* Posts by Andy

74 publicly visible posts • joined 21 Apr 2007


Man buys $1,000 worth of iPhone pixels by accident



It's long been my suspicion that Apple users are easily distracted.

Their overarching obsession with glowing bouncing crystals in their UI is a good example.

Seems to me to be a sound business principle to sell trinkets to magpies and I'm surprised that Apple took the App down. I mean isn't "ridiculously expensive" part of their marketing strategy?

US woman sues over exploding thong

Paris Hilton

Fat Americans

Am I the only one who finds it deeply suspicious that she was a member of the world's most obese nation.

My mind is reeling from shock from picturing one of their porkers struggling to wear a thong that was designed for a more "european" build.

Of course Americans have a famous lack of common sense and require warning labels on absolutely everything (like "Careful this hot coffee is hot and will burn you if you pour it on your lap so try not to do that").

Trying to wear a thong that is several sizes too small and pulling it so hard that your gut is straining up against it with enough force to fire metal into your eye is not something I can imagine anybody outside of America attempting to do.

Thongs in America should carry warnings signs like:

"If you cannot touch your toes then under no circumstances wear this thong. If you cannot see your toes then you should not go out in public. If you bend over to try and touch your toes make sure that you have proper medical supervision. This thong not for sale or use in America."

Paris because she has the good sense to avoid the danger of thongs and never wears them.

EU project scans air passengers for terrorist tendencies


They do work...

You guys need to come down to South Africa where the government is corrupt and the police chief is a crook. We have convicted fraudsters and murderers in parliament. Our future president is under investigation for corruption, money laundering, and other offenses.Violent crime is out of control and the government doesn't really care (the minister of safety and security said that white people should go back to europe instead of complaining all the time).

At least some of these surveillance measures must be working because otherwise you'd be in the same situation we are....

Mind you the London Met would not be very effective down here. Their policy of shooting brown people in the head for carrying a rucksack would not leave many people standing.

Gordon Brown claims a Brit invented the iPod


Apple fans are horrified!

How could the Reg compare a star of international industrial design to a house painter? Anybody who works for the Apple company is touched by the majesty of Jobs and glows with a holy, radiant aura. And of course the *only* reason that you could *possibly* dare to disrespect an Apple employee is because you're an Intel fanboy. I'm shocked, disturbed, and disappointed that the Reg could so carelessly sideline the Apple minority - it borders on racism!

Wasn't America a British invention? I'm pretty sure Britain played a large part in colonizing the New World. So maybe Gordon is claiming some sort of ancestral right to anything American?

Lancashire plodcopters in laser dazzle outrage outbreak


England has gone soft

laser pens are dangerous! pssh!

The 2010 football cup is being held in South "Grand Theft Auto" Africa.

I think it doesn't matter what sort of team England fields on the pitch. Off the pitch the Engish hooligans won't know what hit them. The lads are going to be laughed at if they pull laser pointers out of their pockets.

South Africans pull off heists like marching into a shopping mall with automatic rifles and robbing everybody inside. They recently robbed the High Court in broad daylight with assault rifles. English hooligans point laser pens at helicopters.

You can pick up an AK-47 for under 100 quid in any shanty town. If you're intending to be a hooligan then don't bring a laser pointer to a gun fight hey England?

Wikipedia goes to court to defend defamation immunity

Paris Hilton

@Gilbert Wham

You are making me sound like a fool. Expect to hear from my lawyers shortly.

Lawsuits are a good way to make a quick buck in America.

I've often considered travelling to America and touring the country as an investment. I'm sure I can find a fence to climb over and have a horrible accident that will turn me into a millionaire. I reckon a week's holiday to America with an accident in four different cities should be enough for me to retire on.

Of course the person suing Wikipedia will have to demonstrate the credibility of Wikipedia. If a Wiki article claimed somebody was "dumb and stupid" I would just assume that the person being defamed was not on Jimbo Wales' Christmas list.

It wouldn't really tarnish my opinion of somebody if they were described as being "dumb". And having the public think you are dumb doesn't translate into loss - George Dubya Bush is doing alright for himself despite the public being sceptical of his ability to win a battle of wits with a learning-impaired banana.

Paris because she knows all about people saying nasty things but she just keeps on being fabulous and gorgeous anyway.

Men could have kids with chimpanzees - gov must act



> statements such as 'ooo that looks complicated' are not scientific evidence.

That has to be the gem of this entire thread.


Kinky Christians

Had anybody seriously thought about sexing up a chimp before the Christians decided to warn us about it?

I mean come on, I went to the zoo and it never occurred to me that I could climb into the cage and indulge in some human on hairy beast action. Yet for Christians the zoo is a place of allure and temptation. The very fact that it is /possible/ to screw a chimpanzee means that Christians must be legally restrained from doing so. And not only Christians - normal sane people like you and me too!

What makes them think this stuff up? How does a minister swing a sermon from

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son" to "Oh, and don't make sexytime with chimps, just in case you were thinking about that".

Do we really need a law to govern *every* possible human behaviour? And should we be entrusting our freedom to a group of people who don't believe in dinosaurs.

Clash vet pens 'Don't tase me bro!' ditty

Black Helicopters


The first time I saw that I thought it was pretty funny, but now it's pretty scary.

Why in God's name would police officers who have a suspect in handcuffs on the floor, are kneeling on him, and outnumber him need to use a taser?

And they're not even arresting him for a good reason. He wasn't read his rights or even informed why he was being arrested.

And only one person in the crowd even questioned the police action. That's why the American people are losing their civil rights (like the right to free speech in this example). Nobody cares enough to ask the police "exactly why are you brutally electrifying a suspect who is already in custody". Nobody pitches up at American voting polls because nobody cares.

Is this what America is about?

What makes me boggle is that they pretend to be an innocent victim in the 'war on terror'. It's about time that America takes the "fight for democracy" to its own soil.

P2P searches touted as tool against child abuse


1 beeeelion dollahs!

$ 1000000000 / 250 = $ 4000000 per agent

This means the plonker who convinces the Senator that his plan is a Good Idea that won't be defeated by people renaming files will earn $500,000 per year or $ 1369 per day.

I'm surprised all you technical types are questioning if this is a Good Idea when you could be taking candy from a baby (erm, in this context maybe babies shouldn't be mentioned).

This also means that the American government will be spending $ 1369 to pay somebody to download porn all day. Of course some of it will make your eyes bleed but that's just an occupational hazard.

It might also be hard to explain at dinner parties exactly what it is you do for a living... "I download child porn" is not likely to open up dinner conversation.

Still at least their government is trying. Our government sits on its collective arse and does nothing. It's getting so bad that our transport union had to refuse to carry weaponry across our country to mad Bob Mugabe... our government sat around and scratched itself where it smells. It's a pity South Africa doesn't have much oil - we might otherwise persuade America to bomb us and change our government for us.

Schoolboy's asteroid-strike sums are wrong


Nobody else has said it.

R2D2 says: The chances of not being squished by an asteroid, drowned in a tsunami, or starving to death in a post-apocalyptic dust cloud in 2036 are approximately 44999 to 1

Hans Solo says: Never tell me the odds

(somebody had to)

UK.gov password protects Aryan Governance Summit site


@Michael O'Malley

I should point out that for the rest of the world there is no real distinction between these terms and they can all be used interchangeably.




Great Britain,


If somebody says they're going to Britain they generally mean "London", but could equally mean anywhere in Ireland or Scotland (nobody I know has ever emigrated to Wales, oddly).

So an O'Malley casting stones at the English is rather short-sighted. Everybody outside of Britain (*ahem*) is of the opinion that Ireland belongs to England in the same way Scotland and Wales do. France would also belong to England but it smells funny and is full of foreigners.

Sorry to burst that bubble for you.


Purple swastika?

I eat Alsations and own cabbages. Does that count?

Link spammers go on social networking rampage


I'm a spammer.... bitch!

Maybe Mark Zuckerberg could *finally* find a way to make money from Facebook. Peddling porn and viagra isn't a long way to stretch from Beacon.

Australian man killed by suicide robot


Darwin award

He is not a candidate for a Darwin award. The death was deliberate and not the result of outrageous stupidity. It's not even that funny aside from the Reg dressing it up a little. Not as funny as somebody giving himself a sherry enema at least.

Apple fans roast Apple fans


Apple stability

Obviously Mac is too busy focusing on the important stuff that it does like providing bouncing crystal icons to be concerned with playing media.

You should know that Macs are for serious people with Important Tasks to accomplish. If you want to play games then buy a PC or a Wii. If you want to listen to music or watch DVD then buy a PC or an HD player. Sheesh, come on people! Macs are for people who require top performance with high stability. You shouldn't be using them for trivial, not mission important, waste of time activities like games and media. There are other appliances for that stuff.

And anyway people buy Macs because:

a) They're snobs.

b) Macs look good

Just because your Mac overheats and dies doesn't actually change either of those. You can still type at your expensive over-engineered brick and look cool.

It's a very very pretty brick afterall and people should be jealous.

Blah blah first release blah blah will be better blah blah sounds like Microsoft.

Vatican updates list of mortal sins


Social injustice?

It's okay for the pope to have his own pimped out car, have a solid gold bathroom, and live in a palace filled with treasure. It's not okay for you to do it. That's why its good to be the pope.

Oh, and coward who yawned.... as soon as Christians stop trying to enforce their beliefs on the rest of the world is the moment we'll stop having to try to talk some common sense into them. I have my own invisible friend called Harry. I don't really want to play with your one so leave me alone.

100 years ago Christians believed that slavery was acceptable. Todays Christians are mostly apologetic about this. In 100 years Christians will be apologizing for your hatred of science and homosexuals. You don't have a monopoly on the truth, nor is the Christian version of truth as immutable and constant as you'd like to believe.

Sony exec confirms arrival of in-game PS3 messaging


Good lord

Consoles are the new Apple/PC religious debate.

What amazing poetry these bonehead gamers will write on their networked PS3 boxes. Their philosophical musings will aspire to explain life in its entirity. Their voices will sing grand anthems and sorrowful hymns over the ether. PS3 is advancing human civilisation by allowing sweaty social failures to chat to each other. Sony is the catalyst by which our civilisation will be born.

Sony's decision to include video conferencing is just cruel to the gamers though. This will remove any doubt that HotCHick69 is really some doughfaced American boy. You'll be able to see in detail that all of your online pals haven't seen the sun in years and own extensive collections of fantasy role-playing games.

It will be pretty funny to see that Lord Mordor, slayer of the 13 dungeons, dragonkiller, and owner of many purple items is just some kid with a mouth stained orange from eating chips.

I would love to say that PS3 video conferencing will be the only one these joypad jockies will ever see a real life girl. But I've never met a decent girl who plays PS3. I once met a pasty faced doughgirl who in the darkened room she plays PS3 in could possibly pass for attractive. Lets hope the video conferencing is grainy. This will allow the console players to use their imagination when fiddling with their joypads in bed.

Traditional taunts will adapt and evolve. "pwned j00" will become "you fat fucking glob of lard you've been sat on that couch all day" spoken over video conferencing.

Public don't want internet filters, MS tells MPs


More bubble wrap

I think you guys should just bubble wrap every hard corner and lamp-post in the streets of the UK. Maybe put soft mattresses down on the pavements and put a permanent ban on driving faster than a walking pace.

Remove any living creature that is not human but could cause harm to humans. Remember that even though squirrels look cute and fluffy, they can cause fatal choking accidents so to be safe you should exterminate absolutely everything.

Then build yourselves a big bubble-wrap shell to extend right around the border of the UK and meticulously disinfect everything inside.

Now remove anything sharp or small enough to be accidentally swallowed.

Only once this is accomplished will your government stop over-complicating your lives and acting like nursemaids.

Quake rocks Britain


Bomb Iraq!

If ever there was a good reason to bomb Iraq this is it!

Porsche to challenge London CO2 penalty in court


"I'm just smarter than people who drive porches..."

Sweet sweet irony.

Paris Hilton

Go fast?

Just how fast can your Porsche go in a crowded London street?

Why have a six liter engine capable of enough acceleration to rip your eyeballs down your throat when you'll have to stop just a few yards later.

We get prats over here in big 4x4 trucks. I see housewives driving 4x4 vehicles capable of climbing huge gradients, overcoming great big rocks, and jumping with ease over canyons and whatnot. They're being used to do the shopping and collect the kids from schools. And not a scratch on the expensive bodywork of this very capable off-road mechanical marvel. No mud, no scratches, no dents. Bloody thing has never had a sniff of the countryside let alone been driven up an embankment that requires raised suspension, 4x4 drive, and locked bloody differentials.

Besides I'm not rich enough to afford a Porsche so I'm all in favour of making those bastards suffer.

US declares 1400-mile Pacific sat-shoot exclusion zone

Black Helicopters

Sell on eBay?

If a piece were to come down anywhere close to me I'd phone the American embassy and ask them to collect it and please not to torture me.

Anybody stupid enough to believe the American government would mobilize three warships to shoot down something and then just allow the person who finds the pieces to keep them probably deserves to be waterboarded by the CIA until they confess.

Sure it wouldn't be legal to kidnap and torture the moron trying to sell pieces of satellite but what are you going to do about it? How many missiles did that ship fire? Five? Six? Are you feeling lucky punk? Well are you?

Dirty American Harry is quite correct: A loaded six-shooter aimed at the cranium is a trump in any argument on international law.

Google absolved of 'crimes against humanity'


He's a Dubya supporter

Point 13 of his handwritten complaint reads "Plaintiff and defendant(s) have a responsibility to fight the War on Terrorism"

So we can see that at least somebody buys the bullshit the American government spews out.

US spooks won't get UK census access

Black Helicopters

American law

Under American law it is legal to kidnap British citizens, torture them, and hold them without trial. They've told you that already - why aren't you listening?

But I believe that if the Americans wanted personal information on British citizens all they would need to do is hang out at a courier company for a little bit.

US navy-v-dolphins judge says Bush can't overrule her



A submarine from the Chinese navy was able to navigate undetected close to an American warship and surface within firing range during an American training operation. I imagine the Americans are a little antsy about that.

George Bush has released a budget prioritizing "defense" (even though America has never actually used a defense force for anything other than invading) that will see America borrowing money to expand its military powers even though the economy is slumping. He really takes his military seriously, because it props up the supply of oil which is strategically essential (and makes his friends rich).

Sacrificing a few dolphins so that America can defend itself against a Chinese threat is probably a cost Dubya is willing to take. There is no oil in dolphins, but there are votes in having the American people worried about Chinese invasion fleets off the coast of California.

Votes in America aren't won on policy and principle, they're won on slander, emotive pleas, and showboating. Look at the size of a campaign budget to see what I mean.

The ability for the American government to continue to erode the liberty of the American people is entirely dependent on their ability to convince the people of impending threat. It is only the perception of threat that matters, the threat can be fictional (as were the WMD in Iraq) or delusional (China is not likely to invade America).

That's why it's an emergency.

That judge is lucky she isn't in Gitmo bay, but I'm betting that her telephones are tapped and that her office is under surveillance.

Microsoft! bids! $44.6bn! for! Yahoo!


Whack of money

That's a whack of money to be spending considering how poorly Vista is rumoured to be doing. They're going to have to rake in some cash eventually to be spending millions and billions of dollars on Facebook, Yahoo!, and any other businesses in decline or struggling to monetize their userbase.

Maybe the regulators could give Microsoft enough rope to hang themselves with?

All blue-eyed people share one common ancestor

Paris Hilton

"chances of survival"

okay maybe not chances of survival, but one look at the esteemed and fantastically pretty Miss Hilton will convince even the most hardened Darwinist that it will increase the chance of breeding.

How to speed up Windows Vista: official and unofficial tips


Speeding up Vista?

I think the best way to speed it up is by 9.8 meters per second per second. After just a minute your Vista box will by flying faster than you've ever seen a computer (unless you're an astronaut or professional pilot).

What disturbed me about people punting Mac OS as an alternative is that Mac OS software is inextricably linked with Apple Mac hardware, if only in the public mind.

I'm not sure why I don't like the idea of software and hardware manufacturer's being the same person. Maybe its because if Apple gets any market power they'll be even worse than Microsoft.

As soon as Ubuntu gets stable on my hardware config I'm swapping over.

American Jezebel solicited 'freelance' hit men on Craigslist


Internet dating

People on internet dating sites are:

1) Sane and mentally competent

2) Good looking and not morbidly fat, oily, or otherwise disgusting

3) Single, available, and not cheating on their wife/husband/life partner

You may choose a combination of any 2 of these characteristics.

Dell sees red over Aids


There is no AIDS in Africa

AIDS can be cured by beetroot, garlic, and African potatoes (not those crappy ones you guys in Europe have). If you don't believe me, then maybe you'll believe our minister of health (who is a real doctor if you can believe it).

Anyway AIDS is a European plot to destabilize Africa and make us dependent on your handouts. That's why its morally justified to steal the donations you make so that people on the street never see any of the money.

HIV is not conclusively linked to AIDS, despite what your European scientists may claim. Your European scientists have a colonialist agenda and are out of touch with the grassroots reality of the African experience.

According to a certain sector of our local healthcare workers , AIDS can be cured by raping a virgin. Some people disagree and prefer to use the blood of a virgin in a ritual to cure AIDS.

Save your money guys, we've got AIDS under control down here in Africa. The imperialist media has a counter-revolutionary agenda and must not be trusted.

(oh and by the way none of the above is anything I agree with, but I'm not in government so you're out of luck. what i'm really saying is that throwing money at Africa to cure AIDS is like throwing money at an elephant to stop it from charging you. It's not big, it's not clever, and it just annoys the elephant)

Microsoft's smiley browser face turns sour


@Sandeep Sandhu

Actually I've tried the latest Ubuntu and still have it installed on a harddrive in my box. I dual boot it every now and again to show it to people.

I'm completely in love with the Compiz Fusion desktop and adore the Gnome user-interface. I found everything exactly where "it should be" without having to bother reading the help files to find the hotkeys. It was also fast and smooth on my box. I won't say anything bad about KDE, I just like Gnome.

The package manager was awesome - point, click, install, use. The Ubuntu update manager was also really nice. Everything I tried out on Ubuntu worked first time without needing any head scratching or fiddling in the shell.

But Ubuntu isn't stable on my hardware configuration. After installation it crashed after 30seconds to 2 minutes (not a graceful crash either - just a system freeze). I spent hours (2 or 3) reading the Ubuntu user forums for help and saw that it's a fairly common problem. I rolled back my nVidia drivers (3rd party, not Ubuntu's "fault") which improved my uptime to around 5 to 10 minutes.

I read that there are issues with Firefox in Ubuntu, but I'm not sure if I can replicate that yet and not running Firefox doesn't really seem to help my uptime.

The default Ubuntu installation didn't cope very well with setting up my Grub options so the thing wouldn't boot. I had to get Supergrub to fix things up.

Ubuntu is supposed to be the newbie's Linux and so I think my statement about Linux being user-unfriendly is something I'll stick to. I will back down from "terribly".

I think the next Ubuntu will be the one that gets me to swap permanently. I'm betting it will be stable on more hardware configurations and hopefully mine will be one of them.


Storm in a teacup

It seems to me that Microsoft is just trying to ensure backwards compatibility. This has always been a big thing for them in their business model.

If IE suddenly started rendering properly then all the old versions of pages (for their non-compliant browsers) would no longer render correctly.

What is a bigger headache to a web-developer? Adding a meta tag or recoding a page?

Think fast - Microsoft rolls out the new version so there are people using IE6 (the Win2000 crowd), IE7 (much of the planet) and IE8 (those who take the bait). IE8 renders in standards mode and now your pages won't render correctly. You've got until tomorrow to fix your pages before customers start to complain. If you make the page standards compliant then IE6/7 won't render. If you leave it as it is then IE8 won't render it properly. Oh did I mention you have until tomorrow?

The tag buys developers some time to test and amend pages.

Yeah I know its all their fault for not being compliant in the first place, but I think they're actually being quite sensible about this.

I think the people who are gnashing their teeth are people who don't like Microsoft on principle and refuse to be objective: "Anything that comes out of Redmond must be crap and evil just because it is Microsoft. Anything that Steve Jobs does must be hip and cool just because it is Apple. Even though Linux is terribly user-unfriendly and is only just beginning to mature it is better than Windows just because it is free". See things for their merit and not the hype.

I use Firefox. Its not standards compliant and its getting bloated and slow. Who are the Firefox people to moan about IE?

Software pirates put sizeable dent in UK economy

Paris Hilton


The best argument I've seen the BSA use is that piracy funds terrorism. Or it could have been FAST. You know that ad where the porker is stoking a fire.

Your pirating is contributing to the war on America!

Now, how much is Open Source robbing the UK economy of? Surely if Linux had to be licensed and you had to pay the BSA for Open Office there would be "high paying" jobs created? I'm sorry for using Firefox and other open source projects - I'm directly supporting terrorism and contributing to global warming unless I buy American products.

Anyway, piracy makes baby Paris Hilton cry so I think we should all just stop. For the sake of the children.

Mexico and Africa to become malware hotspots


Poor law enforcement helps

Our future president believes that having a shower prevented him from contracting HIV. One of our countries most senior politicians is a man who has been convicted of fraud for accepting a 47% discount on a car in exchange politicial favours. He is currently facing charges of violating his parole by driving drunk.

Our police commissioner has just been suspended after multiple counts of fraud, corruption, and racketeering were laid against him. It is widely believed that the president was protecting him from investigation. There are 50 murders reported each day in our country, and our minister of Safety and Security has suggested that white people go back to Europe instead of complaining.

We have good universities, and a semi-decent internet infrastructure. We have idiotic and corrupt politicians, an incompetent police force, and are far behind in -legislating- computer crime. So we are the land of opportunity for malware authors.

But people who can afford computers and internet access can generally afford not to do crime. We don't have the internet cafe culture that Asia does. The people with programming skills are predominantly white (still) and are more likely to go and work in Ireland or England than stay here and write malware. There are plenty of IT jobs here anyway.

Unless maybe those OLPC fiends succeed in their plan to distribute computers to the starving masses.

Tarantino plans Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! remake


Kitten with a whip

"Kitten with a whip" was the only movie I thought didn't deserve the mst3k treatment - it was actually pretty good.

I'd like to see what Tarantino does with Faster Pussycat ... but I think putting Britney in there is probably a mistake. What happens if she, um, "falls off the wagon" during filming or something? Faster Tarantino! Film! Film! Before something happens to the star :p

FBI to get UK biometric database hookup?

Black Helicopters


"I doubt any country would take kindly to disappearing citizens."

Actually, Germany was very quiet about America kidnapping one of their citizens, unlawfully detaining him, torturing him, drugging him, and then dropping him off in a foreign country (http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/0919/p01s08-usju.html).

They initially made a bit of a fuss but quickly quietened down. No doubt the prospect of losing a third world war to America wasn't worth the freedom of its citizens.

What makes you think your country is any different? From a politician's perspective, do you think it is worthwhile pissing America off to save you from being tortured? Probably not, actually.

America has military bases throughout Europe. Do you think a government that allows America to build a base on their homesoil is going to complain if America kidnaps you with the view to torturing you? Maybe they'll complain a little, just for show, if you're lucky.

Your vote really doesn't count that much - especially if you're currently being held underwater by American spooks while they try to persuade you to admit that you are in fact the devil and have been planning to steal Dubya's underpants.

Brighton professor bans Google



I think you're missing the epistemological aspect of her ban here - she is not banning students from studying Wikipedia, but rather banning them from citing Wikipedia.

I think rather that she is encouraging them to take a critical distance from the phenomena being studied, rather than engaging in an immersive study. This is significantly easier for undergraduate students to achieve because it places knowledge into a box.

There are several problems with citing any encyclopedia (and not just Wikipedia). For example, the work is not an original source - it is an interpreted article based on original research. As such it is prone to the editorial decisions of the author(s).

Wikipedia is often poorly referenced and if you cite an article from Wikipedia you do not actually know who are you citing. An anonymous 24 year old pretending to have a university degree? Or perhaps an unemployed housewife? Or maybe a recognized researcher who simply hasn't been credited properly in the article.

Wikipedia is a useful tool to start an enquiry into a subject and generate suggested references. It should not replace a library search, a journal search, and other solid searches for information.

UK spooks deliberately leaked 'Squidgygate' tapes

Black Helicopters

For the crown!

If Charles is to be King then he must have at least some popular support. Gone are the days when an English King can simply cut off his detractors heads and place them on traitors gate.

As the monarchy relaxed political power (not financial power yet) they allowed their subjects to start thinking a little more freely. The beardy-weirdy crew would never have been tolerated in the old days. Nor would ASBO's be needed.

But nowadays the crown has gone soft and the public opinion matters a great deal than it used to. The damned commoners are really quite uppity about their "rights" and hold opinions quite beyond their station.

Unfortunately, if Charles is to be King he will need at least a modicum of public support.

The job of the spooks is to protect the royal family and discrediting Diana in the public view is a good way to make Charles seem like the lesser of two evils. Broadcasting Diana's intimate conversations (if this really did happen) would have been an excellent way to serve the crown. And nobody has to go through the inconvenience of being decapitated and put on public display.

Sometimes one has to make sacrifices in life. Even the royal family has to make sacrifices (during the war I believe their caviar supply was severely rationed) and they have been kind enough to sacrifice Diana's reputation in the interest of protecting the future monarch.

The UK monarchy is like soap opera with fancy dress. They need to start chopping peoples heads off, having bastard children, and invading France again so that people will stop criticizing them.

Dearly departed to heat Manchester crematorium


Think green?

Is this energy as green as Soylent green?

We need to think carefully about the potential cost of this energy source.

Pope tells astronomers to pack up their telescopes


Why bother?

It won't be the first time a pope gave an astronomer marching orders. It took 300 years for the church to apologize to Galileo. I hope they're a little quicker on the turnaround for these saps.

SETI@home needs You!


No problems with BOINC

I've never had a problem with BOINC... maybe you guys were just using the first release or something. I've been running it for the last 2 years. It currently eats up 5.2megs of my 2.5gig memory and the boinc.exe process is using 0% CPU. I had never thought of it as resource hungry.

But I think SETI is a bit of a waste of time anyway, I only devote 10% of my computing time to it and the rest I give to Einstein@home.

I don't doubt that there could be life out there. I do think the chances of finding it in the ocean of space and time are slim. And I don't know what we would do with the knowledge that 16 million light years away there is an alien civilization. Other than taunting religionists and giving the USA a new place to invade there doesn't seem to be much benefit to having this knowledge.

Or rather, not as much benefit as doing real science.

Nigerian firm demands $20m from OLPC


@Governor Beeblebrox

It's a bit of an over-generalization to say that their biggest export is fraud.

Nigeria is a wonderfully diverse country that engages in many businesses other than fraud. I highly recommend you visit Nigeria and experience their diverse culture for yourself. Then maybe you won't be so quick as to pass generalizations.

I know that down here in South Africa the Nigerians do a fair bit of business in drug-dealing and drug-trafficking. So much so, in fact, that one of the slang terms for a drug dealer is a "nigerian" (I work in the addictions treatment field).

When discussing the nation of Nigeria you should at least do them the courtesy of including their various other larcenous activities and not focus on fraud and corruption.

US surgeon snaps patient's tattooed todger


Selective sensitivity

This guy wasn't too shy to maintain an erection for a tattoo artist to emblazon the none-to-shy moniker onto his hot rod.

But now he's a little shy around doctors? Nah, he's after the easy cash to be had by suing - typical bloody American.

McKinnon extradition drama turned into radio play

Black Helicopters

Why is the USA even asking?

It is legal to kidnap British citizens because the US Supreme Court says so. It's true that the legality of torturing such people is due for review from the same court, but for now the CIA will be able to torture the Scot with impunity.

And be honest - the British government will do nothing to stop America from kidnapping and torturing British citizens if that would mean they are no longer America's favourite.

As for Cowards amusing post, I think adding half an hour of screaming followed by another half hour of silence would serve to convey the drama of CIA torture and the "somewhat reserved and never outspoken" British response to American human rights violations.

Frenchman calculates 13th root of 200-digit number



I think you're missing the point here, but in any case your logic could be applied to denigrate any pinnacle of performance. Who really cares how fast a man can run 100m in when we have jet planes? Who really cares how high a woman can jump now that we have space flight? You're just imposing your idea that life is all about having a pint at the pub with a packet of crisps (or whatever it is you do). Of course anybody who is different than you is wasting their lives and shouldn't be encouraged to continue breathing.

The fact that he's doing a PhD thesis in AI and sounds like a complete nutcase to me ("running a computer program in my head" denies any conception of emotion or spirituality or otherwise 'humanness') is interesting and possibly exciting. He could be the creator of our new mechanical overlords and I think we should keep a video on him at all times so that we can catch a glimpse of the terminator who comes back to kill him.

World's Dumbest File-sharer megafine gets DoJ thumbs-up


Not working...

If you think about it, RIAA and artists should be able to make more money suing filesharers than it does by making and selling music.

And once they've got a good system in place it might be even more efficient to simply roll out pro-forma lawsuits than it is to go through the expensive rigmarole of making music.

Its all bollocks anyway. Any band should be able to afford a decent quality recording and CD printing fees (its really not that expensive) and with a clever website all of the marketing and distribution costs could be avoided.

Brits declare Paris most pointless celeb

Paris Hilton

You make Paris cry

Her majesty Queen Elizabeth II is not a patch on the lovely Miss Hilton.

The voting must be rigged or else there would be chihuahuas in Buckingham instead of corgis.

Canadian loses $20K in phony eBay sale


Don't spend anything you can't afford to burn

I recently got burned on eBay. After many successful auctions I finally found somebody who didn't ship the item I paid for.

But to me the rule of "don't spend anything on eBay that I can't afford to throw away" is just as important as "don't click on attachments in your email".

eBay is fun and quite entertaining in its own way. I don't think its very reliable but I can afford to throw away the few pounds I got scammed of.

Hitachi 'collision avoidance' bot does a Ballmer at press do



Click on "more by this author" and you will discover that your rant makes you look a little bit like a newcomer here. There are a few running jokes on this site that make it an entertaining place to read news. Clearly you weren't aware of them, or of Mr Page's famous ability to make a story out of anything at all really.

I'm just disappointed that Hitachi gave their death droid a silly red nose. In the clip it is also appears to be held in place by a pink (!) restraining bar. When releasing a mechakiller I do not want to have to unfasten a pretty pink restraining bar, I want a black one with a skull on it and some chrome spikes.