* Posts by Dave The Cardboard Box

85 publicly visible posts • joined 6 Jun 2008


Top secret payload fired into orbit aboard private rocket

Dave The Cardboard Box

Now watch the movie


OK, it's a spoof but it sounds far better than Avatar.

Blockbuster winds itself into Chapter 11

Dave The Cardboard Box

Almost Absolutely

You were just a whisker away from quoting one of the best sketches from C4's Absolutely.

Head App Store plod punts farts 'n' wiz

Dave The Cardboard Box

"doltishness has no value in our canon"

You sir, have single-handedly raised The Reg's literary credibility by a tittle. Mayhaps a jot.

DRAM makers fined €331m for euro cartel

Dave The Cardboard Box

How do i get my money back?

Oh, I don't. Well that's deeply reassuring.

Boobquake fails to destroy planet

Dave The Cardboard Box

This young woman should be applauded

She just should.

Seriously, if we are going to be bashing someone for being out of touch we should also look at the surveys in Britain that show a large minority of people think women who have been raped were partly responsible because they wore revealing clothes. Still, go on feel superior.

FBI cyber cop says 'very existence' of US under threat

Dave The Cardboard Box

Spread alarm

then restrict personal liberties. Bait and switch, bait and switch. Nobody ever lost a vote that way and I'm not even wearing a tinfoil hat. OK. I am but that's the only way I can get a live feed from Fox News into my brane.

El Reg insults 'millions of Irish Catholics'

Dave The Cardboard Box

How about...

a picture of Cardinal Sean Brady to defuse the situation.

Small biz suffocated by employment red tape

Dave The Cardboard Box

Well they would, wouldn't they?

Getting employers to agree to employment legislation is like getting turkeys to vote for Xmas.Try running a company with no employees and see how far that gets you.

US must redesign killer hot dogs

Dave The Cardboard Box


Cunningly ignoring the hundreds of kids who die because the US doesn't provide decent medical care for poor people. When inner city areas in the world's greatest democracy have higher still-birth rates than some African countries you know that something reeks.

Selfridges punts £1,800 Spanish ham

Dave The Cardboard Box


It used to be nigh on impossible to sell pork from animals fed on acorns because the flesh is a nasty black colour. Acorns are about the cheapest type of pig feed you could get. The only way they could top this leg of ham is to sell one from pigs fed exclusively on rats.

A food connoisseur is just a wallet with a few brain cells attached.

Paramount prepares to scale Dune

Dave The Cardboard Box

Oh grow up!

Yet another manifestation of the western male's complete inability to progress beyond the age of 14. And the books were crap.

Stick on a Hawkwind album and have a wank about your friend's Mum while you're there.

'Whales can't even hear naval sonar' says Navy boffin

Dave The Cardboard Box

More science

less partisan yack from all parties involved please.

Judge batters Bluebeat with injunction over Beatles downloads

Dave The Cardboard Box


Was he channelling John Lennon or just pressing record?

X-rays beat computer as best invention ever

Dave The Cardboard Box


a jail sentence for pissing on a war memorial be the best invention. After all, there is no such crime no matter how many Daily Mail readers have aneurysms including the fuckwit judge.

Somerset council resigns over blog

Dave The Cardboard Box
Big Brother

What a bunch of...

neu-rural English fascists. Looks like a bunch of "I bought an overpriced, dingy retirement dwelling" types met their match with another nutter who can actually type stuff into the internets. Why don't some gypsies move into the bottom meadow and give them something they can really seethe over? Guy, the golf club secretary, could show them anti-human mines he used to sell to the Iraqis before he was prosecuted and they can plan their NIMBY paradise over a traditional Sunday lunch of duck cassoulet with a Château Lynch Bages Medoc.

Morrissey tells netdepressives to boycott his re-releases

Dave The Cardboard Box

2 faced moaning git

Mike Joyce and Andy Rourke could tell him a thing or two about being financially screwed by unscrupulous cash hounds.

The Internet's most evil company?

Dave The Cardboard Box

Evil? Yep but not for this reason

AP, UP and Reuters bounce around speculative stories which are then published as facts for a couple of days until the truth comes out. No one apologises or prints retractions and the general public only remembers the original story.

Any news organisation which doesn't do its own fact checking and depends on repeating gossip deserves to fail.

Barclays online banking borked

Dave The Cardboard Box

Typical Labour

Barclay's online banking worked before the Labour bailout. OK we still have a bank but I'd rather have a bankrupt bank with a working website which showed my savings were worth nothing.

Labour MP quits over McKinnon extradition vote

Dave The Cardboard Box

Let's see

Gary McKinnon is either guilty or innocent. We won't know which until he is tried. If the court find him guilty they can take his personal circumstances into account. Where's the injustice?

Yesterday we were told a wonderful, loving granny has been convicted to 8 years by another cruel, undemocratic, justice system - the French. She was smuggling drugs and freely admitted it.

These aren't stories about justice, just small-minded British prejudice.

Blade Runner house yours for $15m

Dave The Cardboard Box

The myth of the architect

Yet another "genius" architect who knew nothing about his materials. As a piece of failed design it should be pulled down. You could rebuild it properly 5 times over for that money.

Twitter profile hack pwns Mormons

Dave The Cardboard Box

Damn those scallywags

and their close cousins, the ne'er do wells. It's only a matter of time before we have to put up with the scourge of society, scientists.

El Reg reader crafts Gordo Lolcatprat

Dave The Cardboard Box

What about UKIP?

I haz no policy - except xenophobia and Thatcherism.

Hindus take divine mace to Sony Playstation

Dave The Cardboard Box

How about a game

where you shoot abortionists in churches to show your love for Jesus and how much you respect human life.

Tesla recalls Roadsters

Dave The Cardboard Box

I misread this

and got "According to Tesla, the problem was discovered after a routine urine analysis", which makes more sense from a manufacturing point of view.

Debbie Gibson battles Mega Shark and Giant Octopus

Dave The Cardboard Box
Paris Hilton

I fail to see the difference...

between this and the steaming piles of kack that the US majors release. "X-Men Origins - Wolverine" - didn't Napoleon Dynamite kill him in Alaska because he was attacking his cousins?

Paris because all she needs is a good part to produce an amazing performance.

Canadian Sex Party stands proud at polls

Dave The Cardboard Box

How well did they do against...

the food party and the shelter party. My understanding of primitive drives says that the "kill anyone who doesn't fit in" party should win every time (AKA UKIP and Republicans). I want to vote using the conscious part of brain and a spoiled ballot seems the only choice.

Apple brands UK tabloid 'obscene'

Dave The Cardboard Box

The Sun

I remember a story on page three about a woman who may (or more likely, may not) have flashed at her neighbour. According to the Sun she said "look at my t*ts". The asterisk was theirs not mine. What a shower of hypocritical shit. So let's applaud a random act of censorship for getting it right for once. It was bound to happen some time.

What on earth do you think you are doing, Darling?

Dave The Cardboard Box
Dead Vulture


If the Weimar Republic taught us anything it's not to vote for a nationalist party when things get tough economically (especially when the nation is actually "Engerland" not the whole of the UK).

Conspiracy theories aplenty as Amazon delists gay books

Dave The Cardboard Box

Maybe God did it

He gets cranky every time the anniversary of his son's death comes around

Scareware scammers latch onto Conficker hype

Dave The Cardboard Box

Channel 4 news says...

Conficker could attack well known sites or it could do nothing.

Thanks guys, my gran says it might kill her cat or send an endless stream of Portuguese gigolos round to her house.

Study: Girls still not swarming into sci-tech, dammit

Dave The Cardboard Box

The Lou Reed principle

as in "I'm just the water boy, the real game's not over here". It ignores the fact that people have far more choices in other areas. It seems kind of dim to assume that if you are good at science/maths you only have intelligence related to those fields and have no other choices. Take a look at the wider world and the real question is why women are more attracted to other disciplines.

Miley Cyrus hacker in MySpace spam ringtone scam

Dave The Cardboard Box

Social engineering???

Come on Reg, when did you turn into Newspeak hacks? The guy was conned. Even geeks get conned.

Superworm seizes 9m PCs, 'stunned' researchers say

Dave The Cardboard Box

internet censorship only applies...

... if there's a 100,000-1 chance it could f*ck up YOUR computer

I presume these guardians of our safety went through a huge number of legally acceptable steps to close down these sites

Double standards only apply to people with double standards.

'Lord of the Universe' disciple exits Wikipedia

Dave The Cardboard Box

All you need to do now...

is expose everyone who, for reasons I'll never understand, skew things to reflect US political, social, economic and religious biases.

Good luck guys.

Google scrubs urinating woman from Street View

Dave The Cardboard Box

Why pick on Google Streetview?

You can see her arse on Google Earth.

Orchestral Star Wars spectacle to debut in London

Dave The Cardboard Box


Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

Net pedants dismantle Quantum of Solace

Dave The Cardboard Box

In "The Last Temptation of Christ"...

Christ was seen using what looks like an Amiga 3000 to hack into the Roman Nexus-Overlord computer. The movie was made in 1988 but the Amiga 3000 wasn't released until 1990. I'm confused.

Lewis Hamilton mulls riding Virgin

Dave The Cardboard Box
Paris Hilton

Nicole Scherzinger?

Is she fulfilling the role of that kindly old lady your Mum sat you beside when you got a bus ride on your own when you were ten? I'm guessing yes.

Paris because her plastic surgery is less likely to perish during sex (just).

Guns N' Roses blogger to walk

Dave The Cardboard Box

Free Kevin Coghill

... with every unit sold.

Come on! That's funny. My Grandad's a GNR fan and he agrees.

Geeks whup Marine ass in Call Of Duty 5

Dave The Cardboard Box

That's how to commemorate the war dead

Here in the UK we just had a few 108 year olds breaking down in tears because the memory is still so painful. Diff'rent strokes I guess.

Wi-Fi phobes hijack disability legislation

Dave The Cardboard Box

By my aluminium foil helmet

... I WILL BE AVENGED. I'm also wheat intolerant. I feel slightly more bloated when I eat wheat than when I take regular exercise, which I rarely do as I'm trapped in a radiation field - BY SCIENCE!!!

BBC has newsgasm over Obama's dog

Dave The Cardboard Box

Just get a mongrel

and tattoo "Republicans, this is what your face looked like on November the 4th" on its arse.

Gadget Show competition spews text spam

Dave The Cardboard Box

Channel 5?

Is there such a thing? The airwaves can only hold so much information before they fall to earth and flop about like a Glaswegian man on incapacity benefit.

9 hilarious election tweets worth remembering

Dave The Cardboard Box

Leave it to The Onion

.. seriously

Drunken paedo commie exposed on internet

Dave The Cardboard Box
Paris Hilton

Thanks Pete James

Lucky your brother didn't work in Africa. You would be in serious danger of being called a generalising, intolerant, moronic racist. As it stands you're just promoting democracy. Yay!!!

Paris cos even she knows better.

Carmack's rocket wins $350,000 in mock moon mission

Dave The Cardboard Box

Nice place for the competition

400 metres from power pylons. It doesn't take a rocket scientist.....

What is a Linux distro worth?

Dave The Cardboard Box

My garage cost £120,000,000,000

When you factor in the real costs. 3000 years of agriculture, 2000 years of written knowledge/education , the London flood defences, the cost of two world wars, £800 to a guy called Jerczy. It all adds up.

Government tied in knots by bondage protest

Dave The Cardboard Box

Nice picture

sums it all up.

Taliban extends mobile shutdown order

Dave The Cardboard Box

Operator? Get me Jesus on the line..

..sorry, I meant Muhammad, and no cheeky western tricks.

FBI's fraud site spawns UK arrests

Dave The Cardboard Box

Site "outed" earlier this week, arrests today

So forensic examiners are going to be looking at a surprising number of new hard drives.

What a cock-up, the mice will be furious.