* Posts by Ben

22 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Sep 2008

'Thieving' sperm whale caught on CCTV


@ Andrew Moore

Yes, the video is a bit old.

On the other hand, you don't go publishing your evidence on the internet so that any old Tom, Dick or Ahab can come along and scoop your research paper - the reason that this has only just come to light is because the study (and video) has only just been published.

The good news is that as an old sea salt, Lewis is well aware that whales are mammals, and so we've been spared a 'Fish fingered' joke in the headline.

Interstellar Bebo spamgasm targeted at 'water world'


@ AC

Yes, Bebo won't be the first announcement that we're over here that they receive. It may well settle their debate about intelligent life, however.

Mine's a pirate ship for ye vast ocean his noodly goodness has seen fit to provide us with. Ramen.

British steam car completes final testing



The problem with Mallard trying to break the record, again, is that the last time it set the record it ended up leaving nuts and bolts all over Lancashire as they tried to get the bloody thing to stop again. Not entirely sure the NRM would want to pick up the tab for AA recovery on that one...

Force 1800 superhurricanes snapped on far-off world


@Chris Richards

Most. Learned. Flame. Ever.

5,000-year-old 'ice man' was shot to death


@ The anonymous coward bemoaning Ötzi being renamed

You can't call him Oatzi because that's an Austrian breakfast cereal...

Mine's the one with Raquel Welch's phone number in it.

Red Dwarf finally returns to Earth


Good news

Good news, people - it's on Dave, so will have a budget of about 10p and a small ball of lint. This means it should have the charm of the early series and have to rely on writing instead of effects...

Obama's rainbow stealth aircraft uncloaks over Virginia


@ Kevin

Sorry? You thought that the whole Twin Towers thing was just a pissy reaction to yet another gerkin lurkin' in his Big Mac?

NASA announces 'name the inflatable Moon tent' compo result



There is no English noun that cannot be verbed.

NZ cops claim 'first Facebook arrest' of bungling safe-cracker


Spotters Badge

I can't believe that NZ's finest needed Facebook for this. How hard can it be to find the only bloke in town with a face like an overcompressed JPEG?

Perv Oz burglar pumps and dumps Jungle Jane


Security measures

Looking at the photos, I can't help but think that the security of antipodean sex-shops could be improved if we let them in on the secret of 'bricks'. Surely it's the natural environment for something harder?

Columbia disaster 'not survivable', NASA concludes


@Nick Palmer

"It operates at the ragged edge of possibility for current technologies, and in the most hostile environments to which any manned craft has been exposed."

What? Birmingham?

Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah set for top two spots in Christmas Day charts


@ Dominic van Berk

"Buckley gave it a very creative spin"

No he didn't - he put an echo pedal on and copied John Cale...

Quasar scrutineers use entire galaxy as telescope lens


@ AC

"Maybe we could find a galaxy that acts as a mirror on the other side of the galactic lense? Or if space is truly curved, a big succession of them that loops back round on itself to get a hugely magnified view of your bum?"

I think you're mistaken. That's actually Uranus you're looking at.

Mines the one with the gravitational pockets...

Clangers creator dies at 83


@ Stevie

"No doubt all the episodes of Clangers were lost when the video tape was re-used for Blankety-Blank, and we shall be denied the definitive DVD collection of his work."

Not so - they're available on DVD from your local massively-overgrown online, tat emporium.

The Clangers used to be my standard breakfast viewing before regattas, as Channel 4 would show them early on Saturday mornings. Happy memories...

BNP list hunters bring down Wikileaks



It's not actually illegal to join, but it's deemed to be incompatible with certain jobs. If a BNP policeman arrested a black suspect the defence lawyers would create merry hell, for example.

It's not exactly the Republican Party, unless they've recently invested in some of those pillow cases with those natty little eye-holes.

Meanwhile, my pregnant girlfriend has been threatened online by a BNP supporter after commenting on a thread about this sort of thing. Nice to see the BNP still standing up for free speech, democracy and British values. Bastards.

BNP membership list leaks online


@ The anonymous coward above

Says it all, really. Anxiously scanning for your name, were you? The BNP's position would make Britain weak by making it an international pariah state.

I'm uncomfortable though with the BNP being singled out for special treatment by the police, education authorities etc. It'd be better to ban all party members from state employment to try and enforce some kind of impartiality and reduce the chances of political shenanigans and inbreeding.

One-eyed woman wants techno-vision

Paris Hilton

Why she wants it?

Go into changing room, get pictures, sell to web. No outward sign that anything dodgy has been going on at all.

I'm slightly disgusted with myself that this was my first thought...

Paris, 'cause, well...

Half of Brits abuse apostrophe's



"Curricula vitae" would be correct if you're speaking in Latin, but in English it tends to be abbreviated to a non-latin "CV". In this case, slapping the standard English plural on it makes perfectly logical sense (although I'll sit on the fence as regards the use of the infamous flying comma).

Oh, and for the person who doesn't know about photo's being a correct form of photoGRAPHs; either photos or photo's is acceptable since photo is commonly used and understood as a correct morpheme. So naaah.

Jumbo-jet sized 'SuperGigaFly' robo parachute tested


@ AC

Perhaps they're giving the US marines some art therapy? About time too, really - they always seem so angry. Must be the stupid haircuts they're forced to wear...

Obama: McCain can't email, remembers Rubik's Cubes


Bait, bait, bait...

Interesting to see that at least some Republicans have mastered the modern world - shame they've turned up on El Reg though.They're obviously struggling to read McCain's words, so let's revisit them:

"I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself," he said. "I don't expect to be a great communicator, I don’t expect to set up my own blog, but I am becoming computer literate to the point where I can get the information that I need.".

He's not learning to get online by learning how to flex his shoulders, numbnuts, he's struggling to learn how to double click on an icon. Besides, over here in Blighty, Stephen Hawking is happily using his Tomy Speak'n'spell to write best-selling books - so don't tell me that a dodgy shoulder is all that's stopping McCain.

Whilst we're at it, remind me how this "war hero" got his injuries again? Actually, don't - I know this one. It was crashing his plane for the 5th time whilst trying to bomb peasants in a third world country (typically he survived - the moron couldn't even master the basics of kamikaze). McCain is actually responsible for destroying more US aircraft than most Viet Cong generals. There's also archive footage of him giving a Viet Cong interviewer far more than unit, name and number: just the sort of courage under pressure that a president needs (just like Bush, who bravely hunted the Viet Vong in, er, Texas). He's not a "war hero" - he's a very silly boy who was only allowed to play with expensive airplanes because Daddy asked nicely.

Finally, if you think that his dodgy shoulder stops him using a keyboard safely, why the hell would you want to give him the nuclear button?

Coventry fans blue over 'hackable' cashless payment system

Thumb Up

As a Coventry fan...

... I for one welcome our new non-secure card toting overlords. As long as they've planned it so that they draw Chelsea in the cup and siphon off Frank Lampard's entire pie budget so that we can finally invest some cash in the team.

Chinese boffins crack invisible-shed window problem


Finding invisible sheds

It's easy to find your invisible shed, with or without a secret window. Simply paint the shed red. It will now be much easier to find.

Slip the defence contract in the trenchcoat pocket on my way out, please