* Posts by shay mclachlan

87 publicly visible posts • joined 14 May 2008


Airship race round the world planned for 2011

shay mclachlan

Say it aint so

French electropop titan Jean-Michel Jarre - a UNESCO Goodwill Ambassador - will also be lending his talents as the race's "artistic director".

Please god no. Anything but him.

Earth's first all Klingon opera debuts

shay mclachlan

Dont encourage them.

Don't encourage them. They will be wanting to put on a weekend festival of Vogon poetry readings next.

Drummers: Looking for a throbbing BumChum?

shay mclachlan


I think Frank Zappa write a song called 'Bobby Brown' which contained the immortal line 'I can take about an hour on the tower of power.

2012 Olympic mascots cop a shoeing

shay mclachlan
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saturday night fever?

So what's with the 70's retro dance move poses?

Waterstone's whips out its pendulous dugs

shay mclachlan


Urgh. Early contender for most pointless rebrand of the year, especially if they redo all their shopfronts and instore promo stuff . Its not as if its hard to spot their store on a high street or in an airport or wherever, its the one with books in the windows.

US Army moves rocket-buster raygun from lab to firing range

shay mclachlan

Mobility solution

The entire system could be carried by a team of several elephants, but even a great white shark would struggle with it.

Perhaps some kind of ill-tempered, mutated albino whale might be in order. ®

Sorted, Gordon Brown will be available soon.

Castleford locals storm Tickle Cock bridge

shay mclachlan
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Score one

Score one against the fuckwits for a change

France leapfrogs past Australia in Big Brother stakes

shay mclachlan

One thing

Unlike the Skippys, one thing the French wont do is try to ban small breasted women from the Internet.

Holy Father turns on to Dad Rock

shay mclachlan


I see they bottled it on the Stones 'Sympathy For The Devil' then.

Aussie censor balks at bijou boobs

shay mclachlan

Please stop

Please stop all these horrible explicit posts, please. Wont someone think the effect they might have on poor Skippy.

California school pulls 'oral sex' dictionary

shay mclachlan

clarification needed

I've got a leather bound copy of a dictionary from 1749 and it's quite fun to see what words that lists, eg.

"DIL'DO [contracted from the Italian diletto, q.d. a Woman's Delight, or of our Word Dally q.d. a Thing to play withal] Penis Succadaneous, called in Lombardy, Passatempo."

Hours of amusement :-)

Hours of amusement? What, reading the dictionary or er fnarr, fnarr.

Government expects £277m from vetting scheme

shay mclachlan
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Not from me.......yet

They arent getting £64 from me yet. I they ever con the public into compulsory registration for parents who pour the milk onto the rugrats weetabix and change his nappies for him then yes, but until then no.

Why Bono is wrong about filesharing

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Bono would express an opinion on my granny's piles if he could get media exposure out of it.

Secretive Brit millionaire buys Segway Inc

shay mclachlan

dem things

'One Reg hack thought he saw a pair of two wheel ploddies patrolling Dublin airport last year, but he was very very hungover at the time'.

Bladdered or not, yer man was right. The Gardai have indeed been using Segways at Dublin airport recently. They do look like feckin eejits mind.

Integrated tube tickets not on the Olympic menu

shay mclachlan


Better news is that organisers aren't going to spend a fortune trying to stop spectators taking snaps of the games.

Pity, the subsequent mass riots in the staium would have probably been more watchable than a lot of the events.

Spain seeks fast track for pirate site shutdowns

shay mclachlan

I guess

I guess whoever dreamt this up closes their eyes every time they walk past one of those newsstands that are eveywhere in Spain. Thats the only way they won't see the eye watering range and variety of porn mags on display.

Celebrity goat declines Britain's Got Talent gig

shay mclachlan


Maybe the goat turned down ITV because its hoping to get the Woss slot thats up for grabs over on the BBC.

Slovakian police chief quits over Dublin explosives run

shay mclachlan


the aircraft bearing the explosives "was on the runway when the error emerged but the pilot decided it was safe to fly". ®

Who was it? Semtex Airlines?

Facebookers made into fans of Berlsuconi in post-attack row

shay mclachlan
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great sayings of our time

Bertolusconi saying 'Love always triumphs over envy and hate' is up there with Margaret Thatchers

notorious 'Where there is discord, may we bring harmony.' For sure.

3 billion have suffered Slade's 'Merry Xmas Everybody'

shay mclachlan

Silent night

Silent Night by the Dickies. No namby pamby warbling there.

Vigilantes R US: Private enterprise takes over

shay mclachlan


Nasty site. Looking at my home town, the address of someone listed on the site as a 'pervert' can be narrowed down to a short sidestreet with maybe 8-10 houses in it. Not too hard for some knuckle dragging vigilante/s to narrow it down from there.

Also like others I spotted a couple of 'terrorists' who were acquitted or who are still awaiting trial.

Prolific penis pill pushers fined almost $19m

shay mclachlan

@sooooo #

And the court imposed stiff penalties on the nefarious pill peddlers as well................

'Alien spies live among us' says Bulgarian gov space boffin

shay mclachlan

maybe my mistake

Maybe it's partly my fault .As an occasional participant in inebriated Saturday night crop circle activities around Wessex in my youth, it now looks like we did actually get in touch with aliens from another world.

God knows what drunken abusive messages we might have unknowingly sent. I just hope it wasnt the kind that result in a raging alien anger and instant planetary oblivion for earthlings.


Azerbaijani donkey bloggers jailed

shay mclachlan


"He concluded by saying that the US "remains committed" to working with Baku on democratic reforms"

As in they have lots of oil so lets not piss them off too much.

MPs prepare to beat off phantom Olympic hooker invasion

shay mclachlan


So what's the difference between a phantom hooker and a real one, and which gives more bang for the buck?

I think we should be told.

UK donates Leo Sayer to Oz

shay mclachlan


Leo Sayer on the other side of the planet? There is a God after all.

Forget Google rationing: Only lighting farts can save the planet

shay mclachlan

@Re: standard measure?

Oh so cruel. Why not just call me Johnny Fartpants and be done with it

shay mclachlan

standard measure?

"normal human farts"

So is there a universal standard fart measurement now?

US smutmongers want big bucks bailout

shay mclachlan


If the US government says no to the porn industry, will it then go tits up?

Israel hacks Arab TV station

shay mclachlan

@Now for some more completly uneducated responses (just like all those above)

The Cornish huh? No problem, blow all the bridges over the Tamar and ban the sale of pasties. Sorted.

shay mclachlan

Anonymous cowards day?

Is this international anonymous cowards day or somesuch? The place is infested with them.

Council to crack down on Cracknuts Lane

shay mclachlan

Not Nulab for once

Actually for once this lunacy isnt down to NuLab, Lewes is Liberal Democrat council.

Virgin Galactic leases itself a spaceport

shay mclachlan

Must have....

I'm up for it so long as they still serve chilled Chrunchie Bars like they did on the Gatwick-Antigua flights.

Government pipedreams on internet ratings doomed to fail

shay mclachlan


'Short and Sweet . . . For NOW!! I WILL be back!!'


shay mclachlan

Lemon Incest????????

Lemon Incest? Well the French for you, dissolute cheese eating fornication monkeys. Brits prefer their heroes clean limbed and clean living, Keith Richards springs to mind.

Demise of British tank industry foretold admitted

shay mclachlan

Me too

Although there are serious problems with current & proposed future land AFV's in respect of their effectiveness, one thing that aircraft and helos are terminally useless at is the taking and holding of ground areas.

If the UK wants to have a military strategy involves the taking and holding of ground or defending it does actually need people & kit to do that. If it doesnt, no problem, but that decision may bite back.

Crash survivor Twitters from burning plane (false)

shay mclachlan
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Just as well

Just as well he didnt start twittering in the wreckage. Electronic devices and aviation fuel do not always go well together.

Oz net censorship apparatus to target BitTorrent

shay mclachlan

No worries

No worries, Aussies wanting to escape this nonsense can always move to a more civilized country like New Zealand.......

Wikipedia self-flagellates over vanishing 'farmsex'

shay mclachlan

added 'dogsex' to 'farmsex,'

This is terrible, won't people please think of the poor puppies and piglets.

Web more popular than sex, says Intel

shay mclachlan


What is sex?

Electronic votes mysteriously vanish in Ohio election

shay mclachlan


This is what you get for messing around trying to use high tech solutions. All major Political elections should be decided Butch Cassidy style by a knife fight and/or a kick in the balls.

Delta Boeing 777 engine suffers 'uncommanded rollback'

shay mclachlan

"uncommanded rollback"

"Uncommanded rollback". Why can't they just say an engine stopped working?

Jacqui promotes police handhelds

shay mclachlan

Jacqui promotes police handhelds

They already have them handheld thingies, truncheons, tasers, pepper sprays etc. Why do they need more?

DARPA seeks Hitchhikers Deep Thought program

shay mclachlan
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This is doable

This is quite easy to do, all they need to do is modify the 'Twat-O-Tron' software.

Boffins build omelette-making android

shay mclachlan

As the saying goes

Can I be the first to say that you can't make an omletle without breaking eggs.

Brits decline to 'think outside the box'

shay mclachlan

Old hippie says

It's too much hassle to read this & I can't get my head together about this stuff because it is a real bringdown and it freaks me out because there is a lot of bad karma in there man. The way straight people talk is just so uncool.

US gun lobby blogs Thanksgiving gun 'facts'

shay mclachlan

Points of order

Given the content of the article, the writerr should have used bullet points........OK, I'll get me coat.

DARPA wargamer calls for US X-Men superplane fleet

shay mclachlan


Looks like the 'Auroura' project revisited. For sure and there all sorts of exciting high tech possibilities for getting the supertroopers into someplace coventional transports & helos cant reach, but you still have to get them out, probably with angry locals running around waving portable SAM's all over the place. How is this thing supposed to do that?

Reuters yanks reporter from Sadville

shay mclachlan


Given the amount of online shagging that seems to go on in Second Life, the concept of an embedded reporter is entirely appropriate.

BNP list hunters bring down Wikileaks

shay mclachlan

@linking to the list

Urgh.....half the world and their dogs already knew where to find copies of the list.