* Posts by Thomas Baker

84 publicly visible posts • joined 30 Jul 2008


YouTube swot beats ambulance to birth

Thomas Baker


With this *fourth* kid she could've just stood over a bucket a la Meaning of Life. "Get that for me will you Deirdre".

Is that what he says when he looks at his wife's quim: "YouTube".

Maybe she calls it: "MySpace"

ASBO woman cuffed over raucous rumpy-pumpy

Thomas Baker


When the defendant was asked how she pleaded she replied: "Ooooh aahh, just there, just there, oh yes, oh yeees, ooooooooooooooooooooorrgh".

The flames of passion.

Pig plague 2.0: Can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'

Thomas Baker

It is surprising...

...that the various western gubmints haven't seized the opportunity to blame it on Iran or Al Qaeda or the Taliban. Very odd. If anything, it lends it more credence but ultimately I agree with Pierre, it's probably a big pharma false flag mission. It's like every kid has ADHD now or some other condition that 20 years ago would've been treated with a clip 'round the ear but now needs copious quantities of meds, and everyone's depressed and needs useless anti-depressants that only induce side-effects but no relief from misery, and they've even got an obesity pill which is truly staggering; can't you just stop eating pie? Cut down on the cake perhaps? More meds, more meds.

There's no news like sensational news, it's the new truth you know. Well done El Reg for showing a bit of restraint and cynicism in a Diogenes kinda-way. Let's wait and see shall we and as someone else said, the human race could do with a bit of a cull and I don't mind dying as long as it's not too painful and is relatively quick.

I have a snotty cold right now too, bugger.

Pirate Bay loses trial: defendants face prison time, hefty fines

Thomas Baker

Throughout this case...

...people have been putting forward cogent arguments and counter-arguments, logical and often well-reasoned posts about how these people should or should not be prosecuted but really they're all a waste of time. There is no law in the world now, can't you all see that? Whoever has lots of money, power, political influence will win, full stop. It doesn't matter if there's no case to answer, no evidence, other rulings that negate the prosecution's case, logic, reason, right, wrong; there is only ever going to be one winner. The judges, the press, the politicians, the police, all work at the behest of large corporations and influential pressure groups, (no points for guessing which particular branch of political meddlers will have supported the big Hollywood studios...and we all know about their global reach and subsequent compliant media whitewash).

These are the darkest days in the history of man, because there is no law now and no means of fighting those who have slowly but surely come to power behind the various puppet governments of America and the UK, etc. You can't protest, you can't organise yourselves as before to form a militia to disrupt and overthrow, you are being watched constantly, your web browsing and emails are recorded and monitored.

There will be a lot of people out there saying "Good! Serves 'em right" and simultaneously saying they haven't got a problem with how the world is going, and nothing to fear if you've got nothing to hide, etc (ah to live a life completely through euphemism) which is bully for them...until the powers that be do something that THEY don't like...or make something illegal that THEY like to do. And they'll turn around and suddenly realise that they too are powerless to stop it or fight it or to argue with law and reason and logic, because it's too late, we're already screwed.


French adhesive workers stick it to Brit boss

Thomas Baker

Sacre Glue.

"Sacre Glue" Classic Reg - should win an award really.

@EdwardP - damn straight!

Never thought I'd see myself type this but we do need some French umbrageousness (new word) and general "Furk Yew" mentality. There's plenty happening this weekend if you're interested in being a bit more like the French, in a good way. Stand up and let them know that it's not OK to assault innocent civilians and then lie about it, and then try and get away with it.


My missus sets fire to English sheep every Sunday. Thank Fender for mint sauce...

Hugh Jackman speaks of Wolverine leak heartbreak

Thomas Baker
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@Scott Evil

Hill hairy arse. Made me chuckle in a nostalgic way. Nice one.

As for Hugh Jackman, as far as I'm concerned he can go fuck himself because of that truly cringeworthy protrayal of a "super-hacker" in Monster. Might not have been Monster but whatever movie Halle Berry gets her puppies out in? Truly, truly, truly embarassing, not the puppies, Hugh's "acting". Maybe it was Swordfish something or other. I dunno, I've deleted it from my brain it was so bad.

Hugh Jackman should never be let on a film set again after that performance. He even snapped-his-fingers-and-danced-a-little-jig-as-he-had-bright-ideas-as-to-how-to-crack-the-graphically-represented-and-not-command-line-encryption-login-screen-algorythm-thingy...shudder.

And talk about re-make, sequel of a prequel of a sub-plot...fug. I've got a migraine.

Hollywood is like the music industry, every day there must be a thousand new ideas, new stories, new writers, new songs yet all they can do is pump out endless mind-slurry that copies and regurgitates old, well-worn non-ideas. I have no sympathy for them.

As for a "serious crime", how can you realistically steal 32nd hand fart gas?

Down with things like that!

UK kiddies cop a righteous tasering

Thomas Baker

@Boris The Cockroach

"Nothing turns a left wing liberal into a reactionary conservative faster than having his house burgled"

Maybe, maybe not, but then surely nothing turns a reactionary conservative into a cautious left wing liberal faster than having a member of your family shot dead on the tube even though they were wholly innocent? Or being baton-charged in a tunnel by riot police for the crime of walking down the street peacefully? Or being arrested with pre-staged video and photographs being "leaked" immediately to the media with much trumpeting/front-page news and use of words like anti-terrorist police, and terrorism, terror, blah, and then subsequently being released three days later with no charge whatsoever, and of course no press; see the nine men arrested on the Viva Palestina convoy in the North West. It works both ways unfortunately, depends which blunt end you happen to be impaled upon.

But riddle me this: How will tazering yoofs stop them or anyone else burgling your house? How will it achieve some better society? Do you think it will instil respect for the police or resentment? Do you think that after a good tazering a person will become a saint or tool up better next time? If there's something that history teaches us over and over again it's that aggression just leads to more aggression. I'm not saying I know what the answer is and lord knows I've lived in some rough towns in my time and have wanted to clobber a kid or two but the reason I haven't is mainly because unless I killed 'em, they'd be back, with mates, the following week.

The use of tazers will result in an escalation of violence not a decrease in crime or an increase in 'respect' for the fuzz. If the police want more respect they need to put a lot of effort into recovering their credibility, they need to be accountable again but simultaneously supported in doing their job. I think the police are over-zealous because for years they've been catching crims and the courts have been letting them go, so they're frustrated and take it out on anyone they can now - but giving them a new vicious weapon can't be the answer to solve that particualr problem. Can it?

Google mistakes entire web for malware

Thomas Baker

Interestingly enough...

It didn't affect IE. Well not for me and anyone else I've seen who posted on various forums. I have Opera, Firefox and Safari and it affected all of them but at the very same time not IE. Strange...

It's long since fixed now though. Perhaps someone forgot to do some testing at Google?

Unlike them.

I thought it was a prelude to the end of the world, perhaps a giant hack from China...but then I do have a propensity for melodrama.

Warning: This site may harm your computer.

Google and the Great Wikipedia Feedback Loop

Thomas Baker

This wouldn't be a problem...

If, as part of the national school curriculum, logic, cross-referencing, debate and general cynicism was taught every day as a lesson with as much importance as say Maths or English. How much crap could a newly birthed adult avoid if they were taught about reading up on things, reading more than one source, reading from often wildly opposing sources, reading up on how that topic came to be shaped the way it is today, etc?

So many of life's pit-falls; crap insurance, credit cards, advertising, the media, politicians, the police, the "truth", are all encountered by a fresh crop of cannon fodder each year as a new batch of teens pogo into adulthood. If only reason and rational thinking were taught in school; logic, scientific scrutiny and general "real life lessons", so many repeated, learned mistakes could be avoided. And when my proposed new adult goes online and gets continuous Wiki pages, he/she would actively look for other pages from different sources so as to get a broader view and thus get closer to the truth. Said person would actively look for the sponsor behind any swervey or newspaper article and treat all new information with a healthy degree of skepticism.

I think this used to be the way schooling was, some time ago, perhaps put across in a subtle way, i.e. through the teachings of Diogenes or something equally Greek and/or abstract, but the principles of discernment were there. We need them back. Won't happen though.

We could all become, instead of a Web 2.0 crowd, a Page 2.0 crowd in that we automatically ignore everything on Page 1 of Google for a week/month/year and as resident-in-household IT bods, tell everyone we know that Page 1 is passé and if you want real information, go to Page 2 onwards. Try to start a trend to avoid all the shopping-price-comparison "Do you want to buy hypothyroidism?" links, or "Buy Israeli War Crimes cheap at eBay!", etc.

Page 2 - ooh it could be the name of a Boy Band / super-pop-sensation-duo!

14-year-old charged with impersonating Chicago PD

Thomas Baker

I sat at home today doing nothing.

I refused to answer the phone when my boss called and wouldn't respond to various requests to work even from my employer. I beat up the paperboy because I'm bigger than he is and because no-one will stop me. I beat up my girlfriend because she protested about something or other. I watched my father murder my next door neighbour because my father gives me money for stuff and so I turn a blind eye. I hacked into all the non-secured WiFi networks on my estate and snooped on all their data, because I could.

However, I too am just this minute being arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Microsoft Songsmith ad trumps Seinfeld shocker

Thomas Baker
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My song.

"I'm singing with my laptop,

I'm making up a song.

I'm in a public cafe,

Searching for some pr0n"

Hacktivist tool targets Hamas

Thomas Baker

StopTheWar website is having trouble too.

May be because of popularity, may be not.

May well be unrelated but it's very very slow and it was down completely for five minutes a few minutes ago. I'm not saying it's anything to do with this article but it is a little odd on a Friday afternoon.

Come on people, rally at 12:30 - tomorrow - Saturday 10/1/09 - Speaker's Corner - Hyde Park - London to protest against the massacre of Palestinians. There were approx 50,000 people last week, lets double that this week and join in solidarity around the world against this murder. What else are you going to do? Watch telly? Don't you feel outraged at this government about something? About this? Show your anger at all the crap that's been happening over the last few years, tell your friends, tell your family, the UK government could do a lot more about this situation to at least bring to a ceasefire if not find a solution.

Don't just sit online, posting on forums, get off your arse and get down to London tomorrow and bring your shouting voices.

And to all those who're gonna stick up for Israel, do a CIA search for Israel and then Gaza and/or Palestine. Look at weapons, army, navy, airforce, etc. It's not what you could say is a fair fight/war.

Currently about 760 dead palestinians and 3,000+ injured vs 4 Israelis dead, maybe a handful more now. If Israel wants to retaliate, why not throw some crappy rockets into fields and poorly populated outskirts just shy of Gaza and occasionally hit someone, not this outright massacre.

I want a peaceful solution ultimately and I don't want anyone to die on EITHER side but this has gone beyond wrong, beyond tit-for-tat, beyond retribution, this is a massacre.

Odd that pro-Israelis want to silence pro-Palestinian press, I'm glad that doesn't happen to the media in the West...cough.

Navy SEALs look to grapple with Brazilian

Thomas Baker
Paris Hilton

I think it's a Chest of Pirates isn't it?

But I could be mistaken.

There's another good place for SEALS in San Francisco: Pier 39 - they should go there, it's not touristy at all...and they'd probably get some free fish. I don't think any of the seals were navy though, more sort of grey/brown. They might feel left out and have their feelings hurt, you know how sensitive those types are.

I'm guessing there'll be no elite forces frmo the UK going to a Brazilian arse-kicking school though as there may be some pay-back waiting...cough.

Paris, because I mentioned chest, arse and fish in one post.

Lunar surveyor satellite ready for launch

Thomas Baker
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You should get an award for journalistic brilliance.

"NASA plans hairy moon rimshot"

Absolute classic.

Poor pensioners falling through DWP data holes

Thomas Baker
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Find out who they are...

...so they can say "No, you can't have any money. Even though you fought/lived through the war, you can die without any heating or sufficient food or any dignity while we throw 50 billion into a large hole in the ground/fund a new database project."

They probably want to find out who they are so they can investigate them for benefits fraud, even though they're not currently gettting any benefits, it won't stop them; the benefit thieves are EVERYWHERE!!!

They also probably want to know who they are so they can say no and thus count it effectively as a saving of benefits.

People called the government they go the house.

Orwellian Apple ad celebrates 25th birthday

Thomas Baker
Paris Hilton

Two things.

1). If a girl looking like that had thrown a hammer like that, it would have hit the guy in row five on the back of the head, somewhat spoiling the effect; unless of course she was Russian, built like a bulldog and with a face like a dropped pie.

2). Tiiiiiiiiiits!

Paris, because she can swing my hammer any time she likes and, um, er, tiiiiiiits!

Attack of the quarter-ton, 'fridge-sized' killer jellyfish

Thomas Baker
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Fluke by Christopher Moore

Read it, it explains all about this.

Reg readers in the dark over extreme porn

Thomas Baker

Much of the art in every gallery in the world then, no?

Lots of naked children, cherubs, etc.

Be interested to know what's done about them.

Where the fuck did the IWF come from too? I've never heard of them before? All of a sudden they've been banning shit left right and centre for years? Not on the internet I've been using they haven't, or at least they've been pretty piss poor about it. They're not elected or chosen or even screened, WTF!?

We need a Differnet™

Teen-bothering sonic device now does grownups too

Thomas Baker

Guide dogs?

Does anyone know if these devices affect guide dogs? If so, there's the reason to ban 'em right there.

McKinnon faithful to stage further US embassy demo

Thomas Baker

There's quite a few comments on here.

From people who have not followed this whole debacle. From people who don't understand that 'standing outside Woolworths in the high street' is not a crime today, so if it becomes one tomorrow, I'm not liable, because I did it today. From people who don't understand what the word 'hacking' means. From people who do understand what 'hacking' means but haven't really looked into what Gary McKinnon actually *did*. You are the fucking idiots because you're doing a Daily Mail knee-jerk. Shame on you. Read up on your subject before commenting.

So, 5th of December, I'm there. And I will be wearing my full bike gear so I can't be tazered. Let's see if we can't come up with something that'll really get their attention too...hmmm.

Alien - because I feel like one among morons who throw out pat lines like: "Don't do the crime if you can't do the crime." Care to look up what the crime actually was?

You're an idiot.


Boss frogmarches bound employee to cop shop

Thomas Baker

Vigilante justice is the only answer.

I've spent a lifetime seeing crims get away with pretty much everything due to recalcitrant plod or worse, lawyers. Very few people get arrested by real plod for anything more than a 'suspected' crime, so the whole,"He wasn't guilty yet" argument is moot. That's why people go to court dont-cha-know. The police don't try them although that does seem to be changing... So quit it with your "They didn't know for sure he was guilty and blah..." - that describes pretty much every arrest in Britain.

As a few people above have pointed out: What will these guys do next time? They'll just beat the snot out of a caught crim. I've seen enough in my time to do the same now. I'm tempted to put a sign up on my house that says: "This house doesn't call the police." - because I know if I do call the police they won't come, not for anything, not for any crime, they can't be arsed. And even if they did come out, they'd find a way of punishing me more than the crim, or they'd let the crim off with some meaningless fine or community service, yet the next time an 80 year-old woman refuses to pay her Poll/Council Tax, they'll be 'round there in force, throwing her in jail. Or God forbid you watch some pr0n or don't pay your TV licence or horror of horrors...SPEED!

If I encounter any kind of criminal in my life I will deck first, ask questions later. There's really no reason not to. What's the alternative? Go through normal channels and hope the police and the justice systems works!? If you believe that, then you must have been asleep for the last 20 years.

It's also interesting in that this draws a parallel with that old biddy on the train platform a few months ago who had a go at a couple of blokes for smoking, a couple of times too. They ended up throwing her off the platfom onto the train tracks and she broke her wrist or something like that. It's odd how there was wide-spread condemnation of the 'thugs' and wide-spread support for the biddy. But really, that too is taking the law into your own hands. There are railway staff and police trained to deal with those situations, trained and authorised to enforce the 'vital' (cough) 'no smoking law' in our public places - then surely if the woman acted out on her own cognisance and confronted the men, she took the law into her own hands and thus must bear at least some of the responsibility for what happened next, i.e. getting hoiked off the paltform. They were only smoking ffs. Interesting to see what kind of porridge they're doing now though...for their crime: Smoking.

You can't have it both ways.

Just to clarify, I think Tony Martin should've been given a fucking medal for shooting that burglar and I think that as the police are generally absent nowadays in most crimes, there's very little choice but for the public to take the law into their own hands, and mistakes will happen but hey, least we won't shoot anyone dead in our zeal...hmm?

You can't advocate the police and the justice system as "The Right Thing To Do" or "The Answer", when they can't be bothered to participate or, when they do, they capitulate on the side of the criminals, i.e. the thief who fell through a warehouse roof in Liverpool and got compensation for the roof being weak, bless him. You're naive in the extreme if you think that solves these kind of issues.

Brits decline to 'think outside the box'

Thomas Baker

Virgin interview.

I once, *accidentally*, went for a job interview with Virgin for a super-techie type-role, and was interviewed by two marketing people. After about 30 minutes I quietly got up and left the room. I had no idea what they were talking about...and of course, neither did they. When you look through a lot of job ads though in the various places you find them, many are written in marketing speak by marketing people, i.e. not by techies who know what skills and experience they're looking for. For me, it's a key give-away that you *don't* want to work for that company as Day One will be a 'Welcome to Paperwork' exercise followed by some kind of 'Orientation' on Day Two, followed by 'Proper Change Control Procedural Nomenclature" on Day Three thru Seventeen, etc. And of course, there will be mooocho PowerPoint. I'm sure you've all been there.

In the immortal words of Jesus: "I'm all like, do you want someone to configure/program/maintain/support your network/website...or not?!"

People called Marketing they go the house.

Snipers - Cowardly assassins, or surgical soldiers?

Thomas Baker
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Cool article as always.

Thanks Lewis. Fascinating.

Counter-terror police arrest Tory frontbencher

Thomas Baker

There is no law anymore.

Anarchy rules in the UK. The police need to have their powers seriously curbed, it's been building up for a few years now. If Cameron is so angry about it, why doesn't he make a manifesto pledge to regress police powers back to pre-2001? Or at least a thorough review and shake-down of all their new powers.

Also, there's no way NuLabour politicos didn't know about this, they almost certainly ordered it. Jacqui Smith, does she have a penchant for shoes because she reminds me of someone...

'Bloody' is an offensive word, declares ASA

Thomas Baker
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Strange how one puritans complains...

...and something is immediately done about it but when 1,000,000+ people march through London they're roundly ignored. There's something up with that. I've often wondered what the criteria for a complaint being upheld are. You could easily syndicate and get say a hundred people to phone/write complaining about something, anything, a picture of a milk bottle for example and ASA or any other 'ombudsman' would dismiss it as spurious. But one person complains about something like this and all of a sudden they leap into action. Why? Is it just that the complainant's views exactly coincide with the censors? It seems so. There are many things way more offensive in our world, many of which are complained about regularly but nothing ever gets done. I find murder offensive, genocide, political lobbying, ah hell, politics in general, corporate gouging. Constantly mis-leading advertising - Experian's *Free* Credit Check adverts, with no mention of limited 30-day trial 'til you're well into the process. As mentioned by another poster, the *unlimited* claims. What about "Pay your taxes all your life and you'll get a police force/NHS/benefits service." Um...if ever there was false advertising that'd be it right there, and I find that extremely offensive.

But one woman gets a bee in her bonnet about the word *bloody* and they put their great nail boots on, walk to the foot of their stairs, and kick our cunts off for half an hour.


People called the government they go the house.

China's richest man disappears

Thomas Baker

Perhaps he's so rich...

...that he bought an invisible man serum or a time machine or went to the Maldives with a floosey and didn't tell anyone. Abducted by aliens mebbe? I think Al Qaeda did it. They're usually to blame. Invade another unrelated country just in case! They moved my car-keys the other day to another desk in the house. Those dang Al Qaedans.

Maybe he just got his coat?

More Tasers for cops: not in London

Thomas Baker

So some people are happy to be tasered?

"Our conclusion to date is that public complaints about the use of Taser are minimal, especially when compared with the number of instances where its use has saved lives or prevented injuries," she said."

So some of those tasered were happy about it? "Oh yeah, I got tasered, it was a fair cop." I think that's right up there as the least spoken phrase in the English language along with: "Hey Jacqui, when oh when can I get my hands on an ID card?"

I always laugh/cry/squeeze-the-desk-in-a-death-grip when I see those kind of stats rolled out. All that stat really says is that only a few people bother to complain. Due largely to the fact that complaining is utterly pointless and will get you nowhere so most people don't bother, see DWP, NHS, IPCC, etc, etc. It's like when they roll out stats about how crime has dropped without taking into account the fact that many crimes now go unreported because there's simply no point in reporting it and all it'll do is affect your house price and put your various insurances up, so it's actually in your interest sometimes to not report some crimes.

Can anyone furnish this forum with examples where a Taser has directly saved a life and prevented injury? I'd like to see that. I'd then like to see multiple examples. I'll not hold my breath.

Have the police ever fired a Taser at a biker? With my jacket which is about four cows thick and my kevlar torso armour, and my lid and various other armour about my person, it would amuse me for them to even try. I think I'd pretend to be shocked whilst staggering towards the offending copper and then when close, clock him one.

I still advocate someone making t-shirts that have fine copper thread interwoven in the material in a grid pattern, which would thus short out the prongs of the taser and render it useless.

And what about people with epilepsy, heart conditions, muscular conditions, back injuries, etc? You could kill someone or very seriously injure them long-term with a taser.

Of course, you could always just shoot them dead. It seems to be easier that way, less hassle.

"Our conclusion to date is that public complaints about being shot to death are minimal...none in fact." - Which surely make it the most popular form of police brutality.

Inmate hacked prison network, broke into employee database

Thomas Baker


"12 years and $250,000 dollars...."

This might be that high because he's a previous offender and seems to have been in and out of nick for long spells already. I honestly don't know for sure but this may not be indicative or typical of what someone else would get for the same type of offence.

But you are right generally, the crimes that do the least damage often are punished much more harshly than generally-accepted horrific crimes where someone is really hurt. See: people going to prison for not paying their poll (re-branded as: Council) tax, speeding - where the odds are millions to one that anyone will get hurt but you can still end up in big trouble and even prison for something that happens every second of every day on almost every road in Britain and yet only a tiny tiny percentage of the time does someone get hurt.

But you can burgle someone's house/car/business property, assault someone, try to kill someone and fail, break into someone's house with a view to continue your stalking of a woman, murder as many people as you like in a foreign country (see: Blair), and it's unlikely the police will even put down their cheese sandwich let alone actually come out and investigate or heaven forbid prosecute. Why bother when new 'criminals' are being caught daily without you having to replace the lid on your thermos?

What with speeders and file-sharers and benefits dodgers, (i.e. often people have to lie to get benefits as telling the truth usually exempts you from qualifying, regardless of the reality of your plight), and 'ultra-dangerous-hackers' like Gary McKinnon, and Charles Menezes...well they've got their hands full with all that, they can't come out if your aunt is assaulted on a bus and has her purse stolen, in broad daylight, on Chiswick high street, oh no...sorry, too busy.


Phisher-besieged PayPal sends users faux log-in page

Thomas Baker

@alexis vallance

"I think all our lives would be better if someone like Google ran ebay and PayPal."

A truly beautiful statement. Even better: Google offering an alternative auction site to eBay, with its own integrated payment gateway. A company the size of Google would be big enough to release a new auction site with enough fanfare to make it instantly well-populated and well-visited, as these are the biggest problems for any other auction startup site. Anyone at google listening? Puh-leeeaase.

Tannoy: Will eBay and PayPal please get your coats.

Smut email hubby claims iPhone glitch

Thomas Baker
Paris Hilton

@Jolyon Ralph

When I first started reading it I thought that some kind blokes had done exactly that, just randomly supported one of their fellow men by planting enough doubt in her mind as to sway her into at least inertia. Alas no. We brothers must stick together, but not literally.

And to echo other posters, if she's reading his email behind his back then she's almost certainly psycho material anyway and needs ditching asap. Best thing that could've happened to him really.

It supports the whole "women's-intuition-is-probably-bullshit" argument in that they're no more intuitive than a Halford's car sponge; they just snoop, pry and scheme continuously and thus know stuff they shouldn't.

Paris, because she has enough money to pay other people to spy on you and your Sent Items.

Follow the Somali pirate scourge via Google mashup

Thomas Baker

Something fishy going on.

With the might of the world's combined navies, and the sheer supremacy of the technology, knowledge, history, experience and weaponry on hand, how is this happening and how are they getting away with it repeatedly? Are you honestly telling me that the US gubmint won't send in Navy Otters for this kind of thing? They've started wars for less. And why, all of a sudden, the media attention? And why this story and not other events, non-pirate related? Always makes me wonder nowadays when a story starts getting picked up by all the press, who's pushing it? Who benefits? Who's agenda is being punted?

So, I reckon this is a prelude to the US wanting to establish military bases somewhere in East Africa, perhaps not Somalia but somewhere close, and in the press the reason will be to "stamp out piracy (yarrrgh!)". But the real reason will be to further strengthen their ability to toss metalwork into the Middle East, just up the road, at a moment's notice.

If various deals and hand-overs in Iraq go down and Obama keeps good on his promise to pull all the US troops out of there soon, how will America keeps its grip on the region? This amount of press looks to me like America laying the groundwork for another large military presence in East Africa thus maintaining their current agenda.

Whenever the MSM punts the "something to fear/fight" card, always look up, into the rafters, beyond the blinding spotlights of sensationalism to see who's pulling the strings.

Some detective or other said it once: Cui bono? This phrase, for me, is applied to pretty much all news I read these days.

Man in goggles, with filtered lenses.

El Reg seeks top net neologism

Thomas Baker


I made it up a while ago.

*Asshat* has always been close to my heart.

Fista - as in Windows Fista - again one of mine, although a common thought that lots of people have also had - perhaps it was a collective subconsciousness thing, or perhaps Fista is just so shit it was inevitable. I hope Windows 7 is called something like Windows Regina or Windows Lucky or Windows Country or something else easily mangleable.

Pie-agra - nothing gives you the horn like a warm, moist pie.

There's probably loads more...

Half Life hacker refused FBI sting bait

Thomas Baker

I sense another suicide on the horizon.

Headline reads: "Alleged hacker found dead in apartment with seven hundred and four bullet holes in him - coroner returns a verdict of suicide."

But in German, obviously.

DoS and distributed hacking tools finally criminalised

Thomas Baker

That's Vista screwed then.

"There is now a new offence of doing anything without authorisation with intent to impair, or with recklessness as to impairing, the operation of a computer."

HTC unwraps 'world's first' WiMax, Wi-Fi phone in Russia

Thomas Baker
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'fast mobile broadband have we'

Cracking stuff. Keep it up. lol

Maradona rubbed from Yahoo! web by Argentinian judge

Thomas Baker

This sort of comment is always interesting...

"It should be noted he scored an additional legitimate goal five minutes later when he took the ball from inside his own half to score, while being fouled by some cheating English twunt."

Whenever I see that twisty turny goal, invariably someone will comment that he's running 'round the England players like they're standing still. From my perspective they pretty much were standing still. They'd had the stuffing knocked out of them by the first goal as everyone on the park knew it was handball. The question is, would he have scored that second goal had he not have scored the first in the manner he did? It's much easier to beat a thoroughly dispirited side. Ask any club that travels to Old Trafford and sees Ronaldo McDonaldo pull some diving/rolling 'round on the floor theatrics, gets a free-kick or penalty and scores. Ask the away team what that does to your morale; you'd just feel that there's no point. You can't beat a fixed game and that's the end of it.

Potentially my granny could've scored that second Maradona goal against England at that exact point in time. Mind you, my granny was ace at footie...she was good at knitting too but that's another story.

US lost Cold War bomb under Greenland ice

Thomas Baker
Paris Hilton

Godzilla - massive thighs, tiny head.

Must've been a British female Godzilla with a body like that.

Paris, because she's not pear-shaped.

Virgin Media wields mighty jobs axe

Thomas Baker

People power, feel my wrath!

I cancelled my Virgin Media Cervixes the other day and now they're laying off a few thousand people. Just goes to show. Don't mess with me. Straw - Camel - Back, you know the rest.

On another note, with regards the internet being locked down, (see Australia and us in other ways), and Virgin Media (one of only a small number of alternatives to a BT-based ISP) about to be run by one man in a basement office with Telnet, isn't it about time some smart cookie came up with a new internet transport?

I hope Wi-Max hurries up and becomes cheaper/more widely available and more potable in terms of lots of different companies perhaps could set up and be responsible for the infrastructure thus making competition better and making them less susceptible to gubmint pressure to hand over data, etc.

Or some other mechanism. Won't be long now before we need a new internet. Encrypted data over radio waves anyone? Get back to the ham days where anyone can send/receive radio signals with minimal kit and know-how. I'm sure it won't work but some other method perhaps exists. We need to wrest control of the internet or a.n.other internet from corporations and gubmint lap-dogs. We need a true people's internet that's connected yet independent. Hmm...

Doctors' authorities probe suspension of mucky-mouthed medic

Thomas Baker

A doctor, being held accountable?

Surely not.

It's funny that either way this ends up a doctor will be slapped on the wrist. "For what?" you say... Prescribing drugs with hideous side-effects? Pushing drugs to patients that they don't want when far better treatments are available but not pushed by big pharam? Medical incompetence in their general practice? Refusing to treat homeless people? No, someone *swore* (ye gads no!) and someone else's feelings got hurt (aaah diddums).

Well I'm glad they're being held accountable for something and I'm glad they've got their priorities straight. What if a complaint for abuse had come from a patient? File 13 at source, never would've seen the light of day let alone the press.

Mines the one without the hippocratic oath in the pocket because really, most doctors in this country wouldn't be able to look at themselves in the mirror of a morning if they'd taken it.

Honda debuts groin-clutching walker exoskeleton

Thomas Baker
Thumb Up

Looks good to me.

Anyone who's a bit older or even anyone younger with a disability, or indeed anyone who's had a serious injury and is recovering could well make use of something like this. Looks like a good idea. Why the mocking? Back injuries and other joint injuries are very common in Britain and probably around the world. If there's some kind of sitting/squatting/supporting machine that's easy to use then bring it on; imagine the help it could give to so many people. How many old people fall over or get injuries from not being able to bend down/support their own weight when leaning over at awkward angles/whatever. This could potentially help them and many more like them and many more besides.

I strongly suspect there will be a wave of derision for this post but really, if Honda have come up with something that gives people a helping hand then let's get the item over here, evaluate it and make it available for people who could really use them. If it does what it claims, it'll be fantastic.

New cleaning products erase murder stains

Thomas Baker


It's conjuring up images. It certainly is.

Test | Test | Test

Bombproof TV rolling-news eco bins target the City

Thomas Baker

If Chris Morris had've written it,

, it might've read:

Bin Bomb Bang Bingo for BlastGard-based Boffins.

...then again, it might not have.

It's all a bit silly really because seeing as any publicly accessible place where people congregate is a target, i.e. most everywhere - and seeing as you could stuff a large rucksack or suitcase with way more explosive and get around any bomb-proof container anyway, what's the point?

There's nothing stopping any terrorist from simply walking down any high street on a Saturday. Putting their rucksack on the floor and walking 'round the nearest corner. Why bother sticking it in a bin? For all the security at airports, what about the check-in queues? They're way before you get to any scanners or security; simply walk in off the street, drop your rucksack outside the loos, walk-in, ten second fuse, bang. Why would you restrict your bomb by putting in a bin? There's often a few thousand people at the check-in queues as opposed to only a few hundred on a plane. If I've thought of this, then they've thought of this too, which means that they either can't make a bomb or the terrorists don't exist. See also, food shops like Tesco/Sainsburys on a Saturday afternoon, cinema queues, concert queues, school playgrounds that back onto a normal street, train platforms, etc. The list is endless.

To be honest the very fact that no-one has been blown up for quite some time is proof positive that the terrorist threat in this country has been massively exaggerated, if not completely fabricated, although now is probably truer than it was five years ago due to government tactics to divide and conquer and persecute pretty much everyone for everything. Along with the multiple media-grabbing arrests over the last five years, with the not-so-noticeable, quiet, out-the-back-door release of lots of "terrorists" with no charges being brought to bear, i.e. a media stunt to prop up the fear agenda.

Ah, the agenda of fear; my old, comfortable friend...

Daily Mail punts Georgina Baillie filth

Thomas Baker
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"...from readers unable to tell their thumb from their todger."

Those small-dicked Mail readers. Tsk.

Icon: Have you seen this todger?

McAfee suspects fingered for $3.8m fraud

Thomas Baker

Released on bail?!

Shit, I'd be on the first pickup truck to Tijuana. No passports or ID shown on the way out don't cha know. Get a realtor round, sell the house for half it's value, sell everything else on eBay, buyer collects from back garden, get a neighbour or friend to help with that, and go live in Venezuela - no extradition treaties there my friend and I hear the weather's lovely. Seeeee ya.

Data Protection the DVLA Way

Thomas Baker

Debt collection agencies...

....will do whatever they want, they are virtually lawless.

I'd been out of the country for many years and one bank was chasing a disputed debt. I got back to the country, moved into a new house (rented) and within a week had a letter from this debt collection agency. I hadn't told anyone, not even the DVLA. The only thing I'd arranged up to that point was Council Tax and maybe my bank. Hadn't registered for voting, hadn't got electricity and gas signed over, hadn't sent my driving licence off, no TV licence,etc, absolutely nothing. Debt collection agencies have their ways and means. I asked them point blank where they got my address from and they said they couldn't divulge that information so I said, have you heard about the Data Protection Act and the Freedom of Information act? I asked for full disclosure of all information they had on me and even sent a small fee I seem to remember. Did I get a result? Did I fuck? And who do you go to to complain? The Data Protection People? Don't make me laugh. It's a sham, an utter sham, the whole business.

Burn 'em - burn 'em all!!!!

Mandelson's dept mulls UK internet power grab

Thomas Baker
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Without too much effort...

...they could've called themselves either BEER or BER (Beyond Economical Repair).


Beeb cans TOTP Xmas special

Thomas Baker

Are the BBC still broadcasting?

How odd.

IT contractor broke law in data raid on playground firm

Thomas Baker

What happened to the solicitor ?

Nothing I'm guessing.

Surely of all people there who should've known better...

But of course as with all solicitors, he probably knows the judge or someone who knows him in turn, bought him a whiskey in his private members club or golf jamboree and all's well on that front.

There's a scene in Backdraft I think it is (parp), where one of the inmates is trying to get parole and he's all nicey nicey to the parole board but then De Niro or whoever the "I know where fire's children go to school" dude was, goes up to him and says something like: "If I gave you the whole world tomorrow, what would you do with it?" - and the guy suddenly can't maintain the act any longer and says: "I'd burn 'em, I'd burn 'em all!!!!" - in a suitably maniacal manner.

Replace the phrase "the whole world" with "the whole world of solicitors" and therein lies the path to world peace and solving pretty much everything that's wrong with this country.

NASA's greatest clanger

Thomas Baker
Thumb Up

I'll take your pint of Landlord...

...and raise you a barrel. Here, here I say. Keep up the good work El Reg.

Speaking clock gets Disneyfied

Thomas Baker

Swearing Fairies!

Is there a website I can look at?