* Posts by Vincent Ballard

506 publicly visible posts • joined 23 Aug 2008

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Homing pigeon missiles, dead trout swimming, butt breathing honored with Ig Nobel Prize

Vincent Ballard

I don't think that's quite right, because the patient won't necessarily know what side effects the real stuff has (and anyway, side effects vary from person to person). But I am reminded of something I read decades ago about making placebos taste really unpleasant because the patient will think that something that nasty must be effective.

Muppet broke the datacenter every day, in its own weighty way

Vincent Ballard
Coat

Re: 'larger than life' characters with a low center of gravity, ginger beard, and spectacles.

Some quick Googling brings up pages which suggest that ginger hair has the lowest density of strands per unit area and that darker hair has thicker strands, so ginger beards probably weigh less than other colours after correction for beard length.

The amber glow of bork illuminates Brighton Station

Vincent Ballard

Re: "at least one screen on our network that looks like this for a few seconds"

In-bus displays seem to be particularly prone to problems. My latest photo in this collection is a blue screen of "your computer needs recovery" from Schippol taken 10 days ago, although since it was taken with the camera of a cheap phone it's not worth sending in.

BOFH: Videoconferencing for special dummies

Vincent Ballard

Re: So true to life

My biology teacher claimed that the shape of the rubber plant leaves was due to damage from thrown board rubbers.

Brit tech mogul Mike Lynch missing after yacht sinks off Sicily amid storms

Vincent Ballard
Headmaster

Re: Coincidence or what !!!

Probably not water nymphs, but Palermo's not too far from where Charybdis used to hang out, as related in the Odyssey.

Missing scissors cause 36 flight cancellations in Japan

Vincent Ballard

Re: The scissor graphic...

I don't think they're scissors at all. That's a single blade with no hinge. It's a very impractical dagger with a knuckleduster-style grip.

Vincent Ballard

Re: The ghost of 9/11 casts a long shadow

A friend had a job as a security trainer for our regional airline in about 2010. His comment on the theatre of the knife ban was that there was a fire axe in the cabin crew equipment.

Twitter tells advertisers to go fsck themselves, now sues them for fscking the fsck off

Vincent Ballard

Re: "This behavior is a stain on a great industry, and cannot be allowed to continue"

I interpreted her intent as "social media is a great industry", and thought that she'd misplaced the "stain".

Yes, I am being intolerably smug – because I ignored you and saved the project

Vincent Ballard
Headmaster

Re: Every office has one.

Sometimes I have to ask a non-technical client to run a debug command on the command line and redirect the output to a file. I fully understand that they might not grok that greater-than output.log writes to output.log. I was, however, surprised yesterday when I had to explain this to our first-line support guy.

More than 83K certs from nearly 7K DigiCert customers must be swapped out now

Vincent Ballard

Re: "We will not be able to delay revocation beyond that date and time."

They're afraid that if they delay more than 24 hours, the browsers will implement official policy and remove their root certificates from the browsers' trusted list, causing all of their certificates (and not merely the 0.4% at issue) to become worthless for interactions involving anything other than wget/curl/equivalent.

Customer bricked a phone – and threatened to brick techie's face with it

Vincent Ballard
Headmaster

Re: Strange policemen

In English law they had just assaulted the shop worker by threatening to batter them. Assault doesn't require contact: just the "apprehension of immediate unlawful violence".

Dangerous sandwiches delayed hardware installation

Vincent Ballard

Re: Try to keep it culturaly correct please

Peter Kay has a routine on mondegreens. My favourite is Duffy's "Begging you for birdseed".

There is no honor among RAM thieves – but sometimes there is karma

Vincent Ballard

I have an A/S in electronics and a degree in computer science, but I never build my own machines because I'm not confident in my ability to correctly install the CPU's heat-sink. I spec them out (IMO pre-designed ones always skimp on RAM) and get a local shop to build them.

BOFH: It's not generative AI at all, it's degenerate AI

Vincent Ballard

Three?

Who's the third human? And how long before she quits because she finds the BofH and PFY too creepy?

An arc welder in the datacenter: What could possibly go wrong?

Vincent Ballard

Re: Blame-shifting gone mad

"Welding" and "soldering" is the same word in Spanish, and I wouldn't be surprised if English is the only language that distingushes them, due to its tendency to take a Germanic word and its equivalent French word and give them subtly different meanings.

US Space Force wanted $77M to reinforce GPS – and Congress shot it down

Vincent Ballard
Headmaster

Re: Sees a great idea

The point that the committee is making seems to be that they're only asking for $77M now for the next proof of concept, but the whole thing would be $1000M. If they're not willing to splurge the billion, there's no point paying for the PoC.

BOFH: Come on down to the dunge– erm … basement

Vincent Ballard

For sacrifices when installing Windows updates on the domain controller?

Council claims database pain forced it to drop apostrophes from street names

Vincent Ballard

Re: Input validation

My bank has an automated system to use it for authentication when you phone them, before they connect you to an operator. The bank also switched from numeric-only passwords to alphanumeric ones. But, and it's a big one, although you can enter numbers by dialling, for letters you have to use voice recognition, and the voice recognition fails spectacularly for me. The last time I tried it I made six attempts on the phone and then gave up and went across town to visit "my" branch.

Vincent Ballard

Re: I've seen worse

Even more fun in bilingual regions / countries. Google Maps seems to select the language to show at random independently for each section of the same road.

In Spain a moderate number of roads are named after the dates of significant events. Or, at least, events which the councillors at the time deemed significant. I have no idea which of the many events of Spanish history which occurred on the 2nd of April is behind the naming of the street C/ 2 de abril in my city.

Support contract required techie to lounge around in a $5,000/night hotel room

Vincent Ballard
FAIL

Re: failed meeting

The best mistaken city story I've heard, which may be apocryphal but I hope that it's true, involved the delivery of a large dragon prop/costume for a performance of Wagner's Ring cycle in his home town of Bayreuth. My source for the story didn't explicitly mention telephones, but the address must have been dictated rather than provided in writing, because the merchandise was sent instead to Beirut.

Windows 95 support chap skipped a step and sent user into Micro-hell

Vincent Ballard

Re: Don't follow the instructions

Sometimes the documentation was written second, but the system has changed underneath it. I've got a document which explains how to do a fairly complex sequence of steps in the Azure Portal, and every time I use it I discover that the Portal's UI has changed.

Sleuths who cracked Zodiac Killer's cipher thank the crowd

Vincent Ballard
Headmaster

No, I'm not making this up

It's known as Muphry's Law.

Security pioneer Ross Anderson dies at 67

Vincent Ballard
Thumb Up

Re: Retiremant Age

Before reading your post I had been thinking that I recall various professors emeriti floating around, still enjoying themselves and probably making useful contributions, so I was unsure that retirement from official administrative responsibilities would have much effect, but the issue you raise about grants more than clarifies that uncertainly. Thank you.

You break it, you ... run away and hope somebody else fixes it

Vincent Ballard

Re: That headline

Isn't it "I take full responsibility, which is why I've fired the person who was to blame"?

Britain enters period of mourning as Greggs unable to process payments

Vincent Ballard

Re: Ok adding my not so consipracy take...

I'm not saying that the meme is correct: just trying to save other people who had the same idle curiosity as me a bit of searching.

Vincent Ballard

And desserts.

Vincent Ballard
Coat

Re: Ok adding my not so consipracy take...

Apparently the first McD's in Argentina opened in 1986, so 4 years postbellum.

Venus has a quasi-moon and it's just been named 'Zoozve' for a sweet reason

Vincent Ballard
Go

Re: Zoozve orbit

Here you go: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/524522_Zoozve

Junior techie had leverage, but didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation

Vincent Ballard

Re: Curious 6000kva?

Here in Spain there aren't many pubs, but there are plenty of bars and cognac for breakfast is not unheard-of in the heading-for-retirement generation and above.

Post Office boss unable to say when biz knew Horizon could be remotely altered

Vincent Ballard

Re: Compensation?

I think you're misparsing that. It would be "I will tell the truth now if you give me immunity for having not told the truth earlier".

'The computer was sitting in a puddle of mud, with water up to the motherboard'

Vincent Ballard

Re: Dye Houses

The warmth? I accidentally filled my parents' bathroom with ladybirds a couple of years ago when visiting them at Christmas. I opened the window slightly before showering, to avoid steaming the room up, unaware that there were dozens of ladybirds enjoying the warmth and possibly humidity escaping through the cracks in the frame.

Privacy crusaders accuse X of ad-targeting that flouts EU rules

Vincent Ballard

In Spain it's Xitter, where X in Iberian languages is pronounced like sh in English.

BOFH: Just because we've had record revenues doesn't mean you get a Xmas bonus

Vincent Ballard
Alert

Re: More Beria than BOFH.

I don't think it was quite that easy to buy your way out of the Lubyanka Square basement. Probably still isn't, although the FSB does seem to have adopted defenestration as an alternative, so maybe they're learning from the BOFH.

Bank's datacenter died after travelling back in time to 1970

Vincent Ballard

Re: Yearly tasks....

The CAB have pretty much killed off certificates with multi-year validity, but since getting bitten by a certificate expiry I have a weekly task which sends me a report of certificates that are expiring in the next few weeks. Now the only way that certificates cause me support headaches are the users in third world countries who use 10-year-old Android phones whose root certificate lists need updating, and we only get one or two of those a year.

And the winner of the horrible Microsoft Paint sweater is ...

Vincent Ballard
Thumb Up

Re: In my best Trump voice...

Mmm, marzipan.

Spanish media sues Meta for ignoring GDPR and harvesting data

Vincent Ballard

Re: Mmmm.....

El Mundo and La Vanguardia maybe, but El País is at most about as far right as Tony Blair.

Law secretly drafted by ChatGPT makes it onto the books

Vincent Ballard

Re: Perhaps ...

I'm not sure that it's really necessary for every MP to read every word of every bill. Surely part of the point of having parties is that that kind of detail work can be centralised? But certainly each party should have a team of lawyers and subject matter experts, whether MPs or not, read each bill carefully and create an internal report.

Share your 2024 tech forecasts (wrong answers only) to win a terrible sweater

Vincent Ballard

GDPR actually gets some teeth

A European data protection agency - any one, including the UK's DPA - will finally issue a fine calculated as a percentage of global revenue.

On a related note, major websites will start defaulting to not setting non-essential cookies.

We challenged you to come up with tech predictions for 2024 (wrong answers only) – here are some favorites so far

Vincent Ballard
Terminator

Re: Optional

Isn't it "Everyone asks ChatGPT to write and nobody reads"?

FTX crypto-villain Sam Bankman-Fried convicted on all charges

Vincent Ballard

On the other hand, five months from guilty verdict to sentencing seems like an enormous gap.

Meta's ad-free scheme dares you to buy your privacy back, one euro at a time

Vincent Ballard
Coat

Re: I thought this was an Onion article

You're a medium?

The battle between open source and 'sort of' open source is as old as software

Vincent Ballard

Re: Bible misquote

No, this wasn't a Jew talking to other Jews in Israel. The quote's from 1 Timothy: it's a Greek-speaking Jew writing to a Greek-speaking Jew in Greek.

Note that that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be interpreted as "all kinds of evil" (where in colloquial English "all kinds" doesn't mean every kind). My post was complementing AC's in that regard, not contradicting it: if I'd spelt it out in detail the error in AC's post is putting the definite article before "root".

Vincent Ballard

Re: Bible misquote

Literally "the love of money is a root of all evils".

Excel recruitment time bomb makes top trainee doctors 'unappointable'

Vincent Ballard

Re: This is in fact an IT failing

Decimal separators are only the tip of the iceberg. Excel localises the names of all of the inbuilt functions, so if you move a spreadsheet between locales nearly any calculation which involves more than the four basic arithmetic operators will break.

PhD student guilty of 3D-printing 'kamikaze' drone for Islamic State terrorists

Vincent Ballard
WTF?

Re: Looks like something a 10 year old designed!

Unfortunately?

Chap blew up critical equipment on his first day – but it wasn't his volt

Vincent Ballard

It's not quite that simple. I've seen a nasty burn from 110V mains which must have left a scar, but I accidentally put 230V mains through the palm of my hand a few weeks ago and the burns have already healed with no scar.

Airbus takes its long, thin, plane on a ten-day test campaign

Vincent Ballard
Go

Re: in a 3-3 economy class configuration.

Back in the day only regular travellers had noticed the rear stairs. I would drink a coffee in a bar with a view to the gate, and when the queue for passport control was almost empty I'd join, walk past the long queue for the front stairs to the non-queue for the rear stairs, and be seated within a minute of passport control. I think Ryanair brought back assigned seating because it makes it easier to split people 50/50 between the two sets of stairs.

Watt's the worst thing you can do to a datacenter? Failing to RTFM, electrically

Vincent Ballard

Re: But surely

It's worthy of induction into the El Reg Punnery Hall of Fame.

The means by which that recognition is triggered is, of course, the Hall effect.

What happens when What3Words gets lost in translation?

Vincent Ballard
Go

As they ply their trade upon that far canal.

Windows screensaver left broadcast techie all at sea

Vincent Ballard

The hint was pointing at Norwich Union, now known as Aviva. You can probably guess which city the company is based in.

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