* Posts by greenmantle

36 publicly visible posts • joined 15 May 2008

Tech bribes: What's the WORST one you've ever been offered?


I need that mortgage!

BOFH vs PFY: There can be only one (on the exes chit)

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classic... A BOFH with everything.

Give the boy a biscuit (preferaly without laxative though!)


London Olympics shop in Union Jack outrage


Union Jack

It's only important to make the difference between Union Jack and Union Flag when hanging out in the Senior Service. It's important there as the two are threated differently and can lead to diplomatic incidents. (i.e. it can be used to announce intentions depending on where it's flown)

The rest of the world quite rightly doesn't give a monkey's.

I'll ge my coat, it's the one with the slightly wider stripes on the collar....

Asus teases with MacBook Air-esque Eee PC


Break the rules...

...and get sued by Apple for it!

Is there anything to find on bin Laden's hard drive?


Copsewood: Are you sure...

...that you didn't just get this reply from the BOFH's amazing excuse calendar?

*** Dummy mode on *** !

Yank fires up iPhone-controlled beer cannon

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I agree!

I did my Baccalaureate in the North of France (Lille) and did all my revisions drinking Kwak... hehe, I did better than anybody thought I would!

A brilliant invention, the guy should get a medal!

Crazed reindeer stalks, attacks Scottish woman with antlers


The herd has a spokesperson?

Max Clifford it has to be!

I for one welcome our new caribou overlords!

Facebook bug sin-bins female users


Pedant perhaps, but...

"Affected users had done nothing to breach the dominant social networks terms and conditions."

I fear there may be a small apostrophe missing somewhere.

Mine's the one with the Lynne Truss book in the pocket.

BOFH: Lies and the lying liars who lie about them

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This had my coffee on the keyboard...

Especially as I encountered this little problem this morning! :-)

Microsoft 'offered sex and drugs to distributors'

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Or it didn't happen...

Verified by Visa bitchslapped by Cambridge researchers



I work for a major investment bank, and these are issued routinely to all staff so that we can access all systems remotely (when working at home, DR etc.).

And yes, the keyfob principle (6 digit code regenerated every 30 secs) is also available as an app on everybody's blackberry.

So good question, why hasn't this been implemented for consumer banking?

Survey outs Britain as nation of tech twits



'Paging' ? That went out with that 80's pop band SaaS...

No wonder this country is technologically challenged!

My hospital HAL - Google man moots syringe that says no



The smart syringe is pointless? I think not!

I'll get my coat!

BOFH: Baitin' switch



'Rare as rocking horse shit'.

Simon, you owe me a new keyboard, but I have a signed blank expense claims form to take you to the pub with!

British boffin named first ever 'doctor of texting'



Truly a cunning linguist then...

Twitter meltdown raises questions about site stability

Paris Hilton


Twitter goes twits up!

Paris, obviously

LG's watchphone priced

Paris Hilton

Ihre Papiere Bitte...

Exchange rate is wrong, you've got £/$, not euros... GBP/EUR is more like 1.125

which means that it will be £899.99

meh, still want one though!

Paris, coz I could 'watch' her on the phone!

Boston student fined thousands for Napstering


Please El Reg

I can't read the bloody article because of the bloody adverts pasted all over the text. Please El Reg, do something about this!

And btw, before we all get carried away by browser versions (using ie6 sp2 for my sins) and spacing etc, I work as a contractor in a large company and therefore have little or no control over this system (as BOFH would approve most probably), and can't upgrade to my favorite browser.

What is the point of an advert if it covers up what I want to read?

Wheels come off O2's data network


here too

Central london still not working at 17:41... Bet no refund ;-(

Swedish devil girls fingered on Street View

Paris Hilton

another keyboard gone...

And yes Paris, need I say more?

Home and Away star in 'Lewinsky' moment

Paris Hilton

Playmobile reconstruction

...or it didn't happen

Paris, because her videos are still available...

Gordon Ramsay breaches f**king broadcasting code

Paris Hilton

Better title?

'Gordon manages 115 fucks in 40 minutes'

Paris, the obvious apprentice...

Tesco tills go titsup

Paris Hilton


"According to PA, about 100 stores are affected, and the problems are being rectified by rebooting the checkouts."

Absolute IT Crowd classic: "Have you tried swtching it off and switching it on again?"


Paris, because she knows how to turn things off and turn them on again (peolpe too apparently)

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes

Paris Hilton


I live around the corner and walked past the gym on the way to work this morning... It's sure real!

Agree that we shouldn't be using some crappy foreign AK47 but a good old british Tommy gun ;-)

Paris, because she knows about boob aerobics... and pole dancing

Ethernet — a networking protocol name for the ages

Paris Hilton

@ Mike Re: Haters

I vote FOTW too!

Paris, because we'd all love to have her as an old flame...

Zhao 'C' - Chinese police computer says no


@ RE:I suppose you have to draw the line somewhere

Hey, my surname is Macdonald. Spelt like that. I don't want some braindead idiot of a developer re-spelling it because everybody is just too lazy to write it properly once and keep the correct capitalisation.

I'm not even going to start on the French here (lived there for a while) who would insist on putting and apostrophe S at the end...

Parcelforce website cold-shoulders Linux lovers

Paris Hilton

I just can't believe...

that you spelt 'fanboi' wrong in the by-line.

Paris, because she loves fanbois

Open source anti-Semitic as well as communist shock


Wait up...

the problem isn't really email spoofing, as previously stated it's not a hard thing to do and doesn't even involve the systems/whatever of the legit owner.

What's more surprising to me is that the addresses on the mailing list got into the hands of some nitwit...

OpenMoko shouldn't be preventing their email address from being used, but preventing their mailing list being divulged to nut+dog shouldn't they?

Google UK honours Queen Liz 2.0

Paris Hilton


This footage of this is a dead cert on 'Mock the week' next season: Phillip "So, is it true that I can search your archives fro my favorite pictures?"

Paris, coz we know what he'll be searching for...

Deloitte loses hundreds of thousands of pension details

Paris Hilton

@ Chris

Having worked in that environment there's a problem with the whole VPN idea. In theory it is the proper thing to do, and when I worked at a Deloitte rival it is what we were instructed to do.

First, most client databases (one for each client) are kept in a central repository, so accessing that repository from a client machine leaves the risk that data could be compromised between clients (especially in a world were employees tend to work per sector and audit several close competitors at once). This means that company policy is always that all work must be done on the Firm's PC, not the Clients (there are actually several other regulatory reasons for this policy).

Also, given the hours worked etc. using one of the clients PC's was never really an option because it always ended up with some littles first year trotting of home with material non public information in his/her pocket. That has to be less secure than any kind of encryption on a laptop.

However, in order to VPN back into the Firm's network from a client site, you need internet access, and this isn't so easy. Most client networks were locked down so that only machines originating within that company could use them, so no internet, and no VPN.

It's a vicious circle really.

Oh and to the rest of you: are you so female deficient that you've never seen a chick with a handbag big enough to carry(and made for carrying) a laptop?

Paris, coz she knows about unwanted disclosure...

BOFH: Remote access malarkey

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Another classic

Users definitely create a lot more suspicion when they get ansy about privacy...

Good episode!

Hacker unearths young Chinese gymnast scam


@ Chinese Sports Philosophy

"The firing lasted about 10 minutes and 1650 rounds were fired, or 33 rounds per soldier. Official British Raj sources placed the fatalities at 379."

Rotten aiming. They should have trained with the BOFH a bit: wouldn't last 30secs in Quake...

Does Microsoft already own the BPM space?



Feel it's a little difficult to talk about BPM without even as much as a passing mention of TIBCO, which is pretty complete in process modelling/simulation.

Also what of the plethora of smaller vendors out there going under the unlikely name of 'mash-ups'?

Should be included in the panel

Mac users urged to ditch Safari

Paris Hilton

Hang on...

"Mac users fall prey to phishing scams at about the same rate as Windows users, yet far fewer of them protect themselves with an anti-phishing toolbar. To make matters worse, the browser of choice for most Mac users, Apple’s Safari, has no phishing protection. We think it should," Consumer Reports said.

... Does that mean that anti-phishing gizmos are perfectly useless as whether people have them or not they still get had just as much?

Paris, coz she likes phishing too...

Outback hack suspect denied bail



That one of the most damaging attacks should come from a Mac (Intosh).. After all that shouting about how secure they are.

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

Paris Hilton

@ Capt'n Wotsit

To pre-empt Moderatrix:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you', and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God'..

Paris, because she looks like Teresa...