Posts by Charlie Barnes

Blazing laptop of death claims one

Advent by any chance?

If my other half's laptop is anything to go by, I'd put £100 on an Advent...

Poor porn protection hurt Firefox 3 uptake

"a lot of people contacted us"

Dear Mozilla,

Please stop my hidden pr0n stash from showing up in the new location bar. I recommend excluding anything with "lego" in the description.

Yours sincerely

If-you-can't-remember-the-address-of-your-favourite-pr0n-site-you-don't-deserve-Firefox-3-Firefox 2 user

Street View in a jam over Swiss roll-out

Ha ha ha

Very good Reg, very good.

Hotmail pulls Attach-Photo feature over security concerns

IE Vulnerabilites?

"we identified an incompatibility with Internet Explorer that caused a security flaw with photo uploads"

Of course, what they forget to mention is the fact Firefox, Opera, Chrome etc. etc. are compatible and don't cause a security flaw.

Two convicted for refusal to decrypt data

How long?

How long until we have a system with two keys? A real one and the one you tell No. 10 - which decodes as "Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man"?

Government rubbishes ID card hack report

Sack the lot of them

"This story is rubbish"

Because that's a qualified reply from an expert government official.

Microsoft assaults our senses with 'viral' Bing video

What a shame...

"You can see the video below."

No I can't. Damn. Double Damn.

Top vendors flunk Vista anti-virus tests

Norton

"in many cases seeing the whole machine shutting down"

That'll be Norton then.

Nikon unveils world's first projection camera

Wow

That's actually a good idea in a world where gimmicks seem to be dominating the world of digital cameras.

Microsoft ultra-thins to 'out cool' netbooks, Apple

Fail

"Microsoft ultra-thins to 'out cool' netbooks, Apple"

And fails.

Microsoft to launch UK ad-funded online video player

Eh?

"will only appear on the MSN service, which is streamed via Flash"

Wtf? Has Silverlight died already?

Google puts Chrome updates on Courgette-only diet

Whatever next...

First Bing, now Courgette, whatever will they think up next... Windows 8?

Microsoft offers EU choice on Windows browsers

Which browsers?

"The five browsers offered will be determined by averaging monthly use-share date for the past six months."

What, for http://update.microsoft.com?

MoD sticks with 'most decrepit browser in the world'

Cash strapped

Another cost-saving measure from a cash strapped government.

Yahoo! confirms Gmail add-on buy

April Fools

"users out there who’ve been waiting for an excuse to switch to Yahoo!"

Thats's a good one. Deserves to be in a christmas cracker.

Twitter docs hack exploits stupidity vuln

Pink Ponies

"ponying up to Microsoft for something that actually works"

Since when has ponying up to Microsoft produced something that actually works? Paying up to Microsoft doesn't even produce something that actually works.

Memory-hogging bug offers universal browser crash exploit

Slowdown

"by tricking a browser into allocating huge chunks of memory"

You mean trying to use ITV's TV Guide?

Easter Island dirt may hold key to longer life

Great!

So you can live forever in a bubble.

Ofcom decides on white-space parameters

Diffciculty

"though tests have demonstrated the difficulty of that approach"

Tell me about it. Tried to get Freeview through any number of boxes; all we got was a bit of static and the Teletubbies.

Microsoft forbids changes to Windows 7 netbook wallpaper

Harder?

"Look forward to walking your relatives through that process in the future."

I would imagine it would be easier than the current methods provided by Microsoft.

Microsoft dumped after India PM's emails go AWOL

Techies

"It took the Government techies so much time to realize that the email system of the most powerful man in India was not working properly for 3 months!"

3 months? It takes me 7 months to read my email on outlook.

Man turns finger into storage

Well...

That's handy... Thumbs up for this idea... Brings a whole new meaning to fingering a host...

So, what's the f**king difference between a Netbook and an ultrathin?

NSFW?

It's the most SFW article I've read on El Reg. It's a got flow chart. How much more FW can you get?!

Pairs because she's always hard work...

Skinny, curvy Asus Eee inspired by MacBook Air

Re: I don't get it

It's called good business.

Seagate revs up SATA speed

Re: 600MB/s pah ... rubbish

OMG geeks. Oh wait they used Windows.

'Gv up txt 4 Lent,' urges bishop

On the take?

"But the Bish didn’t stop there, because he also suggested that followers avoid videogames, iPhones and social networking sites during the season."

Do we assume from the lack of G1 on that list he's on the take from Google or T-Mobile?

Paris because she's normally too busy to text...

ITV to sell Friends Reunited, axe 600 jobs

Contradiction in terms

"The only time I subject myself to that channel is for TV Burp and Saturday Night Takeaway. The rest is piffle."

Paris, because her show is the perfect example of the utter dross on ITV these days along with TV Burp and Saturday Night Takeaway.

BT accused of 'sharp practice' on rolling contracts

Re: Yet another example...

"Wankers."

Well said that man.

Iron Mountain punts subterranean data storage

Well...

"...want to make sure the bills have been paid, coz if they aren't, due to muppetry somewhere in The System, Iron Maiden will cut off your service without warning."

You get what you pay for. Oh wait you didn't. Pay that is.

Serious business behind Microsoft's Silverlight-3 tease

Whatever

"The company's been slowly upping the ante on expectations"

Yeah, because they've never done that before.

Asus keyboard PC due May. Or maybe June

I'll leave now...

"Women, in particular, were more likely to opt for a smaller screened, more mobile device, he claimed"

Presumably because it can fit in their handbags..?

Mines the one without the handbag on the hook.

Samsung notebook-not-netbook gets VIA Nano CPU

Looks

Looks great in the first picture, looks like a 5-year-olds look-at-me-i've-got-a-laptop-and-it-reads-me-stories-and-makes-funny-noises-laptop from the side.

Why can't anyone beside Apple make a laptop look half decent.

Not beautiful, not sexy, I don't want curves or sticky out bits, I just want it to look good.

Camelot dismisses lottery website hack claims

Money money money..

You'd think with all the money Camelot scrape off the lottery they'd be able to secure their own website..

Debt collection can be harassment, rules court

Debt collectors

If British Gas actually bothered to chase up their debtors themselves instead of out-sourcing then this lack of communication wouldn't have cost them an undisclosed amount.

Wish I hadn't thrown out that "you owe us money" letter dated two years previous....

Microsoft courts customers for search help

Pubcenter

Pubcenter? I Like the sound of that. Could Microsoft have actually thought of something useful?

Facebook downplays eternal user data grab

Trust

Ha! Trust. Thats a good one.

Silverlight for Linux hits with Microsoft punch

Confused

Does any get the impression that the left hand doesn't know what the right hands doing?

Ten of the Best... iPod rivals

All very well...

But why cant we buy a decent mp3 player for £50 with more than 10gb memory? The prices jump as soon as you get above 4gb.

I don't want the video, dvd, internet, bluetooth rubbish that eat into battery life, just a decent sized music player.

With the prices of hard drives plummeting, why are mp3's not cheap as chips?