Posts by Hugh Jorgen

El Reg to launch space paper plane

For the history books......

Problem with history books is they were always defaced when I were a lad. So, while El Reg is forging ahead with the revival of the UK's dreams of space flight, why not beat the future generation to it? Why not call it:

your mom (or yo momma) 'cos nothing goes down longer'

or 'pWnD'

or 'Bungles Finger'

and while we're at it, try to use some paper from a tacky skin mag and have a snapper showing on the wing somehwere, saves time for the kids drawing one on if a photo ever makes it into the curriculum....

Paris...... any why not?

Phorm phading phast

@ Kanhef

Slight flaw in your plan....

I'm on here for the pR0n, not just any pR0n, but the free stuff. Now why the hell would I want targeted advertising directing me to sites where I'd have to pay for my pR0n???

And....do they think I need help finding it? Um, ok, forget that, yes I do...but not for the content, I find it hard to type with both hands busy.....

Mine's the one with the handy 10 pack of man size tissues stuck in each pocket......

Porsche bites back at e-car proponents

Wrong car entirely.

Typical, they went for a 911. The 924 was far more aerodynamic, and has almost complete balance on each quarter, even the 944 and 968 would have been a better choice for the same reasons.

Perhaps it's because the Porsche fraternity can't get it up without a 911, never mind the mechanical brilliance of the other models, if it doesn't look like a clapped out old beetle they don't want to know.

Paris....because I fancy a blowjob in the back of my vectra.

Boffins develop interstellar alien ocean-spotting tool

Easily sorted....

give a German tourist a towel and sunbed, point at the watery contender of your choice and if he/she buggers off to get the best spot on the beach before breakfast then it's an oceanic planet. Simple, ja?

Mines the leather trenchcoat stuffed full of schizer videos.....

eBay: don't come on our US site without protection

Greedy bunch of cocksuckers...

If Ebay want to increase revenue they should sack the "accountants" who've just shafted thousands, literally thousands of small shop owners. They have a statement "..although not all shops will benefit...", um, well, no shit sherlock, the small shops are paying around £6 per month, major shop sellers are getting a price reduction overall.......result, small shops cancel, large shops pay less, revenue drops.

I've got a lot of windows in my office these fucktards can come and lick.......and now this, "you can only pay if you use our method of payment we take a cut from...", that must be to pay for the gargantuan gap in funding their management are causing.

There's customer service, then there's Ebay....."the customer's are our enemy, and since we're the biggest and best known we can fuck them all and they'll love it".

This is what happens when you interbreed stupid with greedy and lose the savy.......bunch of cocksuckers!!!!

Paris, because she'll never need to suck a cock for money

Lower VAT could help small businesses amid recession fears

VAT, income on the dodgy.....

VAT could be seen as an extremely indirect tax on the black market. All the drug dealers, pimps, extreme pornographers (phoar) all earn money behind the taxman's back. They need to spend the money somewhere, and that's when the taxman gets their cut of the illicit cash. That's why the old chestnut "legalise it so you can tax it...." is grossly incorrect, the buggers are already taxing it.

So.....with this in mind and the dramatic increase in cyber crime, the .gov should actually be increasing the VAT rate on PC's, net connections, barbed wire lingerie sets, wetsuit and firemans helmet combo's etc.

May not be a popular view, but then neither is Skegness....

Paris, because I'd pay taxes more VAT if I could crawl naked over broken glass to stand matchsticks in her shit.......

Ohio table-shag man gets six months

American w*nkers need our help....

**While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, Price's proximity to Ridge Elementary School upped the outrage to a felony.**

If I can just get this clear.....what's the legallity towards having a 5 knuckle shuffle if you live within a certain distance of a primary school in the USA? 500m and over, the Roman Catholic church says you're going to hell. 499m and less and a frikin judge says you're going to be some vicious criminal's bunk muffin?

Personally, I'l have whipped the bald chap out in court and thrashed out a quick fist of fury display to get my moneys worth.

Paris.....I'm off to the gents to have a wafty crank specially for her since I'm miles from a school.

Bloke crams 13 into Volvo S70

Hang about, the BBC have added some mitigating info....

This is from the BBC website....."The court heard Abraham Gniwosch had been driving for five years "....

....so if 9 of them were infants then he could surely have argued that when he set out 5 years ago, there were only 4 adults in the car........

Paris.....I'd have her in the back of my car....and over the bonnet......

Do you know how much of your porn is extreme?

What about...........

.......the likes of a quality family sport like boxing? Two semi naked men being paid to be brutalised and beat the hell out of each other, like hard as nails manwhores, with the extremely high likelyhood of bodily damage and in some cases even death.

You can argue all you like that it's not porn, however, if someone were to have that on TV, be naked him/herself and 'entertaining pam & her 5 lovely daughters' or 'tickling the trouts gills', then how exactly does that differentiate itself from extreme porn? You've even got to subscribe to PPV's for the high level *ahem* manwhores, I've heard rumours** there are porn websites where you have to subscribe for PPV's too......

**.....can't confirm this rumour, I've never paid for my porn with probably the exception of this internet connection, but I'm sure someone out there actually pays.

Paris, because I wouldn't half..........