* Posts by Dark Ian

46 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Jul 2008

Internet fraud laundryman gets two years in cooler

Dark Ian
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Natural Selection reincarnate

Let the greedy thick people starve.

Volvo demos automobile auto-pilot tech

Dark Ian

So innovative...

"Each car monitors what the car in front is doing - its distance, its speed and the direction it's moving in - and adjusts its own speed and steering to keep just behind it."

That's what 90% of motorway drivers do anyway, it would seem.

Men lie more in online dating - except about their weight

Dark Ian


This surely means overweight and won't shut up.

Yank walks plank over Liverpool fan email

Dark Ian

Football fans still don't understand how it works

If you make a football club into a PLC, then yes, you can all go and buy a couple of crumbs so that you really _can_ refer to the club as 'we' or 'us' (because, lets face it, all you ever did was turn up in a beer-infested frenzy and shout incomprehendable rubbish from the stands), but it also means that big fat Uncle American can buy you wholesale and chew you out.

If football wasn't a business there wouldn't be ridiculous wages and whatever spend on everything, it'd be a lot lower scale, much like your bog standard village 1st XI. You can't have your cake (or crumbs) and eat it, football freaks. Too bad.

Google sues alleged work-at-home scammers

Dark Ian
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Natural Selection

Good to see it's alive and well. I didn't fall for this scam because I'm neither greedy nor stupid. Perhaps if the idiots in our society can no longer afford to have children of their own, or have to resort to eating them, then we'll have a brighter future.

Manchester journo gets first ID card - late

Dark Ian

Nothing to hide

This gang represent the biggest problem. When their prints or DNA turn up on a fag packet carelessly dropped on a nondescript patch of woodland upon which, the following day, a gruesome murder takes place, they'll be dragged in and questioned for hours. True, they won't have 'anything to worry about' since they're innocent, but our authorities are becoming notoriously good at making peoples' lives difficult before even the intent to commit and offence has been committed.

NASA orbiter returns first shots of Apollo moon sites

Dark Ian

The conspiracy chumps make me smile

I bet they watch Eastenders too, and get angry and emotional about the story line. Why is it that these people need to try and make their lives that much more exciting by wanting to believe in this conspiracy bs? The plain truth is usually just that: plain.

And besides, this isn't about NASA trying to 'prove' anything, it's merely what they've obtained from their mapping photography. As if NASA care that a bunch of crackpots think they faked it.

Kent Police clamp down on tall photographers

Dark Ian

I'm more worried about joe public

We're surrounded by petrified ignorant thickies that'll 'report' anything that they don't like.

Also why did this guy hang around when the plain clothes guys stopped him. I'd have walked off. Sometimes people do themselves no favours and allow themselves to be led. Sure, officers only have certain powers, but it's no good complying with an illegal request and then crying your eyes out afterwards ("Yeah but they would've arrested me..."). People need to be better at knowing their rights and defending them at the time, not afterwards.

Dell accidentally sells 140,000 monitors for $15 a pop

Dark Ian

No 'edge' you arr wrong

This is different. If the supplier does not enter a contract of sale with you after you request an item, then they don't have to sell. On the web with mail order if they haven't taken payment then you can't demand the goods.

Taiwan should do one. How can a fair trading policy advocate taking advantage of an obvious pricing mistake?

Man hooks home into Twitter

Dark Ian

The answer to the World's problems?

I swear people are just looking for excuses to retrofit Tw@tter to their otherwise disinteresting lives. This guy has 'custom' software - why does he need Twitter? Should corporations leave gaps in their software systems so that Twitter can join the party??

Student leader demands lectures be 'put against the wall'

Dark Ian

Ha, "revolution"?!

I bet he has a Che t-shirt and everything. I wonder just how 'revolutionary' his spoonfed £23k/year graduate job will be (if he can find one/have one place in his lap) when he can't bum around with the NUS any longer.

Maybe lectures are so crammed because every kid is encouraged to go to university. The degree as a qualification has become devalued, and it's hardly surprising that now it's turning out that a degree isn't a ticket to a good job.

"Call us old fashioned, but we thought occasional lectures and frequent binge drinking were the whole point of University."

That's more accurate. It means that the sorting of the wheat from the chaff at exam time is more effective.

Gordon 'to sacky' Wacky Jacqui

Dark Ian
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Excellent news

More of this please.

Although, who will be next? No doubt it'll be the same old story time and time again.

Websense blocks Bing in IM snafu

Dark Ian


Our last filtering system prevented us accessing eBay, but allowed most personal sites and blogs to be accessed. Now suddenly our IT stazi bring in Websense and eBay is allowed but just about everything is blocked, including useful coding websites, etc.

Still, at least I can spend time shopping for cheap tat, and of course still get on here.

Welsh mum amazed by Marmite Messiah

Dark Ian


A great reason to become religious. Because let's face it, if Jesus wants to make his presence known, he's going to do it through Marmite.

The only surprise here is that they haven't (yet) tried to sell the lid on eBay.

250kg Russian drops healthy 2kg sprog

Dark Ian

16 years to find a way in

Dedication right there.

Taxpayer coughs for AOL Connie's flat

Dark Ian


Mr Willis may indeed have made claims 'by the rules' and 'in good faith', but there's no denying that these rules suck. Why should the taxpayer front the redecoration of two properties? What stinks here is that MPs are working within the rules in a manner that they can profit. They probably think they're doing nothing wrong because all their mates are at it too.

It's boring, and it has to stop forthwith.

Charges against London tube tourist snapper thrown out

Dark Ian
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As usual, nothing achieved...

As with many things, whilst it's always convenient to blame cops and politicians, often easily-influenced and hysterical members of the public also cause as many problems. And so now we live in a culture where people fear being photographed despite the fact there's suveillance everywhere.

And I'm not talking the fat ugly miserybag in your company's finance department who refuses to have her photo taken for her work ID card. No, I'm talking your "Oh no, he must be a paediatrician [sic]!" flustered parents, regardless of the fact that the kid probably wasn't the sole 'subject' of the image.

The only time I took photos on an underground train, the Paris Metro, the only person who interfered was a guy who insisted he should be in one of them, and stood grinning madly in front of me while I took it. Upon checking the picture on the LCD, he seemed happy enough and went and sat back down!

People in this disappointing country of ours need to lighten the f'ck up, and stop believing that everything is so dangerous and out to get them. I thought this was why we had dramatic sitcoms, so that those with boring lives could live 'by proxy' through the make-believe existences of others. Perhaps Corrie or EastEnders should introduce more terror-related storylines to keep these drama-mongers content while the rest of us just get on with our own lives.

iPhone users to walk and read at same time

Dark Ian


Nice to see Kanye West posting here. Any chance of a Twitter feed, rudebwoy?

Anyway, yes, this is surely a bad thing. It'll just encourage the drones to continue clogging up our pedestrian highways. Too many times I come across people blocking stairs and doorways, usually after they've ground to a halt. I make a point of brushing hastily past, causing them to momentarily wake up, blink hard and look around.

Other zombies can be seen haphazardly shambling along the pavement, bouncing between lampposts and annoyed pedestrians, their mobile of choice (not usually an iphone though) apparently guiding them towards some kind of pre-defined fate (trip, smash and compo claim, probably).

Actually, I have an iphone but won't be downloading this. I bought a Shuffle too because it's more convenient when on the bike/running/etc. Both are excellent for blocking out idle pedestrian chitchat, which is usually provided by overdressed A-list wannabe workbints bitching on about how Julie from accounts has no style, whilst carrying their own phone in a cocked hand, handbag suspended from the elbow, half-smoked fag smouldering away in the other claw.

Out of the way, squares!

Kettering to London: 18 hours by rail, bus and pack mule

Dark Ian

@AC 10:15

It's 295 miles via the considerably long and winding route proposed by the rail operator. Look, it goes via Crewe.

The usual journey to London from Kettering takes about an hour by train.

So wind your neck in.

Home Office to keep innocent DNA samples

Dark Ian

What a sham

"If you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about having your DNA on the database."

This is a terrible attitude, and one I've seen quite a lot of from commentards on the Beeb HYS facility. I think people like this would think differently if their DNA turned up coincidentally at a crime scene and they were put 'through the mill' in an aggressive, intrusive and embarassing fashion. In fact, these days just reporting a crime to the cops can get you a whole load more trouble than you bargained for.

Leaving the specifics of this issue aside, the 'trend' is far more worrying. ID cards, DNA, fingerprints, biometric data, email and text message records, etc, etc - where does it end? How long before you show up connected by sheer coincidence to organised crime groups by mutual friends, and then get hauled in suspected of this that and the other?

Fundamentally we're not solving anything. The gov is trying to push on us things we don't want, with thinly veiled 'benefits' on offer, usually at financial cost to us, and that's before you weigh in the civil liberties.

Sadface, because I'm so fed up with the blinkered brigade who won't see the bigger picture, and who will end up coughing up enough misguided votes to push us past the point of no return.

Windows 7 — It’s like Vista, only less annoying

Dark Ian

Copying files...

I wonder if this Windows release still does that infuriating thing when you're copying a large folder tree to a new location, and one bad file is found and the whole process is stopped - there's no 'Skip this file?' dialog box.

Still, I didn't buy Vista, and I doubt I'll buy this. XP does everything I need from an OS at the moment.

UK graduates face bleak future as teachers

Dark Ian
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I agree with jason

Too many people receive degrees now. I finished what was regarded as a fairly difficult course a few years back, and to be honest anyone with the ability to learn past exam papers could've got a good grade.

My overall impression of a lot of students then (when I was one) and now is that there are lots of 'spoon feds' who just seem to expect a 'career' handed to them.

A lack of jobs isn't a bad thing. It means more competition, and so the better ones will get the employment. Half the grads that start working where I am now are useless for the first year, because they still think it's clever to go drinking three nights a week and need everything spelled out to them because they're still in spoon-feeding mode.

A degree shouldn't be seen as a guaranteed job, it should be seen as a £15k gamble. And I'm not going to sympathise with high student debt - I owe £12k, and they don't collect if I'm unemployed. What's to cry about?

And don't get me started on pointless degrees like Egyptology and all that...

Pig plague and Twitter: The terrifying truth

Dark Ian
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Ad nauseum

Literally! But seriously, another clusterfuck as the spoon-feds stir themselves up into a frenzy of panic. This is like a Hindu stampede on a global scale.

Besides, we need thinning out.

Oh, and this is funny... http://xkcd.com/574/

US Navy unveils superconductor 'cloaking device' destroyer

Dark Ian

Predictable Philly comments ahoy!

Mine's the one fused into the steel bulkhead.

Police, Cameras, Inaction!

Dark Ian

Bacon boys mess themselves again, eh?

It seems apparent then that no matter how many complaints are lodged, newspaper stories published and mentions this issue gets in parliament, vigilante cops are still abusing their authority.

To some extent countering this relies on the photographers themselves. Deleting the photos for the copper and then coming up with some smug forum/Flickr comment about how clever it is to have file recovery software is a common own-goal. All the time people give in to these cops, the problem will persist. It should be remembered that they cannot make you delete photos and cannot confiscate your equipment without having good reason. If you allow intimidation to have it's desired effect, we all lose. Know your rights, defend them.

Of course with all these stop and search powers, etc, and the allowing of cops (and more worryingly PCSOs) to use their interpretation we're fighting a losing battle. As this article so rightly points out, it's only thanks to passers-by that we have evidence of some of the even more disturbing violence surrounding protestors, photographers and the like. I'm not anti-Police, anti-establishment, anti-Capitalist, I just think that the trend here is very disturbing. Where is it going to end?

Mines the one with the plane tickets in the inside pocket.

Playboy TV offers 'Jacq off' special package

Dark Ian

I agree with Ms Bee

(hey that rhymed!)

Those Gov petitions are just a ruse. They make web clowns think they're being listened to. After the service went live (they probably used the term 'rolled out') they were popping up everywhere for everything.

Waste of time.

BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff

Dark Ian

I love the way he only stopped when he actually drove into a fence

Once I was 'recovered' when my car broke down (no satnav involved at this point), and the pick-up driver insisted on driving from Coventry to Manchester via Birmingham, because the satnav didn't have the M6 Toll on it (allegedly) and he 'didn't believe there was another way to Manchester'. Clearly the road signs were lying. (Perhaps it's because of how easily duped many of us are by what's written on a screen that we believe our lovely Fisherprice-coloured XP 'desktops' are all rosy and good, and not in fact loaded with spyware - an additional IT angle for you there)

Of course a good experiment for the reader would be to 'hack' their friends'/enemies' satnav devices so that they 'insist' the owner carry out a range of hilarious activites, from messing themselves after a particularly heavy vindaloo to ramming all 'I must drive at exactly 40mph everywhere' drivers.

Minister admits thought crime is on the agenda

Dark Ian

Pipe to pipe bushmen

So, parents, if you see a dodgy looking character hanging around the kids' park with an etch-a-sketch, be afraid.

Screeching rails close London Tube station

Dark Ian
Jobs Halo


And just what was Stephen rushing home to? Eastenders and the sofa probably. Why is that commuters get so anxious and upset when their routine is broken? I rode the Tube immediate before and after the bungled 21/7 attacks, and it was a real adventure! Something different for a change!

Jobs, eh?

Vulcan appeal in emergency tin-rattling

Dark Ian
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I did donate but...

"in these uncertain financial times, can somebody explain to me why this is important?"

And what is important? Every week just as many people seem to be in the shops and bars, spending money on the usual tat. Imagine every single one of them gave the price of the pasty they're about to ram down their fat gullet or the cost of a pint to a fund like this?

Donations to charity should be given as and when the individual decides, which is why I'm not keen on the Oxfam/AI/etc vest-wearers trying to pounce on shoppers, as if we somehow need guilting or talking into making a commitment.

But this is a bit different - whether you like the aircraft or not, whether your dad flew one and hated it or even if your mum got her first portion from a pilot behind the hangar spread out on the port wing - it doesn't matter! We're not going to be producing many more interesting things in this country so how about preserving what's left? Doesn't take much to help a dedicated group of individuals in their hour of need.

And £50k is hardly a lot. That's, what, a penny from each resident in Greater London? Why are people so adverse to working together for things these days?

Ford shows off e-van concept

Dark Ian

40 everywhere

"Don't worry, in 20 years the maximum highway speed will be 40 mph, thereby reducing fuel consumption by 50-60 percent."

It already is for my commute. Even on the straightest rural sections of the single-carriageway A-road at least half the drivers (often in brand new cars) insist on driving at exactly 40mph all the time. Curiously they don't slow down for the 30mph limits.

Dark Ian

Zero-emission technology?

A lack of carbon dioxide emissions from the vehicle itself does not make this vehicle 100% green. How can they put 0g/km CO2 on the back of it?

Etailer flogs signed Jade Goody biog for £1,000

Dark Ian

Where's your self-re-cocking-spect?

What the hell are they doing, changing the donation to 100% of the sale price! That's preposterous! I suggest they withdraw the auction at once, dispatch the tea boy to finish Her off with a shovel and then relist.

This is just pathetic. A bit of bad publicity and they screw it all up. As pointed out above, everyone else (including the 'victim') is screwing every quid they can out of this - why should we stand back, hats in hand pretending to look sympathetic when we could be cashing in too?

Pass it quick - I'm off to buy some perfume...

Dark Ian


"She has no dignity. She is exploiting herself for cash and we are only doing the same. We are not doing anything illegal."

Exactly. Goody has made a life for herself by doing exactly that - exploiting herself for cash. Quite why the country sees her as such a heroine is beyond me. People suffer tragic deaths from terminal illness every day, and many show bravery and dignity in equal measure without having it voluntarily plastered across the news (for cash).

In fact, I'm fed up with seeing her face plastered across the papers every morning, when dying WW1 vets hardly get a mention. And no doubt when she's popped it we'll have all that Diana-esque stuff about her being 'so beautiful' and all that bollocks.

Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog

Dark Ian

Why not?

Many will complain about this, others already complain about the very high charges for breaking the 15kg baggage allowance (there's that whole debate about fat people that could be unleashed here, but perhaps that'd be clouding the issue) and the expensive food items (charged the same in Sterling and Euros last time I flew).

What customers have to remember is that by making lots of things that come as standard 'optional' they can keep the flight prices down. Despite oil prices and all the financial gubbins going down, I've always found budget airlines to be just that. And all the time Ryanair are prepared to ferry me to France and back for barely more than £50, they're welcome to charge for the extras.

Aside from which, if you can't get used to the idea of having a slash before you fly and keeping the rest in until you land, then you probably shouldn't be flying.

iPhoney nano found, tested in Asia

Dark Ian

If someone could knock up a decent OS...

...they'd be away. Aside from the b'llocks looking UI it seems an 'ok' bit of hardware.

Teen sacked for 'boring' job Facebook comment

Dark Ian

Screw Facebook...

...I just mouth off in the office about how shit it is. And here of course.

The little tyke needs to learn to make herself at least mildly indisposable, so that perhaps they'll give it some thought before sticking in the boot.

But now it's done... yes, she could do the whole photo on a night out thing to get him back, and if that doesn't work finish him off with a shovel.

UK kiddies cop a righteous tasering

Dark Ian

"But what about the kids?"

I say tazer the lot of them. We should organise van loads of armed officers (they can have a bright yellow van if it helps) to be dispatched to problem areas. The van doors burst open, the officers are deployed and begin a ruthless tazer fest, targeting yobs and drug peddlers.

Gadget-buying Taliban 5th column in Blighty - shock!

Dark Ian


It's Maplin, unless you have IASS - that's Involuntary Additional S Syndrome.

Woolies Pic'n'Mix goes for £14,500

Dark Ian

Weight or volume?

At one point Woolies stopped selling by volume (i.e. the see how much you could cram into one of the two different sized paper cups) and reverted to weight only. Some stupid bint replied to my email of complaint quoting something about the weights and measures act. I say they deserved to go bust on account of that alone. Plus my local always got clogged up with SOBs (scowling old bags) which is never good.

Romeo 419ers take Canadian women for $300k

Dark Ian

Cruelly cheated?

Natural selection is having trouble getting through with today's H&S bs. Perhaps now she'll starve to death, or she's lucky someone will find her beforehand and finish her off with a shovel.

Good luck to the 419ers - they're simply using Western technology and social engineering to destroy fat greedy Yanks.

Dark Ian

People are no longer encouraged to take responsibility for their actions

"They took my life, basically"

No, they asked, you gave away. This does not make you a 'victim'.

Twitter breaks Jam Festival record

Dark Ian
Paris Hilton


The 'FAIL' image in the article said target 20,000, not 1m. You can't be any clearer than that.

Enough times people see what they want to see and disregard the rest, i.e. confirmation bias. Whilst it could be argued that the author presented the situation in a way that reflected his own opinion of Twitter, there's no denying that lots of people have similarly chosen to only extract from the story those facts and figures which reinforce their countering arguments.

In short, this article has made a mockery of those people, because anybody with half a brain can see the point the story is trying to make, whether they agree with it or not.

Dark Ian

That's a pathetic amount of money!

You could raise more money auctioning dogs!

3 days on: The iPhone users still to make a call

Dark Ian
Paris Hilton

Problems for existing O2 customers

Apparently the only reason my handset can't be handed over is that the system that allows the guys in the store to check that I'm eligible for an upgrade isn't working. Perhaps it'd be easier if I just phoned O2 now, cancelled my old contract and started a new one.

I'm choosing Paris, because this, like her, is just pathetic.

O2 buckles under 3G iPhone demand

Dark Ian

The saga continues...

I queued from about 6.30am yesterday, reasoning that getting up a few hours earlier and talking to some strangers wasn't going to traumatise me. I couldn't give a damn about being first with the device, but didn't want to endure the uncertainly of when I would ever get hold of one. Although it would seem that's now unavoidable...

Entering the store sixth in line, my form was filled out and the device appeared, boxed up and fresh, awaiting activation. But then the inevitable 'system crash' meant my upgrade couldn't be processed. After about half an hour we were told our forms would be taped to our phones and them locked away, which was a relief. Some stores I believe just turned customers away empty handed.

Today (Saturday) I had a call to say the system still isn't working properly here, so it'll probably be Monday when I collect it at the earliest. On the plus side, all the staff in the branch were competent and dealt with the problems in a professional manner - I was quite surprised, to be honest! Leaving at about a quarter to nine, I have no idea of the fate of the remaining 50 or so queue members, but they weren't there when I went past at about 10am.

But still, quite why O2 hadn't forseen this I don't know. Perhaps it's just as well they only had such a small number of phones for sale - at least now they can prop up the 'no i-phones' boards outside and not have to endure frustrated customers.