Posts by Anonymous Custard

AI has automated everything including this headline curly bracket semicolon

Re: Dabbs has been told right

Why do we need artificial stupidity when there's such an excess of real stupidity around?

So how about we leave the robo-journalists to write stuff for the robo-commentards and content aggregators to vents their robo-spleens over, whilst the rest of us meatsacks just retire down the pub for a swift pint or six?

Who says there's no positives in progress?

Age verification biz claims no-payment model for 40% of Brits ahead of July pr0n ban

Re: criminals, wrong'uns and law enforcement agencies

I'd wonder in some cases that you can tell them apart...

Re: There's pr0n you have to pay for?

When your missus sees your browser history?

If the thing you were doing earlier is 'drop table' commands, ctrl-c, ctrl-v is not your friend

Re: Social Network?

Somehow I think we're more an Anti-Social Bastard Organisation...

What a meth: Elderly Melbourne couple sign for 20kg shipment of drugs, say cops

Going though my mind...

We regret to inform you the massive asteroid NASA's all excited about probably won't hit Earth

Re: 1/4 mph

Penalty shootout?

If so then we here in England are royally screwed...

As it's my 57th birthday the day after I guess the hangover on Sunday 15th will be apocalyptic, presuiming I get that far one way or another...

Re: Save the date!

Or in the worst case scenario the whole Earth could become one (of debris)...

Are we sure this is an asteroid and not a space station?

Re: It's going to miss?

This was obviously why the Japanese were testing their Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator last week...

Slip-sliding to May: Another Dragon delay and JAXA makes a bigger splash

A kaboom with a view

So the testing of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator worked.

But does the Hayabusa2 now have an unobstructed view of Venus one wonders?

Thank you, your DNA data will help secure your… oh dear, we've lost that too

We've got your back...

He has now worked himself up into a state of terror, worrying that everything he writes here will be recorded, probed and analysed.

Don't worry - we commentards have been analysing and probing everything you write for years.

And as you've survived all that, you should have nothing to worry about from anyone else...

It's an Easter Jesus miracle: MS Paint back from the dead (ish) and in Windows 10 'for now'

Re: Nostalgia?

Likewise it's certainly not nostalgia - resizing, converting to a different format, tidying up things (removing scan speckling, watermarks and other stuff if you just want to include part of an image or screenshot into something).

For those kind of quick and simple tweaking jobs Paint is the perfect tool. Use it on an almost daily basis along with the snapshot tool and screen grabbing and it's served superbly.

But then I guess in this day and age just actually being useful isn't enough if it's not whizzy and fancy, offering all sorts of showy crap on top that gets in the way and no-one actually wants or has a practical use for. But then I'm an engineer and I try not to fix stuff that isn't broken anyway...

Strong-willed field support op holds it together during painful customer call

Well they do say you should always check your sauces...

Mine's the one with the book of awful puns in the pocket.

I've had it with these mother-fscking slaps on this mother-fscking plane: Flight fight sparks legal brouhaha over mid-air co-ords

Re: another wrinkle

That was what I was wondering too, I wouldn't have expected the law in this respect to be vastly different regardless of where it went to trial along the route. Obligatory IANAL statement at this point notwithstanding.

Either that or the defendant is just trying to find a way to keep appealing via the back door until she maybe gets the verdict she actually wants (ie not guilty), although so far it just seems like she'll be racking up legal fees that she needs to pay instead as she obviously is.

Re: Here have a can of worms...

Sadly in this day and age, the absence is far more wide-ranging than just in US law...

A quick cup of coffee leaves production manager in fits and a cleaner in tears

Re: Cleaners...

Although the converse is also true.

During my post-grad days I knew a few professors who, whilst extremely gifted in their particular field, would make you wonder how they actually survived day to day, and if they could manage tasks like boiling water or tying shoe laces unaided.

The trick of course with all people of whatever level or standing is not to prejudge, knowing that a moron will always prove themselves without any need for such prejudice, as will a guru. You just have to let them do so.

One of the best demonstrations of such things (back at my old Alma Mata - Nottingham) was a metal tea tray and the 6T magnet at the NMR building. The thing was wound up to full strength and the tray carefully set up vertically at the mouth of the magnet (in the hole where they fed the patients in).

The technician then proceeded to lean his full weight onto it, and it quite happily supported him, even when he leaned on it to an angle of ~45 degrees or so. Quite an impressive sight to see, given he wasn't the smallest of chaps eitjher (think ~6ft 4 and played for the uni rugby team).

Re: Not cleaner, but definitely a squeaky bum moment

I work with both BCl3 (where we do use it for doping poly and amorphous silicon layers) and ClF3 - and both are indeed "interesting" compounds (in the ancient Chinese sense).

The trick is to make sure ClF3 stays gaseous in the supply pipework. If it liquifies, then it's extremely corrosive, and has been known when encountering bends in the pipe to merrily continue straight onward through the wall of the pipework.

An interesting side-note - due to its behaviour in relation to pressure, one of ClF3's earlier usage cases was in WW2 depth charges...

Re: Not cleaner, but definitely a squeaky bum moment

Arsenic more normally, although always fun when one of the gang supporting them has been out for a decent Italian the night before and the odour of garlic is strong (for those who don't know, Arsine gas smells like garlic).

One we had in the past was when someone forgot to close off one of the valves on the air supply for the respirator systems used. There was a rather loud popping "BANG" from within the little walled-off compound that contained all of the Arsenic tools.

Of course no gas alarm as it was just compressed air, but the look of confused panic in the area of the cleanroom nearby was rather memorable as people briefly wondered what had happened and whether they should leg it given what they heard but without any alarms (before sense prevaled and they did so).

Around those tools (which I have been for over 2 decades) you learn that smells like garlic (Arsine) or rotten fish (Phosphine) should always be respected regardless of alarms. Of course the fact that if you can smell Arsine it's at a strong enough concentration to be a fatal dose anyway, but you try not to think about that.

Re: Cleaners...

Or in some cases, just results in stolen items and stolen bolts...

Re: Toxic waste - Do not enter without protective gear

I guess toxic waste stickers and signs are easier to get hold of these days than "Beware of the Leopard" ones?

Motion detectors: say hello, wave goodbye and… flushhhhhh

Re: "the smartphone will need to install and run a specific scanning app and media player"

From past experience it's normally where the delivery drone has dumped it in the first place for safe keeping so it's dry and protected.

Presumably in a customer service attempt to cut out the middle-man and save you the effort?

Back to your regularly scheduled programme...

To which subject do I return every few weeks, without fail?

Ah yes. Toilets.

Well they do say it's healthy to be regular in such matters...

Apple disables iPad for 48 years after toddler runs amok

Re: Three year olds can't read

Unless you do so in On Call, at which point we'll all just try and out-do you with our own stories in the comments.

MoD plonks down £2m on table in exchange for anti-drone tech ideas

Re: surely

Just blame Kevin Spacey?

Town admits 'a poor decision was made' after baseball field set on fire to 'dry' it more quickly

And then when it does come, it comes to such an extent that you can't get the damn things out of the shed anyway?

Centrica: Server fault on Wednesday caused Hive to crash on the Tuesday. Yes, yes, that's what we said

You can't help but thing the whole thing was still a day or two late, even with their time travelling...

Re: Caused the previous days problem

..and they just let it go?

Let's do the timewarp again...

The press release was probably written by their engineer who was scheduled to call on me a few years back between 1pm and 6pm, and left a card through the door at 11:30am saying there was no-one there and to rebook a new appointment (doubly irritating as I was actually in then too, but there was no knock or doorbell ring either).

Overzealous n00b takes out point-of-sale terminals across the UK on a Saturday afternoon

Re: Scary people in IT

The good engineer learns from his mistakes.

The great engineer learns from other peoples mistakes so doesn't have to make them himself (or herself).

Only the bad engineer makes the same mistake twice, or hides them and doesn't learn from them.

All's fair in love and war when tech treats you like an infant

Also the fun one for those using the weighing technique of when you buy light items.

Most recent one I had was trying to buy a couple of cards from Tesco, which point blank refused to acknowledge that I'd put them in the bagging area and had to call for meatbag assistance, twice.

The resigned look on the assitant's face when he had to come back a second time within a minute rather eloquently expressed his feelings for his demanding mechanical charges...

Unexpected minion in arrivals area...

On the subject of automating things, a special mention needs to be made also of the "self-service" scanners at airport arrivals passport control.

I'm a very regular UK-based business traveller (British passport), and use them all around the world. And they work very well in any number of locations (recently Israel, Italy and France), in fact all except one. Yes, in the last 10 returns to the UK, not once have the damn things worked with my passport and I've invariably been asked to "seek assistance" and so trudge to the queue for the one immigration officer set aside for we poor rejects.

And this is before all the current governmental crap reaches it's sorry conclusion (if it ever will). I'm wondering if we ever do leave whether miraculously it will start working fine again, or if that will be the point Skynet will decide as I seem to spend more time outside the UK than in it recently that I'm locked out permanently...

Bit nippy, is it? Hive smart home users find themselves tweaking thermostat BY HAND

Re: Bah!

Having a by-pass (which from the previous comments it does) and users actually knowing it has one (and how to use it) are unfortunately two entirely seperate items...

Re: Crippled by technology

Thermostats are for wimps. I just throw another log Centrica engineer manager on the fire."

FTFY. Don't blame the poor frontline grunt having to do the work - blame the one sat comfortably in the office overseeing the whole mess.

This is not, repeat, not an April Fools' Day joke: 5 UK broadband vendors agree to pay YOU daily rate for fscked internet

Re: This is not an April Fools' Day joke

Well they did refer to them as service providers in the article, which is verging on an ironic joke all too often.

VP Mike Pence: I want Americans back on the Moon by 2024 (or before the Chinese get there)

Not sure that would go so well with the cheese. Maybe some pickle instead?

Damn, now I've got Tom Lehrer playing in my brain.

Ah well, time to dig out "An Evening Wasted..." again.

Re: Way ahead of you Mikey

Yeah, it's not as if the Chinese have any history with sodding great big fireworks.

Oh wait...

Fake fakery

“Just as the United States was the first to reach the Moon in the twentieth century, so too will it be the first to we’ll be the first nation to return astronauts to the Moon in the twenty-first century,” astroboffin Pence fiercely pledged in conclusion [yes, yes, that's enough non-Fake News the president wants us all to write – ed.] ®

Forget fake or real, it might actually be better first if it made linguistic sense. Or is it just someone at El Reg who can't type, transcribe or edit properly?

Cops use bread and riot shields in desperate bid to contain crazed swan running amok in streets

Re: Bread and riot shields...

Oh how things evolve - in olden days it used to be bread and circuses...

Return of the Glassholes? Relax: Huawei's 'smart specs' aren't Google Glass 2.0

Re: Wearing them wrong

And if it starts going on about pale bulbous eyes, either find a trapdoor to go through (in a barrel if there's a handy one about) or a hobbit to sacrifice...

In, out and shake it all about...

how intrusive it was to insert a camera into the private physical space enjoyed by "friends and lovers".

I'm pretty sure there are many sites around the web where you can find such videos, if that's what floats your boat...

Not quite the Bake Off they were expecting: Canadian seniors served weed-infused brownies

Re: talking to that tree ...

The problems only start when they begin talking back...

'It's full of beer!' Miracle fridge reveals itself to pals tuckered out from cleaning flooded cabin

Re: Since when...

Football (American definition) vs Football (everyone else's definition)

Re: I think I've seen that film...

With a name like that I bet he grew up tough enough to hand out a few (and to be useful in the cabin cleaning task)...

Our Skyborg (actual US govt program) will be just like IBM Watson, beams Air Force bod

I spy strangers...

For the less geekier reader...

Around here? Has someone wandered in by mistake, I don't think we have any such beings in our normal commentard ranks (and proud of it!).

What made a super high-tech home in Victorian England? Hydroelectric witchery, for starters

Re: Archimedes

Because the ZX Spectrum screw or the Commodore 64 screw doesn't quite have the same ring to it?

How many Reg columnists does it take to turn off a lightbulb?

Re: DIY & Fingerprints

I still say learning the lyrics from most of "An Evening Wasted..." was one of the better educational outcomes of my university years.

And over 20 years later I can still join you in a duet of Poisoning Pigeons, although my voice is arguably enough to do it without resorting to any peanuts or cyanide.

Re: DIY & Fingerprints

I think you may be taking the request for the reader to "just fucking let me the fuck in you fucking fucked fuck-headed fucker" a little too literally... :-D