NET for iPad stretches to Google's Android

Join us, be one of us

"If Mono is allowed on the iPad, having it on Android as well will mean that developers can save time and effort porting their apps between devices."

But why would you want to port it anywhere? iPad is the only platform for the future. Apple knows best. You are free, to do as they tell you.

</creepy_sarcasm>

Google blames developers for lousy Android battery life

Wrong

Were the iPhone any better, then yes. But it isn't. So no.

I would like to see a third figure quoted for mobile phones alongside standby and talk-time: screen drain. Most of the time I use my phone it's not for talking but the big ol' screen is drawing power nonetheless. These days that's fairly critical.

2012 Olympic mascots cop a shoeing

Right. Fuck off. So there.

Seriously, fuck off, the lot of you. This British obsession with deriding itself ad infinitum is becoming as tedious as hell. Yes, the logo is dreadful. Absolutely dire. But these, simply, are not. They're imaginative and different, and most importantly kids love them (for it is children who will be buying the merchandise).

The logo made it easy to bash the games. If they'd had a better design for that, these mascots would have gotten nowhere near the grief they're getting now. What did you want? A lion? Possibly named 'Leo'? Maybe a Trafalgar Square pigeon shitting on everyone? Show some imagination.

Grow up, support your games, or refer to my original instruction. Pick one.

DAB lobby launches radio scrappage scheme

@Lee Dowling

"DAB is dead."

Except clearly it isn't. So the rest of your rambling diatribe can be safely ignored.

A bit like claiming that Macs are obsolete because they form only a small percentage of personal computer sales.

Clegg promises liberties restoration

And rightly so...

...for a party that took a quarter of the vote.

O2 to release Palm pair on iPad day

Good luck to 'em

As I recall, price was the sticking point in El Reg's reviews. Hopefully a bit of operator subsidisation can bring this up.

The more the world realises how much better alternatives to the iPhone are the better.

Blighty to get mobe-download barcode rail tickets

Chiltern Railways

Chiltern Railways have had this for a few years, and it works well. However, despite being a techie, I do prefer the printed paper version (still bar-coded) as a sheet of A4 is somewhat less prone to running out of power.

Chiltern, however, are unusual amongst UK Train Operating Companies (that's TOCs to the insider) in that they're well-organised, efficient and provide a decent service. Some of the others make you want to put Bob Crow in charge of renationalisation...

iPad to become inflight fatcat fun-slab

The Special People

"But up in First things are much calmer..."

They wish! I don't tend to fly that far forward, but do grace a number of the frequent flyer forums. There you will find regular postings of disbelief from those who have paid top dollar for the quality of First or Club class, only to find that some thoughtful chap has brought along little Horatio as well, and that the blighter is running amok throughout the cabin.

You think it's bad in economy; it's got to be worse when your seat costs £3,000...

McKinnon campaign urges coalition to block extradition

@Annihilator

I know - that amused me greatly!

No Yanks here yet, then?

I see that no-one has yet run smash-bang into missing the point and recommended avoiding doing the crime if doing the time seems unappealing. Then I noticed that it's only 8:20am on the US east coast.

When you do wake up, my good colonial friends, remember that the question here is not whether McKinnon should be punished, but whether a British subject should be extradited to the US for a crime committed while he was in his home country - and the fact that, were the situation reversed, the UK would have no ability to remove a US citizen from America with the same evidence. We usually blame Tony Bliar [sic] for that piece of faux-anti-terrorism.

HTC slaps back at Apple patent slap

I've got a solution!

How about a HTC-Apple coalition? No?

Mine's the blue and yellow one.

The Cameregg plan: Who got what?

Relief

Excellent. If they do nothing else in government they'll have, via this Great Repeal, dealt with at least half of why I took enormous pleasure in voting out NuLabour at this election.

Brit consumers shun the iPad - for now

By George, he's got it!

"...interest built on emotional..."

And with that, good scribe, I think you have hit upon the real reason for the pro and anti-Apple camps. It's pure emotion.

Why do more women I know have iPhones than men? Because women are more emotional creatures than men and like how it looks, feels and responds to them. Bollocks to parallel processing (and anyway, isn't that when two roads run alongside each other?)

Why do Reg-reading techies generally have disdain for Apple's products? Because technically and functionally they're fairly average (in certain aspects much worse) than most other gadgets but they do come with a hefty price tag to pay for an emotional connection that doesn't rate too highly anyway.

Clearly all those years making cute characters in CGI animation at Pixar did Steve Jobs no harm at all.

Software piracy rates fall

I wonder...

...what the growth of open source software has done for the statistics?

Swiss watch auctioned for £3.76m

It's not theirs

Having paid a substantial wedge for that glorified sundial, I wonder if the buyer was aware of the haughty, supercilious and downright irritating Patek Philippe adverts that condescendingly state "You never actually own a Patek Philippe, you merely look after it for the next generation."

Gutted....

BBC nicely summarises Gordon Brown's legacy

Not £3,000

Unless (in the style of Murray Walker) I'm very much mistaken, I think you'll find that you've missed a decimal point there.

It's £30k worth of debt each.

Vote Labour? I couldn't afford to...