Posts by pondscum

Acer sued for shipping Vista-book with GB of memory

No one has mentioned

that they come with Norton Internet Security 2007. That will make it run slow. They should be forced to return the unit to Wally world with a note on the box "We are too stupid to own a computer".

Aussie convicted over Simpsons sex pics

I'm in trouble then

I can vaguely remember a National Lampoon magazine with a centrefold of Strawberry Shortcake getting it on with a Smurf. Knowing my hoarding habits, it is probably still in the back shed...waits for knocking at the door.

Is the internet going down down under?

As a parent...

I monitor what sites my children visit, and if they attempt to visit a site 'not suitable' for them, I mark the site with a clip. A clip round the ears. They are my kids, so I and I alone will decide what I want them to see.

Oz watchdogs howl over 'Cyber-Safety' net filter

Too bad...

if I want to visit the Scunthorpe council site, or experts exchange. So long rotten.com. Soon we wont even be able to visit kevinruddisauselessmandarinspeakingtwatwithabsolutelynorealworldexperience.com.au, or the sister site kevinruddthinksheisfrickingtintinandgillardishistrustydogsnowy.com.au. Time for Western Australia to think about becoming an independent nation.

US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics

That can't be the school's name...

"Licking Valley", sounds like a porn training school, so you would expect this to happen.

Mine's the 'flashing' mac with the stains...

Adobe cites bad blood for closed Flash

Adobe are up with the times...

They have released a beta of Flash player 10, but there is still no support for 64bit systems, apart from the usual "use a 32bit browser". Adobe programs are nothing but bloatware now. Perhaps Foxit can make a flash alternative.

Microsoft Silverlight: 10 reasons to love it, 10 reasons to hate it

Flash is everywhere...

except on x64 windows. If Silverfright works on 64bit windows, it'll get my vote.

Spammers target hamsters after Ig Nobel winning research

So...

Richard Hammond can use Viagra (or mycoxafloppin) to ease jet-lag. What do normal sized people (who don't whiten their teeth) use?

Arctic sea ice loosens grip on Northwest Passage

News?

All the news services are going on about this, citing AGW as the cause, but they conveniently never mention this fact. The Antarctic ice shelf is the largest it has been in the last 30 years.

As an aside, Polar Bear numbers are increasing, Greenland is again living up to the name the Vikings gave it, and global mean temperatures are decreasing after their 1998 peak.

"LAND RIGHTS FOR GAY WHALES" - A division of Greenpeace

Aussie politicos in a froth over naval boob jobs

The real reason

The two girls in question had been getting "teased" (effectively verbally abused) because of the size of their breasts. In reality,the military were required to prevent this happening (duty of care etc.), hence the boob jobs.

It mainly came to light because the Labor party are looking for things to complain about. After all, they have already blamed John Howard for...

The drought

Global warming.

The American mortgage crisis.

Internet pornography

The Beaconsfield mining accident.

Epilepsy-triggering advert given the green light

Political adverts

give me the shits...can I get them all removed?

Intel wins at Monopoly, grabs $60bn unfairly - says...

So AMD's problems...

are all Intel's fault. Of course they are. Not. Intel are not to blame for the poor supply chain of AMD. Have you ever tried to actually buy a high-end AMD cpu? "Should be in soon, maybe 12 weeks". Whereas ask for an Intel chip, the reply is usually "how many do you want sir?"

AMD have never actually designed a decent chip anyway. Going back to the 486 days, they were a copy of the Intel chip. The K5 was crap. The K6 was designed by Nextgen. The K7 on were co-designed by DEC.

When AMD can design a good chip, AND supply them in quantity, AND supply them on-time AND at a good price, then they will be serious competition. These law suits are purely AMD clutching at straws, trying to find someone to blame for their own shortcomings. Get your own house in order and you will be competitive.

Intel responds to EU's anti-trust statement

It's funny...

Here I was thinking that when you have a business in the capitalist society, you keep your customers with "sales incentives" , ie: discounts, rebates, exclusivity deals etc. The governments want to promote successful business, as long as it's not too successful. Make up your minds.

Only 'major' EU countries to be in second iPhone rollout

People, people, people

When it's all said and done, <b><u>it's just a fucking phone</u></b>. <br> Get yourself a secretary (PA for the politically correct among you) instead. They can do a lot more than any phone, and mine (little floozy that she is) can even make me smile when I'm having a crap day.

Oz cans porn filtering trial

The real story.

Tasmanian politicians wanted to filter "fun stuff" at the ISP, thus preventing their constituents (the inbred lot) from any contact with porn.

Helen Coonan wants to supply "net nanny" type software free of charge to all Australian households so they can make up their own minds as to whether to censor or not. That is, the parents are responsible. What a shock, parents being responsible for their kids.

A lot of difference,

Miss America calls for mandatory internet safety classes

But...

what are her tits like?

Enraged reader savages iPhone fanboys

Yet...

when you read all the reviews, they all seem to dismiss the (phone)call quality of the iPhoney as merely adequate, or below average. Isn't this the single most important factor for a phone? It will do 437 different functions, but as a phone it is crap.

You want something to do all this stuff and more? Get yourself a secretary.

AT&T rigs net neutrality study

An analogy would be...

people in West Virginia getting charged less for phone calls 'cause they talk slow.

iPhone contract charges unveiled

When it's all said and done

It's just a fucking phone people.

Need hard facts? Try Conservapedia

I think I'll wait for

scientologyopedia, which will be the ultimate reference. Especially for psych matters </sarcasm>

Oz boffins to polish perfect pair of balls

Weigh my balls.

Here I was thinking that a kilogram was equal to 1 litre of pure water @ 20° C which equals 10 cm³ of water @ 20°C. It's getting worse than imperial measures.

Toyota Prius is not so green, says ads watchdog

Not green at all.

Consider how the batteries are made. The nickel is mined in Canada (at a minesite that has caused so much environmental damage it looks like a moonscape). It is then shipped to Europe for processing, then to Russia for further processing, then onto Japan to be fitted to the car.

Then at 100,000km (or thereabouts), the whole lot has to be replaced. Definately green. The Prius and its ilk are purely designed to make people feel as though they are helping the environment.

Considering that 'climate change' is a purely natural occurence (global warming now, global cooling in a few decades), I can see a lot of people getting their fingers burnt (pun intended) rushing to get 'green'.

Simply put, you could shut every factory in the world and take every car off the road, and we will still have 'global warming', because we cannot control that large nuclear reactor in the sky.

Twitchers in a flap over 'cock' gagging

I'm a bird watcher from...

Scunthorpe. Let's see if that gets past.

Sin City director to remake Barbarella

My tip

Rose McGowan to play the lead role (as she is currently shagging the director,allegedly)

Apple's Jobs urges Gore to run for President

He's going to run anyway.

On the strength of that work of fiction "the convenient lie" he is going to run anyway. Whoever wins between the other two male candidates (Obama and Clinton) will be offered the VP job.

You don't seriously think he was concerned about the environment do you. It was purely to get his profile up, and con the world in the meantime.

Electro-optic film set to foil DVD shoplifters

How about...

Reducing the price of DVD's and CD's so that there is no point (or profit) in stealing/pirating. Get rid of all copy protection so consumers don't have compatibility issues with their legitimately purchased products, and most importantly, how about making movies that are worth buying copies. Just because a movie cost $300 million to make, doesn't mean it's any good.

Mars is caked in patchy ice, say NASA scientists

Enjoy it while you can

Unfortunately, the global warming (bloody humans) that Mars is suffering may put an end to all this ice.

NASA to go into the space business?

Adverts

Morton Thiokol could advertise their o-rings.

Cause of global warming found

Irony?

Why don`t Americans have a sense of humour?

Because they think irony is the same as silvery or coppery.

Canada announces monster solar plant

It's all a con

Global warming is a natural phenomenon caused by a large nuclear power plant in the sky. There is nothing we can do to alter this fact. It is commendable that people are trying to become 'clean and green', but don't go overboard about it.

Taiwan mislays millions of honeybees

And the reason is...

increased solar activity. The same reason we have 'global warming' and 'climate change'. In ten years time, the doomsayers will threaten us with 'global cooling', when the solar cycle drops to a lower level.

IBM mainframe ties the knot with video game chip

SL?

Ease up on 'Second life' guys. Remember it's only for people who don't have a first life. BTW, 'Sadville' is a much better name.

Chinese translation software blamed in racist sofa outrage

I'm in trouble

I'm in serious trouble then. My walls are painted "nipple pink". That's sure to offend more people.

Thunderbird 2 is go

Calender and To Do's

If you want a calender and To Do's simply download "reminderfox". It works in Tbird and Firefox, and is simple and easy to use.