* Posts by Anonymous Scotsman

51 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Jun 2008


Dutch cat skinner publishes critics' personal details

Anonymous Scotsman

<Dwarf Fortress reference>

Despite the fact cat skin only has a value mod of 2, I think this one deserves artifact status as it's part of history now

And for the record, I approve of indiscriminate butchery of household/domestic animals, but only for economic gain.

6.5m vehicles to be tracked by 2012

Anonymous Scotsman


Not only caterpillar tracks, but I imagined 6.5 meter commercial vehicles with treads and rubber ducky antennae.

Damn confusing, but hey, 'tis friday.

Vatican declares 'the internet is blessed'

Anonymous Scotsman

More you know etc.

Didn't know paisley *had* a bishop, and i've lived there for 15 years :D

But given that the Church of Scotland is heavily overrepresented there (including the Abbey), I have little doubt the man is just making use of his irrelevance to pick at a personal gripe.

Ireland bucks trend with anti-blasphemy law

Anonymous Scotsman

excerpt from the Catechism of the Autoculus of Mars...

Toll the Great Bell Once!

Pull the Lever forward to engage the

Piston and Pump...

Toll the Great Bell Twice!

With push of Button fire the Engine

And spark Turbine into life...

Toll the Great Bell Thrice!

Sing Praise to the

God of All Machines

Puts the acceptable use policy back into perspective <.<

Loudmouth workers leaking data through social networking sites

Anonymous Scotsman

IT becomes a revenue reclaimer?

This article made me realise that charging for internal network for personal use may actually have a value. By using company provided resources for entertainment ( which is not a bad thing of itself; break rooms exist for a reason), not only is there a legitimate threat to the machine they are doing it from, but the network becomes more of a target which goes directly against ( most ) tech organisms chem. While breaks and office coffee are necessities for smooth business running, your mates' biohazard(')s(') physical characteristics are not, so up to the minute monitoring should be discouraged before they are an assumed right.

(blatantly over-)Charging for the privilege would put a price on priceless ( i.e. worthless) friend swarms, force folk to re-evaluate time spent on business hours relationships, and bring beer money into the IT dept, or at least into the pocket of someone who can muddle the accounting process.

Damn it, i'm going to go propose this tomorrow :D

Thieves lift hives as UK bee numbers drop

Anonymous Scotsman

£40 for a queen


Last winter (2007), I left my heater on overnight by accident, when I woke up there was this mahoosive bee (googled and confirmed to be a migratory queen) who looked both exhausted and very lost. I did the non-molestation-of-wildlife-as-mandated-by-legislature thing and moved her outside.

If I only i'd known >.<

Probably have tried my hand at it come to that; would certainly drive my landlord nuts.

US lawmakers to de-silence electric cars

Anonymous Scotsman

Bicycles etc

To the bicycle comment, there are two major differences to the lec situation.

1. There is significantly more visual interaction *possible* for the driver of a bike than a car.

2. It's less obtrusive and not so regulated by law to ring a small bell attached to the tiller. Horn honking in a crowded street (i.e. Glasgow central) is, at the least, likely to get a few eggs thrown at you.

I for one approve of this though, so long as I can have a small (discrete) noise maker that replicates the futurama hovercars' pleasant audio signature.

US Navy unveils superconductor 'cloaking device' destroyer

Anonymous Scotsman


So the next logical step after this refinement for mine tech is better sensor mechanisms (infra/optic?), probably supported by rudimentary AI.

Brazilian ejected as lingerie arouses border staff suspicions

Anonymous Scotsman

Unanswered questions

The interesting question is *why* did they search her suitcase in the first place, since they apparently found that she'd been refused entry *after* they had done so.

I'm assuming that it wasn't carry-on (fnar fnar) luggage, since it would not necessarily be unusual to provide for the essentials in case the main suitcase was lost.

If UK border control is in the (justifiable) habit of x-raying suitcases in their spare time, then I intend to abuse that :D

Small plastic bags of porage oats containing a single screw perhaps.

Conficker botnet stirs to distribute update payload

Anonymous Scotsman

@ The Fuzzy Wotnot

I think this is serious enough to warrant tripartisan co-operation and understanding, not least because it's invariably Nix machines of some stripe that aggregate the traffic of infected hosts.

Space launches could be capped to save ozone layer

Anonymous Scotsman

must. resist. urge. to. be. snarky.

And in other news, the No Shit department at the University of Wasted Funding, Idaho reported that the north Atlantic ocean does indeed contain detectable quantities of sodium.

This and not much more will be used as irreproachable justification to cease rocketeering. If this was replaced with cannon based launch systems I wouldn't mind, but its just not going to happen.

Women's lust for shopping linked to periods

Anonymous Scotsman
IT Angle

Nesting instinct?

While this makes a lot of sense in linking my own anecdotal evidence, I'd have thought this would have been more indicative of the nesting insticnt which is suppressed due to the auto-satisfaction of physical ( food and shelter) needs.

Still, good to know for self preservation reasons.

Busted! Conficker's tell-tale heart uncovered

Anonymous Scotsman

I for one

would like to buy these researchers a round of drinks.

Canadian cops cry for BlackBerry wiretap

Anonymous Scotsman

@Theory versus practice

With the exception of Quebec, certain cartoon porn restraints and few other minor irregularities, I think it actually might be given their legislative record.

I've been on the fence about blackberry since it came out, but I think this might just have sold it for me.

Parents in dark about kids' school life

Anonymous Scotsman

mandatory cynicism

Because We All Know That IT has Solved All The Inter Departmental Communication Problems Of the Past 30 Years, And a Wave of The Magic Wand Will Solve Everything.

I predict not more than twelve comments before someone trots out the "government doing the parenting for them" line.

I daresay the probem is more the teacher dont know the coherent thrust of the academic policy(fnar fnar), nevermind the schoolchildren. While this free information for all involved would be a nice idea, its misplaced optimism. Still, donated equine dentistry isn't a sustainable profession these days :D

Brussels: Old-school lightbulbs to be gone by 2012

Anonymous Scotsman


I for one am going to stockpile these, they're more reliable than a savings account at the moment anyway.

Hefty 'battle strength' electro-laser breaks 100kW barrier

Anonymous Scotsman

Lasers: For a brigher tommorow <ducks>


one reason come to mind for the mirror issue:

sand blasted mirrors, if they arent fortified (and they would be) then they'd last all of one night in arab-ia. if they *are* fortified, then the coverings would have to be replaced ridiculously regularly, and all you'd need is one lucky shot to waste the whole array. Non calibrated thermal lasers is not something you want in an army base.

@ Lockheed

I think we're looking more in the territory of Shadowcats :D

Councils clamp down on Strategy Boutique Newspeak

Anonymous Scotsman

Taxes well spent

For once, I actually approve of the way that a committee has turned out in this country, because it embraces common sense and actually achieves something worthwhile.


Boffins finger reason for non-aligned cows

Anonymous Scotsman

@Wow. That is Interesting.

Having been lost in the countryside far from a mobile receiver or even roadsigns of any kind, this insight would have saved me several hours of distress, given the number of cows I came across.

Scottish Parliament pr0n law faces angry opposition

Anonymous Scotsman

Am I the only one

Who sees the innate humor of rule (section) 34 banning rule 34

China bars WoW expansion for showing bone

Anonymous Scotsman

@ Cultural

Quite possible; cremation has been the norm as opposed to the exception for centuries, and i'm pretty sure there is a shortage of skeleton-types in east asian mythology.

Give the man who thought up "extremely nude" people a pack of hobnobs.

Cops foil Level 3 burglary

Anonymous Scotsman

Unrelated comment

For some reason " taken to an East London police station and charged" had me imagine them hooked up to the regional power grid.

Any chance this would be an unofficial recycling effort gone horribly wrong?

YouTube blocks music videos in UK

Anonymous Scotsman


Do you have any idea how hard it is to get Billy Idol's "Dancing with myself" recording for the music video ?

Still LOL PROXY etc.

I for one am boycotting busic mritish that does not involve bagpipes from now on, which will make not even the slightest bit of difference.

Gov launches 'Healthy Bees' plan

Anonymous Scotsman

Reduce, Reuse Recycle?

I suddenly have an urge to convert uncooperative tower cases into makeshift hives, they'll certainly be more productive than when they were on the office desks :|

Danish sex museum loses wood

Anonymous Scotsman

It has to be said

were the dongs really necessary.

Barcelona boffin births swarming microrobots

Anonymous Scotsman

Overlord Repellent

I'm thinking water, or possibly highly conductive gel strips. Bot-fly tape if you will.

If those things need an overfiend lightbulb to give them the breath of life, then I expect the capacitor etc assemblies would short out with little in the way of dedicated resources.

How long till they can self replicate?

Norfolk town's schools first to be heated by burning cattle

Anonymous Scotsman

@ more biofuels

And they make for some damn good eating (whale w/ soy sauce = nifty).

While I may not have a uses for whalebone corsets( they'd probably be illegal anyway), I shouldd certainly like to see a scrimshaw'd keyboard.

Even a non-whale one for that matter.

US Navy spends $12m on electric hypercannon

Anonymous Scotsman

@ Ian Re: Supergun

Close. the gun had been designed and the parts ordered but the Chief Engine-seer of the project met an unfortunate accident involving silenced pistols.

Lookup Gerald bull, who's untimely death put space and killtech back decades.

One-tonne 40ft snake prowled superhot prehistoric jungles

Anonymous Scotsman

@ Biotube

I dare say you'd need a small piece of field artillery to deal with something of that construction.

Or possibly just run it over with a tram.

Man robs convenience store with Klingon sword

Anonymous Scotsman

@ Furthermore on religion

I think your definition needs a slight revision, as Steve Jobs doesn't qualify one one count.

or at least as far as we know.

Primary schools hit by smut hack

Anonymous Scotsman

@Hentai (again)

Lookup Horihone Saizou (by proxy possibly), and say that again.

BBC pumps 60 quid a head into Gaelic

Anonymous Scotsman

anti-patriotic vitriol

It's ridiculous job fabricating efforts like this which justify my refusal to own and operate a device for the reception and interpretation of analogue television broadcasts.

Gaelic and neo-pagan druidism should be left alone, on the isle of Skye where they cant hurt anyone.

American Stereotype™ walks Google's mean Street View

Anonymous Scotsman


What amuses me the most is that he appears to have dress-shoes on...

Govt uses Obscenity Law to stuff up cartoon sex loophole

Anonymous Scotsman

@ Lionel Baden

If they *do* get up onto the firing line, then it will have all been worth it, and I personally could stomach whatever fallout follows this with a smile. But until a fursuit clad goth terrorises a nursery, I doubt it's going to happen.

Admittedly i'm intending to semi-permanently leave the country in four months (for other reasons), so my perspective is somewhat skewed.

Librarians redubbed 'audience development officers'

Anonymous Scotsman

Librarius Omnis...

I personally welcome this development, since (nearly) anything ina apublic library can be trawled on bookchan or it's superiors anyway. I'd see it taken further by actively employing the librarians in scanning books and cataloging CCTV archives ( man bites dog as taken from fifteen different angles)for public perusal, preferably in the face of international outrage. Gives them something to do at least.

The Temple of All Knowledge is only 30,000 years away!

What the Freetard Photo book tells us

Anonymous Scotsman

the value in stories without photos?

One good thing about this book and the article criticising it (for me anyway), is that it highlighted how very few assemblies of that which is called Intellectual Property are actually worth paying for, by virtue of not worth having possession of in the first place.

So appreciation for expanding my world outlook a bit, the rich and wonderful tapestry of the internet to which i've been exposed to was largely lacking in worthless crap, admittedly thanks to many pre-emptive filtering policies.

Microsoft eyes metered-PC boondoggle

Anonymous Scotsman

feedin' trolls

I have the nagging feeling this is a stupendous act of patent trolling, with MS taking a legitimately good idea from somewhere it could be useful (and getting a lever on the SaaS stupidity) and preventing its meaningful development.

Scottish firm pays £120,000 over unlicensed software

Anonymous Scotsman

Fortune favors the lazy

I actually applied for a job at this company over the summer, and am now doubly glad I didn't get it. No doubt a couple of expendable heads will be rolling presently, and none of them are mine...

Oz couple served legal docs via Facebook

Anonymous Scotsman

(backwards) March of progress

I wonder if Jacqui will propose nationalising facebook at some point. Legislatively mandated facebook accounts would go well with the non-Register readers, most likely

Pilots survive night on Hudson Strait ice sheet

Anonymous Scotsman

My Goodness..

Unmitigated good news?

In my Register?


I wonder what the boat was doing that could be discarded so quickly.

Hubble snaps planet orbiting distant star

Anonymous Scotsman

@ storng.bare.durid

You've just made me realise the mahoosive orange wedge could be Craftworld Ulthwe.

Emperor preserve us!

Sarko demands withdrawal of voodoo doll

Anonymous Scotsman

Potential Millions

I politely request El Reg source a manufacturer for Jacqui Smith dolls swiftish.

US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics

Anonymous Scotsman

inverse twat-o-tron aside

While it pains me to point this out, allowing wiggle room for recording ero ero activities between fully consenting minors, somewhat removes the justifications for the cudgel of family friendly legislation when a consenting minor and not quite minor get caught doing the same thing.

If they acknowledged that minor a (as in this case) has some right to be nud' at any point in time for any reason (to extend a bit), there is some twisted logic that could apply it to an imbalanced age relationship, and that would have the think of the children brigade up in arms.

Almost feel sorry for those poor legislators, who in the interests of representing the will of the vocal majority, have to go to such bizarre lengths.

almost, but not.

Music and pics coming to next-gen Nintendo DS

Anonymous Scotsman

missed opportunity

And still no phone capability. Given the feature overlap, its a bit strange that they dont try and consolidate the digital leash-and-chew-toy market, nightmares of international telephone standards aside.

Still, I suppose its a blessing that there isnt, because the bad ole days of Nintendo dominance are not something worth repeating.

Vodafone says termination rate clampdown would hit the poor

Anonymous Scotsman

A step towards dismantling POTS?

If this could be used to push integrated call filtering at the network level,and stimulating the market into standardising the whole affair i'm all for it. But thats a bit past optimistic and into delusional ( and partially irrelevant, thanks to the TPS service).

Another nicety from this would be the side effects for mobile phoning price jumps; preventing anyone without a valid reason, or no other option from maintaining one. Artificially Gentrifying Mobiles, if you will.

But those are two very small and artificial linings to a pretty big cloud.

IT pay jumps as skills gap widens

Anonymous Scotsman

Revising the academic framework to provide for British Industry and the international market (tm)

Is a bad idea. As far as I can tell, the only thing British industry that cannot be outdone/outsourced in is producing :

1. Toys for degenerate sophisticates (such as transport helicopters, and the hangars to put them in)

2. Ambrosia Rice Pudding

"Britain’s brightest kids should be required to study three separate science courses in secondary school to offset a shortage of employees in the IT and science sectors."

Be nice if someone could come out and make up their minds about what the education system is actually supposed to accomplish. If its investing in (y)Our Future, then by all means, piss the money away as quickly as possible and delay the innevitable until the ship can be fully gutted. But if it is investing in (y)Our Children, then get them to competence in at least two languages as quickly as possible, and give them a chance outside of Australia and New Zealand.

Sad thing is, I understand the experience wall for new entries; the number of cretins I have had the distinct displeasure of graduating with scares me, not only because of all the pointless work that employment agencies and/or departments consequently have to do, but the shear terror of the thought of certain examples landing a job, and being given a position of potentially abused power over any business's productivity.

Thai court jails 'swirly-face' paedophile

Anonymous Scotsman
Gates Halo

three years, for a given value of three

Those decrying three years should keep in mind that most government officials in "such countries"(specifically; Vietnam, Thailand, Nepal,Burma, possibly Bhutan and apparently some areas of Sri Lanka) are either the top customers, financial backers or both for child brothels, and the absurd amount of relative capital it brings into the pockets of well secured individuals should really not be understated.

Indeed, arrests and crackdowns tend to be token gestures and/or lipservice to the international community; a good example would be the run on a certain district on the outskirts of Bangkok(and yes, I have forgotten the name so feel free to disbelieve me), wherein there was spartan evidence that each and every operation thereon was given advanced warning of the inbound inquisition, and the authorities could then testify with a straight face that they found nothing.

The exception here seems to be when the man caught is stupid enough to be catchable in the first instance, and can be then pumped for more money. I would be surprised if he will still be found in the jail he is dumped in five months from now, unless serious international whatsit is brought to bear.

Bill, because he was probably swirled with a Windaes product.

Criminal record checks could hit over 14 million people

Anonymous Scotsman

on pesimism

Surprised no-one has mentioned registering the contents of your local church/mosque/temple/standing stones under this. Hell, until they start having registered religions you could potentially work around this volunteer nonsense by claiming religious impunity, or simply lack of organisation. I dont doubt that at some point some funky politician is going to require CRB checks to be a member of a body of worshipers.

Me, I'm worrying that my miniature wargamming hobby which occasionally has me in the company of folk of indeterminate age will put me on some blacklist in the future, for no crime other than having less sense than money, and not spending it on legislated, controlled and taxed chemicals.

Anyone want to join me in emigrating to, say, Bhutan ?

Judge grants Viacom 12TB of YouTube user records

Anonymous Scotsman

@ Christoph

IP addresses alone are *not* enough evidence for a prosecution; the time frame that the IP in question was used along with the IP address will be used to strong arm the ISP into giving up customer details, which is a similar issue. The privacy problem of dumping ten thousand spartans worth of IP addresses on viacom is essentially a non-issue if they didnt keep the timestamps ( which is wishful thinking, of course they did).

<rhetorical>What I want to know is why youtube bothers keeping information like this for longer than necessary (seriously, 12 tb?). </rhetorical>

Boffins invent 42GB DVD

Anonymous Scotsman

obvious in retrospect

makes perfect sense, shame no-one cared when it could have made a difference.

although, this could become a very effective workaround for the wibbly standard that is blu-ray, with all its content protection &c. Still, getting more bang out of mountains of (comparatively) dirt cheap dvds for crap that only has to be stored for a year or two would justify a mutant DVD±RW I'd say.

but, naturally, no-one (except maybe philips) is going to pick it up since licensing/royalties lol etc cant concievably justify the expense .