Posts by The Fuzzy Wotnot

Ministers consult public on 'opt in for smut' plans

Re: Time to block Wikipedia...

"No love, I was shopping for ideas about your birthday present and the Selfridges site was down! Alright I'll get the sleeping bag from the spare room..."

Re: Just the latest

Yeah but just think, the exams could be fun to take!

So basically grab all the smut you need and store it in TrueCrypt containers for a, ahem, prosperity's sake you understand!

Ludicrously lucky teen survives spear through brain

No

' The temptation if you don't have experience with these things is, 'Oh well, pull it out'," '

No! I have no experience with these things but common sense would tell me that would be the most stupid thing to do! Even more so for something like a barb weapon designed NOT to come back out that easily!

Linus Torvalds drops F-bomb on NVIDIA

Re: Great now we have a child

Oh stop being so bloody po-faced!

Sometimes being nice doesn't work, sometimes being Mr Nice simply gets you walked all over. So long as he doesn't keep doing things like this I think it's nice to see someone who's usually viewed as just another quiet geek showing a little "nerd rage" for a change.

Reborn UK internet super-snooper charter to be unveiled today

Re: Look at her comments in The Sun

"Equally depressing is the fact the we as a populace have given up questioning the gruel they feed us and seem to blindly accept it on faith."

Too many people are too busy checking their Facebook profile or watching latest utter codswallop reality TV or X-Factor shite on the box to even care what state the country is getting into. All they see is "DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS ABUSED OR BLOWN UP? WELL DO YOU?!?! THEN HELP US NAIL UP THE PAEDOS AND TERRORISTS!!", in the Sun's latest, one-sided headline and that's all they think they need to know.

Apple silences mute kids' speech app in patent blowup

All I can say is how pathetic it all is to watch this bunch of supposedly sensible, well educated adults fighting like children while real children have ten times the sense of these morons, and all because of little green bits of paper. Cue Douglas Adams quote.

Facebook stock plunge leaves tax-dodge Saverin WORSE off. Haa ha

Re: Watch the slide...

"I feel sorry for those investors"

As it says in every advert and probably every contract, words to the effect that "the value of stocks and shares can go up and down", so no I don't feel sorry at all.

It's a little vicarious to gloat over Facebook's slow slide but they're big enough, old enough and daft enough to look after themselves. It was technically worth bugger all to start with so no great loss when the share price confirms that!

BBC report urges Halo troops to end bloodshed in Syria

Don't laugh!

I bet we had to pay Bungie some money for that cock-up via our license fee! Ha ha!

Ex-Nokia Siemens engineer admits eBaying nicked routers

Re: Businesses - How about paying...

Oh bollocks!

He nicked stuff because he thought he could get away with it! Living beyond his means, he dug himself a nice big hole o'debt and thought this would be an easy way out of it.

Ask me he's bloody lucky he only got a year suspension and community service, you get more for peeing about with someone else's Facebook account these days!

Virgin Media wipes out websites with routing blackhole

"Issues"

Ah, the catchall synonym for problems because we don't use the word 'problem' anymore.

Problem is not a dirty word!

Met bobbies get CSI kit to probe perps' mobes

Re: Background app

"Well that's what I'd do if I were criminally inclinedm which I'm not (apart from regularly downloading 'Linux' distros)."

So downloading Linux distros is now a criminal offence?!? Arrrghh! MS has finally won!

Council fined £70k after burglars nick vulnerable kids' files

Re: Work away from office

@Lee Dowling - Hassle to the end user: "Enter your password"?

None, they'll just write it out on a bloody post-it note and stick to the screen on the fricking laptop!

Pints under attack as Lord Howe demands metric-only UK

Re: Finally !

So was I mate! I was born in 1971 but my Dad taught me how to use tools, fixtures and fittings in both metric and imperial, and how to quickly convert from one to the other in my head. I did archery for several years and lot of the measurements there are in both metric and imperial, from the target distances to the measurements on the kit itself.

@Greg J Preece

OK mate, if that's how you feel then you can pay to have all the millions of roads signs up and down the UK "recoded" from miles to kilometres, out of you own pocket!

One in two punters don't mind cookie-spewing stalking ads

Re: And the cognizant ...

@jake

Exactly! And if you don't know where to get XYZ, it's easy enough to start looking at which point I'll be more receptive to adverts until then, ADBlock and FlashBlock stay installed!

Google+ dying on its arse – shock new poll

Re: Guff

"What kind of Koala are you?", "Come and join me on my farm."?

Sounds like not joining FB was a wise decision as it appears to be run by 14 year old girls and The Wurzels Fan Club!

Casablanca to screen for free on Facebook

"couldnt stand being fed the minuscule minutiae of every aspect of other people's boring lives"

Was this readily apparent before you first clicked the "Sign Up" button?

Stuxnet ≠ cyberwar, says US Army Cyber Command officer

cyber = bollocks!

"cyber"- prefix, appended to words by people in positions of power in order to attempt to raise the fear or threat of danger in others equally lacking in understanding of the situation at hand.

Examples include, "cyber-terrorist", "cyber-activist", "cyber-war" and "cyber-threat".

Bitcoin bank Bitcoinica still titsup after cyberheist

Anyone else get the image of Snake from the Simpsons wandering up to a PC, inserting a USB stick and uttering his line, "Oh yeah, download to papa!"?

London's Oyster card website still down after 12-hour outage

Re: "now I have to walk an hour to work"

Exactly what I thought! If they were going the to station anyway, couldn't they get a topup done there?!

Road deaths spark crackdown on jaywalking texter menace

Re: Darwin rules

@ItsNotMe

OK so you've never made a fuck up and got a second chance at something? What a perfect little life you must lead, you smug bastard!

I fell out of a moving car when I was 5 years old, it was only doing 20mph and my Mum panic liked crazy and I had to stay in hospital overnight. Perhaps she should have just said, "Sorry, no lifeguards on duty son, too bad!" and left me to bleed to death by the side of the road? We both learned valuable lessons that day. That was back in the early 70's and she became a serious campaigner for the compulsory wearing of seat belts and I learned not to be so bloody stupid.

Russian upstart claims BitTorrent-killer

"Wake up and smell what you shovelling!"

So a Russian firm claims to be stopping a Russian film from being pirated. A film no one had heard of but all of sudden people might want to know what it's about and it it's any good.

So people will jump on the torrent and...

a) They pirate the film to death because the blocking method is all just BS designed to raise the profile of the movie house.

b) It's an RIAA sponsored honey-pot designed to catch BT users in the act.

Apple drops '4G' label from new iPad

Oz effect

Hold on! The Ozzies get "very fast mobile networks" and we only have "fast mobile networks"? Ah it's O2 here in the UK, of course now I understand, sorry!

Zimbabwe's Mugabe welcomes Chinese tech investment

Does that stupid old git think he's getting it for nothing, surely the old tyrant's not going dopey in his old age? Can't wait for the Chinese to whip out the old tally book and tot up how much more it's going to cost the people of Africa in natural resources on top of what they've already got access to, to pay back all the "favours" granted them by the generous People's Republic!

Government pledges tougher games sales law

You owe me a new keyboard for nothing more than mispelling dear old dopey Keith's last name!

North Korean GPS blocking sparks cyber war fears

Re: Think about the poor Geocachers

If you strayed over the border to NK looking for hidden boxes while being directed by an electronic gadget, there's now a very good chance you'll have far more serious things to worry about when the NK military find you and offer you a cup of tea and a chat at their HQ!

Third teen TeamPoison hack suspect quizzed by cyber-cops

"arrested a 17-year-old man in Newcastle "

Man? Average 17 year old might look old these days but given the stupidity of the suspected crimes, child might be a better word!

Virgin Media site goes titsup in Pirate Bay payback attack

Just put TPB into Google and it doesn't take a genius to work out how to get around VM's block, it would be comical if all that effort in court wasn't so pathetic and ultimately impotent!

NHS rolls out open-source test results service for renal patients

Re: Old hat - but the bigger story is...

What?! Put all those Sir Humphrey's out of jobs, are you mad?!

What kind of world would we hand over to our children, if things actually got done?

Jolly rogered

Re: i invoke the power of....

"I am the Peado-Finder General and I declare that as judged by demented readers of News International publications, I deem you to be a PEAD-O-PHILE! Bring the faggots! ( Just my little joke! ). Ha ha!"

Great little skit, can't remember the radio programme now, Mum is on a march with a mob to attack the local old gent who everyone suspects is a peadophile, her kids are along on the march and shouting and moaning about it. Mum starts shouting, "Yeah we don't want them sort in our area, we wants justice and to make sure all our little kiddies are safe from 'arm and not one ain't gonna 'urt none of '!em! Oi, Chantel! Stop yer bleeding crying and bleedin' moaning or I'll wallop yer good and proper, shut it! Yeah kill the peado what 'urts the kiddies!!!"

"I saw my first jazz-mag at school at 11, and by 12 I was regularly misusing the lingerie pages of my mum's Freemans catalogue."

I was 10 and I was so confused! The older boys were sniggering and I was left in a state of utter confusion at what was so interesting, must have taken at least another 2 years before it started making sense! As to the Freemans, my Nan used to let me have her old catalogues "For cutting out the pictures of watches and bikes I want for Xmas Nan!", yeah right!

Microsoft ejects DVD playback from Windows 8

Re: OH YEAH!

'Cos it wouldn't leave much of an O/S behind would it?!

Dinosaurs were DRAINED of blood by GIGANTIC HORROR FLEAS

Re: It looks like a ferret

@Smallbrainfield

Who, Will Ferrell?!

Want to be a better marksman? Play shooting games

I play shed-loads of Skyrim, so if beating the ancient walking dead in long lost crypts and killing off innocent tribal natives with very large metal weapons charged with supernatural powers is your need, I'm your man!

There must be a world of difference between firing off a pretend gun with a game controller and using a real weapon that weighs a fair amont and I can imagine, recoils quite harshly.

BT missing from Pirate Bay High Court slap-down

A big round of applause!

So they're not blocking, File****e.com, ISO***t, TVB**.com,Dem*****.com and a million others just the one that's popular, so the next thing is that even the least technical person will simply head straight to Google and put "download TV/movie/game XYZ torrent".

What a complete and utter waste of time and money!

Computer nostalgia is 10 PRINT 'BOLLOCKS'

Re: The cure to nostalgia!

No Chess is not rubbish, Chess takes immense skill and extreme concentration. Heck, the kids board game Frustration is a stellar intellectual challenage compared to such horrendous offerings as Horace Goes Skiing and Roland on the Ropes let's not even get into the dreadful pisstake that is Advanced Lawnmower Simulator ( yes that is a genuine Spectrum game, produced in 1988, way after the masters "Ultimate: Play the Game" showed us what was possible by pushing a ZX Spectrum ), games in which you need a lobotomy to even begin to understand the reasoning behind designing them, let alone sitting down and coding, and finaly having the bloody nerve to sell them!

My post was mostly a humorous look at the fact that ( like the author of the original article ) not everything we leave behind in the past is worthy of admiration, but beration in the extreme. Smoking was considered a great pasttime at one point, watching small furry animals get torn to shreds for fun was considered entertaining, uprooting large swathes of people from their ancestral homes was considered of great benefit to some 200 years ago! Some things are simply best left in the past. As we head on to new things some will stand the test of time, Chess being one of them, very likely that Skyrim and Horace Walks To the Shops might well be best left in the past where they belong.

The cure to nostalgia!

What you will need its the following items:

1. 10 mins to spare

2. A ZX spectrum emulator plus some games

3. A state of the art PC capable of running 5 simultaneous copies of crysis in VMs

4. One of your offspring and your wife present

5. A flask of weak lemon drink.

Proceed as follows:

Invite family members to partake in your nostalgia-fest. Start up ZX spectrum emulator on your superb high def 36" monitor, blow up the emulator image to full screen. Start playing something silly like Sabre Wulf, bang on about how great games were back int he early 80's. Family will start to berate you like never before, your kids who once believed in their Dad will now make you feel like such an old dinosuar you will cringe at their every hurtful and barbed word. You will then start to realise very quickly that actually they're right, all your memories of old gaming masterpiece are so rose tinted as to be positively blood-red. The graphics are crap, the gameplay so basic and the subtle nuances of games like Skyrim so amazing you will awake reborn and cured!

Samsung... no, Apple... no, Samsung tops Q1 smartphone sales chart

It's all codswallop and much of muchness!

Stop being a mindless gimp and listening to the utter tosh spouted by these supposed know-it-all market watchers and pundits, buy what you really want to buy and be happy you've technology in the palm of your hand that is so advanced that we could not even have imagined it only as far back as the mid 1990's!

Twelve... classic 1980s 8-bit micros

I remember when my old man bought the CPC464 home, it was an early one and the offer of the free games wasn't due out another week after we got ours so I had no games to play at all. My old man found out about the offer, and bless his little cotton socks, marched back into Rumbelows and said it was disgusting that just because he was a an early buyer and only a week early at that, he got no free games! They dutifully broke open a sealed box and gave him the 10 free games!

Hanging's too good for 'em - so what do you suggest?

Made to debate the current UK Gov's ICT policy with Orlowski!

Ten... eight-bit classic games

What?! JK Greye and Malcom Evans!

Where's the fathers of 3D maze games without whom we'd have no Doom and all the little Doom-lets? I am talking about the great JK Greye and Malcolm Evans who wrote a full 3D monster maze game on the ZX81 in 1981!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3D_Monster_Maze

Let alone other obvious ones you missed, Trashman, Skooldaze, Sabre Wulf, Head Over Heels, Dizzy series!

Apple sued for every touchscreen device by Flatworld prof

Re: Why do these patent trolls wait so long ...

RTFA, you muppet!

What about every other tablet and smartphone manufacturer, surely their kit does this sort of thing too? Almost all the gadget makers have very similar tech, they must all be in the firing line next?

Biologists create synthetic DNA capable of EVOLUTION

Actually...

I am just waiting for Apple/Samsung/MS lawyers to turn up and claim prior-art/copyright/trademark or any other amount of legal nonsense to get the whole thing in court and start extracting the spondoolics from all and sundry!

Berners-Lee: Net snoop law tosses human rights into the shredder

Piss off!

"May has gone one step further than that by telling The Sun that such an interwebs snoop law would snare paedophiles and terrorists."

That's because that dozy cow thinks we're all as retarded as your average Sun reader!

Oracle v Google could clear way for copyright on languages, APIs

Re: The great land grab of the 21st century

"generations of engineers and scientist that built the giant shoulders your product stands on"

Yep that would be Larry and his mates within the fledgling Oracle Corp ( called Relational Inc or something? ) "nicking" ideas from both Ed Codd and IBM's System R to get their RDBMS product off the ground!

Global chocolate crisis looms

Re: Weirdly ...

Working high stress IT jobs for the last 20 years, my need for comfort eating has shot through the fugging roof!

Judging by the other comments here, I am not alone!

Lords give automatic smut censorship bill the once-over

I can imagine a few more savvy people renting "proxy boxes" abroad to get a proper internet service, not the Fisher-Price Internet the UK Gov seems so desperate to put in place because we cannot be trusted to act like adults anymore!

Re: Children must not be allowed to see bare nipples...

And all that religious iconographic filth masquerading as art in the National Gallery too!!!