* Posts by Sceptic Tank

502 posts • joined 21 May 2008

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Music festivals are back in the UK. So is the background bork

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Windows

Clippy: It looks like you're performing live. Would you like help?

My android phone has a MUCH more annoying feature. There's this thing that keeps activating every time I accidentally press a button on the side of the phone that wants met to say things like "How to make banana bread" and such.

Why tell the doctor where it hurts, when you could use emoji instead?

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Headmaster

Re: Intelligibility fail

The doctor turned gray and coughed on my painting. I rearranged his face and he is in an ambulance at the petrol station. The conjoined snake twins stare deeply into their own eyes and there is snow on my forehead.

Can't see how anyone can get that wrong.

With a Lidl bit of luck, this Windows installation will make it through the night

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Headmaster

Karma Komedian

I wasn't aware that there were other comedians in Ye Netherlands besides André van Duin, who seems to have cornered every available minute of TV airtime for himself. Now the way I count it, if you include Van Duin in the tally then Nederland has exactly zero comedians,. Maybe I just don't see the humour — I'm 3/4 Frisian.

Perseverance rover drilled a rock on Mars and probably snaffled a core sample

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Holmes

Own work, please!

Somebody seems to have stolen your comment.

Docker Desktop no longer free for large companies: New 'Business' subscription is here

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FAIL

3. I have access to GCC using an Ubuntu container on a Windows machine so locked down that I cannot pin items to the start menu / task bar / create desktop shortcuts. Sometimes I need to write small utility programs and I refuse to use the retarded Intersystems tools that the company standardised on. But now that I think about it: surprisingly I managed to install the Linux Shell, and that actually works better.

Et tu, Samsung? Electronics giant accused of quietly switching SSD components

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Subject to change without prior notice. It's probably there somewhere on the packaging.

Toyota resumes autonomous Paralympics buses after vehicle hit judo competitor, forced him out of match

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The people under the bus go round and round.

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Terminator

No more ROTM?

I don't think it was an accident.

The Register recreates Apollo 15 through the medium of plastic bricks, 50 years on

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IT Angle

The Stand

I wish I could ignore the terrible stand.

Anyway, what's the obsession with Lego models these days? Back in the day one could buy a detailed scale model in a box, together with some glue and paint. Hours of fun! It's not like these fancy pants Lego kits can be repurposed to build anything else like the Lego of yore.

Bonkers rocket launch sees craft slip sideways, barely climb and tear up terrain

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Go

Coming soon to a launchpad near you...

So this wasn't planned? I thought this was technology to allow astronauts en route to the moon / mars / andromeda to be picked up from the bus stop down the road from the launch facility.

Samsung: We will remotely brick smart TVs looted from our warehouse

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Facepalm

I was about to say that the looters aren't smart people. But then there was a report of looting at a warehouse where some of the looters arrived in expensive cars and a 3 km long queue formed in the road.

That reminds me of an accident on the N1 at the John Vorster bridge one morning where a small truck carrying boxes of mango's overturned. Traffic was an absolute nightmare because people parked their X5's and LandRovers in the middle of the highway to go and help themselves at some free fruit. One would think that someone who can afford an X5 can afford to buy a box of fruit as well.

A new island has popped up off the coast of Japan thanks to an underwater volcano

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Headmaster

Submarine volcanos are underwater ....

This is why I come here for the science articles. Would have preferred a C++ shaped island, though — more classy.

Pi calculated to '62.8 trillion digits' with a pair of 32-core AMD Epyc chips, 1TB RAM, 510TB disk space

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Yeah, yeah. And the monkeys got the collected works of Jeffery Archer on the first attempt. I saw the cartoon.

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Terminator

Re: Secret messages?

You'd have to calculate it in base-11 to see the message. And it's the blueprint for a flying machine; did anybody check if the applied scientists are still in Swaziland? (Don't bother with the pictures they took)

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Paris Hilton

Re: they are now the last known digits of Pi

Get some glasses. You're looking at the invoice.

Wireless powersats promise clean, permanent, abundant energy. Sound familiar?

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Gimp

No vampire?

International Space Station actually spun one-and-a-half times by errant Russian module's thrusters

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Mushroom

4, 3, 2, 1 Earth below us

There's no ball valve on the fuel supply line?

Australian court rules an AI can be considered an inventor on patent filings

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Re: nothing in Australia law says the applicant for a patent must be human

I think he is trying to sell his program.

Tesla battery fire finally flamed out after four-day conflagration

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Flame

Re: How can we dance when our Earth is turning?

Boo! Somebody else already pointed out in the first article that it's not just the Auzzies' beds that are burning.

US govt calmly but firmly tells Blue Origin it already has a ride to the Moon's surface with SpaceX, thanks

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Paris Hilton

Fly me to the moon

Jeff Bezos can go and land on Venus. Do some EVA's. Be original. Have fun. No pressure.

Amazon sets the date for televised return to Middle Earth: September 2022

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Alert

Ah, a prequel to extend the life of the franchise. There's going to be vampires in it, right?

Redpilled Microsoft does away with flashing icons on taskbar as Windows 11 hits Beta

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Like a CUI?

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Windows

Re: " ... make finding what you need easier."

You're from Microsoft?

What to do with our leftover Saturn V Lego? Why, build another rocket, of course

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Stop

Re: A typewriter ? Really ?

Yup. Lego has become more like those aircraft / car / ship models that we used to build.

Mountains on neutron stars are not even a millimetre tall due to extreme gravity

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Alien

Re: "extreme gravitational fields"

So no chance of landing a craft on it to take pictures of the mountains?

(P.S. 1000 km/s sounds somewhat on the slow side. But I'm no astrophici expert).

Engineers' Laurel and Hardy moment caused British Airways 787 to take an accidental knee

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Headmaster

Re: Well, here's another nice mess you gotten me into!

Another fine mess.

Ad tech ruined the web – and PDF files are here to save it, allegedly

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Trollface

Flash!

Will save every one of us!

Who needs 'Bliss' in Teams when you can have the real thing on a Bristol bus?

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Windows

Maybe just a driver issue.

Kepler spots four rogue Earth-mass exoplanets floating in space, unbound to any star

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Mushroom

Re: Free floating planet population

I was wondering why that exoplanet was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

Leaked Apple memo tells employees that they'll be coming into the office at least 3 days a week from September

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Big Brother

Re: RE: Correction

I don't think anybody is forced to work there.

Record-breaking Kuwaiti heatwave triggers inadvisable TikTok expletive outburst

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Trollface

Re: No women, not even top-of-the-line engineers

Designed the turbine and helped to design the blades? And it failed? Hm.... I would possibly also ask for a second opinion.

Space Force turtle expert uncovers $1.2m Cape Canaveral cocaine haul

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Paris Hilton

So happy together

Why is the Space Force investigating rock bands from the 1960's?

Baby Space Shuttle biz chases dreams at Spaceport Cornwall

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Headmaster

Plural singular

Dutch is hard, eh?

Airline software super-bug: Flight loads miscalculated because women using 'Miss' were treated as children

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Paris Hilton

Re: Not necessarily.

Can't you add a wind direction and speed sensor as well?

South Africa's state-owned energy firm to appeal after court rules Oracle does not have to support its software

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Facepalm

Sorry if I laugh

Eskom stumbles from one disaster into the next. If it's not Oracle attempting to fleece them, it's the coal suppliers. De Ruyter recently fired the head of procurement for buying an ordinary broom for @ R240,000 and simple knee pads for R80,000. I would laugh more if it wasn't for the fact that consumers are footing the bill for this looting. From this month our electricity rates increase by 15% This on top of all the other steep fee increases we've had to deal with over the last few years — approved by the Energy Regulator.

AWS straps Python support to its automated CodeGuru tool, slashes prices – just don't go over 100,000 lines

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Alert

If you're coding in Python you're going to need industrial grade verification tools to verify that your code makes any sense at all. Undeclared variables, scope blocks by indentation ... there's already ample reason why no serious programming should be attempted in that poor excuse for a programming language.

We finally get to spot a burnt-out comet and what is it covered in? Talcum powder

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Childcatcher

Interstellar Dust

I think a sample return mission launched from the Johnson & Johnson Space Center should be undertaken.

Scientists stumped by strange X-rays from Uranus

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Angel

Wel okay, great science there, then. X-rays in space! I'd check for traces of, uhm, ... uranium ... or other radioactive elements if I were them.

In the meantime, just leave that thing where it is and don't bring it home.

OVH writes off another data centre – SBG1 – and reveals new smoking battery incident

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Facepalm

Re: Good night with nightmares

Not the type of containerisation we were expecting in their DC.

Smart doorbells on business premises make your property more attractive to burglars, warns researcher

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Re: At Chris G, re: signs...

Never mind the dog. Beware of the owner.

OVH says some customer data and configs can’t be recovered after fire, some seems to be OK, plenty is safe

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Terminator

How did those magnesium server racks work out?

OVH founder says UPS fixed up day before blaze is early suspect as source of data centre destruction

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Mushroom

The UPS is installed

Goodness, Gracious!

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Re: 300 Cameras

Funny how that account became corrupted. What backups?

Boffins revisit the Antikythera Mechanism and assert it’s no longer Greek to them

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Pirate

Marooned

Maybe if they looked for rocks in the sea instead of at the stars their ship would still be floating. Or maybe this was an early GPS device that did not work.

OVH data centre destroyed by fire in Strasbourg – all services unavailable

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Flame

IEEE 1394

All the servers and DC's are connected via FireWire.

NASA shows Mars that humans can drive a remote control space tank at .01 km/h

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Trollface

Would have been funny if it fell into a crevace.

Good work everyone!

What happens when cancel culture meets Adolf Hitler pareidolia? Amazon decides it needs a new app icon

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Childcatcher

I see Bart Simpson. The new logo looks like a paper jam sticking out of a printer.

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Big Brother

Re: 'you make it sound like...'

Didn't he relocate to Argentina after the war? ODESSA and all that? Sometimes it's necessary to admit defeat and cash in your chips; go start a new life somewhere else where there aren't so many people with ropes who would like to have a talk with you.

Scottish rocketeers Orbex commission Europe's largest industrial 3D printer to crank out 35 engines a year

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Go

Just don't mix up the nylon and aluminium reels.

Alexa, swap out this code that Amazon approved for malware... Installed Skills can double-cross their users

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WTF?

I don't want your help

Don't know if this is important, but my new Android mobile phone has this button on the side that brings up a "How can I help" assistant. The button is perfectly placed so that it unwittingly gets pressed every time one handles the phone. One day, in a rage, I managed to switch on a blighter that was reading the news while some female robot voice wanted to know how it could help me. Not being used to UI's that have been thoroughly millnialized, I could not figure out how to exit the news. Then this robot starts asking me "How can I help?", to which I requested the Google go away. But I may have been using some words and a tone of voice that would clearly indicate that I did not wish to be helped by Google's robot (i.e. F-OFF GOOGLE!!!!!). My rage doubled when this thing actually said: "I'm sorry if I upset you".

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