* Posts by TheProf

1064 posts • joined 25 Jun 2008


All I want for Christmas is a delivery address that a delivery courier can find

TheProf Silver badge

Re: Oh dear

Me too.

Currently watching one episode a week. Just like when TV ruled the earth.

Checkmate next. Can hardly wait for Sunday evening.

Get real: Say what you like about your app but don't be surprised if I trollsplain

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"I especially like your early, funny ones."

How not to train your Dragon: What happens when you teach an AI game sex-abuse stories then blame players

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Re: Four Watermelons

Fork 'andles. Handles for forks.

Telegraph newspaper bares 10TB of subscriber data and server logs to world+dog

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Yes. Yes it was. You should sue.

IKEA: Cameras were hidden in the ceiling above warehouse toilets for 'health and safety'

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anti-Tory nonsense

I know right? I mean Tories as a whole are such a lovable bunch of huggable rascals. With their little button eyes and kewpie doll lips you just want to gatherer them all up in your arms and smother your face into them.

They're so clever too. Every one of them can tie their own shoelaces and all their shirt buttons are in the right buttonholes. If they ever chewed gum they'd be able to chew it and walk at the same time.

And they are so generous. If anyone needs a helping hand they just get out their public purse and hand it over. And don't forget they can get you a Knighthood for less than cost price.

Parking is expensive. It can cost an arm, a leg, and a Windows licence

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Paris Hilton

Re: Buy petrol as normal, says government minister

Non sequitur

With just over two weeks to go, Microsoft punts Windows 11 to Release Preview

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"NO need to test in house anuymore"

You're as bad as MS. I'm an unpaid beta tester of your spelling.

Nothing works any more. Who decided that redundant systems should become redundant?

TheProf Silver badge

"and not funny at all."

Of course it turned out to be funny. You made me write a completely useless comment and then I was ridiculed by people with far too much knowledge about the width of domestic appliances.

Even funnier.....I assume you don't get paid for writing replies to comments on your articles.

TheProf Silver badge

Doubting Hervé

Call me suspicious Mr Dabbs (or call me Hervé for that is my Frenchified name) but how did you discover the aperture for your washing machine was 5mm to narrow?

It's hard to belive that you measured the space before ordering a new machine. Who does that? Everyone* assumes that the new one will fit into the space the old one came out of.

(That's why this generation of video games machines are exactly the same size as the last generation.)

And I find it hard to belive that not only is the manufacturer of non-standard width washing machines still in business but that they still produce non-standard width machines and can supply you with one.

The only ring of truth in the whole piece was that the fitters didn't plug the machine in before slotting it into its trim slot.

*As in 'Everyone's talking about Eastenders.'

US Congress ponders setting up permanent UFO investigation office

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Call those videos convincing? Real UFOs have flashing lights.


Over 9 months late, England's highways agency launches contract to buy £1bn in IT

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Re: Meanwhile

We've got them covered. With tarpaulin.

TheProf Silver badge


" and provide data to help road users be better informed about their journeys. "

You are currently 20302 in the queue. Thank you for your patience.

Microsoft does and doesn't require VMs to meet hardware requirements for Windows 11

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Re: All major OSes suck

"actually still faster than some new computers sold today."

Probably more powerful than the computers that put men on the moon too.

So I’ve scripted a life-saving routine. Pah. What really matters is the icon I give it

TheProf Silver badge



Definitely Thunderbird 4.

Or 3. I really like Thunderbird 3. It's a reusable spaceship that lands using its rocket engines.

Thunderbird 2 is pretty cool. A great big green jet propelled delivery van.

Of course TB1 is the fancy sports car of the outfit.

And 5? Who doesn't want a giant spy-in-the-sky radio monitoring spacestation?

On reflection, I'm going with Stingray. 'Stand-by for action!'

SpaceX successfully sends four amateurs into orbit for three-day tour

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That's ruined it

That's ruined all the excitement of rocket launches for me.

What was with the 'Nebraska's Got Talent' audience applauding and cheering at random points though the video?

And astronauts with nothing to do but thumbs-up at the camera? Give them 'Hi Mom!' signs to wave a least.

Also worst-spacesuit-design-ever. Low budget TV movie white suits and black wellies?

(Glad those who saw it live enjoyed it. I saw a Shuttle launch and it's still the most awesome thing I've seen.)

Ex-DJI veep: There was no drone at Gatwick during 2018's hysterical shutdown

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It's Behind You

I keep imagining Plod with a couple of sleigh bells sewn to the back of his jacket jumping about face to find the source of the jingling.

That would probably cost the taxpayer a million quid too.

TheProf Silver badge

Well they've solved the carrier bag problem by charging 15 pence for them.

WhatsApp to offer end-to-end encrypted backups in iCloud, Google Drive with user-managed keys

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Re: They are not interested in the message!

I think the actually NEED to know who you're messaging for them to deliver the message.

McDonald's email blunder broadcasts database creds to comedy competition winners

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Prise Draws

Do you need to enter an email address to enter McD prize draws?

Thought so. They track your location by monitoring your burger consumption. Just a 'loyalty card' dressed up in a top hat and tails.

I've seen a few draws recently, on crisp packets and drinks bottle, that require an email address before you can enter your 'lucky code number'. No thanks.

Elizabeth Holmes' Theranos fraud trial begins: Defense claims all she did was fail – and that's not a crime

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Re: She's getting off

I'm not sure she will.

A young attractive blonde woman versus a swarthy older man of foreign origin?

Ah, I see your point.

Fujitsu wins £5m contract to support the UK's troubled Border Crossing system

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Dear Home Office,

Just stamp the back of peoples hands when they leave the country, holidays or work for example, and only let those with the stamp back in.

Works for nightclubs so it's a proven system.

I accept all currencies as payment. And there's a 'tip-jar' by the door if you're so inclined.

Italian stuntman flies aeroplane through two motorway tunnels

TheProf Silver badge

Re: Up for a challenge?

Is that the film in which he 'rides' the shockwave to safety?

Of course they all do that in films now. Big explosion, hitch a ride on it. Live to change the laws of physics another day.

A speech recognition app goes into a bar. Speak up if you’ve heard it already

TheProf Silver badge

Re: Aroogah, Aroogah, Aroogah!

Quite right too.

I remember seeing a programme on the BBC in which an expert said to do what you said - get yourself out of the building, burning plane, exploding tram etc, and damn the slow to a painful death.

I was the only person in the pub to dash out when the fire alarm went off that evening and I didn't even feel foolish. I'd taken my pint and it wasn't raining so not the worst evening I've had.

Perseverance rover drilled a rock on Mars and probably snaffled a core sample

TheProf Silver badge

Re: Holy Rock, Batman!

I think NASA have had enough bother from people who 'manipulate' internet images without indulging in the practice themselves.

The engineers could have fitted an LED to shine a light into those notoriously dark unlit drilling tubes. Cost would have been what? 5p for an LED?

The Register recreates Apollo 15 through the medium of plastic bricks, 50 years on

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I think the attempts at recreating the curves of the Command Module in LEGO are missing the 'looks right' factor.

To my eye it's just too straight and has too many gaps. I'm not knocking the great job these LEGOnauts have done, it's just that they've come up against the limitation of straight lines representing curves.

That said, I'm totally impressed with the interiors. I'd rather have the models showing the fuel tanks and the CM interior.

Of course when LEGO release the official kit next year* I'll be there with my credit card ready.

*you never know.

Judge dismisses objections to spaceport in Scotland from billionaire who also wants to build spaceport in Scotland

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Re: Priorities

Do you mean focus of money, time, publicity, column inches?

NASA blames the wrong kind of Martian rock for Perseverance sample failure

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Soft Crumbly Rock?

ARTHUR: What’s the name of that soft, crumbly sort of rock?

LINTILLA: But it isn’t rock.

ARTHUR: Well what is it then?


ARTHUR: What?!

LINTILLA: Shoes. Billions of them! An entire archaeological layer of compressed shoes.

Elevating bork to a new level (if the touchscreen worked)

TheProf Silver badge

Touch Screen

Touch screen?

Pfff! I'm waiting for the NCC-1701-D model to be installed. You just walk to the doors which immediately open to a nice plush comfortable space.

Easy to operate control. Say "Bridge" in a commandingly stentorian voice and you're quickly transported to your destination with no fuss.

Of course something like "deck 17, section 21 alpha" might leave you a little winded but you can get your breath back sitting in the wonderful arboretum.

Sorry, what was the question again?

Boots on Moon in 2024? NASA OIG says you better moonwalk away from that date, because suits ain't ready

TheProf Silver badge

Re: Time dilation?

Yes but they had a bit more cash to spend on the national imperative.

Also a lot of foreign types lent a helping hand.

Apple is about to start scanning iPhone users' devices for banned content, professor warns

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Richard Pic

Every so often there are stories in the news outlets regarding women who've been sent 'dick pics'.

This seem to happen because a miscreant on public transport has taken advantage of the simple Apple provided method of sharing pictures.

As far as I can tell, if the receiving iPhone's Airdrop is set to 'Everyone' then a thumbnail of the obscene image is presented on screen.

Substitute dick pic for child porn on an iPhone with pre-update firmware.

Question: If the receiver of the image rejects the image is it removed from the iPhone without leaving any trace? Would the iPhone scan the incoming image to determine if it is 'legal'? How loud is the siren on an iPhone when it identifies an 'illegal' image and how long would it be before the baying mob set upon the innocent victim of cyberflashing?

TheProf Silver badge

Missing the important thing

Yes that's all well and good but how is it going to affect battery life?

84-year-old fined €250,000 for keeping Nazi war machines – including tank – in basement

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Swift justice

He was seen driving it in 1978 and it's taken until 2021 for someone to do something about it?

Nuisance call-blocking firm fined £170,000 for making almost 200,000 nuisance calls

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28 days later

"Phoning individuals registered with TPS for longer than 28 days is a violation of electronic marketing law"

Wow! I'd have hung up long before that.

D'oh! Misplaced chair shuts down nuclear plant in Taiwan

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Ah good old Blake's 7.

I've just finished watching series two and I can't belive how awful the sets were. And a lot of the acting. And also one or two or three of the scripts. The plots were a bit of a mixed bag as well.

Having said that it's still better than a lot of stuff made in the 21st century.

I can't decide whether or not to stump up for the other series and continue my DVD torture.

UK's National Museum of Computing asks tunesmiths to recreate bleeps, bloops, and parps of retro game music

TheProf Silver badge

Re: fond memories of laboriously typing in lists of SOUND statements ...

And at an extra cost you could plug in your own microchip newsreader* and have voice synthesised fun with that.

*Kenneth Kendall

Latest Windows 11 Preview a well-rounded update – literally

TheProf Silver badge

Winaero Tweaker

Any idea if Winaero Tweaker or similar will tame this UI and make it behave like a boring, normal, usable computer?

Former ad exec sticks Steve Jobs' 1973 job application in a scanner for physical-versus-digital NFT auction

TheProf Silver badge


I think I'll put a bid in for the digital version.

When I win I intend to sell each off each pixel as an NFT.

Bwah haw haw.

TheProf Silver badge

I was going to upvote you but I don't want to appear complicit.

Good news: Jeff Bezos went to space. Bad news: He's back

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Didn't Wally play a very significant role in the investigation of some major aircraft crashes?

Paid antivirus? On ads? Think of all the beer you could buy without that subscription

TheProf Silver badge

Where once simple posters might have hung

But imagine the misery of the poorly paid shop assistant having to swap the poster every 30 seconds.

OpenAI shuts down robotics team because it doesn't have enough data yet

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Re: Does it matter ?

Would you be so concerned if they'd used the voice of an actor who sounded just like Bourdain? Or an impressionist?

It isn't as if the film maker was trying to deceive the public about what Bourdain had already expressed.

Maybe we should just get Patrick Stuart to do all off-screen voices and then we can all sleep soundly knowing we've heard the truth.

This page has been deliberately left blank

TheProf Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Justy sell'em anyway

You're probably correct.

I read an article a few years back and it said that there were more variations in the spelling of SPEARS than there were with BRITNEY.

Bares (sic) thinking about eh?

ZTE Axon 30 Ultra: Strong effort from an entity-lister, but your tiny child hands may struggle

TheProf Silver badge


On this test we tried the phone with an assortment of sims from various carriers to see how it performed.

Here is a list of our findings.





Would you settle for a photo of a dog by some bins?

Richard Branson uses two planes to make 170km round trip

TheProf Silver badge

incredibly wealthy parents.

But just look at all those who have "incredibly wealthy parents" and do nothing of any use to anyone.

I much rather shake hands with Branson than any of the 'daddy bought me a Maserati for my 16th birthday' crowd.

Revealed: Perfect timings for creation of exemplary full English breakfast

TheProf Silver badge

Re: add condiments to taste.

Not sure if they have branches in Berlin yet but Henderson's Northern Relish is available in branches of discount chain HomeBargains.

TheProf Silver badge

Re: add condiments to taste.

Both. On opposite sides of the plate.

Windows 11 still doesn't understand our complex lives – and it hurts

TheProf Silver badge

And besides, I wanted to give Windows 11 a fair chance.

Should you then not wait for it to be officially released?

OK, you're paying data charges in the EU, but you can still roam free in, er, Iceland

TheProf Silver badge

I see no ships

"The deal's cutting-edge digital provisions mean we're slashing red tape [and] making it easier than ever for our businesses to export across borders."

Said well out of earshot of those small exporters who have crashed into the customs paperwork wall.

Disco classic Rasputin and pop anthem revealed as reasons Twitter suspended Indian politicians

TheProf Silver badge

Re: I spy a second hand market for...

What are you going on about? Did I miss the alien connections in a story about Indian politicians and Twitter having a bit of a spat?

Audacity is a poster child for what can be achieved with open-source software

TheProf Silver badge

And now a word

Nice review of Muse Group there.

It left me with a warm fuzzy feeling.



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