* Posts by TheProf

1122 publicly visible posts • joined 25 Jun 2008


What does Twitter's new logo really represent?


Re: What about the ITV rebrand?

What's that you say?

NASA experts looked through 800 UFO sightings and found essentially nothing


Re: I know how crazy this is going to sound, but...

As a seasoned time-traveller I can assure you that the movement of the target planet is factored in to the computations.

Brexit Britain looks to French company to save crumbling borders and immigration tech


"dishonest federalists"

You been reading The Daily Telegraph again, haven't you?

Reg fashion: Here's what the well-dressed astronaut will wear on the Moon in 2025


Looks aren't everything

I hope the real moon suits like more like the Apollo ones and not like the SpaceX ones.

Wear a SpaceX one to school and you know you're going to be duffed up.

Accidental WhatsApp account takeovers? It's a thing


Re: Puts the wagatha christie case into a new light

You are Rebekah Vardy and I claim my £5.00

Sick of smudges on your car's enormo touchscreen? GM patents potential cure


Self-cleaning you say?


Now you just have to leave the sunroof open to allow the rain it to do its job.

Chipmakers threaten to defect to US, EU if UK doesn't get its semiconductor plans sorted


Re: "aiming to publish the forthcoming UK semiconductor plan as soon as possible"


I think you may have inadvertently misspelled 'snout'.

Easily done.

Instagram star gets 11 years for $300m email scam plot


Bang 'im Up

I'd give him an extra five years for using the hardly aspirational footwear brand as a username.

Xiaomi reveals bonkers phone with bolted-on Leica lens that will make you look like a dork


Re: "1-inch image sensor"

Oh! Now you sucked all the fun out of it.

Singapore to phase out checks for businesses by 2025


Re: Spell checker, not cashing a cheque

"Did you miss the article where was stated that El Reg switched to US English spelling overall?"


How I made a Chrome extension for converting Reg articles to UK spelling



I fort the koala-tea of spelin ad gone dawn a bit an noow eye no wy.

Off cource u shud panda two th' masess. Yur a bizzness an hve too mak a scent or free. Spelin is difucult an jus coz it mackes mi brian hrut dunt meen u shundt pleeze de moist poople.

I luk fword too usin ur Crome extenstion an ope itll mack fings on ur sigth mutch ezier tu unnerstand.

Amid losses, Uber driven to become advertising network


Ha ha no

If I can put up with your shitty music you can live with my shitty advert diarrhoea.

NASA OKs spacewalks, upgrades helmets after fishbowl mishap


Cheap TV

I'll have to re-evaluate my opinion on those cheap SF films and TV shows where the astronaut's visor was covered in condensation.

I used to put it down to poor ventilation in the props but now it seems they were totally accurate all the time.

In space no-one can hear you drown.

No, working in IT does not mean you can fix anything with a soldering iron


printer has started speaking French

Not my printer but my cheap Bluetooth headphones* have started speaking a Far Eastern dialect.

So far no luck with various button combinations bringing it back to heavily accented English.

Maybe attacking with a soldering iron might help.

*Blitzwolf AA-ER1. And the only words it says are 'power on' and 'power off'.

Google kills off Stadia


I've tried streaming Xbox games and on the whole found them not too bad. Much better than a long wait to download a game and then discover that I didn't like it.

But yes, not the best way to play fast action games.

Don't say Pentium or Celeron anymore, it's just Processor now, says Intel


Title says it all.

No it doesn't.

It says "Monumentally STUPID IDEA"

No, Apple, you may not sell iPhones without chargers


Yes, really

You must be a youngster!

As a child I can remember seeing bare wires on new electrical goods.

Then there was the scramble to find a screwdriver and something that could donate a plug until a new one could be bought. (Because the brown coat wearing shop boy would ask 'do you need a plug for that?' and the reply was always 'no, I've got a spare one at home.')


It's not just about you

"Why on earth I would need an extra power supply while I already have (a) the old one and (b) many devices with either USB-A or USB-C format ports is beyond me"

Good for you. You don't need to add to the mountain of unwanted chargers. You can send one to the bloke in Brazil who's just decided to replace his decade old Nokia with its propriety charger.

Former Microsoft UX boss doesn't like the Windows 11 Start menu either



There are adverts in Windows lock screen?

I can honestly say I've never seen one. (And yes I do use Windows.)

Google Play to ban Android VPN apps from interfering with ads



" prohibit Android VPN apps in its Play store"

If I sideload a VPN app will it work or are Google going to 'tinker under the hood' and stop VPN access full stop?

If I have to watch ads while using the Scrabble Go app then I'm ditching Scrabble Go.

We were promised integrated packages. Instead we got disintegrated apps


Ah, Grasshopper

"I can turn off 6 smart bulbs buy pushing a rocker.

They are wired to the 32A circuit.

The rocker on the 5A.

The wireless remote above my bed does this also."

Worst Haiku Ever

NASA selects 'full force' for probe into UFOs


Re: Is it neccesary?

"If there was something to be seen, it would be on video by now."

Well your puny human mind would jump to that conclusion but we, err, them aliens have cloaking devices, sensors to detect and evade recording devices and a map of every camera on your, err, the planet.

Also humans are easy to fool. 'Look over there! A elliphunt!!'

Janet Jackson music video declared a cybersecurity exploit



"the song isn't actually that bad."

Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?


Re: Lay off Janet

I saw her on 'Top Of The Pops' last, err, 2004?

Scientist shares spicy pic of 'James Webb' discovery


A link to this would have been appreciated

Klein went on to share a James Webb image of the Chariot Wheel galaxy

(Unless I missed it in the article. In which case I'll book an appointment to see my optician.)

Enough with the notifications! Focus Assist will shut them u… 'But I'm too important!'


* Have schedules for time.

All I can hear is the whoosh as that one passes over my head.

I paid for it, that makes it mine. Doesn’t it? No – and it never did



If you like Britannia you'll absolutely love Chelsmford 123 on All4 (free) or BritBox (fee)

Mars helicopter to take a breather, recharge batteries


In that case....

Anti-static grounding straps. £10 from Amazon. Buy two and get free delivery to Mars. Although you'll have to be in when the delivery man arrives as they don't have a locker on Mars. Yet.

First steps into the world of thought leadership: What could go wrong?


The Music Video

I watched about 30 seconds of the music video but felt it was a little bit NSFW.

And I'm at home!

Oh right. LinkedIn. I signed up for it but only because a friend needed a bit of a boost in the numbers department. They never did pay me the £5 they promised.

Record players make comeback with Ikea, others pitching tricked-out turntables


Large. Unsightly

" records coming from new artists like Adele, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish."

New artists? Adele's first release 2007. Swift's 2006. Hardly new artists. Eilish's recording career stretches all the way back to 2017.

And isn't the vinyl revolution being lead by the likes of Fleetwood Mac, Oasis and Pink Floyd?



Anyway I only came here to say that the Ikea turntable is an ugly looking lump.

Spam is back with a vengeance. Luckily we can't read any of it


Proton Mail

My Proton Mail account was new. The only people who had the address were Proton, myself and 1 other person.

I got spam in the first week.

Start your engines: Windows 11 ready for broad deployment


New Laptop

I bought a new laptop a month or so back and it came with Windows 11.

It took a few tries but using Classic Shell and Winaero Tweaker I've managed to get it looking like my Win 10 machine.

I miss the Notifications thingy from the far right of the taskbar and Task Manager now means pressing WinKey+X and a mouse click. But on the whole I'm getting used to it. Only software I'm having trouble running is Darktable photo workflow. And that could be a hardware problem. My old machine was picky with certain USB sticks.

My only complaint is about the laptop trackpad. Whose idea was it to put clicky buttons under the trackpad surface? It's crazy! Go to click an icon and the pointer moves.

Still I'm pretty impressed that a £400 laptop with Iris XE hardware can play Tomb Raider (Square Enix version) at 60fps!

Voyager 1 space probe producing ‘anomalous telemetry data’


Aliens! Petite rouge ones.

Lister: Oh God, aliens... Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it? You lose your keys - it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall - it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens as well!

Crooks steal NFTs worth '$3m' in Bored Ape Yacht Club heist


Tank Girl

Just waiting for Jamie Hewlett to sue them for ripping of his artwork.

Robots are creepy. Why trust AIs that are even creepier?


Robot Barman

Apart from the flailing 'Danger, Will Robinson, danger!' arms it's just another Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser.

Can it make a cup of tea?

Review: Huawei's Matebook X Pro laptop is forgetful and forgettable


Re: Stop messing with the Function keys

F7? It's one to the left of F8. You can't miss it.

Cybercriminals do their homework for latest banking scam



Is this the same FBI that are going to give me $10,000 million dollars that someone found in an aircraft hangar in Dallas?

I think someone should check their documents very, very carefully.

First rocket launch from UK soil now has... a logo


Well Done

Well done to Callum. Designing a logo for anything is difficult; just look at the terrible designs produced by 'grown up professionals'.

Further congratulations are surely due to Callum for confusing any aliens that might come across the discarded bit of rocket his logo is on. They'll never find our planet with it's ice beard disguise.

(On a personal note: I hate competitions of this sort. Why isn't there NEVER a category for artistically inept old duffers? Not that I'd enter, I just don't like the discrimination.)

The month I worked for DEADHEAD: Yes, that was their job title


Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

Oh that's the joke.

Putin. I did wonder.

(Slaps Jean Luc Picard like forehead and promises to pay more attention in class. Also promises to try harder when doing the Thursday quiz on the Guardian website.)

In the graveyard of good ideas, how does yours measure up to these?


Strangely, Hedgehog

Wasn't "Strangely, Hedgehog" one of Peter Seller's more obscure films from the late '60's?

Co-stared one of those European gamin wide-eyed dark-haired-pageboy-styled-cut actresses. And Roy Kinnear.

The Human Genome Project will tell us who to support at Eurovision


Re: American Song Contest aims to tap Eurovision formula

Not a fan of Wogan? That's at least two of us then.

Proprietary neural tech you had surgically implanted? Parts shortage



How on earth did you manage to get one of those damp fart squib cells to explode?

Govt suggests Brits should hand passports to social media companies


I'm A Celebrity......

Say what you like about Nadine Dorries but she does have an impeccable technical background.


A tale of two dishwashers: Buy one, buy it again, and again


Kettle lead length 1m.

1st reviewer: 1* The kettle lead is too short

2nd reviewer 1* The kettle lead is too long.


Ethan Hunt

Rhyming slang?

Yer actual Proper TV IMF man is Jim Phelps.

AI-created faces now look so real, humans can't spot the difference

Big Brother


I have trouble spotting fake faces.

The papers (real or online) are full of 'celebrities' that I don't recognise and I'm sure most of them are synthetic.

The one called Rylan(?) is obviously a fake. That painted on beard and the 'Banana Splits' teeth. Not going to fool anyone.

But for the rest everything is so instagram filtered and tweaked it's difficult to tell which is which.

Users sound off as new Google Workspace for Education storage limits near


Google Workspace for Education storage limits

For some reason I've got Ike and Tina Turner's 'Nutbush City Limits' running through my mind.

Hardware boffin starts work on simulation of an entire IBM S/360 Model 50 mainframe




Teenage Mutant ? ?

Epoch-alypse now: BBC iPlayer flaunts 2038 cutoff date, gives infrastructure game away


Re: A fix for this

The BBC's TV content may not suit you or myself but I belive there are one or two other people who rely on the BBC for local news and dancing and sewing programmes. As much as 'we' dislike them talent shows and soap operas are the current staple of British TV.

For a corporation that has seen it's income gradually reduced by the culture wrecking party it's still managing to turn out a few watchable shows. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but it is bloody popular.

Imagine that future where every terrestrial TV channel is showing programmes interrupted every 10 minutes for adverts for food delivery services and on-line bingo companies.


A fix for this

The Tories are on this and come 2038 nobody will have to worry about accessing anything biased on the BBC.