* Posts by n

118 publicly visible posts • joined 6 Aug 2008


'Press pose danger' to health record introduction

Black Helicopters

@Dave Southgate

By Dave Southgate Posted Monday 8th June 2009 13:16 GMT

"You do NOT need any records or registrations with the NHS to recieve emergency treatment of any kind."


You do NOT need any records or registrations with the NHS to recieve treatment of any kind.


Nice try though Mr Southgate, Nice try...

Sage reseller goes titsup?



You bought *more* than line50 ?


Brown to Sugar: 'You're hired'


what a farce.lol.

Graham Norton as Chief Whip.

Susan Boyle to replace Harriet Harperson as Minister for Women.

Gordon Ramsay as Minister for School Meals as Jamie Oliver is promoted to Chancellor to cook the books.

Any other suggestions?


ahem !...


Johnson handed Home Office brief


...and Sir alan sugar in cabinet !

"Take a chair Sir Alan, there's plenty to choose from."

...looks like there was a sub-clause in that big jucy viglen win the other week then! lol

Honestly, they are so desperate they don't even bother hiding the corruption any more.

For my next tip:

Graham Norton as Chief Whip.

Susan Boyle as to replace Harriet Harperson as Minister for Women.

Gordon Ramsay as Minister for School Meals as Jamie Oliver is promoted to Chancellor.

Any other suggestions?

Home and Away star in 'Lewinsky' moment




'Thieving' sperm whale caught on CCTV


you are only ever 45 minutes from a whale.

"It's time the real story behind these freeloading gangs of blubber and oil was told."

Did someone say they have oil?

In that case these weapons of mass fish destruction are global terrorists...hiding out there somewhere.....somewhere where our children swim innocently, somewhere where our people have always worked hard to earn an honest crust, just as our forefathers have done for generations.

Some say they operate in secretive "cells" where they gather to mock our modern ways of fishing with lines and nets, spreading their evil fundamentalist doctrine of catching fish with their mouths.

Sadly we know almost nothing about their evil mysterious schemes........but as is ably demonstrated here by General Powell with the use of hand puppets.......we can clearly see they now threaten our very way of life.

Are we just to stand by as they grow in number? Threatening our freedoms? Creating global warming? Destroying our economies?

FOR GODS SAKES!!....they don't even speak English.

Sir Alan Sugar hails £30m 'equitable' Viglen win


I wonder...

How many photoshoots with GB did that cost?

It would have been a £50m contract.....but he refused to do the election campaign video shoot with gordo.

Another 15,000 jobs to go at BT


here we go again....taxpayers of britain bend over.

Get ready for the BT bail out......

"securing the network for national security"...."Chinese hackers"...."7/7"...."blah...blah...blah"...

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BT = Bloody Terrible

They have personified rip-off britain since forever with their high charging monopoly.

That won't be broken up because they do so many favours for the spooks - (They have the prisons telecoms contract for eternity)

Top British boffin: Time to ditch the climate consensus



"...and the windmills, trams, and rickshaws shall rise from their graves to inherit the earth, and the powerful will pay thousands for simple bags of manure"

...pirates will be celebrating toooooOOOOOOO !

Chip cooler launches liquid nitro at CPUs

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lmfao !!

Private ID scans leave fetish club-goers feeling exposed


further detail re nightclub scanning all id's....

re: my night club scan/scam:

below is the nightclub and the scanning policy as explained on their web site.

It is under the heading "age policy". But i want to point out that EVERY guest had id scanned no matter what age they were. "No ID, no entry policy".

Does anyone know what "CLUBSCAN" is? Is it a brand name? or a Met policy?

"Age Policy:


Valid Passport

Valid Photo Full Drivers License

Valid Photo Provisional Drivers License

International ID Card/Book

These are the only forms of acceptable ID. Should you be asked to show ID & you are unable to provide one of the above items then you may be refused entry. Zoo Bar operates CLUB SCAN, all ID will be scanned."

ref: http://www.zoobar.co.uk/location/


"the law?...we are the law"

Yes i was scanned/scammed.

I went to an ordinary nightclub near Leicester square for the first time and they asked for ID, the bouncer looked at it as is normal, then stepped to the side behind another bouncer who shielded from view (they would say secured)the device, and then he dropped it through a small dark device like a letterbox, then handed it back.

Nobody said to me they would be scanning it, doing icr on it, running facial recognition software on it, then pimping all the data.

There were no signs anywhere saying they would be doing this to me.

It was all a bit sneaky.

And once its done, it's done. You can't ask for your data back. You can't expect to ask the bouncer to discuss the finer points of the data protection act !

The staff on the inside also had some questionable behaviour also, but i don't want to put anyone off their dinner!

I fear for my data in the hands of these goons.

It feels like you have been data-raped before you even step into the club....what a real mood killer on the night.....next stop....cloakroom charge wallet-rape.......wonder if the drink is reasonably priced?....bend over sunshine...you'll get the hang of this sooner or later...

Sun says it's time for MySQL 5.4


....suits have arrived

"oracle mySQL 2010 family edition" anyone?

Big Blue defies server crash with Q1 profit


@ al

the author is Timothy Prickett Morgan

there's a clue in there somewhere...

How gov scapegoats systems for man-made errors


This is a cover up...

They were actually auto sending out gcse english pass certificates to everyone who had ever registered for the school newsletter, thus proving they could read, to boost their league table standings....(the fact it was opt-out was irrelevant)...

..and they would've gotten away with it too,...

BT cuts phone charges for prisoners

IT Angle

are there any downsdies to prison?

This will make it cheaper for them to run their crime syndicates or do book deals from their prison cell.

well done idiots.

Government wastes £4.6m on mobile telly nonsense

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Who needs condoms in IT anyway?...

...my ultra high powered wifi network combined with 10 years use of wifi enabled laptops on my crotch has rendered me sterile.


San Diego F-18 crash deaths 'avoidable'


flyyyyy innntooooo theeee danga zone....

"All rather quick to judge, despite the fact the article doesn't really make it clear what happened."

When a military investigates itself, the results never "make it clear". Its called a cock-up-cover-up or a CUCU in high level military jargon.

Example: "General, we've got a C.U.C.U. situation, can you find us a "suitable" team of investigators by friday, the minister wants a statement by month end."

Those betamax tapes of topgun sure last a long time, judging by some of the posters here still stroking away.

BT OpenZone: Is it or isn't it?

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"the law?...we are the law"

BT openworld are out of control...

while i was out I had 2 engineers break into my property last week, to "check" for an alleged line problem someone in another house was having. Left me with a broken lock and not so much as an apology. Guess what? Turns out they didn't need access after all...."there's nothing there, the junction box must be in a neighbours property" they mumbled to a neighbour when he questioned the halfwits.

Suppose i should be grateful at getting off lightly with criminal damage, breaking and entering, and harassment.....

they could have installed homehub.

AVG finally bothers with behaviour-based defences


what a non story

yes agreed AC, too much hate here. used as cover for a non-story or for an ad.

so "avg is late with a feature". waw eee.

lazy journo.

Miliband refuses to release torture documents


good idea julian !

I don't buy products from the usa/uk regime whenever possible.

If i see their products i either break them or slander them before placing orders for a competitor.

Millions of dead innocent civilians is reason enough in my book.

BBC seen to yield over website snooping

Black Helicopters

bbc = uk gov = torturers = cia

I smelt a big rat when they wanted postcodes for their useless weather forecasts.

Is the weather different over my street as opposed to the street next to it?

So, to the guy in the next town who now has 3 vans with blacked out windows parked outside his house every day i say...

...Sorry fella !!

Google will tell your mates where you are


what a great valentines present....

...to give to every husband in the land.

Google mistakes entire web for malware




Prison warders told to can 'hurtful' language



...that will be the same sps that are against the proposals to use perspex screens to stop smuggling at visiting time, like those used in the usa, as it would "upset the prisoners".


If it was impossible to smuggle in phones/drugs/tobacco/etc during visiting hours,

that would mean the vast amount of drugs coming in would have to have been brought in by someone who comes into the prison each day and goes home each day...


'Miracle' plane crash was no miracle


easy fix

Back in the late 80's i was building space shuttles.

One young wet behind the ears apprentice asked why i was gaffa taping speakers to the nose cone, as he said "they can't hear music in space dude, huh, huh".

i had got a B&Q sonic bird scarer gaffa taped to the nose cone.

I pointed out that a bird hitting the windscreen of the shuttle would smash it and then the space aliens would get in and eat our crew when they got to space, so my bird scarer would keep the birds at bay on take offs and landings.

The young know-it-all pipes up "why don't they put it on planes?".

I informed him that almost every year they suggest it at the share holders meetings of airlines, and every year it gets voted down because it would cost the airline $5,000 per plane, and shareholders don't want costs, even if it means a few planes go down.

As a parting shot, he says "what if that speaker falls off the nose cone and hits the wing, will it not damage the wing?"

My answer,

"1. i retire next year buddy, you'll have to hide that from the investigating committee if it ever happens.

2. Have you ever seen the inside of my bird cannon?...huhuh!"

Tiscali pulls plug on 186K


...allow me to put on my rose rinted specs for a sec

I was merged into 186k.

186k has been moping up small lovable independent isp's with loyal customers for years, then they brought in "improvements" :0 ,a word directly linked with a downhill slide in service.

Many (all?) customers were put on to tiscali's pipe....as a result patchy speeds were not uncommon.

Previously the small outfit i was with had a low cost offshore helpdesk.

I know people slag offshore, but in this case it was very, very good. Same people employed from month to month, knowledgeable engineers not script monkeys, calls answered within 5 minutes of holding, cheap rate, i had some cracking fixes with those guys.

Anyhow another "improvement" from 186k was to get rid of those foreign tech support types.....and replace them with virtually uncontactable , clueless, expensive, support with a lovely british accent.

I hope the move to BT pipe improves speed consistency, if it does i might stay put...but with a mac code in hand as a result of this contract cockup, and a few tasty credit crunch offers in the marketplace, i might jump ship.

PS. The author of the article says he got through in ten minutes....i think this might be a lie, as anyone can phone their only number and will find they don't have a hold/queuing system, it just gives the engaged tone, i tried about 15 times yesterday, constant engaged tone.

Also, 186k's webform appears to be broke, when you press "send" it just refreshes the page, no confirmation of a send???

UFO wind turbine prang site sealed



ALIEN SCOUT SHIP: Hi, Kang here.

ALIEN MISSION CONTROL: Hi Kang, what are those aggressive monkeys on the third planet up to now?

ALIEN SCOUT SHIP: Right, they've got some new power generators sir...LOTS of them.

ALIEN MISSION CONTROL: Ah, yes, they must be onto cold-fusion-energon-ion generation. They did nuclear about 50 years ago right?

ALIEN SCOUT SHIP: No, it's not cold-fusion-energon-ion their using.

ALIEN MISSION CONTROL: Eh? Interesting, what have they got?

ALIEN SCOUT SHIP: I don't quite know how to say this sir...b..but, they have ....windmills.


ALIEN MISSION CONTROL: Have you been drinking Aldebaran Whiskey while on duty again? I'll have you posted to take rock samples on an abandoned moon in alpha centauri for such insolence!

ALIEN SCOUT SHIP: No, really! i...i know it sound unbelievable Sir...but they actually ARE using windmills.

ALIEN MISSION CONTROL: But they did windmills about 2 millenia ago Kang! Why the hell would they.......Ah!........it must be a disguise!

It must be some new technology hidden inside a poxy windmill.

Get down there right now and knock one over to see what's inside.

ALIEN SCOUT SHIP: But, that's against regul...

ALIEN MISSION CONTROL: Regulations nothing Kang! Get down their NOW!



Garry McKinnon emailed his alien friends to "demonstrate their anger" at his deportation to face 50 years rotting in a US prison.

Windfarm is destroyed, the next day McKinnon cuts a deal to spend a few years in one of the UK holiday camps known as prisons.


US woman says Ubuntu can't access internet


ubuntu at fault??

Buying from dell usually your first 2 complaints are:

1. What the hell is all this pre-installed dellware crap doing on my new desktop?

2. Phone support = fail

Must have been a nasty Ubuntu what did it and ran away...???

Microsoft expands languages with ESP


Re: acronyms

"I remember when journalists used to do research ;)"

I remember when researchers used to do research.

Dr n

Central University of Networking Technology

Wrath of Spielberg smites Welsh uni leaflet



IP?......more like false advertising!

How many of it's graduates went on to be Hollywood film makers?

How many are currently on the dole or a tax payer funded script writing job creation scheme (BBC)?

Send old Shuttles to Mars, says Scotty ashes prang man


how convenient?

For the landing strategy and systems we would need to find someone with good experience of innovative use of parachutes, who had say, sewn them onto the back of t-shirts or something....but where would we find such a genius?

Wikipedia exceeds $6m donation goal

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@Fund raising to spend on...... A fund-raising team!

'Establishment of new fund-raising team - $510,000'

Here comes the corporate bloat folks! Its all downhill from here.

Spinning the war on the UK's sex trade


...and the rest

Woman are crucial to New Labour vote, remember, "blairs babes".

New labour have an all female, middle class segment, focus group called "Harry Potter Mums".

They have gone right off new labour since sleazy salesman tony told lies and slaughtered millions of woman and children.

Since Brown took over, to try to win the female voters back, there has been a direct feed from this focus group into these types of headline-back-of-envelope policies....last week it was "the kids surfing inappropriate websites, this week it's stop evil prostitution, but note that they will stress targeting the men (straying husbands - majority are married, and evil pimps) who use them. The profiteer of sex will be given "support". This will be stressed.

I can't remember them all but there's been at least 20 similar "emotional trigger policies" directed at this voter group. How do you think cuddly Lord Winston got his job and gig on the bbc?

He is a key player ;)

Mrs Brown is and will be another key player, though probably reluctantly. ;)

Fast and 'free' beats steady and paid on MySQL

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@ Kevin Hutchinson


Maybe their apple box marked "freebies for top 10 review articles" didn't arrive this christmas.

Windfarm lobby bows to ASA and cuts CO2 saving figures



wind generators pay for themselves in 20 years.

wind generators have a life span of 10-12 years.

any questions?


then we're done here.

oh keep an eye out for BS....from n-powers renewables site...."The turbines and other plant have a warranted life-span of about 20 years."

key words: "turbines" "other plant" "warranted" "about".

Register Hardware revamped

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...will you still only be reviewing freebee products that are sent to you by manufacturers in your "round up", "top ten" features as per the norm you bunch of corrupt cheapskates.

LG DVS450H 'floating' DVD player


specifically speaking...

It's not exactly what i was looking for....i require some kind of large sheet of fabric material assembled in a large open funnel design above the player, then i can frisby my media through the air across my high end executive apartment, whereby it then slides softly down the material into a media slot which then recognises which way the disk has come in and either flips the disk or the read/right head (i'm not fussy) so that it can be played. Ejection shall take place from a slot below into a removable bucket that can be carried to my library for re shelving.

thanks santa.

NASA will give away old Shuttles for free


No doubt...

Rich Gullible Nationalistic Fool Wanted - apply within and turn the air conditioners to LOUD.

Royal laptop theft 'will expose picture'



publicity scarce ex-royal, now wannabe tv star, leaves laptop(?) in photo developers, and says in a loud voice, "oh don't look in that folder on the desktop named 'Private sexy pics/vids of a real live duchess who has tea with the queen and talks all posh and stuff' please" as i would be so embarrassed at all the publicity that would generate".

Brazilian hackers blamed for aiding Amazon deforestation



but hold on just a minute!

SO..... brazil cuts and sells trees,

which might make the GREENHOUSE effect,

which in turn helps their trees to grow faster!

(clue is in the name surely, or has the greenhouse effect been rebadged under a more scary name nowadays)

Closing the gap between development and operations

Dead Vulture


That's nothing....this one time,at band camp....i took a bear into the woods....and you'll never guess what he did.

2008's top three netbooks

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reghardware = fail

"but until Samsung deigns to send us one to review, we can't comment on it, and so it won't appear in our top three."

well, well, well, (as i suspected) you only review products that are sent to you for free, that pretty much explains why some models have been AWOL from your round up reviews.

What a biased shambles.

reghardware = fail

'Faith-based' investment firm fingers holiday's most sinful games



...the dangers of sleepy relatives accidentally spilling the devils milkshake onto a gamers neck during raunchy scenes in gta4 must never be underestimated.



"One wonders how much The Register ranks?"

RE: This articles title.....i'm not familiar with the term "firm fingering", but it surely deserves at least another 5 points on the timothy scale.

Snipers - Cowardly assassins, or surgical soldiers?



By using their new snipers the brits could have killed Jean Charles do Menezes with just one well aimed bullet, rather than a dozen at various points in the head and body.

This would have saved money on salaries of personal and saved ammunition which helps to reduce their carbon footprint.

How very thoughtful of them.


helmet at hand?

Can't beat a story like this for flushing out the strokers like matt bryant et al, kneeling on the floor with their copies of "guns and ammo monthly" spread open around them.

The "Sadr's Shia nutters" you speak of are actually the citizens of iraq defending themselves against an illegal occupation and the murder of 1 million+ iraqis at the hands of occupying forces.

Do you feel less guilty by dehumanising them? Help you get harder does it?