Posts by Fozzy

Bike kiosk grumbleflick shocks Spaniards

@ LaeMi Qian

Damn you beat me to it. .....

Just like the guy in the video

Ok OK I'm going I'm going

Her Maj honours NZ wizard

If we was from Australia......

He would be known as "the Wizard of OZ'

forget the coat I'm outta here before I get pelted with the rotten fruit

What Exchange 2007 can't do

WOW

the reg will let any one on these boards. Even sales/marketing droids from micro$oft.

Exchange is the biggest peice of bloatware on the market today. Exchange will do everything for you (according to the marketing morons),

Yeah Right, i write this whilst everyone sits around the office waiting for the network guys to get the exchange server running again. I'm placing bets that mars entered the age of gemini or some shit like that to cause the system to crash again

Flames as an oxy/acetylene torch is probably the best solution for an exchange server problem

Daydreaming? You're actually solving complex problems

Et tu Brain

Bloody hell I thought it was just my boss, his boss, my workmates, the government and that weird looking guy on the street corner that was out to get me. Now your saying my brain could be plotting against me too!

Oompa-Loompa and Tinky Winky cuffed for drunken brawl

@Alze

Boooooooooo

Apple snips Nine Inch Nails app

How weak

Trent should have pushed to get some of his video clips selling through the app store. It would have solved alot of problems, mainly due to those wankers all dying from heart fialure at watching the "Happiness in Slavery" clip

Thumbs down for Apple

Ballmer disses Oracle's decision to buy Sun

Yeah

and why would a software house peedle crapware. But hey it seems to work for micro$lop

IWF denies wielding Pirate Bay banhammer

A Communication disruption

can only mean one thing

INVASION.

But this time it's not a hoard of moronic robots. Sorry Britain, but you have now been overrun by a hoard of righteous do-gooders who are intent on wrapping every one of you in bubble wrap and force you to watch G rated only programs (24/7 teletubbies). As you do not have the expertise to identify suspect material they will also now select the books, internet sites and all other literature that you are able to read.

Any voice of dissent will be dealt with harshly, well within the context of the new huggly feelly regime that is running the show over there now

I wish you all good luck on your highly regulated existance

The Pirate Bay loads cannon with official appeal

Pfft

The legal outcomes of this trial will have no impact at all anywhere else in the world.

Though I did read in awe of how completely spineless the president IFPI was. Backpeddling on the issue of prosecuting the large search engines (google, MSn,Yahoo!) and all of the other usual suspects justr confirmed what a toothless tiger these organisations are now.

There is no way that they will even touch the big guys. Not for fear of protracted court proceedings but because taking on these guys will mean attempting to argue (whine) at the highest levels in the International and US courts. The said whining would then be decided as such, and thrown out. It is this scenario they fear as these courts decisions in many circumstances become the basis of legal precedant worldwide.

Prosecuting a group in the local courts of sweden, IFPI, you deserve to be bitchslapped

Short bursts of The Reg at work increase your productivity

I need that 2 minute break

Been reading the Reg for 30 minutes solid at work and misread the headline. I was thinking "short Squirts - the reg is good but not that good" Damn looks like a couple of minutes of work to get my mind back on track

Blizzard: Game designers aren't Shakespeare

Perhaps

they should take lessons from the porno script writers everything should fit neatly onto a single page.

Scene #1

Girl sitting on couch, guy walks in, guy does girl (random close ups)

Scene$2

guy sitting on couch. Girl walks in, girl does guy (eandom close ups)

Scene#3

Girl sitting on couch. Girl walks in, girl does girl ( random close ups)

It would make for some interesting quests at least

Paris: Do you really need to be told!

Hollywood retrofits MacGyver into feature flick

<title>

The script will have all the tell-tale signs of being constructed using a pocket knife, duct tape and a piece of string

Wall Street: Google, Apple good - Palm, AMD bad

So in other words

just like the banks we don't like the numbers that are being reported, so we're just going to change them. Nohting to see here move along now, move along

Swedish police claim massive anti-piracy bust

Ah

Freetards v those other people, never fails to deliver.Nothing like a good flame war to warm the blood on a cold morning.

Harry Potter hangs up wand in 2011

What the story should have said

The CEO for warner bros whilst his hand was in his pocket holding his "magic wand" invvoked the time honoured spell of all movie studios ' maximius profitus"

Microsoft boffins devise 'secure' Gazelle browser

Seriously

Haven't they been marketing that story with each new release of IE. I could safely hold my breath waiting for the first exploit to be posted

This story is going to get so many comments posted to it it'll seem like a DDOS attack I'll be fun reading them though

Microsoft asks laid-off staff to refund overpaid redundo cash

OOPS

They are legally obliged to repay any overpayments. However, they are legally entitled to demand full disclosure on that overpayment, how it and all other entitlements were calculated Anyhting less and you can happily shred that letter and know you will win any future court proceeedings.

Having finance and HR redoing all their sums (particularly HR) tends to stress them out too much and they just write it off, unless of course the overpayment is in the 10,000's of dollars In that case you can make repaynments of $10 a month by cheque

NASA talks little green men with Vatican

New El Reg measurement

"...the universe is so extremely large and old. About 159,302,326 times as old as Golden Girls' Bea Arthur,"

And yet it needs to be said that the universe itself is infinitely more appealing

Fancy writing a 'Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxies'?

I wonder

if Galaxy Zoo 42 will be the answer we have all been searching for!!

China preps internet porn snitching awards

whats the point

in having net access if you can't rant about what the bloody government can/can't should/shouldn't be doing in between porn sessions

US Navy spends $12m on electric hypercannon

we're getting close

to getting the BFG. You could cook them with a laser blow them up using the railgun or a gauss rifle. But personally there could be no better satisfaction then turning your enemy and everything else around them into a bloody smudge.on the ground

Business Intelligence for the masses

Intelligence in Business

After working in this area for the past 5 years I can honestly and with a degree of confidence say ,that, business Intelligence or Intelligence in Business is an interesting concept. But it will never catch on

Geekerati brace for Unix timestamp milestone

@ Gerhardt

Welcome to El Reg. Have a nice day

Exploding mobile phone kills Chinese man

Please let this be an undocumented feature

There was a guy next to me in the train this morning listening to rap crap at full volume. Detonating that piece of crap would have brightened my day immensely

Street View vehicle kills Bambi

title needed apparently

Here in good ol' OZ, it is actually a traffic violation to swerve to avoid hitting an animal on the road. Consdiering that you are typically doing in excess of 110km'h on those roads it makes sense too. A sudden swerve and your more likely to be hitting a very large tree rather than a kangaroo or wombat.

Ron white does a great piece on deer hunting. Unfortuantely can't provide the link. No access to youtube at work. Damn it

Universal thaws out The Thing

Fuck it

Let Hollywood go all out and have an all in space war

Alien

predator

the thing

hell throw in the borg, the bugs from starship troopers

and an asteriod hurtling towards earth.

Get bruce, ben and a space shuttle that defies all the laws of physics back to save the day

Only problem with this is that a screenwriter is probably reading this through the smoky haze of his crack pipe and thinks this is a winning storyline to pitch to the studios

deleted

COME ON"Indeed, when she's not working her ass off to make an honest buck"

My mind imploded with all the possible responses to this. Thanks El Reg my I.Q> has now dropped that low I actually beleive Paris is the intelligent hard working lass she purports to be.

Ah look at the cute penguin

Cash-strapped US businessman jumps from light aircraft

Title Required.

I wouldn't mind betting that he received his inspiration from that simpsons episode

Wrath of Spielberg smites Welsh uni leaflet

WTF?

Speilberg to promote scriptwriting, Didn't anyone there see crystal skull. On a related note I got to catch the south park episode they did on the movie. It is the first time I can say that south park DID NOT GO FAR ENOUGH

The incredible vanishing Satyam boss

Amazing

Are the upper mangement types so incapable of speaking a word of truth. really his letter should have read along the lines of \

Yeah things are coming to a head here in Satyam and it wont take long for everyone to realise that i have been embezzling hundreds of millions of dollars to satisfy my own personal greed. To compensate I have been on a crusade to falsify all publicly available financial statements so you wouldn't find out.

There has been some fancy dancing by me and the CFO, when bribery wouldn't work, when PWC came through the door to verify that book of fiction we like to call our financial records. I earnt my pay check those days , let me tell you

In the coming days shareholder confidence is going to sink faster than the titanic The new upper management team will be taking the employees, customers and shareholders on a spin doctor ride of G force proportions attempting to save the company, though unlikely The spice girls reunion tour had more chance of success than the company does now.

Although you will be facing hard times looking for employment in these harsh economic times, or you will be counting your losses from investing in my company, or you are one of our unfortunate customers looking for a way to piece together the shattered remains of that outsourcing project (pity you if you were the driving force behind that decision) or you are hoping they simply don’t turn the power switch off on all your mission critical servers I feel I must point out a silver lining to this horrible situation.

I got away with it. Yep as you are reading this I have already skipped the country to a nice little corner of the world withal of my ill-gotten gains. I think you would enjoy it if you weren’t so busy running around trying to pick up the pieces of the economic disaster I created.

A wise man once said, Greed is good, Greed works” Well, it does. For me at least

Bees on cocaine: The facts

Finally

the final piece of the puzzle. The total sum for human knowledge is now complete, we are able to now sit back and relax. Here I thought I would never see it in my lifetime

Barrow boy Microsoft flogs nostalgic tragic t-shirts

Title needed apparently

Bill gates on a t-shirt.. Wow what beating would you like today?

'Faith-based' investment firm fingers holiday's most sinful games

Must send a thank you email

Here I was racking my brain over christmas gifts. Wondering which games were the best, wading through the dozens of reviews and here is a ready made list for me .

Thank You Timothy Plan

HP, IBM - Stuck in the 'midrange' with you

Title required apparently

Wow before reading this article I was completely ignorant about this section of the market. I must say, after reading it, I still am. The only point I did glean from this is that HP, IBM or any of the other vendors are willing to sell you anything that is within your price range, or with a bit of luck, marketing bullshit or a few lunches to go over it

Satanic net neologisms - nominations invited

@ron murray

You came close but I'll take it one step fruther, "internal customer", which is bad enough by itself, but of course the suits feel a need to then add extras, such as satisfaction, experience or any other crack pipe inspired bullshit.

"internal Customer" for those that want to walk away with the feeling they have just had a colonscopy

Hmmm. time to up the doage again I think </rant>

El Reg seeks top net neologism

Twatdangle of course

Title says it all

Why no c*nt and paste for the iPhone?

@ Mark Jan

Can you post your address details. I need to forward on a couple of receipts for a new keyboard, and montior

NASA probe finds opals in Martian crevices

I knew it

I thought I saw a rusted out old holden ute in the picture. So let me be the first to claim this new planet in the name of all Austra.... Ah can't be arsed hand us another tinnie will ya.

Volt is 'go' for Oz as charging-point deal unveiled

@Not gonna work outside the south-east of Aus

Considering the driving times I would have guessed the NT or the kimberley region, but after the fucked up drive into work this morning on Sydney roads, you could just as easily be living in the outer Sydney metro area.

Paris ups sticks to London

Now, now

Calm yourselves.

Yes, Paris is known to have the intelligence of a doorknob.

Yes, Paris has been accused of being a waste of oxygen and organic matter.

Yes, she may have all the social graces and etiquette of a wildeebeast

Yes, she has starred in a couple of home made videos that has raised more than the occassional eyebrow

Yes she may have even had the occassional public drinking binge that's ended badly,

and yes, Paris tendeds to flash more than her pearly whites at public events as long as there isare plenty of cameras around.

But damnit we at el! Reg have lovingly adopted her as a mascot (of sorts). So please have a bit more respect for our dimiwtted, alcohol swilling, pussy flashing, skanky amateur p0rn star, OK.

Oz watchdogs howl over 'Cyber-Safety' net filter

WTF?

Since when did the great land of OZ become a province of china.

Rudd you dipshit hands off the net, It's the parents responsibility to monitor this not the government

Revealed: The golden rules of managing software projects

No, No, No, No,

The first rule of project management is never ever take a project on that has already been started It will be running behind schedule and over budget and don't even dare review the requirements, that is if anyone can actually point you to the current version of them (if they even exist that is)

The one business analyst that was any good and knew enough about the project told the previous P.M to jam the contract up his arse, realising weeks before the rest of the company that the previous P.M couldn't manage a root in a brothel with a fist full of $50

The development team will be furiously working away though, attempting to implement requirement #34. A requirement which added little value to the overall functionality and only impacted some sad individual in finance, which when scoped was found to add an extra $300K and 6 months to the project

Speaking of finance, finance being least impacted by this project will be screaming the loudest. Apparently their spreadsheets don't add up anymore and fuck knows what that has do to with this project.

The weekly senior management meetings held on Fridays’ are driving you up the wall. The financial controller who apparently overindulged in his liquid lunch is swaying in his seat like a punching clown, After listening to him still prattling on about spreadsheets that’s exactly what I want to use him for.

I could keep on going but you get the picture and I've digressed far enough. Just say no and run really fast…..

US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics

Seriously

Two stories posted together, this one about a 15y.o. and nude piccies and than next to it, a story about the oracle stockholders chocking on the size of larrys package

It took my brain 10 minutes to reboot itself

Coming soon: Spider-Man - The Musical!

OMFG

I have now peered into the abyss and seen the terror within.

Oz woman held hostage by pugnacious porker

Not surprising really

After hearing the radio interview with the so-called victim I realised that the pig was far more intelligent than her.

Hammer Films has risen from the grave

title needed here

the only thing that scares me these days are the new batches of reality tv shows

Oz pub slammed over 'No Undie Sundie'

Unenlightened idiots

I am more than a little pissed off that these arseholes seem to think if I turned up to the pub and saw a couple of hairy beavers it would incite me to either drink more or commit an act that is completely vile. It appears they don't hink the male population, in general, have evolved past the missing link

it also seems to have slipped their tiny little minds that you can just drive the road and see more than a map of tassie in the nuddie bars But once again the extermists views of the minority are force upon the originally uncaring majority I'm guessing from this thinking these "women" are bitter, old and single

Alien... beam me up there's no intelligent life here

Microsoft will show world+dog how to write secure code

the silver lining

is that the resulting books, manuals ans reference material combined will be able to be about as thick as karen carpenters' personal cookbook

Oz minister walks plank for dancing drunk in his smalls

Aussie stnadards are definitely slipping

I remember the good 'ole days of australian politics,

Just a couple of our most loved prime ministers

Malcolm fraser

Getting so smashed he wandered the corridors of a hotel in his underwear, not remembering who he was, where he was or what he were doing

Bob Hawke

Held the world record for drinking a yard glass of beer

harold Holt

Went missing after taking dip at his favorite beach his body was near recovered

Hadron boffins: Our meddling will not destroy universe

Pfft

Not the least bit concerned about black holes forming I've been married to an exoric singularity for years now that's been sucking my will to live