* Posts by TheProf

912 posts • joined 25 Jun 2008


Twitter says hack of key staff led to celebrity, politician, biz account hijack mega-spree

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I'm not on twitter

So, here I have a wonnerful offer for all you ElReg listeners.

Send me yr money and Ill dooble it. YES! TRUE!!

Send mnoey to my untrasable offshore accountg and Ill send yoo back dooble.

Dont daly. This gullibility won't last 4ever.*

*Unfortunately this bit is not true.

Modular edutech PC crew opens fresh Kano beans with expanded kit and accessories

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Late 70

A friend of mine did some DJing in the late 1970s and he was in possession of a rather impressive power amp. I possessed some rather inferior domestic lo-fi speakers.

In the interests of science we sacrificed the speakers by turning up the amp power until the speaker coil burned out.

I'd have to agree that clipping is more dangerous to speakers because they made a hell of a lot of noise before melting. As in 'I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LOUD THESE SPEAKERS ARE!' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY?'

Cambridge student rebuilds Polish Enigma-code-breaking box that paved the way for Turing ... and Victory!

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Good job but I prefer the look of the original. This one needs a bit of a steampunk makeover. (Or cyberpunk. Or WWII punk?)

I was going to ask if anyone knew how it came to be called 'bombe' but I got off my lazy arse and googled it.


Brit retailer John Lewis to catapult 111 tech bods over to Capgemini weeks after dumping 244 on Wipro

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Howdy Partner

I was under the impression that John Lewis had 'partners' not 'employees'. As in 'we all own the company and have a say in the running and the responsibility and share of the profits.'

I guess that all goes out the window when the takings are down.

Cornish drinkers catch a different kind of buzz as pub installs electric fence at bar

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Re: Great idea

"words of one syllable"

Does the Welsh language have words of one syllable?

Linus Torvalds banishes masters, slaves and blacklists from the Linux kernel, starting now

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Re: what about the arcane art of black magic?

Where do you practice? The Dark Continent perhaps? Or maybe the Dark side of the Moon?

Oh what a cute little animation... OH MY GOD. (Not acceptable, even in the '80s)

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Re: Head

I wonder what excuse they used for playing the Divinyls 'I Touch Myself' song.

Heir-to-Concorde demo model to debut in October

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Re: Depends on the "boom"

"Concorde broke a glass jug of water in my kitchen around 1985 in Woodley, Reading."

Or that's what you told your mum.

University ordered to stop running women-only job ads

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You can't advertise jobs for just women

But you can still support them in these totally non-discriminatory ways

"More and better internal career development and coaching programs for women

Putting in place resources and opportunities specifically for women, such as reserving training and research money for female scientists, as a way to make jobs more attractive to women."

Mind the airgap: Why nothing focuses the mind like a bit of tech antiquing

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At a loss

I don't understand this. The author of this piece has spent £40 plus carriage to by an old laptop that doesn't connect to his home network and this allows him to work without interruption.

Wouldn't the same effect be achieved by simply turning off the wifi at home?

An unfortunate bit of product placement for Microsoft as Liverpool celebrates winning some silverware

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Re: Where are the in dipping jokes?


After 84 years, Japan's Olympus shutters its camera biz, flogs it to private equity – smartphones are just too good

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Re: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

"no mechanical fall-back"

Of course the intrepid OMographer would know to carry spare SR44s.

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My favourite camera brand gone to the great darkroom in the sky. *sob*.

I can still remember holding an OM1 in a camera shop in the early 1970's. Compared to the Exakta RTL1000 I was toting around the OM was like a tiny jewel. I didn't get an OM1 because by the time I'd saved up the OM2 was out and that became my first OM.

(I did get an OM1 a few years back from the Tat-Market. It was sold as for spares because the mirror was jammed up. Not jammed but the mirror lock switch had been turned and was performing as it should. )

Let's roll the 3d6 dice on today's security drama: Ah, 15, that's LG allegedly hacked, source code stolen by Maze ransomware gang

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Am I missing something?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Apple launches incredible features everyone else had more than a year ago – this time for the 'smart home'

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Re: What's the true cost ?

"someone from Just Eat comes round and very quietly taps on my door"

Quietly taps? I know when a house down the road is getting a delivery. They must employ gorillas at my local office.

When you bork... through a storm: Liverpool do all they can to take advantage of summer transfer, er, Windows

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The Swan

My last pre-lockdown night out was in the Ship & Mitre. It was a rather subdued night but the beer was excellent so that's a win.

Yes! Go to The Swan and drink Wobbly Bob.

ServiceNow slammed for 'tone deaf' letter telling customers contracts can't be tweaked as COVID-19 batters businesses

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Re: This

And Whooooosh! There goes my reputation for snarky comments.

Gina Mastantuono - Chief Financial Officer - ServiceNow......... is a WOMAN.

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This kind of behaviour just wouldn't happen if there were more women in directorship roles.

Xiaomi and NXP ride a bus to Moscow with a wearable Mastercard

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Maybe it's

From the people who brought you the movie "Krakatoa, East of Java"

Sony reveals PlayStation 5 will offer heretical no-optical-disk option. And yes, it has an AMD CPU-GPU combo

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Horizontal Refreshment

A quick internet search will provide you with your answer.

TLDR: Yes you can lie it down.

Frenchman scores €50k compensation for suffering 'bore-out' at work after bosses gave him 'menial' tasks

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Re: Oui, Premier ministre

But this isn't a case of 'gardening leave'.

Yeah, great start after sacking human hacks: Microsoft's AI-powered news portal mixes up photos of women-of-color in article about racism

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Don't all famous people look alike?


Mortal wombat: 4 generations of women fight for their lives against murderous marsupial

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Tim the Enchanter

"That rabbit's wombat's got a vicious streak a mile wide!"

All: run away, run away!

Don't panic: An asteroid larger than the Empire State Building is flying past Earth this weekend but we're just fine

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Lucky break

Hell's Tits!

I've just been out for a walk in Liverpool and I only missed, by 3310 miles, colliding with The Empire State Building.

Barmy ban on businesses, Brits based in Blighty bearing or buying .eu domains is back: Cut-off date is Jan 1, 2021

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The Monarchy bring in circa £2 billion a year

They say that about the fashion 'industry'. At least you get an outrageous frock and some uncomfortable shoes from them

OK Windows 10, we get it: You really do not want us to install this unsigned application. But 7 steps borders on ridiculous

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Must try Ardour

"We counted seven steps needed to download and install the open-source audio package Ardour 6"

It took me six clicks from your page top get to the download page on Ardour's site.

I don't know how many clicks it would take after the because you have to enter an email address and wait for a link to arrive.

No ta!

Not just its VCS console that's MIA, Atari is a no-show in court, too: Reborn biz ignores hardware architect's lawsuit over unpaid wages

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Re: A few years ago...


Watch an oblivious Tesla Model 3 smash into an overturned truck on a highway 'while under Autopilot'

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How did the driver of the truck manage to put it on its side? The road doesn't look particularly dangerous.

Building society caught in middle of high street sharing a little too much on TeamViewer

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Re: Inexcusable

But you have to admit that advert with the fake gorillas is fscking hilarious.

Watch SpaceX's Starship SN4 prototype accidentally self-destruct in a rocket test burn

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I couldn't help it

The explosion looks a lot like the work of Gerry Anderson.

How long before TB1 lands at the scene and Scott starts to organise the rescue?

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

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I'm lost! What's your phone number?

Honor launches new UK store, laptop, kettle, er... toothbrush?

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This machine packs a 16.1-inch display, with bezels bordering the thing just 4.9 inches in depth.

Fancy watching 'Bake Off' together with mates and alone at the same time? The BBC's built a tool to do that

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BBC bashing

Oh heck! The technology was developed by 2- IMMERSE, an EU-funded 3 year collaborative project that finished in November 2018. https://2immerse.eu/

Wait until The Daily Torygraph find out about that. No right-minded Little Br(it)ainer is going to have anything to do with that.

If you're appy and you know it: The Huawei P40 Pro conclusively proves that top-notch specs aren't everything

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Period pains

"I'd even go so far as to say it's the best camera I've used on a smartphone, period, with the P40 Pro producing shots that are razor-sharp and boast exquisite colour-fidelity."

If you're going to use North Americanisms, and there's no reason why you shouldn't, at least follow the convention and STOP writing when you use the word PERIOD.

NHS contact tracing app isn't really anonymous, is riddled with bugs, and is open to abuse. Good thing we're not in the middle of a pandemic, eh?

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It's more or less business as usual in Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.

Err, the exact opposite for most businesses I would imagine.

Post-pandemic hard-sell under way: Resellers leaned on to convert free trial users into fully paid-up customers

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Exactly 250

Exactly 250 seats would fall into the $2 and $4 tier.

I bagsie $4!

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Spacecraft with graphene sails powered by starlight and lasers

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Re: solar system sized CRT

Arthur C Clarke short story Sunjammer. I can't recall the details but it's sunlight powered racing boats in SPAAAACCCE.

Singapore releases the robot hounds to enforce social distancing in parks

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Who thinks these things up?

Well that certainly won't fill the park with curious people trying to see the funny robot.

I'd set loose some of the psychopathic gulls that go for your chips. Cheaper and they don't need recharging every 90 minutes.

Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer

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Re: Customers

Ah, the lack of correct apostrophe placement is strong in this one.


Microsoft tries really hard not to say the next Xbox could be delayed by coronavirus

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Re: Obvious certainty of massive sales

Not me. I don't 'pre-order'. I'll give you money and in return you give me the goods.

NUC NUC. Who's there? It's Intel, with a pint-sized 8-core Xeon workstation

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Re: Have some Mint instead!

It's a money-saving alternative and no mistake.

UK snubs Apple-Google coronavirus app API, insists on British control of data, promises to protect privacy

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That's got "Oscar©® Winner" written all over it.

Watch now the three UFO videos uncovered by Blink-182 star – and today officially released by the Pentagon

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Re: I Failed

Someone explaining and a little maths thrown in.


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I Failed

Anyone have footage of real aircraft being tracked by these systems?

How am I supposed to know what 'unexplained' looks like when I don't know what 'real' is like?

(Google search results in these videos.)

Singapore's corona-crushing superhero squad grounded by football fans

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Re: change.org petition found 900 Liverpool fans willing to sign up

"Oh FFS! Proof positive that some idiots really have nothing better to do than get offended by things that aren't actually anything to do with them.

So some Asian comic character has an ethos that's vaguely yet not at all like your favourite pitch anthem. It's not about you. It's not about your club. It's not taking the piss out of "your" song. Get over it you twats!"

Wow! You really got hot under the collar about something that has nothing to do with you.

Cheer up, it's not the end of the world.

Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style

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The clerk "admitted to typing pizza and pressing enter, but it didn't do anything, so he tried it 55 more times."

55 more times? How bored do you have to be to type PIZZA into a terminal that many times having received no response from the previous time?

Iran military manages to keep a straight face while waggling miracle widget that 'can detect coronavirus from 100m away'

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detect elephants from 48 kilometres (30 mi) away.

I wondered why my ADE 651 had been going crazy recently. Chester Zoo is only 11 miles away. (As the crow flies. Oh, maybe it's also detecting crows.)

Mayday! Mayday! The next Windows 10 update is finally on approach to a PC near you

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Re: It's Micro$oft ...

'like the expression "Second to None" '

Could you point me to a dictionary that proves your assertion?

Star's rosette orbit around our supermassive black hole proves Einstein's Theory of General Relativity correct

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Re: Is it just me?

Don't, whatever you do, follow this link.


Europe publishes draft rules for coronavirus contact-tracing app development, on a relaxed schedule

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Titanic thinking

Whatever happened to the idea of planning for disasters?

It's not like global pandemics are a new thing. They've been threatening us for as long as there's been life on this planet.

Books, movies and TV have shown all sorts of contagious diseases ravaging the world's population and what has been the result of all this red flag waving? A rather dubious mobile phone app knocked up over the last weekend that relies on people volunteering to use it.

Don't worry. By the next pandemic we'll have sorted out the problems with the app and everyone will be really keen to install on their phone.

In the meantime here are some DIY PPE patterns for you to cut-out and colour with felt tip pens.



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