* Posts by Ron Eve

190 posts • joined 21 Apr 2007


Oz bill-dodgers nailed on Facebook

Ron Eve
IT Angle

@Facebook irrelevant

You're assuming an awful lot from a very brief description of what happened.

"As previously said, all the info he got from Facebook could probably have been given by the waitress. Or by the local phone directory for that matter."

Only he didn't - she "was able to give Leary the name of her fleet-footed acquaintance, and he immediately ran it through Facebook." If the perp didn't know if she was working or not it suggests they didn't know each other too well, so she might not have been able to offer up any further info.

"No it did not, because he still relies on his and his staff's belief that the guy and girl were really there and really dodged the bill"

WTF does that mean? The crime was committed, there's no question about this! What, is he going to make it up?

"it still boils down to his and his staff testimony. He used FB only as a directory. He also got the employment place, which allowed him to indulge on some vigilante-like justice (which is NOT a good thing in theory, even if it appears to be justified here it's certainly not proportionate, at least if the firing had this story for only reason)."

Again, WTF? Is your name Rumpole of the Bailey or something?


A group of guys evade paying for a meal by legging it from the restaurant.

Manager employs bit of memory and logic (hey! the IT angle), tracks down one of the perps who fesses up, pays up and gets sacked by his employer.

End of story.


New .tel domains bid to be world's phone book

Ron Eve

Emperor's new clothes?

I've tried really hard, honest,, and I still cannot see what possible need people would have to buy a .tel domain to 'store their contact details'. FFS.

Selling more stuff nobody wants or needs?


Apple swings DMCA at Hackintosh maker

Ron Eve
Jobs Halo

@Apple, the spotty sociopathic nerd kid.

Oh very well, I'll rise to the bait:

The $150m didn't 'save' Apple in 1997, at the time Apple had around $4bn in the bank, in cash - hardly 'troubled' or 'dying' as MS apologists would have you believe. The deal was, in fact, to save Microsoft! Oh yes! MS realised that it had to maintain development of Office for Mac and to provide Apple with API's and other vital information to help Apple remain a competitor, otherwise MS would be hammered as a monopolist (quelle surprise!). MS also collected some Apple stock options (which they sold as soon as possible, 3 years later, for quadruple their value).

"The major reason MS is dominant is because the platform is so cheap and easy to get hold of, even Apple sells it's kit on the ability to run MS operating systems."

What tosh and utterly meaningless. The reason it's dominant is because of crippling MS licensing deals which forced corporate users (by far the biggest users of computer technology) to continually upgrade and not be allowed to use any other operating system. Remember, MS basically had a tax on every 'PC' that left manufacturing because, it argued, you could run Windows on it. Even if you didn't want to you still had to pay the tax, therefore no-one is going to pay twice to run an alternative OS.

There's plenty more of the truth about Apple vs MS out there if you can be bothered to Google.

China slams Guns N' Roses album

Ron Eve
Black Helicopters


"According to my knowledge, a lot of people don't like this kind of music because it's too noisy and too loud."

Did he get a degree in The Bleeding Obvious?

Lords told to listen to science on cannabis

Ron Eve

Please! Won't someone think of the children!

Scene: At the despatch box in the House of Commons.

Wacky Jacqui (knocking on the box) "Hey! Dave!"

Tory bench: "Dave's not here man."



Home Office to hand out more Tasers to police

Ron Eve

I need to upgrade...

... from a tin-foil hat to a tin-foil jacket (or hoodie?). That would act as a Faraday cage, wouldn't it? Or least short the bastard out..

/mine's the one labelled 'Bacofoil'

Lewis Hamilton mulls riding Virgin

Ron Eve
Paris Hilton

@His contract allows this?

"I can't believe his F1 contract allows him to do anything so potentially dangerous..."

You do know what he does for a living don't you?

/Paris - - she could work her passage.

Apple rescinds version change App Store ban

Ron Eve

@Graham Lockley

"Having had three WinMo and two Nokia smartphones, having installed dozens of apps on all them, I dont recall EVER having malware/virii on any of them ?"

<sigh> No such word as 'virii'. The plural of virus is 'viruses' - as has been pointed out many times before here on El Reg and elsewhere.

Mr Pedant

PC virus forces three London hospitals into computer shutdown

Ron Eve

@Flocke Kroes

"Can the register please call this thing a Windows Worm. It will be accurate, irritate some iTards, please the Penguinistas and annoy the Windozians."

Nice one....All three.

Safari 3.2 update leaves Mac fanboys' balls in a spin

Ron Eve
Thumb Up


I've installed in a dozen machines so far with nary a peep... Of course none of them have 3rd party plugins....

Come on Webster <gnash><grind><blood vessel bursting>

BT threatens to pull plug on better broadband

Ron Eve

Please! Think of the children!

"Cash-strapped BT has identified a vogueish fillip in its lobbying campaign for a looser regime to regulate access to forthcoming next-generation fibre deployments: the recession."

Shirley you mean 'loser'....

/mines got a pointy hat with D on it

'Meh' makes Collins English Dictionary

Ron Eve

Ready Darling?

Shame Melchett can't meet up with our own illustrious chancellor...


Never mind the septic version....

Magazine faces legal action for bowing to legal action

Ron Eve
Black Helicopters

Eye told you so

Indeed. Luckily for us in the UK The Eye has been publishing stories about how mega rich non-UK nationals are using the UK's dreadful libel laws, along with extremely expensive lawyers, to threaten hell and damnation, plus a huge legal bill, should anyone defy their 'take down immediately' notices. The supine UK press just love it up the arse so over they go.

In some instances you only have to mention, say, 'Barclay Brothers' to receive a nasty letter complaining about privacy or libel.

What say you El Reg?

Jezza Clarkson cops flak for 'truckers murder strumpets' gag

Ron Eve

Any chance of a truck?

"I like trucking, I like trucking. I like to truck!"

There was a big outcry when this came out because of the hedgehog - yup, some folk actually thought it was real....


BBC's speak you're branes collapses under Brand-Ross sex outrage

Ron Eve

@I have long held it to be gospel.

Mr Larrington: "donkey-felching cockwombles"

You owe me new keyboard and screen. I intend to use that expression immediately...


Wiggy scuffle pampernaut lawyers back in court

Ron Eve

Gay disabled Vicar in M-way mercy dash shock horror

In other news:

El Reg Def Ed in bid for tabloid head glory.

/coat - the red top one

Man buys new MacBooks, pulls them to bits, takes pics

Ron Eve


@Webster Phreaky Well Webby, my old mucker, if it was as bad as you say why the fcuk did you keep buying them after the first couple of Macs? I reckon you should check your computing environment. Maybe it's because you get so hot under the collar...

@Mac reliability . You say 'surplus' , any surplus I've ever seen in those situations usually means fcuked, that's why they're surplus! Otherwise you can't prise them out peoples hands.... So stands to reason they're going to have problems.

I've worked on Macs since around 1994 and the real only bastard child was the 5300 laptop, which really was a POS. The odd manufacturing fault can happen to anyone (batteries, for example??) and most computer manufacturers farm out production to a small number of the same factories. It's the QC that comes into play and that's where Macs tend be be better.

Here's report about the leading reliable computers being IBM and Mac (by some margin).


(I tried to find other references to this other than Macworld but failed...)

I can't be bothered to find other refs but I know they're out there.

Didn't PC World vote the MacBook Pro best PC?

/Flame on!!

Serial commentard bitchslaps Reg hack

Ron Eve


May I be the first to welcome our Database Overlords...

Harvey Keitel to experience Life on Mars

Ron Eve
IT Angle

Move along, nothing to see here

I've tried really hard and I can't think of one American adaptation of a 'classic' British series or film that has come anywhere close to the original.

Having said that, apparently the US version of The Office isn't bad (I've not seen it). I mean, Tom Hanks in the Alec Guiness role in The Ladykillers. What were the Cohen Bros thinking?

I hope it's a success though, I'd hate to be down on Harvey Keitel. Gary Oldman would've been good for that part, surely?


Ballmer on banking crisis: No one is safe

Ron Eve

et al

I for one Welcome our New Pedantic Overlords.

Forgive me, what I really should have said is "Ballmer is completely hatstand"


Ron Eve
Gates Horns


Who gives a toss what Steve "fucking kill Google" Ballmer thinks or says? Like he really has a handle on the economy or about anything here in Yurp. Talk about stating the bleeding obvious.

He's a complete twatdangle.

Meat Loaf gets Q gong

Ron Eve


As I sit here sinking in a mire of debt and unwashed dishes, I suddenly find the will to live after reading this piece and the comments.

When all the world is going tits up around us, bankers are down to their last billion, is the most important thing to argue over the merits, or otherwise, of a cheap-meal themed, salad-dodging pork star and his overblown opus to a lone chiroptera leaving Hades?

It most certainly is.

Thank you Sarah and thanks to everyone here. My day, nay, week, is considerably enhanced.

Elvis has left the border: ePassport faking guide unleashed

Ron Eve

@So what you're saying is

<choke> you owe me a new keyboard... The screen went when I read:

"Governments' security experts aren't dummies and they aren't going to make those mistakes."

Germans give peeking Google one in the eye

Ron Eve

I for one,

welcome our Google Streetview Overlords...

As for 'think of the childrens'... I think it would make planning easier to eliminate the little cnuts from the corner of the street, where they terrorise the elderly inhabitants and the local <insert ethnic variety here> shop with their skateboard and shoplifting propensities.

We've all been filmed and photographed a gazillion times already. At the very least you can see Google's results and complain if you want. Try that with TfL CCTV.

<sigh> this is such a non-story El Reg, fit only for Daily Mail readers and personages of a nervous disposition hailing from Tunbridge Wells.

/joke as there are certain to be readers with an amoebic cerebral dysfunction.

MoD man 'faces Official Secrets trial' for leaving files on train

Ron Eve

Stepping on the cracks...

Neasden Police Station

Time: 18.00

Report from member of the public that they'd 'found' an envelope marked 'Top Secret MoD Documents' on a train. Despatched the entire Neasden division and coordinated a meet with the Armed Response Unit at the railway station where said member of the public was allegedly waiting.

Member of the public was asked to handover the documents whereupon he was immediately held in a 'lock down' position while the ARU terminated him with several rounds to the head from their Glock pistols.

Envelope returned to the MoD with a friendly nod and wink "Be a bit more careful next time sir"

Entire division back to Neasden for celebratory cup of tea at a job well done.

'I can see dinosaurs from my back porch'

Ron Eve
Thumb Up


LMBO - brilliant!

"Religion may be the opium of the masses but Creationism is the crack of the subnormal."

Ron Eve

"I have theory...

...that dinosaurs are very thin at one end, very fat in the middle and very thin at the other end. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it."

Kentucky commandeers world's most popular gambling sites

Ron Eve

What ever happened to...

..."Cease and Desist" or "take down"? At least at first...

Surely the unilateral seizure with (apparently) no forewarning must be illegal? Alright, so the good burghers of Kentucky must be shielded from the perils of gambling as they're clearly unable to exercise their own discretion (at least according to the State Dept). But to seize domains OUTSIDE of the US?

Yup, the interweb must belong to the US.

Good night America, make sure you turn the light out when you leave....

/ as it would appear the USA has been subjugated by aliens (Xenu?)

Airline industry refuses to be ID card guinea pig

Ron Eve
Thumb Up

@Stands to reason


Another London BT exchange hit by thieves

Ron Eve

Excuse me..

This high-end stuff is really not my field, but I'm really intrigued as to who the f is in the market for it. Is it being stolen to order and if so by whom? (Yes I know the answer to that could lead to prosecution, but maybe someone can, ahem, point in the general direction).

I mean it's not the same as nicking a nice metallic blue Porsche 911 with few extras (as wot happened to a mate of mine). This was clearly nicked with a customer/market in mind. Probably not a million miles from the middle east (as it happens).

You see, BT don't really have security uppermost on their minds, do they. I mean, Phorm... oh...

London battles fire-breathing black cabs

Ron Eve


Expensive? Check

Uncomfortable? Double double check

Elitist? Check

Choosy? Check (try hailing one after midnight if you're a bloke with a mate)

Have you seen the ones with the useless 'internet' screens in the back? What a fu*king liberty!

Couldn't happen to a nicer class of vehicle.

/because they're a joke (albeit unfunny).

Anonymous hacks Sarah Palin's Yahoo! account

Ron Eve

@Anon is watching.

I, for one, welcome our Anonymous overlords.

And @Ryan... Get a life (and an education).

No icon until El Reg brings the old ones back.

Microsoft makes another play for UK schools

Ron Eve
Gates Horns

Oh yeah!

"Embrace and Extend" wasn't it? MS absorbs new technology, modifies it, makes it proprietary and hey! now it's incompatible with anything else.

I can't believe that BECTA (or anyone else for that matter) can fall for that old chestnut. Make no mistake they're up to their old tricks and absolutely desperate to contain that market. Luckily a lot of people are realising there are other options, Open Source software is one (and I don't have an axe to grind with that). It's just going to take a while to reach critical mass whereby IT buyers/management accept those options and work to supporting them.

Bit like how garages deal with all those varieties of cars...

Bring on the competition!

(And El Reg: please please get rid of the new 'pony' comment icons)

'UK's Chernobyl' spam spreads Trojan

Ron Eve


Nice to see he's back on form...

Completely hatstand.

BT's Mayfair exchange downed by burglary

Ron Eve


I always thought these kind of premises, you know, vital to communications and the like, were belled up to the max. And also, wasn't the interweb invented (DARPA) so that no single node knocked out could bring about communication breakdown? (Yeah I like Led Zeppelin too).

And WTF are these people doing nicking highly specialised network cards? Is there an abundance of precious metal in them that can be extracted at Peckham Scrap Metal? (I quite liked the comment about the Irish Exchange announcing an 'upgrade' though).

My flabber is truly ghasted.

Chrome-fed Googasm bares tech pundit futility

Ron Eve

@Javascript comparison

My goodness it's slow round here today <yawn> Thought I'd try some speed comparisons on my Mac with that Javascript thingy: http://www2.webkit.org/perf/sunspider-0.9/sunspider.html

Interesting but probably meaningless...

PB G4 1.33GHz, 1.5GB RAM, OS 10.5.4

FF 3.01 12744.6ms

iCab 4.2 20730.4ms

Safari 3.1.2 23050.0ms

Opera 9.52 24306.2ms

Shit. I forgot to use "fuck". Fuck.


/duffle coat with the mild and bitter stains

My name really is Ivan O'Toole, admits Ivan O'Toole

Ron Eve


there was a Python sketch involving a character called Smoketoomuch, who apparently wasn't aware of the significance of his name until pointed out to him...

World goes mad as Bill and Jerry eat churros

Ron Eve
Paris Hilton


Can't see the kids on the block getting this. There's no obvious product, unless they think it's for the shoe store and it's not particularly funny. Very little pace. Yes it may be appealing to an older generation but why? And how?

I'm afraid that Bill has absolutely no innate sense of humour or comic timing either. I was rather reminded of Pinocchio...

Paris - at least she showed that even an air-head can have a good sense of humour. (Maybe BG should have used the same team).

Homeland Security backs deportation with Wikipedia

Ron Eve

@@David Wiernicki

I for One Welcome our Sciurus Vulgaris Overlords.

The Illustrious Red Faction must overthrow the Alien Grim Grey American Sciurus Carolinensis Usurpers who sought asylum here in the UK over a century ago.

Equal nuts for all, I say!

Chinese boffins crack invisible-shed window problem

Ron Eve


...the Emperors new clothes...

Portsmouth Historic Dockyard: Further poster outrage

Ron Eve

Splendid work, scum!

What a treat for the Friday. But was it just me who misread historicdockyard.co.uk as historicockyard?

"Left hand down a bit Number One!"

"Help help I can't swim!"

"Shall I throw you a buoy?"

"No don't muck about, I'm drowning!"

/exit Round the Horne...

BBC iPlayer upgrade prompts new ISP complaints

Ron Eve


I got into a real panic at the start of these comments when I found I actually understood (and agreed!) with amanfrommars comment ("And the Problem is always Right at the Top of the Stack/Gravy Train ").

Had the IT OverLords taken MindControl of Our FearleSS Commentor?


The last comment ("Are you Sitting Comfortably, then We'll Begin ...." ) was an absolute MasterClass in AlienTechnoSpeak. (Actually, it started off ok but halfway through my head was hurting real bad.)

Brilliant stuff.

( Err sorry, slightly off topic...)

UK.gov to spend hundreds of millions on snooping silo

Ron Eve
Black Helicopters

@Plugin to the ChiffChaff Twittering 42 See What they're Crowing about?


Is this an attempt by amanfromMars to anonymise?

Ron Eve

Another Network Access Location

"pilot scheme will see probes inserted in networks owned by one mobile, one internet and one landline operator"

So, this is a new ANAL probe our NuLabour Overlords are contemplating...

I for one welcome our..... Ouch!!

Hadoop: When grownups do open source

Ron Eve
Thumb Up

@hadoop kept quiet

You cunt you owe me a new laptop, mine's now drowning in tea...

Two questions:

Do you read Viz?


Do you come from Newcasltle?

Neither did I have any clue whatsoever what the article is about (slow day here..) but the comments were superb. Gotta love the potty-mouths.

Man buys $1,000 worth of iPhone pixels by accident

Ron Eve
Paris Hilton

Oh Perleeease!!

@iTwat - Love it...

Lets see...

"Contents may be hot"

"Objects may be closer than they appear"

"Do not step on the live rail"

Who are these aimed at? For the rest of us 'caveat emptor' and common sense seem to work.

As for it being a scam that Apple is somehow responsible for - where's the scam? The ad didn't promise anything that it didn't deliver, so no 'phony' (geddit!) advertising. Shiny Shiny Bling Bling - "I want I want..."

And Armin Heinrich is an anagram of "A Rich Inner Him"

/Mines the one with 'Vote for Paris' on the back

Paris Hilton - the compromised candidate

Ron Eve


Mmmmmmm MILF alert!!

If I were to marry Paris, would I be coming into money...?

/mines the raincoat...

Ron Eve

@Paris Hilton... why?

Me neither mate. I've seen far more attractive women in the Kings Road, Chelsea on any given summers day. <sigh> I have to say it seems like she's got something of a sense of humour though. Which can't be bad.

Stop Press: Blimey! Webster made a comment which didn't involve berating Macs!! Unless you count John MAC Cain...

<ahem> mines the one with the campaign badges...

MPs lambast BBFC over Batman

Ron Eve


At 10 years old, my son and his similarly aged best friend, used to

go to the friends 17 yr old brother's room and watch 18 rated movies.

Us parents didn't know about this until much much later, not because

we didn't care but because the kids took great care that we never

found out. (Kids, eh!?)

My son is now 28 and do you know the film that affected his life the



Yup. So much so that he still has trouble swimming in the sea. Never

mind 'Driller Killer' or 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', a film with a

rubber shark has affected the lives of more children since it was

released in 1975 and shown continually on TV since, than any fantasy

shock/horror movie.

And Keith Vaz is bandwagon-jumping, harrumphing cn^t. (IMHO)

MySpace elbows into the Cloud

Ron Eve

"Wild? I was absolutely livid!"

Just to lighten the load round here a bit...




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