Posts by Markie Dussard

Euro MPs want criminal penalties for downloaders

I am not a thief!

My wife and I had a most unusual experience the other night.

We put on a DVD copy of Ang Lee's "The Ice Storm" that was purchased around the turn of the century. Imagine our surprise when the DVD launched straight into the movie. No animated menus, no trailers for stuff that would have been "Coming Soon" nearly a decade ago, and no uninterruptable and relentless insistence that we are thieves. You can't even go to the cinema these days without suffering the accusation that you are almost certainly a thief and you'd better watch out because some bogeymen are out to get you.

It was so refreshing not to be summarily assumed to be involved in some form of piracy, it actually generated comments from both of us.

Later, Frodo Baggins was electrocuted and slid down the road on his face, so a jolly good evening was had by all.

Scottish government drafts Cat Welfare Code

@JasonW

"If someone can explain to me adequately the cat owners' paradox (ie. how you can "love my cat to bits" and in the next breath open the front door and boot it out into the driving rain for 8+ hours without a thought) I may reconsider."

There is no paradox. My cats come and go as they please through the cat flaps I thoughtfully provide for them. They choose to go out in the rain. They are particularly adept at anticipating the end of a rain storm as this is the best time to be in position to nab the small rodents who come out from shelter early, before the cats presence can be heard or smelled.

I've never "booted" a cat anywhere. It's more fun to watch what they are up to when they think you can't see 'em. It's like a little safari in your garden.

Apropos the original story though - I don't think it's the job of any government (Scottish or otherwise) to be telling people how to look after their pets. It's part of the responsibility of pet ownership. They'll be publishing leaflets on how to wipe our own arses next.

Unbundling could cost you £125

"Opinions are like assholes. Everbody's got one."

"Flip a switch?" "Move a couple of wires?" What a bunch of numpties.

How many of you have actually seen the MDF in your local exchange?

Ryanair battles ASA over 'saucy schoolgirl' ad

Non comprende

So it's okay for Britney Spears to make a shed load of cash sexualising the schoolgirl image in her videos which are repeated endlessly on public television (thereby exciting poor old Alistair Campbell to a frenzy of pop worshipfulness) around the world.

And it's okay for the 2006 UK Eurovision entry to represent schoolgirls sexually writhing over their desks to a really dire piece of crap rap (before being soundly trounced by the more artistically creative Lordi).

But 13 people found this rather tame image "offensive"?

Who died? Who was injured? Who was cheated? Where was society, or any members of it, harmed or defrauded?

I think those 13 people should be told to &^%$ Off and get a life!

Miserable? It must be U

As one of those outliers ...

... who has just completed a fairly satisfying stint at 44 (45 as of last December) and believes that my forties are far more satisfying than my thirties, I feel positively antisocial for mentioning it.

As far as this piece of research is concerned, statistically speaking, does that make me above or below average?

American LaFrance blames IBM for bankruptcy

@Bronek

I'm with LPF on this.

Waterfall vs. Agile is a completely false dichotomy, repeatedly squealed by the true believer in an attempt to drown out reasoned objections by experienced developers. There are other ways to develop software outwith a Waterfall approach that do not involve the faith-based wishful thinking that constitutes the Agile Manifesto.

Not being able to express your requirements correctly is not a monopolistic Waterfall characteristic. Far from it. Agile disciples would have you believe that they have found a way to gloss over the whole issue of requirements with no effort. Stupid managers who buy into that bull are destined to wind up on their knees praying to a different God to save their jobs somewhere down the line.

Developer heads are in the cloud, Andreessen says

And I quote ...

Back in the early '90's, a new graduate developer on my team responded to the news that he was going to be working on a new platform, thus: "If I'd wanted to work on a platform, I'd have joined British Rail."

Quite.

Head banker leaves job over Muslim gaffe

Promotions all round, then?

Most so-called "diversity" or "equality" programmes are essentially ammunition for the bullies. My company has moronically established the principle that it is merely enough for someone to state that they are 'offended' for an offence to be deemed to have been committed.

Many years ago, I was engaged in a private conversation with colleagues, discussing an ex-colleague whose stated opinions on matrimony was "Women only marry men to get washing machines!", breathtaking and hilarious evidence of a Clarksonesque misogyny. Unfortunately, an eavesdropper, who had nothing to do with conversation decided that she had only heard that quote and scurried off to her manager to report me for this offence to her dignity. Fortunately the manager involved was not an idiot and quickly established that she was trying to get a bit of attention for herself. Given that the conversation was obviously and maliciously misquoted out of context, the comments were not directed at her and she was in fact nothing to do with the conversation, she was actually disciplined. But the lesson I learned was that once companies hand those weapons out, it's best to keep your eye out for the careerists who think they can enhance their promotion prospects at your expense.

Social networking and pron - together at last

@ Coward

Heh heh. Only a puritanical descendant of our transported convicts could believe that the mere accusation of sheep-shagging would act as an insult to anyone with an adult and sophisticated sexual appetite.

No ear for the musicality of language either.

Love and kisses,

The Marquis

@Sceptical Bastard

"FFS don't upset the bloody Welsh ..."

There's two ways to deal with bullying: appease them or stand up to them. Personally I refuse to appease the joyless, life-denying whiners. They are not a "race" and their principality is not a country. They lost to the Normans a millennium ago. It's time they got over it like the rest of us, stopped crying and took it like men. Or sheep-shaggers.

Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's

But everyone knows ...

... that there's a million-to-one chance they'll find a cure in time!

Phone phreaks spoof LSD-induced multiple homicide

@Sean & @Bloody_Yank

Having personally stood with one foot in Texas and one in Louisiana, whilst only weighing 130-140 lbs at the time, I suggest you check out a map.

@Bloody_Yank - everyone knows that everything in Texas is "Biggest in the contiguous US", including its loons and dingbats (I don't know how they feel about this in Alaska and Hawaii).

In mitigation, can I offer Janis Joplin, Johnny Winter and Stevie Ray Vaughan as examples of fine Texan exports.

'I'll be back' is most-quoted movie line

Most-used Blade Runner quote

Forget Roy/Rutger's pretentious C-beams and the improbability of anyone ever using that speech in a real conversation, the Blade Runner quote that seems to get used most often around our house is, rather embarrassingly: "Home again! Home again! Jiggedy-jig"

@Anonymous Fu Manchu

I think you'll find that Fu Manchu responded to his setbacks with something along the lines of: "The world shall hear from me again"

Male pattern boldness

@Ashley

It's not Design Patterns that are holding people back, it is the inability to differentiate between the occasions when known design patterns are appropriate solutions to a design problem and when it's time to do some design of your own.

In the end, it's never really the language or the tool or the book you are using that hold you back, it's the belief that you only need to use one language, tool or book.

Official: James Blunt is a w*nker

Berkeley?

Berkshire Hunt, you berk!

Messaging snafu madness blows pot deal up in smoke

@Karl

"It always amuses me to hear the phrase "war on drugs", because put quite simply it implies a law where the enemy are stoned, and yet still winning."

It amused me more when Bill Hicks first said it. Or are you channelling?

Spanish TV turns Wiki-hoaxer

@Stephen

You mean that if drivers learned to drive properly by keeping their vehicles under control, paying attention to the road and being aware of what is around them, they wouldn't have so many accidents and/or break the law?

How blindingly insightful. I wonder why no-one ever thought of that before. Perhaps driving instructors could be trained to pass this vital revelation on to their students.

US rules vote swapping legal

The other half

Strikes me it would be way more profitable if the politicians were more aligned with the spirit of their profession and less obsessed with the mechanics.

Succumbing to the propogandist notion that all of those who don't vote can't be "arsed" is to miss the point completely. Many of us find the prospect of having to choose between a plate of dog shit and a bowl of cow shit so repugnant, we demur. Actively.

Harry Potter and the Chancers of eBay

Stunted and crippled

One has to feel sorry for the sort of person who scathingly equates a child with a 'slow adult' and therefore demonstrates a complete lack of respect for either.

Of course, those of us 'slow adults' who have read and understood the moral themes in these books will probably be quite glad that J.K. Rowling's human values are likely to be influencing our children in the years to come, and not those who take pleasure in disparaging others. Her villains are those who would seek to elevate themselves by looking down on others and treating them as lesser creatures. Her heroes are those who can see beyond surface differences and give care, respect and courtesy regardless. More power to her.

UK.biz: recruiting talent the number one IT problem

Teleworking does work, and always will work ... for some

Sitting here at home, chuckling over 'Wonderkid' and his lifestyle issues. I'll concede that if one views work as a sanctuary from the horrors of one's home life, teleworking is never going to work - for you. But don't go making stupid generalised assertions on behalf of those of us who routinely don't bother going to an office. I am quite happy working with offshore developers, global partners and disparate team members across the UK (many of whom also rarely bother with an office commute) and regularly deliver on time and to budget, bizarrely enough with fewer of the stresses and political headaches attendant to office culture.

The IT recruitment difficulty derives from what has always plagued the IT and Telecomms business in this country - incompetent and ineffective management. I have yet to work on a project that ever failed because of a lack of technical skill. I have worked on many that failed because of management ineptitude, under-resourcing, poor planning and an inability to listen to, or understand, fairly simple concepts relating to what can and can't be done. Many technical professionals worth the name have probably used the flexibility and mobility their skills afford them to position themselves in a role that is advantageous to them, not their employer/client. I know I'm not alone in having learned from repeated experience and taken the "work life balance" decision when it was a good time to do so, planning my future according to what suits me, not what suits the whims of a clueless corporate droid.

A system of managers that only values 'management skills' (whatever they are) inevitably leads to an environment in which recruitment is skewed away from the technically able and more towards the conformist suit. The giveaway to their cluelessness is their surprise that this should be the case. To continually repeat the same mistakes while expecting a different outcome is a symptom of stupidity.

Iran 'eight years' from operational nuke

8 years vs. 45 minutes

I can't get all worked up about 8 years. I'm still waiting in my bunker until we get the 'all clear' on those missiles the Iraqis are supposed to be able to deploy in 45 minutes. They still haven't found those buggers yet, so they're still out there ... somewhere.

'Kryptonite' discovered in Serbia

Wikipedia Superman entry not definitive?

Surely not.

I thought Wikipedia was now the definitive repository of all knowledge in the world. According to the relentless, unquestioning media puffery that goes on elsewhere, it would seem to have supplanted Brittanica some time ago. Brittanica fails by being peer reviewed by experts in their field, of course, whereas Wikipedians are free to invent their own reality.

Or perhaps the kryptonite at the heart of the Hivemind IS real ... in a metaphorical way ...