Posts by Markie Dussard

Linehan turns IT Crowd off but NOT on again

???

Overblown sense of entitlement, much?

Women's gaydar (for men) improves when ovulating

and another thing ...

Far from being 'bleedin-obvious' it actually suggests that this is a naturally selected skill that females have developed to avoid mating mismatches with the hordes of prehistoric gays that must have been mincing around on the African savannah. Gives more of the lie to those religious bigots who constantly flaunt their ignorance of biology by restating the mistaken assertion that homosexuality is 'unnatural'.

I really think The Reg should start distancing itself from the Daily Heil, because some of its readers aren't quite that simple-minded.

Paramount to recount The Martian Chronicles

Will no-one ...

... Consider Phlebas?

Labour MP debuts fondleslab-assisted Parliament oratory

Of course

My company pays for the laptop upon which I work for them, so that seems fairly reasonable to me.

Not ALL expenses are axiomatically fraudulent or inappropriate.

RoboCop statue fundraiser hits $50k

The fly in the ointment is ...

... the tiresome fact that many of the exteriors for the original movie were actually filmed in Dallas. During the car chase scenes you can often seen Reunion Tower in the background.

Symbian Foundation: A brand that wants to share and talk

Art Theft

I used to work for Symbian too, and I felt just like the victim of a "chipmunck ontroller" (sic).

Somehow it doesn't surprise me that they raided an art therapy class for their ideas - probably the alma mater for some of their engineering managers (they too have learning difficulties). Still, I'm pretty sure they used to employ at least one or two people capable of spelling complex words like 'tentacle' and 'colander' correctly.

The rest were just substandard code monkeys who thought they were going to get rich from an IPO.

Most undergraduates 'show fear when asked to do maths'

@Liam

Quite apart from your ignorance of both Maths and English, I have to take issue with your sociological assertions too:

"maths degree = single for life, probably a virgin all your life and still live with your mum"

My wife holds a First in Mathematics and definitely doesn't live anywhere near her Mum. You'll have to take my word on the lack of virginity.

Playboy TV offers 'Jacq off' special package

@Rulebook of the Britards

Hear, hear!

As a Britard myself, I can't help wondering why we reduce such an important political revelation to such sniggering crap about what movies were watched.

That's not the real issue. The real issue is the arrogance underpinning all these corrupt behaviours (whether by Wacqui, McNutty or whoever). They seriously believe that this is acceptable behaviour and that the tax-payer doesn't need to know about these systematic abuses - on the grounds of national security, I believe. The tax-payer is a lesser being. How does it feel to have the scales pulled from your eyes, cash cows? That's all we're worth to these people - whatever their political stripe. Vote up, pay up and shut the fuck up!

BT names first 29 exchanges for fibre rollout

@Bangalore Exchange?

Perhaps those of us who work with the people you so offensively euphemise as "our 'offshore' cousins" find it a more pleasant and productive experience than dealing with racist ingrates who do nothing but whine about their entitlements.

My experience of BT-based agency contractors (having been one in my time) was that while they were very happy to take the money (although it was never enough, was it?) and the added security of being a disguised employee, they spent most of their time badmouthing the company and whining about what little work they were asked to do. On one very notable occasion two had to be sacked because a fight broke out. One contractor's snoring was disturbing the guy who was trying to play a game in the corner of the same office.

Glad to see the back of them. I value my Indian colleagues far more than those British dipsticks.

NHS study produces ejector-seat ambulance design

WTF?

Sigh. What quotidian minds read El Reg.

Heaven forbid that someone might just throw out some imaginative concepts that may or may not prove to be immediately practical. There should be a law against non-techies tossing out a few thoughts that aren't productised, designed, tested and completed to the satisfaction of the arrogant pedants on this cyber-rag.

Get over yourselves. At least someone's having a go at thinking at a level beyond the mundane flatulence of the average tech manager. I don't see much imaginative or creative coming out of your rant-holes.

Etailer flogs signed Jade Goody biog for £1,000

Basic needs vs. public hypocrisy

Like her or not, Jade is a marketable commodity precisely because people are willing to pay up for info, gossip and pictures. Even if it is only to throw their hands up in unironic horror at the commercial exploitation of it all.

Jade is not bright. She is poorly educated. She is not talented. Nor is she particularly likeable. None of these things deserve the pillorying she has received in the press over the years, but she has clearly learned to exploit the public's prurient interest in her. If she wants to maximise the potential earnings from her death in order to provide for her family after she's gone, good luck to her. She hadn't had many of life's advantages before she became famous, and she's getting really short-changed now she's a celebrity. Let her make the most of what little she has and let's save all our hand-wringing hypocrisy for some other hate object for a while.

If you support one person's right to die with dignity, you have to support another's right to die without it.

Facebook downplays eternal user data grab

@Facebook, Myspace users

Alternatively, you could keep your sneering, misanthropic arse-flappery to yourself.

NHS patient database goes titsup

Alternatively ...

NHS database goes titsup, disaster recovery plan works as designed, no patient data loss and no patient care jeopardised.

So, everything happened as it was supposed to, but such an inconvenient fact isn't going to get in the way of your pre-slanted story.

Symbian Foundation in anti-Android recruit drive

@Danny Thompson

"The best that Symbian can do is to shut the door as they leave." Precisely.

As an ex-employee of Symbian's I have had the dubious benefit of watching the complacent arrogance of some of the numpties trying to manage the company as if it was a small business.

The internal culture is one of patronage and reprisal. Mention to your Technical Architect that you are about to call a colleague for the first time and, invariably, you would receive a judgement on whether they were a 'good guy' (i.e. one of his mates) or not (i.e. an internal foe), with a heavily implied assumption that this verdict should guide your conversation. Even code reviews were politicised. These guys actually give each other marks for neatness :-)

The Boss bitchslaps Ticketmaster

"The ageing denim-clad rock star ..."

... continues to obey the laws of nature/physics.

Name one rock star who isn't ageing.

Perhaps you mean "old". What a crime.

Harry Potter Lexicon published after judgment-guided edit

@James Hughes

Couldn't agree more.

The issue at stake has nothing to do with whether one "likes" the books, or whether JK Rowling has earned '"enough" money. It's about the general principle of attempting to pass off someone else's writing as your own work.

Facebook turns pollster in search for cash

@pctechxp

QED

You reap what you sow, you dullard.

Church of Scientology seeks 'ban' against HIV+ protesters

Pseudo-religion?

If religion is intrinsically a delusion, how can you possibly have a pseudo-religion? A fake delusion as compared to a 'real' one?

Openreach reaching for more cash

@pctechxp

"BT is still BT and will act as one company when all is said and done"

There's nothing like the assertive dogmatism of the clueless. Get some sort of understanding of the realities numbnuts.

I love the idea that BT is somehow evil just because some of the fucktards on this site don't get everything they want instantly, for free.

Sell off the infrastructure to someone (who?) that will magically run it all better for you (how?). Yeah, the last person who tried that was John Major, and look what a shitpile our railways turned into. And how do we want to solve that mess? We want to renationalise.

Turdspurts!

Pair arrested over leaked BNP list

@Danny

"I think WWII should be the sole required reading on every school history course for at least the next fifty years"

Then you are an idiot who has no grasp of history or context.

How can you teach WWII without explaining WWI and its consequences? And what were the causes of WWI? Who says your understanding and interpretation of WWII is the only one worth teaching? See the problems, you numpty?

Battlestar Galactica prequel shuns space, spaceships

No title

Ha, ha - lookit the knees jerk!

Fiction is fiction. Good stories are good stories. Bad writing is bad writing. Genres are defined by marketing and shelving needs.

If you think BSG is all about the spaceships then you're same sort of person who thinks Westerns are all about the horses.

And if you review your speculations and assumptions around the idea before you've seen the implementation, you're a close-minded bigot who's making it all up.

Social workers sacked over Gary Glitter email

eltit

@Luther Blissett

"Was it the pic, the use of council e-mail, or mention of the person concerned that was the real problem?"

None of the above. In the Public Secttor, when you want to get rid of people, with minimum cost as fast as possible, you can always find a suitably outrageous pretext.

Spacewalking astronaut drops toolbag

@IcerG

I think the real problem is that most of the commenters on here don't actually know any women.

World's first AI birth achieved using frozen rhino sperm

@Dave

Bend your imagination to the idea that bull semen is routinely collected for artificial insemination in agriculture, and then extrapolate using the concept that a rhino is just a bigger, stronger bull.

Hey presto, the thinking is complete and the mental energy required wasn't all that great after all.

Batman sues Batman over Batman

As quick as a flash ...

So, after nearly 70 years of the comic, 40 years after at least one TV series (I'm not sure if there weren't earlier efforts), after at least 7 cinematic releases (not counting the Saturday morning serials) the town of Batman suddenly feels badly used? Just checked and I'm afraid my heart is not bleeding for them.

I'd tell them to stick their fucking lawsuit where the sun doesn't shine - except I'd probably need a license from a small village in Austria to do that. And Terry Pratchett.

Morning voting in America

A kind person said ...

"I think chris meant the Co-Ops - considering that the Co-Ops in this country started out from the various Socialist movements."

I think you give chris too much credit (you must be some sort of softhearted ... liberal !!! :-).

I think he's just an echo chamber.

@chris

Oh my! Such a sad comment about how chris doesn't know what socialism was.

Jezza Clarkson cops flak for 'truckers murder strumpets' gag

Can't stand Clarkson ...

... so I don't bother watching his show.

Thus I never feel the need to complain about anything he says. I note that he never complains about anything I say either.

In this way both Clarkson's freedom of speech and my freedom to choose operate smoothly to everyone's mutual benefit.

BBC clarifies location of England

@kain preacher

So, what is your point? Being able to name states and state capitols because your education system requires you rote learn them is not hugely useful, even for Americans. To be honest I have a reasonable idea of where Nebraska is in relation to Missouri, or Florida to Idaho, yes. Plus I have cheerfully driven around the West and South West of the US, so I know where Arizona nd New Mexico are. I've even driven around the Rockies a bit. But then I also know where Laos and Cambodia are, which is a little geographical imprecision Americans are well-noted for.

It is a fairly common stereotype of the non-travelling American (i.e. never travelling outside their own continent, much like your cokehead-retard President before his dad bought him the job) having only the vaguest idea of world geography. It's no surprise to me that the connection is assumed between Obama and Osama, for example, when a fair proportion of Americans routinely confuse Austria and Australia. And when you bleated on about 'Freedom Fries' because you were sulking about how the French wouldn't join your Coalition of the Compliant, it was pretty clear that you had a pretty hazy and dim view of your own history too.

Once upon a time in California ...

... when I first met my American girlfriend (now ex-wife) she seriously believed Wales was an island.

Of course I probably didn't help matters by explaining that, while it was still attached to the mainland, quite a lot of English folk wished it was a feckin' island!

Prof: 'Taser-proof vests put cops in danger'

An anti-ballistic projectile?

"And that's with a pistol that shoots in straight lines"

Oops. Back to school with those failing teachers for a bit of mechanics revision.

Unless you've developed a projectile weapon that overcomes the effects of gravity and air resistance, in which case file your patent and start printing money.

Holy f**k, Microsoft covers up ‘undesired’ words

@James

I don't know how you pronounce 'Scunthorpe', but a Yorkshireman would never fall foul of this.

Mind you, if he was trying to organise a ramble in the surrounding countryside, he might have a problem.

Council clamps down on 'man on the street'

The real question should be ...

... are the editorial staff at El Reg attempting to get Nelson over at "Speak Your Branes" to create a new Vulture's Vadge category. This all reads like a deliberate attempt to provoke the hard-of-thinking to fulminate publically, which you have all duly done.

Tories want data loss prosecutions

What dullness

How bereft of imagination are both the Tory party and some of you numpties.

Is that the only response to anything we don't like - prosecute someone? Does that engender respect or a culture wherein we can learn from mistakes?

Sure, let's blame someone - anyone? - and make them pay - that'll ensure that next time a mistake gets made, we find out about it in a timely and open manner.

Qinetiq trumpets midsummer robo solar-plane 'record'

@Mark_T

Presumably because that's precisely what it is, a 'step towards' something viable.

Which bit of the phrase 'research and development'

don't you understand?

Man buys $1,000 worth of iPhone pixels by accident

Reminds me of ...

... a newspaper advert that was put in the Classifieds of various tabloids back in the late '80's.

It advertised a booklet that would allow the purchaser to "Reduce Your Telephone Bill to £00.00!!!" (or some such stuff). For a fee (I think it was about £7.50) the recipient got a leaflet that explained in painful detail how to contact BT Customer Services and cease their line.

Despite the protestations of consumer whinge-buckets like Rantzen and Faulds-Wood, the argument was cogently made that no law was broken, and each customer got exactly what was advertised. There was no scam. The illegal intent was actually in the mind of the customer who was operating on the assumption that they could defraud BT and get something for nothing. As they say - you can't con an honest man.

As far as I see it, this is a similar situation (if it's not a hoax story in itself). The idiot who pressed the button got exactly what was advertised and paid the price that had been displayed. A dickhead and his money are soon parted.

American man too fat for execution

I'm with the guy who ...

... referred to all of you armchair executioners as 'shitsacks'.

The pointless fulminations exhibited here demonstrate exactly why 'civilised' countries try to run systems of justice instead of submitting everyone to the mindless reprisals of self-righteous vigilantism.

BT shares plummet on margin pressure

re: 5.1bn and they're not happy?

At first I thought you were a twat because you don't know the difference between revenue and profit. But then I read:

"Time to re-nationalise all the critical utilities methinks"

and realised you were a Twat-O-Tron (TM)

Alcoholic Malaysian shrews cast doubt on UK booze panic

Ahoy there!

I'm sure the average British Naval seaman used to be "grog-soaked yet productive "

The Senior Service has nothing to learn from some Malaysian shrews.

Of course, nowadays, I don't suppose they maintain the grog ration.

Yar, it's political correctness gone mad, I tells ye!

Barclays and HBOS slash contractor rates

@AC re: Hayes

"They have no regard for the end contractor and will not fight the corner for them."

What utter ... ball-ache!

Are you a bit new to the contracting game, or just terminally naive?

I always find iit amusing when contractors complain about the agents looking out for themselves. Who else should they look out for? Do you look out for your agent? Of course you don't. Dimwit.

Brits terrified of online fraud, but want magic cars, says BT

El Reg readers terrified of BT customer survey results ...

... so pour scorn on the bits they don't agree with.

If nobody asked, you'd complain about that. If they do ask, you say they're shit to do so. If you can't grow beyond your prejudices, at least try and make them vaguely consistent with each other.

Barclays to scrap 1,800 UK tech jobs

Handbags at dawn!

Barclays "sparked outrage among contract staff" by insisting they take a rate cut.

Hmm. Greedy bankers vs. greedy contractors - where do my sympathies lie? What next - thieving estate agents vs. thieving used-car salesmen?

Any contractor who accepted that is basically saying "actually I'm a disguised employee and please can I keep my stealth job". A contract is a contract. If one side doesn't honour it then you walk. If you are worth anything to anyone, you can get another contract. But if you cave, then you just gutlessly sold yourself cheap for the illusion of security, and you handed the other party the reins of control.

No principles? No sympathy.

Paris, because she doesn't pretend to be anything but a whore.

BT profits nothing to phone home about

Services they can't supply

Yeah, that'll be right.

Spend a shed load of money advertising a service on the basis that you are then going to sit back and not supply it, thereby blocking a revenue stream.

And yet still make a profit?

Good "reckon" there. I hope your head doesn't hurt too much from beating it against the keyboard.

I know El Reg makes no secret of it's anti-BT agenda, and I have no illusions about BT being perfect. But one has to question the rationality of comments that could be summarised thus:

I want everything.

I want it now.

I want full and immediate customer support.

I want the company to be unerringly prescient about all my future needs, forever.

I don't want to pay for any of it.

My advice is to go to the company that meets all those requirements and stop whining. Good luck with that.

InPhase finally to phase in holographic disk

@Bronek

Close to silicone?

Paris, because there's no Jordan.

Sky One to resurrect Blake's 7?

I reckon ...

http://www.youtube.com/v/E10Bp_mPXXA&hl=en

Colliding galaxies mark Hubble anniversary

Andromeda's coming?

Has anyone told Lembit "Cheeky Boy" Opik about this?

Sydney skies menaced by deadly raygun disco-ball

Vince 1, Flock 0

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/laser-art-shut-down-after-attack/2008/04/24/1208743120821.html

Old people can sabotage software too

Getting "let go"?

In plain English that would "fired", "dismissed" or "sacked", wouldn't it? In reality, these are not people that management were desperately hoping to continue to employ but, for inexplicable reasons, slipped through their fingers and somehow ended up without a job.

Let's not collude with those who would denature the language with management and political unspeak to distract everyone from their culpability.

An (ex-)employee does not become disgruntled without a reason.

Since I am not in that category at the moment, am I "gruntled" or "antidisgruntled"?

Portsmouth student peeled in potato laptop scam

Why does anyone care?

Old adage: you can't con an honest man.

Judge accuses hacks of hacking cannibal ruling

Evidence?

I'm with Herby on this one. I suspect the source of the leak was more likely to be loose lips than hackers.

As judge, isn't she supposed to know the difference between an unsubstantiated assertion and an argument based on evidence?