* Posts by IHateWearingATie

650 posts • joined 2 Jun 2008


Um, almost the entire Scots Wikipedia was written by someone with no idea of the language – 10,000s of articles


Hen screwed up Wikipedia so Maw Broon gave him a clip round the ear.

Used to get the Sunday Post every week as a kid, loved those cartoons


"Any other shit cliches you want to wheel out while you're logged in? Maybe something about haggis or .."

Ah, haud yer wheesh as mah mither used tae say.

No really, she did. Apparently I moaned quite a bit as a kid. Now a parent myself, I must say its a very useful saying.

Looking at some of the pages, its like that editor read some Broons cartoons in the Sunday Post and decided that they could speak Scots.

You *bang* will never *smash* humiliate me *whack* in front of *clang* the teen computer whizz *crunch* EVER AGAIN


Good plan, but should have smashed it directly in front of the rest of the tech (TV, computer etc) in the house.

Pour encourager les autres.....

Ed Snowden has raked in $1m+ from speeches – and Uncle Sam wants its cut, specifically, absolutely all of it


Why on earth did he use a booking agent in he USA? Surely it would have been far more sensible to flow everything through Russia (booking agent, bank accounts etc) so he could tell the US court system to go swivel?

Apple gives Boot Camp the boot, banishes native Windows support from Arm-compatible Macs


Re: "...banishes native Windows support ..."

If you don't use it, then you shouldn't care. However, quite a lot of businesses (including the one I work for) have moved to buying Apple laptops for their workforce on the basis that you could also run x86 Windows apps when needed.

Without that, there are two choices. Stop buying Apple laptops that can't run x86 Windows apps easily, or move the apps to Mac. Stopping buying Apple laptops is a much cheaper option and in some cases legacy x86 Windows apps won't be able to be practically ported.

Surprise! That £339 world's first 'anti-5G' protection device is just a £5 USB drive with a nice sticker on it



Am I the only one gutted not to have thought of this first? Admittedly I would have pitched it at around £70 as £300 feels like its way beyond the point of maximising revenue, and I would have soldered a few random components on there to throw people off the trail...

Ethics - I've heard of them.

Far-right leader walks free from court after conviction for refusing to hand his phone passcode over to police


Re: Why didn't they use s 49 RIPA?

My guess is because section 7 is looser than the limits placed under 49 (3) of RIPA:

A disclosure requirement in respect of any protected information is necessary on grounds falling within this subsection if it is necessary—

(a)in the interests of national security;

(b)for the purpose of preventing or detecting crime; or

(c)in the interests of the economic well-being of the United Kingdom.

versus (from schedule 7):

An examining officer who questions a person under paragraph 2 may, for the purpose of determining whether he falls within section 40(1)(b)—

(a)search the person;

(b)search anything which he has with him, or which belongs to him, and which is on a ship or aircraft;

(c)search anything which he has with him, or which belongs to him, and which the examining officer reasonably believes has been, or is about to be, on a ship or aircraft;

Tech's Volkswagen moment? Trend Micro accused of cheating Microsoft driver QA by detecting test suite


Re: Petty or Pedant?

Never apologise for pedantry on El Reg. It's what we thrive on.

Britain has no idea how close it came to ATMs flooding the streets with free money thanks to some crap code, 1970s style


Re: Experienced tester.

"Users have a habit of using software in ways the designers never thought of."

Yeah, the bastards.

Bloody users, fouling up my elegant software with their 'requirements' and 'needs'.

ICANN finally halts $1.1bn sale of .org registry, says it's 'the right thing to do' after months of controversy


Re: Shame on you, Kieren

This looked to me like an insider deal to asset strip the registry, nothing more.

Nothing about the ownership, this was about a former CEO of ICANN looking like he was unfairly making a quick buck (actually a lot more than that!).

Academics demand answers from NHS over potential data timebomb ticking inside new UK contact-tracing app


This is typical public sector thinking - great being the enemy of good.

The extra information they are after will be very very useful in lots of situations, but they have missed the glaring issue of privacy. It could cause far fewer people to sign up, meaning that it misses what it is meant to do in the first place (apparently you need at least 60% of the population to use it for it to be effective), and we can pretty much guarantee some kind of snafu to allow access to the data for people we don't want to access it.

Most frustrating.

Dumpster diving to revive a crashing NetWare server? It was acceptable in the '90s


Re: A long time ago

Too true - if a bodge job seems to work, the attention of management moves on and a temporary hack held together with (literally in this case) blu tack soon becomes the new normal.

I'd never have been guilty of that .......

In case you need more proof the world's gone mad: Behold, Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels


Re: Re Cycle Wheels

"Rule #5 motherfuckers" is heard often in our office full of MAMILs

Microsoft attempts to up its Teams game with new features while locked-down folk flock to rival Zoom... warts and all


Multiple accounts!

"Next up is the common requirement to log into multiple accounts, trivial with Slack. "

I need this. As with most Microsoft things, it doesn't quite work right when you are working on a laptop linked via active directory linked to my employer, but trying to access mail, MS Teams etc via a log in that my client has given me. This has never quite worked for web access (weird behaviour when clicking links etc) and now the same thing is happening in Teams, where even if I create a meeting request in my client account, behind the scenes MS Teams thinks that it is linked to my employer's AD account.


(My employer uses Slack rather than Teams - first time I opened it was when I started working with my current client!)

UK big five carriers bin wired broadband download quotas for as long as we're all stuck indoors


There's huge difference between 'essential' and give it away for free.

The Labour proposal (free broadband for everyone) was a waste of public money and was rightly scoffed at.

Google reveals the wheels almost literally fell off one of its cloudy server racks


"A stepfather could indeed be younger than their own stepson."

See? Richard here gets it!

Every single scenario you can imagine exists out there somewhere!


I was working on the national insurance system in the early 2000s - we had 70 million people records (as pensions for live people sometimes rely on those who are not), and the saying was that one in a million possibilities happen 70 times in a single batch run, so we had to really think through the code design.

Have 15 slots for children in your database design? There's always a family with more kids than slots so the design needs to be different.

Don't expect numbers in a name? One idiot changed his middle name to his national insurance number.

Only one spouse? Bigamists pay national insurance like the rest of us. Can't just dump out an error there and crash the batch job.

The list was endless - it taught me that whatever screwy situation you can imagine definitely exists out there in more numbers than you can imagine!

Can you hear me now? Roadtesting Anker's first Bluetooth speakerphone


Re: a touch bigger than a hockey puck

Maybe El Reg should add 'urinal cake' to the range of acceptable measures?

Admittedly not helpful for those readers who don't use urinals, but they could suggest a suitable alternative.

Ofcom measured UK's 5G radiation and found that, no, it won't give you cancer


5G is 5 times more dangerous

Its in the title of the technology, how can you not see? 5G = 5 times more dangerous, 5 times more radiation!

You'll be sorry The Register, when your hamsters get cancer and your arm hair all falls out.

A 5G transmitter turned on near me and I haven't slept since - symptoms are profuse sweating, anxiety, lack of appetite and my dog won't stop howling at the moon.

If that's not evidence, I don't know what is.

The self-disconnecting switch: Ghost in the machine or just a desire to save some cash?

IT Angle

Re: I don't remember though if it was 2.40 or 1.40

"But I do remember that it had a heart of chrome, and a voice like a horny angel."

Have an upvote for maybe the first instance of a Meatloaf quote sneaked in on the Reg forums?

All that Samsung users found on UK website after weird Find my Mobile push notification was... other people's details


What is odd for me is that not only had I disabled that app, I don't think I even have a Samsung account!

Elon Musk shows world that he is truly awful at something

Thumb Down


I'm a fan of this kind of EDM and listen to it a lot.

That is terrible.

And then there were two: HMS Prince of Wales joins Royal Navy


Re: Air Cover?

Never, thanks to a combination of stupidity in MoD's procurement department and larceny by the ship builders. We're stuck with two floating gin palaces as they don't have cats and traps, so we have to buy the massively complex and expensive F-35B VTOL capable plane, rather than a mixture of expensive and cheaper fixed wing aircraft.

And don't get me started on the lack of radar aircraft that can use it (again because of the lack of cats and traps). - even an old P-3C Oriion would be better than using either a helicopter or basically having to sail with the Americans using their E-2C Hawkeyes..

We've found it... the last shred of human decency in an IT director – all for a poxy Unix engineer


I refused to give the name

Someone working for me caused a data breach incident once - I didn't name them in the ensuing shitstorm as it was a mistake borne of too much work, too little sleep and lots of pressure.

I figured I was going soft that day, as my usual approach is not just to drop them in in it, but randomly ensure the blame lands on others as well a a bit of collateral damage. Always helps to keep the troops on their toes.

I don't just climb the greasy pole, I attach landmines to make sure no one else follows me up it :)

Don't look too closely at what is seeping out of the big Dutch pipe


My first role was in 2nd line support in the late nineties. The company in question had invested in mobile phones that you could connect to the laptops for dial up access on the go - mostly for the sales force to connect to the lotus notes based sales system (connect, replicate, disconnect - I loved Lotus Notes), but also for some of the senior execs.

Helpdesk had been speaking to one user about some trouble dialling up from his mobile and couldn't diagnose it over the phone so it was dropped off at my desk. I fixed it (probably some driver issue, can't really remember) and opened the internet browser to do some testing, thinking I would click on Favourites to pick a couple of websites that the user has to ensure that it works. As a niave 21 year old I never realised that Nylon Fetish was a thing - my first exposure to the maxim that if you have a thing, there is probably a website for it. Hastily closed the browser and spoke to my boss about what to do. Turned out the user was the global head of Legal, and was advised by my boss to delete the favourites and forget all about what I'd seen. Wise words I suspect.

In Hemel Hempstead, cycling is as bad as taking a leak in the middle of the street


Re: Despite the completely empty cycle route

Bunhill Row at the edge of the City of London is a one way street with two way cycle route on it. Unfortunately the signage and road painting was sporadic and awful (it could be they have improved it) so a pedestrian would just assume its a one way street and possibly not look both ways before crossing (its a cut through down from silicon roundabout with not a lot of traffic. I would call it quiet but a ruddy great tower is being built there so its anything by quiet!

The time a Commodore CDTV disc proved its worth as something other than a coaster


Re: hmm

I once had an argument with Brent council as to whether my flat had been demolished. To build a new supermarket a few houses had been demolished, and the supermarket had built a small block of 6 flats to replace them. However, Brent Council hadn't updated their records (bearing in mind the flats had been there for at least 2 years when I moved in) - hence a somewhat bemusing conversation when I tried to register for council tax where I was insisting that I would definitely noticed if I was living in a pile of rubble.

Rise of the Machines hair-raiser: The day IBM's Dot Matrix turned


Re: Let's face it, who amongst us hasn't lost a tie to the...

...see my username.

Luckily not worked at a client that has needed a tie for ages

Virgin Media promises speeds of 1Gpbs to 15 million homes – all without full fibre


I'm pretty much stuck with Virgin for the moment given how far I am away from the BT cabinet - they estimate between 20 and 30 Mbit which could be eaten by one 4k iPlayer stream (watching the throughput with 4k Wimbledon, I saw it averaging 35-40Mbit)

Virgin service has been pretty good for me so far, although with all the price rises it's become quite expensive. I need to ring up and have a moan again.

A real head-scratcher: Tech support called in because emails 'aren't showing timestamps'


Also so this first hand - old school sales exec in 1998, his secretary printed all emails for him that he annotated for secretary to then reply to. Emails stored in filing cabinet in his office.

To be fair he was probably a couple of years off retirement so wanted to work in the same way he always had, and was senior enough to make it happen

Amazon consumer biz celebrates ridding itself of last Oracle database with tame staff party... and a Big Red piñata


"So, is Amazon going to be flogging off little used Oracle licenses "

Given this is Oracle, I can imagine not just that there is a clause preventing reassignment, but also the ability to claim ownership of your first born child if you have the temerity to try and leave them

HP deployed 'Truth Squad' in post-Autonomy PR blitz to defend Meg Whitman


"I cannot believe some of the absurd and ridiculous comments on here"

Clearly you're not someone who visits here often....

P30 pic pyrotechnics in Paris: That's one Huawei to set the smartphone world alight


Re: 50x optical zoom?

"[*] Surely we must have reached the peak of tagging everything which uses an algorithm as "AI"?"

Nowhere close. Only once Walkers start talking about AI controlled machines cooking their crisps will we be there.


Re: Have to agree

I want a company to highlight how good phone cameras are at taking pictures of scribbles on whiteboards, as that would cover a good 15% of all the pictures I take on my phone.

Croydon school rolling in toilet roll after Brexit gift deemed unfit for the Queen's Anus Horribilis


Re: schools

"Does the UK have the teenage custom of "TP"ing the house of someone unpopular or otherwise conspicuous?"

Nope - rains far too much for that. The unfortunate recipient of the TP'ing would just wait a few hours for the inevitable deluge to wash it all away.

College student with 'visions of writing super-cool scripts' almost wipes out faculty's entire system


Re: I rebooted the universe...

…. or just give the ants some jam to eat

Customer: We fancy changing a 25-year-old installation. C'mon, it's just one extra valve... Only wafer thin...


Re: Line editor without echo...

A mere bunker will not be enough to save EMACS supporters from the cleansing holy fire!

(Of course VIM is actually the chosen one, but we'll deal with the Vi heretics later)

Spooky! Solar System's Planet NINE could be discovered in the next NINE years (plus one to six), say astroboffins


Stuff the impact on astronomy if planet nine is found, think of the HUGE impact on astrology. All the charts would have to be re-written!

This could explain why, despite me being on the cusp of Cancer / Leo, I've always thought of myself as more of a Gemini. I always thought it was the influence of Jupiter and Mars rising, but clearly this unknown planet is causing the disconnect.

I sense an opportunity to make money from suck..... sorry, I mean the spiritually aware....

Blockchain is bullsh!t, prove me wrong meets 'chain gang fans at tech confab


Re: I've yet to hear of an actual, real application of blockchain

"And, if Oracle is offering it, you can be almost certain it's something you neither need nor want."

Ah, the kiss of death for any technology

Techie finds himself telling caller there is no safe depth of water for operating computers


Reminds me of one of the best commentard stories I've ever read:


Suunto settles scary scuba screwup for $50m: 'Faulty' dive computer hardware and software put explorers in peril



Its been 10 years since my last dive (bloody kids stopped all that fun) over the years I had a Suunto Stinger, Vyper and Vytec but I knew there was a reason I never trusted those wireless cylinder pressure guages !

Towards the end of my time diving it was still all done manually (custom cut tables, electronic depth gauge and timer - one main and one spare) as there weren't cheap and reliable computers that could do multiple gases for decompression. I seem to remember there were a few but cost £500 or so and were generally used with rebreathers.

And lo! Tim Cook becometh tech Jesus. But with more awards


And you wonder why they continue to not invite you to their launch events....

Reverse Ferret! Forget what we told you – the iPad isn't really for work


Re: Changed the ink .....

Touché :)


Re: Horses for courses

"Where I'm different is that I use my mobile phone for telephone calls!"

Changed the ink in your typewriter recently Grandad?

Bright spark dev irons out light interference


Re: Have you ever put something apparently useless to good use?


Good point. I shall mildly chastise myself (after all, it's not an apostrophe crime) next to the perfectly aligned wheelie bins forthwith.

Hopefully the next-but-one neighbours are watching and take note of the good example I'm setting.


Re: Have you ever put something apparently useless to good use?

Extra lashes with the cat o' nine tails for wilful rather than mistaken misuse!

I bet you don't even use your wheelie bins and just leave rubbish sacks next to them.


Re: Have you ever put something apparently useless to good use?

Nope, downvote for OP and downvote for you as well. Misuse of apostrophe is the only crime I'll countenance flogging for.

And maybe my next-door-but-one neighbours who keep their wheelie bins at the end of their drive but never leave them properly in line with each other.

In news that will shock absolutely no one, America's cellphone networks throttle vids, strangle rival Skype


Re: REAL Net Neutrality Is Specific To Non-Cellphone Internet Access

Ah, this would be one of the net neutrality mouth frothers that the article mentioned then....

Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention


As long as they shape the platform the laser is mounted on to look like a shark, then I'm in. Where's the crowd funding page?

Stroppy Google runs rings round Brussels with Android remedy


Re: UK needs the EU


All of which is extremely interesting.... *cough*...., but none of which addresses my very short and directed comment that you were wrong when we said you wouldn't find that zyklon B was invented by a German Jew on Google. I did. It was the first result. The very first one. Not that hard to check, really.

I wonder how that might affect a reader's view of the veracity of the rest of your statements? Or certainly how unpleasant you are in your communications on the internet.



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