Posts by Pinkerton

BBC surrenders 'linear' exclusivity to compete with binge-watch Netflix

Why does the BBC *NEED* to compete against Netflix and Amazon?

The BBC needs to compete because whilst it is *currently* not a commercial company and *currently* can survive on the licence fee, these things are in no way certainties. Successive governments have frozen the licence fee and threatened to neuter the Beeb unless they play the game.

There is a growing public opinion (some of it expressed here) that the BBC should be cut free and left to fend for itself without the licence fee/tax. When that day comes, they BBC *will* need to compete against Netflix and Amazon.

All they're doing is preparing for the inevitable. Sounds like a very good plan to me.

Brexit-themed spam surges

Inevitable and predictable question...

I wonder who the most gullible and lucrative recipients are, Brexiters or Remainians...

Would YOU start a fire? TRAPPED in a new-build server farm

What if there had been a real fire...

...And the Halon had gone off?

(Why do I always think of the worst possible outcome?)

NetWare sales revive in China thanks to that man Snowden

Proprietary 32-bit NetWare or SLES-based 64-bit OES?

One for the the author of this article 'cos I is confused!

Are the Chinese rolling out old knocked-off copies of the no-longer-sold NetWare (32 bit only, NLMs, Abends, proprietary kernel) or are they on the current product, Novell Open Enterprise Server (64 bit only, NetWare-stylee services running on SLES)? If the latter it kind of knackers the headline because that isn't NetWare, it's OES. NetWare having gone out of general support in 2010.

There was a brief period where the two products ran side-by-side, branded as OES NetWare and OES LInux but the NetWare brand has long since gone.

I am genuinely interested to know which of these two different products - proprietary 32-bit NetWare or SLES-based 64-bit OES - they're all going for in China.

Right royal rumpus over remote-control 'RoboRoach'

Hmmmm...

Is this even real?

It seems a tad reminiscent of Bonsai Kitten to me.

...Or maybe I've just reached a point in my life where I don't believe anything I read on the internet any more.

FLIGHTMARE! Inflight cell calling debuts, dealing heavy blow to quality of life

Re: Nooooooooooooo

Yeah, because those quiet carriages on trains work phenomenally well!

In one such carriage I once listened to a woman have a conversation with her father on speakerphone. Everyone heard both sides of the conversation. The woman then repeated, in best "I said/he said" fashion, pretty much the entire conversation to her partner - who was sat opposite and presumably had just listen to it first-hand too.

There is no accounting for human stupidity. In this case, probably mine for putting up with this kind of ignorance.

Who's who: 12th Doctor has been chosen, will meet you on Sunday night

Call me old fashioned...

...but I'd rather it be kept a secret until the actual regeneration.

Microsoft biz heads slash makes Ballmer look like dead STEVE JOBS

I'm flying, Steve...

Is this the beginning of a rearranging-the-deckchairs-on-the-Titanic strategy?

YouTube's hilarious cat videos could soon cost you $5 a month

Re: Read the article

As soon as I saw this article I took a punt that for every one person who understood that Google might charge for SOME content, nine people would read that Google will charge for ALL content.

Those nine are allowed to vote, breed and drive cars.

Micro-computer bakers open Raspberry Pi shop

Pah!

Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here downloading apps.

In them days we used to type in games from a magazine.

But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

BBC places news chief and her deputy beyond use in Savile row

Be careful what you wish for...

It is said that you don't know what you've got until you lose it. I fear the BBC is in this category.

Perhaps they should make a pre-emptive strike and broadcast nothing but Fox News for a week. That might be the bitchslap we need to remind us to be grateful for what we've got.

One million Facebook users' names and email addresses: $5

Re: Sympathy vacuum.

Time to make an attention-seeking post pointing out how smart I am by not signing up to attention-seeking site Facebook.

See what I did there?

Sanitary towel firm's 'CEO' sets traumatised man straight

Re: Marketing...

The poster of the original complaint has been on Facebook since 2009 and has acquired over 360 'friends' in that time. I'm sure if you could be arsed, you could search through those friends to see if any of them have links to any part of the Bodyform empire, ad agencies or whatever.

On the other hand it could just be some bloke recycling a veeeeeeeery old joke and the company on the receiving end having a sense of humour and knowing how to exploit it.

Gartner spells out magic behind quadrants

Gartner: Making vendors add nonsense to software...

Much like the news media should be reporting the news rather than controlling it, Gartner should be reporting innovation rather than controlling it. Neither of these cases are true, obviously.

Was once on a training course for some complex product or other and on some configuration sections we skipped over important-looking parameters with the instructor saying, "You can ignore that - it's just there to keep Gartner happy - nobody will use it in the real world".

I was left wondering what was left out so that could be put in - or left out as Gartner didn't deem it important.

Well done Gartner.

Twitter airport bomb joke conviction binned in common-sense WIN

Oh dear, missed the point again...

It's not about whether it's funny., it's about whether it's a genuine threat.

If someone makes a pisspoor joke on Twitter that they're going to firebomb his parents' house then I'm sure he'll find it very unfunny indeed but, hey, what can you do? Ignore it. Not laugh. Go into a sarcastic rant. The possibilities are endless. Calling the rozzers, however, shouldn't really be on the list.

If someone makes what is clearly a genuine threat, however, that's a different story. Give the boys in blue a bell and help thwart an atrocity.

See the difference? One's a pisspoor joke and one's a genuine threat.

The key is using common sense, not the legal system, to tell them apart.

Sysadmins! There's no shame in using a mouse to delete files

At the risk of stating the obvious...

> Forum denizens the internet over seem to view CLI versus GUI as a binary choice

It's not just CLI vs GUI.

Human nature seems to err towards *everything* being a binary choice! Whether it's Windows vs Linux, Labour vs Conservative, Man-made Climate Change vs Natural Cyclic Climate Change, Today's Music vs When I Were A Lad, Bitter vs Lager and so on.

I reckon that for any given debate, those that are willing to see all the various hues of grey are in the minority with most commentators firmly at one pole or another.

Naked Scarlett Johansson pic snatch 'is worth 6 years' porridge'

Re: Hang on.

She's just an actress, not an IT-literate person such as you. Why would she, or anyone else, know or suspect that email is insecure? She reads Acting Weekly, and This Thespian Life, not The Register or even the Beeb's 'puters-for-beginners, Click. Just because *you* know that email is as secure as a leaky bucket doesn't mean that everyone else does.

To assume that this is 'obviously' a publicity stunt is a Daily Mail-like presumption at best and is based on zero facts.

Scottish council muzzles 9-year-old school dinner photo blogger

And a big round of applause...

...For the rocket scientists at Argyll and Bute Council who must be the only people on the planet too out of touch to have foreseen exactly how this decision would turn out.

Well done Argyll & Bute. Very well done indeed. Worth every penny of your council tax.

...And no, it doesn't matter whether it's a real nine year-old girl, her father pretending to be her, pernicious hippies or whoever: The council stuck a bloody great big luminous flag in it saying Lookie Here!

Study: The more science you know, the less worried you are about climate

Everyone's a winner!

I'm playing fallacy bingo using this url - http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/poster - as a score sheet.

A couple more articles like this and I'll have crossed them all off...

Everything Everywhere activates top-secret erections

Boom tish

*Beep*

Alice: What's that?

Bob: A text message from Charlie - he says he's going to kill himself.

Alice: Aren't you going to do anything?

Bob: He's on T-Mobile - the funeral was yesterday.

BBC deletes Blue Peter from BBC One

Why does this matter?

The BBC's Have Your Say forum is awash with yards of debate about this. Why?

A programme or two gets moved from one channel to another.

After the digital switchover is complete, everyone who has access to BBC1 and BBC2 will also have access to CBeebies and CBBC. Nobody has lost anything.

What am I missing, here?

Someone explain.

Please type slowly as I can't read very fast.

WH Smiths tills insist shop sells The Queen's Knickers only

My money is on WH Smith

What are the chances of the hackers putting the apostrophe in correctly? Slim to none I would suggest!

That MYSTERY Duqu Trojan language: Plain old C

...More efficient, smaller, faster, more flexible and re-useable code...

So we've eliminated disgruntled Microsoft employees, then.

Boom tish. Thangyouverymuch. I'm available for weddings, birthdays and bar mitzvahs, etcetera.

Why Windows 8 server is a game-changer

I think...

... that my copy of AdBlock Plus must have expired!

Cameras roll on 'blockbuster' new Who series

On the bright side...

...George Lucas is not involved.

Sun hacks cuffed after being DOBBED IN by News Corp

What's the betting...

...That The Sun will start whining and bitching that the public are unfairly judging those that have been arrested before any evidence has even been heard in court?

I bet "weird"*, "lewd"*, "creepy"*, "angry"* & "disturbing"* Chris Jefferies must be pissing himself laughing at the brass-necked hypocrisy of the situation.

I just wish that the media wasn't such a closed-shop and that a few titles would break ranks and do a hatchet job on those arrested - dredge up every last element of their past and then retell them out of context and in sinister tones.

* (c) 2011 The Sun.

Brit pair deported from US for 'destroy America' tweet

Uh oh!

I just searched for #destroyAmerica to see if anyone was tagging anything with it.

If you don't hear anything from me in the next few days then I'm probably being waterboarded!

No, seriously: I'm posting about it here so it can form part of my defence. "I only searched for that tag because I saw it on The Register".

Facebook to shove Timeline in EVERYONE'S face soon

Here we go again...

Oh no! A new Facebook layout. Someone has changed this free service that I'm not obliged to use.

That's my life ruined!

Neutrinos still FASTER THAN LIGHT in second test

Hmmm...

Why not ask my wife?

After all, she has an answer for f'cking everything!

(C) 1976 Bernard Manning.

The Beeb is broken

Has anyone told them...

...To switch it off and on again?

Phone-hack scandal: Bloke cuffed in cop bung probe

Dammit...

...Arse and bollocks. Piers Morgan is only 46.

Facebook flashplodders lose appeal against 4-yr jail stint

Maybe it comes down to the maths...

Hmmm...

One rioter breaks one window and steals one telly.

These scrotes incite a riot and cause a thousand rioters to take to the streets, each breaking one window and stealing one telly.

So that's (counts fingers in an exaggerated fashion for effect) a thousand broken windows and a thousand nicked tellies. *

Their sentence doesn't seem so disproportionate to me.

* OK, so not all thousand rioters are going to break a window and nick a telly, but the net damage as a result of one riot-inciter versus one rioter is clear. To me, at any rate.

Microsoft kicks SUSE another $100m

"Everyone knows..."

Do they? Do they really?

To which definition of the word "everyone" are you working? The one that means "not everyone", I presume.

Ah! Maybe I've missed the joke: The beer glass icon actually indicates "unsubstantiated factoid using statistics magicked out of one's arse man-in-the-pub stylee".

Farewell, Novell

What did I miss?

Has Novell been wound up?

I've double-checked the press releases and it looks like Novell is going to be run as its own business unit, alongside Attachmate's other existing business units and a separated-out SUSE.

You'd never know it judging by the 'Novell is already dead, buried and its grave pissed-on' reports, though, would you?

Computer glitch opens un-staffed supermarket to happy Kiwis

Perhaps I'm old fashioned...

Why do people think it's OK to steal in the aftermath of a mistake or accident?

No matter whether someone leaves the doors open on a Kiwi supermarket, motorbikes get washed up on a Devon beach or a hurricane tears through New Orleans, stealing is stealing is stealing.

When you consider that there are very few reports of looting (i.e. stealing) in Japan in the aftermath of the earthquake and tsunami it makes the rest of the world look like a bunch of thieving chavvy bastards.

ICT classes in school should be binned – IT biz body

Meh!

Be nice if we could get them able to read and write properly, first.

"Mum! Mum! We learnt typing at school today."

"That's nice, dear, what did you type?"

"Dunno, can't read!"

Death threats against 'worst song ever' YouTube teen

I'm going for the 'Only Sensible Post' prize!

[Yank Rozzers] added: "We're going to investigate and determine, number one, the source of the comments and then based on the investigation determine what intent was and where we go from here. If we believe they were actually intended as threats we will work toward prosecution."

...Which is more than can be said for all those involved in the Twitter Joke Trial who made no effort to establish intent and differentiate between a pisspoor joke and an actual desire to kill.

OK, OK, I'll get back in my box.

Calling all readers: Want some new icons?

My suggestions...

I can't be arsed to read through all these comments so there's a good chance this has already been said and I'm contributing nothing but noise to the discussion:

- A 'La la la not listening' icon

- An 'I haven't read the article properly before posting my comments so it's probable I'm commenting on something you didn't actually say but only what I thought you said' icon

- An 'I can't be arsed to read through all these comments so there's a good chance this has already been said and I'm contributing nothing but noise to the discussion' icon

World's bees face multiple threats

Bee decline denial...

It's only a matter of time before this is all uncovered as a conspiracy...

- Bee decline is not happening

- Even if it is happening, it is not caused by humans

- Even if it is caused by humans, there is nothing we can do about it

- Even if there is something we can do about it, it's too expensive, will require higher taxes, mean we have to drive less and stop us flying to sunny places on holidays

Hollywood eyes Blade Runner replicants

It could be worse...

...George Lucas could be involved!

IT job seekers can't smell spell

Meh!

Before selecting candidates for interview, I immediately throw away half of the CVs.

This weeds out unlucky people.

Jacqui Smith 'shocked' to discover we're drowning in sea of porn

Bloody woman.

I thought she'd gone for good.

Oz pair in blow-up sex doll whitewater ride

I bet...

...Artificial Rhonda never had these problems!

Police reject Labour MP's call for Bristol-wide DNA test

Same old same old!

Labour: They just can't help themselves, can they?

In power or in opposition, they just have to keep on watching, collecting and cataloguing every last bit of information on or about us.

Co-op cashier's breasts overcharged for fruit and veg

How many people will suggest...

...that is it now essential that we keep a very close eye on the checkout girl's mammalian protuberances in order to ensure no overcharging.

The story was posted at 14:47 so I reckon, a mere 17 minutes later, at least 17 people have already suggested it - that'll be me and 16 others.

Don't let China hold rare-earths to ransom again

Forward thinking? Nah - it'll never catch on!

Why get organised and do something in good time when you can leave it until the shit is about to hit the fan and then do it all at the last minute?

I'm convinced the world is run by students!

Caravan-swiping suspect spotted on Street View

Joke Alert...

If you're trying to do teh* funnies you need the Joke Alert icon or people will down vote your post.

* sic

Scarlett Johansson unleashes voracious sexuality in steamy alien film

Pre. Dick. Table.

So... Post a tottie-based, perv-bait story on a Friday afternoon and then stand back and see if more than one in 50 posts are actually fit for human consumption.

You're either:

(a) Trying to keep La Moderatrix busy

(b) Doing a survey in to Pavlovian response

I almost forgot: Phwoooargh, I'd do that, etc, etc, etc.

BA slams stupid security checks

Proving that terrorists are dumb and security services dumber...

I've never understood why terrorists are so keen to blow up planes anyway. Why not just let the bomb off in the airport? You'll save yourself the price of a ticket which means you won't show up on any watch-lists (*and* the saved money can go towards the nibbles at your funeral - bonus).

The airport terminal would be closed for weeks. A coordinated attack in all terminals at all major airports and you've grounded planes for longer than 9/11 ever did and you don't even have to go near a security check.

If that were to happen, the next step by the security services would be to have a perv scanner and shoe-sniffer outside the airport to stop bad guys entering. Then all the terrorists need to do is blow *that* queue up.

...or a Premier League football match.

...or a music concert or festival.

...or the next anti-government demo.

...and so on.

What's the fascination with planes and why are both the terrorists and security forces obsessed with them? The latter should really be concentrating on these far more obvious threats in case our not very bright, thickie terrorists get a clue.