Posts by smell fresher

Even without 3-Jesus Phone, Apple busts revenue records

Earnings from mobileme

They warned that earnings will go down in the near future..... this is probably to do with the mobileme fiasco and all those free months they're having to give away.... I (and others on the apple discussion boards) are today again unable to access email. If they keep this up I won't have to pay for (a completely useless) mobileme for the next 50 years

El Reg tells you what the Highway Code can't

Weed out the bad from the good

Get rid of speed limits. No signs. You drive as fast as you want.

Get experts to decide a maximum safe speed for accident black spots. Stick up speed cameras. Anyone caught going over the unadvertised safe speed limit is a dangerous driver who should be banned.

Pope apologises for Apple's MobileMe sins

@Thomas Re: It's a brilliant satire

I once knew a bloke called Thomas who was a cunt.

The Moderatrix will see you now

Time

"if you've ever wondered whether time is indeed an effect of gravity"

Time is the 4th dimension. The universe is expanding. It is expanding into the 4th dimension. This movement in the 4th dimension is experienced as the passage of time. Gravity curves space, the local curvature affects how quickly a local region is expanding in the 4th dimension hence gravity changes how we experience time.

I think I learnt this in my physics GCSE while we were doing general relativity.

Singapore forum 'scammer' faces caning and prison

@ Duncan Adamson

"2) I think what you are complaining about is a spelling mistake, not a grammar error."

That should be "grammatical error".

Cardiff 'copter coppers give chase to UFO

Laser pointer

It's obvious what happened.

Someone shone a laser pointer at the coppers in the chopper and they were chasing the spot of light burned onto their retinas.

Devil dog laughs in the face of Taser

Instead of tazers

Instead of tazers why don't police carry nets? Nets with a drawstring so you can make the offender into a bundle and drag them off to wherever you want to drag them.

Asus quietly demos Eee Box

Woooowoo

"Now they just need to replace the white plastic with brass. Possibly add a steam whistle."

Brass and a steam whistle?... If I owned a computer manufacturing company you'd be my head designer!

Baby held in Indian jail alongside hacking suspect mum

@Nick Palmer

"Guess what? A lot of them have kids too. Who are held in British jails. Don't see any fuss being made over that on the Reg."

I'm sure all a baby would have to do is say .."Excuse me, I'd like to speak to the governor. It is my poor mama that the judge sentenced to jail as punishment for losing her way and not I. I demand to be allowed to leave".. and they'd be free to go.

T5 Transformers t-shirt bust: Shock snap

"dog teams "

I've stared at the picture for 2 minutes and I can't see a dog. My work colleague says they can see it but won't tell me where. Is there really a dog?

Japanese woman moves into bloke's closet

Wouldn't happen in London....

where every unused closet has been rented out as a studio apartment for £400 a week.

Petrol stations deploy anti-theft stingers

@Steve

"I'm puzzled about the garage owner who'd lost £5,000 though. He had one drive away a week."

Ah, but that one drive away a week was a petrol tanker.

Cornish lingo gets standard written form

300 fluent speakers

There are far more people in England who can speak French. Can we have street signs in French please?

Asus speaks out on UK Eee PC 900 battery issue

2 year warranty

In most European countries the minimum warranty period for electrical goods is two years - so Asus cannot provide less and it appears they are off-setting this (forced) additional cost by providing a lower capacity battery.

In the UK I think that one year is the minimum warranty but it makes sense to have one product for the entire European market.