* Posts by TheProf

1115 publicly visible posts • joined 25 Jun 2008

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Instagram star gets 11 years for $300m email scam plot

TheProf
FAIL

Bang 'im Up

I'd give him an extra five years for using the hardly aspirational footwear brand as a username.

Xiaomi reveals bonkers phone with bolted-on Leica lens that will make you look like a dork

TheProf
Unhappy

Re: "1-inch image sensor"

Oh! Now you sucked all the fun out of it.

Singapore to phase out checks for businesses by 2025

TheProf

Re: Spell checker, not cashing a cheque

"Did you miss the article where was stated that El Reg switched to US English spelling overall?"

Yes.

How I made a Chrome extension for converting Reg articles to UK spelling

TheProf
Headmaster

Optional

I fort the koala-tea of spelin ad gone dawn a bit an noow eye no wy.

Off cource u shud panda two th' masess. Yur a bizzness an hve too mak a scent or free. Spelin is difucult an jus coz it mackes mi brian hrut dunt meen u shundt pleeze de moist poople.

I luk fword too usin ur Crome extenstion an ope itll mack fings on ur sigth mutch ezier tu unnerstand.

Amid losses, Uber driven to become advertising network

TheProf

Ha ha no

If I can put up with your shitty music you can live with my shitty advert diarrhoea.

NASA OKs spacewalks, upgrades helmets after fishbowl mishap

TheProf

Cheap TV

I'll have to re-evaluate my opinion on those cheap SF films and TV shows where the astronaut's visor was covered in condensation.

I used to put it down to poor ventilation in the props but now it seems they were totally accurate all the time.

In space no-one can hear you drown.

No, working in IT does not mean you can fix anything with a soldering iron

TheProf
Facepalm

printer has started speaking French

Not my printer but my cheap Bluetooth headphones* have started speaking a Far Eastern dialect.

So far no luck with various button combinations bringing it back to heavily accented English.

Maybe attacking with a soldering iron might help.

*Blitzwolf AA-ER1. And the only words it says are 'power on' and 'power off'.

Google kills off Stadia

TheProf

I've tried streaming Xbox games and on the whole found them not too bad. Much better than a long wait to download a game and then discover that I didn't like it.

But yes, not the best way to play fast action games.

Don't say Pentium or Celeron anymore, it's just Processor now, says Intel

TheProf
Facepalm

Title says it all.

No it doesn't.

It says "Monumentally STUPID IDEA"

No, Apple, you may not sell iPhones without chargers

TheProf

Yes, really

You must be a youngster!

As a child I can remember seeing bare wires on new electrical goods.

Then there was the scramble to find a screwdriver and something that could donate a plug until a new one could be bought. (Because the brown coat wearing shop boy would ask 'do you need a plug for that?' and the reply was always 'no, I've got a spare one at home.')

TheProf
Facepalm

It's not just about you

"Why on earth I would need an extra power supply while I already have (a) the old one and (b) many devices with either USB-A or USB-C format ports is beyond me"

Good for you. You don't need to add to the mountain of unwanted chargers. You can send one to the bloke in Brazil who's just decided to replace his decade old Nokia with its propriety charger.

Former Microsoft UX boss doesn't like the Windows 11 Start menu either

TheProf

Adverts

There are adverts in Windows lock screen?

I can honestly say I've never seen one. (And yes I do use Windows.)

Google Play to ban Android VPN apps from interfering with ads

TheProf

Sideload

" prohibit Android VPN apps in its Play store"

If I sideload a VPN app will it work or are Google going to 'tinker under the hood' and stop VPN access full stop?

If I have to watch ads while using the Scrabble Go app then I'm ditching Scrabble Go.

We were promised integrated packages. Instead we got disintegrated apps

TheProf
Joke

Ah, Grasshopper

"I can turn off 6 smart bulbs buy pushing a rocker.

They are wired to the 32A circuit.

The rocker on the 5A.

The wireless remote above my bed does this also."

Worst Haiku Ever

NASA selects 'full force' for probe into UFOs

TheProf
Alien

Re: Is it neccesary?

"If there was something to be seen, it would be on video by now."

Well your puny human mind would jump to that conclusion but we, err, them aliens have cloaking devices, sensors to detect and evade recording devices and a map of every camera on your, err, the planet.

Also humans are easy to fool. 'Look over there! A elliphunt!!'

Janet Jackson music video declared a cybersecurity exploit

TheProf
Joke

Vibrations

"the song isn't actually that bad."

Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?

TheProf

Re: Lay off Janet

I saw her on 'Top Of The Pops' last, err, 2004?

Scientist shares spicy pic of 'James Webb' discovery

TheProf

A link to this would have been appreciated

Klein went on to share a James Webb image of the Chariot Wheel galaxy

(Unless I missed it in the article. In which case I'll book an appointment to see my optician.)

Enough with the notifications! Focus Assist will shut them u… 'But I'm too important!'

TheProf

* Have schedules for time.

All I can hear is the whoosh as that one passes over my head.

I paid for it, that makes it mine. Doesn’t it? No – and it never did

TheProf
Joke

Britannia

If you like Britannia you'll absolutely love Chelsmford 123 on All4 (free) or BritBox (fee)

Mars helicopter to take a breather, recharge batteries

TheProf
Joke

In that case....

Anti-static grounding straps. £10 from Amazon. Buy two and get free delivery to Mars. Although you'll have to be in when the delivery man arrives as they don't have a locker on Mars. Yet.

First steps into the world of thought leadership: What could go wrong?

TheProf
Unhappy

The Music Video

I watched about 30 seconds of the music video but felt it was a little bit NSFW.

And I'm at home!

Oh right. LinkedIn. I signed up for it but only because a friend needed a bit of a boost in the numbers department. They never did pay me the £5 they promised.

Record players make comeback with Ikea, others pitching tricked-out turntables

TheProf
Megaphone

Large. Unsightly

" records coming from new artists like Adele, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish."

New artists? Adele's first release 2007. Swift's 2006. Hardly new artists. Eilish's recording career stretches all the way back to 2017.

And isn't the vinyl revolution being lead by the likes of Fleetwood Mac, Oasis and Pink Floyd?

shorturl.at/ntFR0

shorturl.at/bjwAR

Anyway I only came here to say that the Ikea turntable is an ugly looking lump.

Spam is back with a vengeance. Luckily we can't read any of it

TheProf
Facepalm

Proton Mail

My Proton Mail account was new. The only people who had the address were Proton, myself and 1 other person.

I got spam in the first week.

Start your engines: Windows 11 ready for broad deployment

TheProf

New Laptop

I bought a new laptop a month or so back and it came with Windows 11.

It took a few tries but using Classic Shell and Winaero Tweaker I've managed to get it looking like my Win 10 machine.

I miss the Notifications thingy from the far right of the taskbar and Task Manager now means pressing WinKey+X and a mouse click. But on the whole I'm getting used to it. Only software I'm having trouble running is Darktable photo workflow. And that could be a hardware problem. My old machine was picky with certain USB sticks.

My only complaint is about the laptop trackpad. Whose idea was it to put clicky buttons under the trackpad surface? It's crazy! Go to click an icon and the pointer moves.

Still I'm pretty impressed that a £400 laptop with Iris XE hardware can play Tomb Raider (Square Enix version) at 60fps!

Voyager 1 space probe producing ‘anomalous telemetry data’

TheProf
Alien

Aliens! Petite rouge ones.

Lister: Oh God, aliens... Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it? You lose your keys - it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall - it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens as well!

Crooks steal NFTs worth '$3m' in Bored Ape Yacht Club heist

TheProf

Tank Girl

Just waiting for Jamie Hewlett to sue them for ripping of his artwork.

Robots are creepy. Why trust AIs that are even creepier?

TheProf
Terminator

Robot Barman

Apart from the flailing 'Danger, Will Robinson, danger!' arms it's just another Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser.

Can it make a cup of tea?

Review: Huawei's Matebook X Pro laptop is forgetful and forgettable

TheProf
Happy

Re: Stop messing with the Function keys

F7? It's one to the left of F8. You can't miss it.

Cybercriminals do their homework for latest banking scam

TheProf
Joke

FBI

Is this the same FBI that are going to give me $10,000 million dollars that someone found in an aircraft hangar in Dallas?

I think someone should check their documents very, very carefully.

First rocket launch from UK soil now has... a logo

TheProf
Alien

Well Done

Well done to Callum. Designing a logo for anything is difficult; just look at the terrible designs produced by 'grown up professionals'.

Further congratulations are surely due to Callum for confusing any aliens that might come across the discarded bit of rocket his logo is on. They'll never find our planet with it's ice beard disguise.

(On a personal note: I hate competitions of this sort. Why isn't there NEVER a category for artistically inept old duffers? Not that I'd enter, I just don't like the discrimination.)

The month I worked for DEADHEAD: Yes, that was their job title

TheProf
Facepalm

Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

Oh that's the joke.

Putin. I did wonder.

(Slaps Jean Luc Picard like forehead and promises to pay more attention in class. Also promises to try harder when doing the Thursday quiz on the Guardian website.)

In the graveyard of good ideas, how does yours measure up to these?

TheProf
Joke

Strangely, Hedgehog

Wasn't "Strangely, Hedgehog" one of Peter Seller's more obscure films from the late '60's?

Co-stared one of those European gamin wide-eyed dark-haired-pageboy-styled-cut actresses. And Roy Kinnear.

The Human Genome Project will tell us who to support at Eurovision

TheProf

Re: American Song Contest aims to tap Eurovision formula

Not a fan of Wogan? That's at least two of us then.

Proprietary neural tech you had surgically implanted? Parts shortage

TheProf
Mushroom

LR44

How on earth did you manage to get one of those damp fart squib cells to explode?

Govt suggests Brits should hand passports to social media companies

TheProf
Devil

I'm A Celebrity......

Say what you like about Nadine Dorries but she does have an impeccable technical background.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nadine_Dorries

A tale of two dishwashers: Buy one, buy it again, and again

TheProf

Kettle lead length 1m.

1st reviewer: 1* The kettle lead is too short

2nd reviewer 1* The kettle lead is too long.

TheProf

Ethan Hunt

Rhyming slang?

Yer actual Proper TV IMF man is Jim Phelps.

AI-created faces now look so real, humans can't spot the difference

TheProf
Big Brother

Trouble

I have trouble spotting fake faces.

The papers (real or online) are full of 'celebrities' that I don't recognise and I'm sure most of them are synthetic.

The one called Rylan(?) is obviously a fake. That painted on beard and the 'Banana Splits' teeth. Not going to fool anyone.

But for the rest everything is so instagram filtered and tweaked it's difficult to tell which is which.

Users sound off as new Google Workspace for Education storage limits near

TheProf
Facepalm

Google Workspace for Education storage limits

For some reason I've got Ike and Tina Turner's 'Nutbush City Limits' running through my mind.

Hardware boffin starts work on simulation of an entire IBM S/360 Model 50 mainframe

TheProf
Joke

TMMM

TMMM?

Teenage Mutant ? ?

Epoch-alypse now: BBC iPlayer flaunts 2038 cutoff date, gives infrastructure game away

TheProf

Re: A fix for this

The BBC's TV content may not suit you or myself but I belive there are one or two other people who rely on the BBC for local news and dancing and sewing programmes. As much as 'we' dislike them talent shows and soap operas are the current staple of British TV.

For a corporation that has seen it's income gradually reduced by the culture wrecking party it's still managing to turn out a few watchable shows. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but it is bloody popular.

Imagine that future where every terrestrial TV channel is showing programmes interrupted every 10 minutes for adverts for food delivery services and on-line bingo companies.

TheProf
Facepalm

A fix for this

The Tories are on this and come 2038 nobody will have to worry about accessing anything biased on the BBC.

Developer creates ‘Quite OK Image Format’ – but it performs better than just OK

TheProf

Losslessy

I'm all for 'losslessy'.

Probably.

What does it mean?

Confirmed: James Webb Space Telescope team plans launch for this Xmas Eve after data cable fix

TheProf
Headmaster

What?

Johnston! Stand in the corner and contemplate on your comments.

When you're ready to apologise to the class you can re-join the human race.

Huawei's AppGallery riddled with malware-infected games

TheProf

No the Huawei App Gallery exists to make money for Huawei.

It sit, lonely and unused, alongside Google Play on my Honor phone.

The ideal sat-nav is one that stops the car, winds down the window, and asks directions

TheProf
Coffee/keyboard

Siili Auto

Oh come on. Nobody is going to call a company Silly Auto.

And what's with the "every day billions of people are using smartphones naturally with their thumbs" claim?

I use my finger to poke and caress my phone screen. Phone held in left hand, right index finger doing the pointing and clicking bit.

Aren't phone too long these days for thumbing the keyboard. Won't they just tumble out of your hands? Could explain the number of texting-teenagers with shattered screens I see.

Amazon tells folks it will stop accepting UK Visa credit cards via weird empty email

TheProf
Joke

Then why post?

It's all part of life's rich tapestry.

My! I just added another irrelevance myself.

In the '80s, spaceflight sim Elite was nothing short of magic. The annotated source code shows how it was done

TheProf
Mushroom

Joysticks

I bought the official analogue joysticks just to play this game.

Didn't quite make Elite status before the end date to get the Elite badge so I have the shameful 'silver' medal.

Later versions lack the charm of the flickering wireframe original spaceships.

>>Thargoid bites space-dust.

Remember SoftRAM 95? Compression app claimed to double memory in Windows but actually did nothing at all

TheProf
Holmes

Apple Store

Wait a minute...........

If iOS sandboxes apps, why are antivirus apps even available from the Apple store?

Anyone shouting 'money!' is just being a cynic.

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